


waiting for rain.

by notzomi



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming Out, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, inspired by Reply 1994, no beta bc we die like men, set in 1994
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2020-06-27 17:03:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 97,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19795192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notzomi/pseuds/notzomi
Summary: Jisung leaves his hometown for the first time to study in Seoul. In his backpack are two secrets he already kept carrying around for a while.Never he would have thought that he'd reveal his secrets to anyone or even find love in a boarding house, out of all places.





	1. the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone,  
> i'm back with a chaptered fanfic, for the first time. i'm very excited about this project and i hope you do too~  
> obviously, this is inspired by the kdrama "Reply 1994". I rlly enjoyed watching it and liked the setting, so that's how this fanfic was created.  
> In the future I will upload an outline of the boarding house, so it's easier to imagine but if you have watched Reply 1994, it resembles their house a lot.  
> Idk how long this fanfic will be, this chapter already became longer than expected lmao  
> a little warning: Jisung might show some signs of an anxiety disorder but nothing too heavy
> 
> anyways, have fun reading it~ :>
> 
> note: a pager is a small device that shows you, when someone leaves you a message on your mailbox

Jisung was only 18 years old when he left his hometown Incheon for the first time in his life to study in Seoul, all alone. He kept clutching to the strap of his light green backpack that contained everything he needed to live. Clothes, money, his ID and pager, toiletries and maybe, just maybe, there was a magazine hiding between shirts and trousers and underwear, just like it had been hidden in Jisung’s closet in Incheon. Jisung looked at the piece of paper between his fingers while he waited for his train to arrive at a subway station. In hurried handwriting and red ink, the address of the boarding house he will live in stood on the wrinkled paper. Over and over he read the words written in front of him just to assure himself that he wasn’t at the wrong station, waiting for the wrong train, taking him to the wrong part of Seoul, that this was really happening and not a dream. He really was going to study in Seoul, away from Incheon, his parents, his so-called home. He was free. Kind of. Finally Jisung could breathe freely and inhale the air of freedom even though the air in Seoul wasn’t the best. It’s the thought that mattered. 

With anxious yet excited steps Jisung entered the train after it had arrived noisily and a mass of people had exited it. Please let it be the right one! He didn’t want to embarrass himself or waste any second of his precious time. One look at the map inside the train, after he stepped inside, told him that he was in fact not in the wrong train. It was crowded, people kept pushing him slightly, shoulders brushed each other. Jisung was standing close to the door, eyes fixated on the glass in front of him. He stared right into the darkness that was somehow still moving, while he tried to ignore his reflection. He didn’t want to look at his face, at his chubby cheeks people liked to point out. Jisung had given up on waiting for his glow up where the potential baby-fat of his cheeks would magically disappear. 

This whole situation totally felt surreal. He would live in Seoul in a boarding house with people he had never met. His host parents had let him know that they live in the house with their son who was 20 years old. Besides them there lived five other people, all guys who were around his age. Five other guys plus the hoster’s son. Somewhere inside Jisung was a tingling feeling when he thought about it. Maybe he will-  
Quickly he shook his head to make the thought disappear. It was stupid to even think about it. He hated how fast his thoughts would jump to conclusions and imagines, and how he couldn’t control it. 

The robotic female voice of the train threw him out of his head with announcing that they would arrive their destination any second. Jisung prepared himself to get off of the train. He had to find a telephone booth to page his friend that he arrived. His friend would meet him and they would go eat noodles and talk and remember their childhood. The thought eased his mind a little bit. Said friend was the only person Jisung knew in Seoul. He had moved here a year ago and Jisung had missed his face. The last time he had seen him was on Jisung’s prom. Jisung barely remembered anything of his prom besides his friend he had missed so dearly. 

“Hey, it’s Jisung,” He started after he picked up the phone and dialed his friend’s number. His heart was beating a little faster inside his chest. “I arrived at the station. Can you pick me up? We wanted to eat noodles and talk, you remember? I guess… see you later.” Then he pressed “#” and stepped out of the booth. Jisung stood next to it and waited. Did his friend change or does he still look the same? People walked past him and Jisung tried to stay calm. The excitement inside him was bubbling. 

And Jisung waited.  
Worried he looked at the watch on his pager. His heart was slowly not beating so fast out of excitement but fear. Did something happen to his friend? Or worse, was he ignoring Jisung? No, Jisung didn’t want it consider it an option.

“Hey, it’s Jisung… again. Is everything alright? Did you forget about our meeting? Please call me as soon as you hear my message.”

And again, Jisung waited. He sat down, on the floor, somewhere near the telephone booth where he wouldn’t bother anyone. 53 minutes had passed after his first message and no response from his friend. Was this a sign? Did this foreshadow his future? Would Jisung be left alone? Was this the price for his secret? He lied to his parents about two big parts of his life and now he had to pay for it. Was it that? Jisung sighed. Great, his first day in freedom was going great. Really great. 

Jisung looked at his watch on his wrist. 72 minutes and still no message. Everything had gone so well, from saying goodbye to his parents to riding the right train, and now this. Jisung felt so stupid for believing that everything would be great if he left his hometown. His heart hurt from thinking that his friend might be ignoring him, that he wasn’t his friend anymore. What had happened? Jisung was scared he missed the point where their friendship faded away. 

He’ll wait four more minutes and then he would leave, he said to himself. His eyes and head hurt from holding back the tears. No, he wouldn’t cry. Jisung was still free, even though he might didn’t have the support of a friend in this new surrounding as he had expected. 

Sighing in disappointment Jisung got up after those four minutes had passed. He took out the paper with the address on it out of his jeans pocket. Then he started his walk to the boarding house, ignoring the stinging pain inside his chest.

\--

The sun was already setting when Jisung arrived at the house. His backpack was so heavy, it started cutting into his shoulders. Warm lights were greeting Jisung through the windows, the walls were made out of bricks and flowers were freely growing around the house, little dots of yellow, blue and red. Jisung felt his lips twitch a little bit and there it was again, the excitement he had felt before. His quick steps returned when he walked towards the entrance. 

“Huh?” Jisung made a little noise of surprise when he noticed that the door was a gap open. Did they leave it open for him? Carefully Jisung stepped inside but he barely sat his second foot down when a loud yell busted through the air. “What did you say?”  
Jisung immediately froze on his spot. But he hadn’t said anything? Was it even directed to him? It couldn’t be. Jisung’s heart was beating a little faster when he slowly came in. He took off his shoes, still being hesitant. He put his shoes aside and stepped into the living room. The sight he was greeted with was, well, not what he had expected. 

A rather tall guy and a rather small guy were standing in front of each other, on eye-level (or as much their heights allowed them to) and they were screaming at each other. 

“Did you just call me small?” The small one shouted, his hands in fists while the taller one had his hands resting on his waist. He was wearing a black shirt and you could see through it that he was fit.

“So what? You want to tell me that I’m lying or what?” 

“Of course you’re-“

Jisung’s eyes drifted to the two people lying on the floor, right next to the fighting guys, facing the television. One was watching the tv or at least he tried to because the other one who looked younger, was making loud noises and sang off-key, probably just to annoy the other one – which worked.  
“Can you please at least be quiet?”

“Hmm.” The younger-looking one made and then burst into laughter. Only then Jisung noticed that he was wearing braces. “No!”

“Oh, you little brat. I’m gonna ki-“

Again, Jisung looked away. One the couch was a guy with curly hair on the telephone, looking completely calm with a gentle smile on his face while he talked to someone which threw Jisung totally off. How could he be on the phone, talking to someone as if there wasn’t this mess in front of him? Jisung could barely make out his voice because he didn’t scream like the others did. All Jisung could hear was “Yeah, they are fighting again.” before someone else stepped into his sight, waving awkwardly. Startled by someone actually noticing him, he bowed quickly. The other one followed his action and smiled at him apologetically. Jisung noticed freckles sprinkled all over his cheeks and nose. How cute. Then the guy started to talk with a heavy accent: “Hello, you must be the new housemate. I’m sorry for this… mess. When Chan finishes his phone call he will show you everything.” 

Jisung thanked him and decided to stand still. Where was the other one from? His accent sounded foreign, somehow English-sounding? He wanted to ask the other one where he was from and what his name was, when the guy with curly hair – Chan? – came over and greeted Jisung. “Hello, I’m Chan. Sorry that you have to arrive to this kind of… situation. Wait, give me a second.” Then he turned around and raised his voice:

“Hey, can you shut up of a moment? Our new housemate is here.”  
Immediately everyone froze in their movement and then gathered themselves, the ones on the floor stood up and the fighting ones loosened their hands from being fists, and bowed to Jisung, looking seemingly embarrassed. Jisung was impressed by how well they listened to Chan. He was probably the host’s son. 

“Okay, let me introduce everyone. Everyone, this is Jisung!” Chan pointed at him, Jisung waved in response. 

“This is Felix. He comes from Australia which is why his Korean isn’t so good at the moment but he is improving quickly. Also, he will be your roommate.” Chan patted the shoulder of the freckled guy who had talked to Jisung firstly. Australia… okay, that’s interesting.

Then Chan pointed to the smallest guy out of them, the one who felt very attacked by the tallest one commenting his height. “This is Changbin. I know him the longest out of everyone. He’s not as tough as he always acts like. Our Changbinnie is actually a baby.” Changbin glared at him but his ears were so red, it almost made Jisung laugh. 

“So, and this is Hyunjin.” The tallest one who had mocked Changbin waved with his hands. “He actually doesn’t live here but he hangs around all the time. He’s in the same swimming club as me.” That explained why their shoulders were so broad, Jisung thought. Then Chan got closer to the person he was about to introduce. He slung his arm around the waist of the guy with the braces who had kept annoying the other guy. 

“And this is Jeongin, our youngest one. Isn’t he cute?” Chan ruffled his hair which made Jeongin laugh and Jisung had to agree that he was really cute. Then Chan slung his other arm around the guy Jeon had annoyed. “And last but not least, this is Seungmin. He shares a room with Changbin and Jeongin. If you touch his camera he will kill you.” 

Seungmin then said with the sweetest smile Jisung has ever seen: “I will.”

Jisung bowed, again, and introduced himself: “Hello, I’m Jisung. I’m from Incheon and… yeah. Nice to meet you.”

For a moment they just stood there, awkwardly. Then Chan continued to talk: “My parents are currently at work, so I’m gonna show you your room and explain the house rules.” 

Jisung nodded and followed Chan upstairs. He felt how everyone was watching him. Jisung felt a little uncomfortable, everything was so new but Jisung knew he would get used to it. His housemates seemed to be nice. The stairs creaked quietly under Jisung’s steps and Jisung found it somewhat charming. 

“Okay, here to your left is your and Felix’ room. And to your right is Seungmin’s, Jeongin’s and Changbin’s room. In front of you is the bathroom and if you turn around, there is Minho’s room.”

Confused Jisung put his bag on the floor and turned around. There it was, a wooden door which separated them from the room of the so-called Minho. “Who is Minho?”

“Oh, right, you didn’t get to know him yet. Sorry, my parents usually do this, so I’m not really good at… this,” Chan laughed quietly and scratched the back of his head. “Minho is our other housemate. He’s still at the dance studio. You know, he’s a dance major.”

Jisung formed an ”o” with his mouth. That was interesting. He had never met a dancer and he found it admiring how Minho studied dance and would dedicate a big part of his life to it. 

“And why is he alone in his room?”

“His room is the smallest one and he lives the longest here besides me and my parents.”

Understanding Jisung nodded, then he walked to his room and opened the door. Two beds standing on opposite sides of the room and a desk with piles of books and a computer greeted him. On the bed on the left side of the room a blanket had been thrown careless on it, while it was folded nicely on the other side. The window above the desk had no curtains and the sunlight made the dust particles dance in the air. The bed on the right seemed to be belonging to Jisung. Jisung turned to Chan. 

“What is Felix majoring in?”

“Computer Engineering.”

Impressed Jisung looked at Chan and wanted to ask what the latter studied when Chan asked Jisung himself: “And what are you studying?”

Jisung hesitated and grabbed with slightly trembling fingers the belt of his backpack.  
This. This was one of the moments he was most scared of. If he would tell the truth it meant that Jisung trusts Chan. It was a big part of Jisung and also one of the parts he hid from his parents. If his parents find out that he wasn’t studying medicine but lied to them, they would definitely kill him. 

“Jisung? You okay?” Worried, Chan looked at him, slightly tilting his head to the left. 

“I’m-“ Jisung opened his mouth, then closed it. He pressed his lips tightly together. Strangely he wanted to trust Chan. “I’m studying music but please don’t tell anyone. If my parents find out that I’m not majoring in medicine, they will…” The rest of the sentence hung in the air and also danced in the sunlight just like the dust did.

“Hey, it’s okay Jisung. I won’t tell anyone.” Chan held Jisung’s shoulders and Jisung noticed how his cheeks were burning. “Actually, Changbin and I compose songs from time to time. We do it on the attic, except in the summer because then it’s too hot to function. But you’re studying music, that’s so cool! You must be very talented if you got accepted.”

Jisung looked down, his lips were stretched into a wide smile. For the first time someone didn’t judge him for his interest in music. Normally people would tell him that music was nice as a hobby but nothing more. 

“But Jisung, think about telling the other housemates. I don’t like having secrets under the roof. And the others won’t tell anyone about it too, I promise. Now you can unpack and settle down. If you want you can join us in the living room. We’ll order dinner in an hour, normally mom cooks for us but yeah.” Chan patted Jisung’s shoulder and left the room.

Jisung sat down on his bed and freed his back from his backpack. His shirt was sticking to his back, even though it was only April. It had been warm enough for Jisung to sweat. He felt the blanket underneath him, touched it slightly with his fingertips. It felt real. He really did arrive at the boarding house. Jisung leaned back and sighed happily. The start into the day had been rough but he made it. Jisung thought about Chan’s words. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to tell the others. Heck, he wasn’t sure if telling Chan the truth had been the right thing. He barely knew him and yet, Jisung told him a secret. Chan just had this… trustworthy appearance, Jisung couldn’t explain it. 

Still, Jisung would probably go downstairs to get to know the others better. He could do that without telling them that he wasn’t a medicine student. They seemed to be nice, really nice. Also, Jisung was interested in meeting Minho. Maybe he would join them later? 

Jisung got up and made his way downstairs where loud chatter came from. A little nervousness was noticeable inside his stomach but he still took every step of the stair until he touched the floor of the living room. 

“Oh, hey Jisung. Come here!” Changbin greeted him when he noticed him standing next to the stairs. Jisung awkwardly waddled towards them. Chan and Felix made space between them and Jisung filled it when he sat down. 

“Do you know what you want to eat? We decided to order now and not in an hour, because Chan is already starving. And now we’re waiting for Jeongin fucking finally finding the phone number of the restaurant,” Seungmin explained from the other side of the small table they were sitting around. In response, Jeongin made a stressed noise. Jisung shook his head which made Hyunjin hand him over the menu of the restaurant. Without really reading through the whole thing, Jisung named anything from it. Chan hummed in approval. Seems like he had ordered the same thing. 

While Jeongin was dialing the phone number, Jisung remembered Chan’s words from earlier. “Uh, Chan. You wanted to tell me the house rules earlier?”

“Wow, of course you forgot to tell him the rules,” Changbin commented in a teasing tone. 

Chan groaned. “God, why did my parents let me do your introduction? I’m sorry for forgetting it.”

“It’s fine.” Jisung smiled comforting. 

“Okay, anyways. There aren’t that many rules and if you forget them, my mom wrote them down. The list is hanging in the kitchen. So,” Chan started explaining. In the background Jeongin was carefully ordering the food and Seungmin and Hyunjin kept poking the youngest into the stomach with their pointing fingers. “Rule number one: bedtime is at 11pm which doesn’t mean that you have to be sleeping at that time. You just have to be quiet. But most of the time my parents are still up at that time and we all watch tv together, so you don’t have to take that rule so serious.”

“I still don’t get why that rule is the first one, when it isn’t that important anyways,” Hyunjin said, still teasing Jeongin. 

“Look who’s talking. You don’t even live here, so the rules don’t affect you that much,” Seungmin said, sounding mildly annoyed. Hyunjin mimicked Seungmin in a mocking way by imitating his voice, making it sound overly nasal. 

“Uhm… yeah. Rule number two:” Chan changed the topic and made a peace sign with his fingers. “We always eat breakfast and dinner together. Breakfast is at 8am and Dinner’s at 7pm. Being late isn’t an option.”

“Except when his father oversleeps, which happens all the time, then you can come later,” Felix added, grinning. Jisung returned the smile, he found it funny how the others kept adding their comments. If Chan’s parents had explained him the rules, it wouldn’t have been this entertaining. 

“Rule number three… is uh… let me think,” Chan mumbled to himself, then slightly shook his head. “Nevermind, you can read the rest of the rules on the list in the kitchen. The most important rule is that we don’t have secrets in this house.” 

Jisung swallowed hardly, then nodded. If Chan only knew that his choice of major wasn’t his only secret… 

The doorbell rang. Confused everyone in the living room turned towards the door. 

“Strange… the food can’t be ready yet,” Chan said, got up to open the door. “Maybe it’s my parents? Did they forget the keys?”

It was silent for a moment, then you could hear the sound of the lock being opened. “Oh, Minho. Hey.”

A “Hey” came in return and you could hear soft footsteps. Jisung fixated his eyes towards the entrance. He was strangely very excited about Minho, was curious about how the dance major looked like. A person, clothed in black sweatpants and black shirt with a black cap and a face mask appeared in the living room, said “hey” again and immediately went upstairs. He disappeared as fast as he came. Jisung didn’t get a proper look of his face, it had been covered by the cap and face mask. Jisung’s shoulders fell in disappointment. This wasn’t what he had expected. 

Chan returned to the living room and sat down on the floor again. “Sorry for Minho not introducing himself. He’s tired from the dance practice. You will get to know him at breakfast tomorrow.” 

“Oh, isn’t Woojin going to be at breakfast too?” Felix suddenly asked and played with the menu of the restaurant. The edges of the paper were already worn. 

Hyunjin jumped from his seat. “Oh my god, please don’t tell me he’s coming!” With wide eyes and shaking pupils he looked at Chan, seemingly terrified. 

“Who is Woojin?” Jisung asked carefully. Hyunjin’s reaction towards the unknown name made Jisung slightly scared. 

“Super scary,” Hyunjin, Seungmin and Changbin said in union. Chan rolled his eyes, sighing loudly. 

“I asked who he is and not what-“, Jisung started but Seungmin interrupted him.

“God, I’m glad he isn’t here right now. I can’t breathe around him.”

Changbin faked a gasp. “Seungmin, he probably heard you right now and will come by at night and eat you alive!”

“Guys, can you stop?” Chan finally spoke up, seemingly done with the others. Then he turned to Jisung to explain who Woojin actually was. “Woojin is my best friend and he often comes by, just like Hyunjin. And you don’t have to be scared of him, the others are just being overdramatic.”

“Tomorrow you can get to know Woojin yourself,” Jeongin concluded. He didn’t seem to be scared of Woojin at all, which calmed Jisung a little down. 

“And Minho!” Felix added and then the doorbell rang, again.

\--

With his stomach filled with good food, Jisung lied in his bed. His head was full with new memories and still, the old ones were slowly creeping up and pushing the new ones aside. It was quiet, Felix was already sleeping, so Jisung was alone with his thoughts. Jisung wasn’t aware of how much it had actually affected him that his old friend hadn’t met him earlier, until now. It hurt. His hopes had been so high, too high. He had thought about so many ways their meeting could have been like and it just… didn’t happen at all. A whole year had separated Jisung and his friend, all this time they hadn’t seen each other and Jisung had thought that his friend had missed him as much as Jisung did.  
The last memory he had with him was his friend’s prom. He was a year older than Jisung, so he had finished school earlier than the latter. The prom was just a blur inside Jisung’s head, all he could remember were the sparkling dresses, shattered glass on the floor and the urge to pull his friend behind the bushes and… kiss him. 

Jisung squeezed his eyes shut, took his pillow and pressed his face against it. He didn’t want to remember that feeling, it made him feel ashamed. Why couldn’t he be just like other guys and like girls? Why did he have to be into guys? It made everything so complicated. Hiding was so tiring. 

Jisung rolled on his side, facing the window. The moon was looking at him. Why couldn’t it be accepted to be like Jisung? He was still a person after all, no matter if he was into guys or girls or both. Then he wouldn’t have to lie to his parents or his friend or Chan or everyone else. Then he wouldn’t have to hide the magazine he stole from his sister, so he could look at the picture of a famous male actor, shirtless, on page 46. 

Again, Chan’s words were creeping inside Jisung’s head. “We don’t have secrets in this house.”  
His major was one thing, already a huge secret on his own, but him being into guys was on a whole another level. Him being a music major was probably a thing the other housemates would accept but not his sexuality. Jisung knew that. At high school, every guy who acted a little differently, got beaten up by all the other guys. The bullies would call them names, really bad ones, hurt them and sometimes they did worse. Much worse. Jisung didn’t even want to think about it. 

The moon had been there for Jisung, every night. When he didn’t find any sleep he would look through the window and tried to find comfort in the white dot hanging in the night sky.  
In some nights it did help, in some nights it didn’t. 

Tonight it didn’t help. 

Jisung sighed. 

“Jisung?” Felix suddenly asked next to him, on the other side of the room. Fuck, did he wake the other up?

“Yes?”

“You can’t sleep?” 

“Mhm.” 

Jisung could hear how Felix got up and walked over to Jisung’s bed. Then he sat down on the edge of said bed. 

“Are you homesick?” Felix softly asked. It was so dark, Jisung barely saw the features of the other’s face. The voice of Felix was comforting. Jisung didn’t know if he should lie or tell the truth. And again, Chan’s words were haunting him, as if they were cursed.

Jisung got up and slung his arms around his legs, holding them close to his chest. “No.” 

They sat there in silence, he wasn’t going to lie. Not telling about his secrets wasn’t lying. 

“You’re not going to tell me, aren’t you?” Felix chuckled. “It’s alright, no pressure. We don’t have to tell everything to each other. Some little secrets are fine. For example, Seungmin doesn’t have to know that I stole his comic books last Sunday.”

Jisung laughed. That feeling was freeing. “Oh my god but please don’t tell it Seungmin!” Felix quickly added with a panicked voice. 

“Yes, yes, of course I won’t tell it,” Jisung reassured him. 

“Thanks, mate. And now let me give you a hug,” Felix said and completely threw Jisung off guard. 

“A-A hug?” 

“Yes! You can’t sleep, so you need a hug. A hug always helps me falling asleep,” Felix explained and before Jisung could say anything, the other one pulled him into a warm hug. Jisung’s whole body tensed up. When had been the last time someone had hugged him? This morning, his mum had hugged him but this wasn’t the same kind of a hug. This hug, that Felix was giving, was comforting. It made Jisung’s heart swell in warmth. Hesitating at first, Jisung returned the hug and let his chin rest on Felix’ shoulder. Felix made a happy noise, as if he was satisfied by Jisung’s action. 

“Now that was a good hug!” Felix said after he loosened his grip around Jisung and took his arms back. His comment made Jisung laugh. What was Felix so nice for? “I know for sure that I will be able to sleep well now. I hope you do too. Good night.” And with these words Felix got up and returned to his bed. Jisung wiggled a bit around in his bed to find a comfortable position to sleep in, closed his eyes again and finally found sleep.

\--

“Jisung, wake up. It’s time for breakfast.” Just how Felix’ voice had put Jisung to sleep, his voice pulled him out of it. Felix’ hands were on Jisung’s shoulders and softly shaking his body. Jisung groaned.

“Didn’t you tell me yesterday that Chan’s father often oversleeps?” 

“Yes but it’s already 8,” Felix explained smiling while he looked at Jisung. Latter rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and the picture of Felix became slowly clearer. 

Jisung sighed and gave in. “Alright, I’ll get up in a second.”

Felix got up from his knees as he has been kneeling in front of Jisung’s bed, and said that Jisung should come down soon. Tired Jisung stared at the ceiling, for five seconds he just laid there and did nothing, then he swung his legs out of bed. Yawing he sat there and thought about just not going to breakfast, just out of laziness. He looked around the room, caught new details here and there, until his eyes met his bag. Out of nowhere the sudden fear of the magazine being lost, appeared inside Jisung’s stomach. Jisung moved to his bag, opened it in a hurry and pushed his pink sweatshirt aside, just to find the magazine still being there. Of course it still was there. Jisung felt stupid for having to make sure that it still was there. His hand hovered above his bag, his mind was playing with the thought of pulling the magazine out and hiding it somewhere else than his bag before anyone could find it. He took it after some time of thinking and the bundle of paper suddenly felt heavier than it normally was. Jisung stared at the cover and he knew every detail of it, from the woman who was smiling brightly to the headlines, inviting the reader to take a look inside. 

“Hey, what’s that?” Hyunjin literally screamed from the door and Jisung simply replied with a loud, surprised shriek. Where the hell did Hyunjin suddenly appear from? Quickly Jisung hid the magazine behind his back. “What do you mean?” His hands were shaking so badly. Oh no, this couldn’t be happening. 

Hyunjin rushed towards Jisung. “Oh you know what I mean. Rule number 1: we don’t have secrets here!”

“Hey, that wasn’t rule number 1,” Jisung tried to distract. Why was everyone’s opinion on this rule so different? 

“I don’t care,” Hyunjin scoffed and tried to grab Jisung’s magazine. “Now stop hiding it!”

Jisung started to scream, holding tightly to his secret item. Hyunjin got a hold of the magazine, kept dragging on it but Jisung didn’t let go. His fingers started to hurt. No, no, no, Hyunjin couldn’t even get a glimpse of what he was hiding. This couldn’t end like this. Jisung’s heart was beating so fast, it was pounding inside Jisung’s throat. 

Hyunjin also screamed, saying things like “Give it to me!” and “Stop it!” and Jisung almost felt like crying because he didn’t want this to happen. He didn’t know how he could explain that he was hiding a teen magazine for girls. 

“Hey!” A shouting male voice from the first floor interrupted them. “If you don’t shut up and come eating breakfast now, I’m gonna kill you!”

Hyunjin and Jisung both froze in their movements, looking into each other’s eyes with terrified expressions. 

“Oh no,” Hyunjin mouthed, jumped off Jisung and ran out of Jisung’s and Felix’ room. Jisung’s hands were still shaking violently when he threw the magazine underneath his bed and followed Hyunjin downstairs. He was really coming late to breakfast on his first day. This was terrible, Jisung didn’t want to make a first bad impression when he first meets the host parents but now this would probably happen. 

When Jisung entered the dining room, Hyunjin was already sitting with the others at the table which was filled with different kinds of food. Ashamed and with lowered head Jisung came a bit closer to the table, then he turned towards the woman and man who were sitting on the end of the table. 

“Hello, I’m Jisung. I hadn’t the pleasure meeting you yet. I’m sorry for coming too late,” he politely introduced himself and bowed. The woman got up and did something Jisung did not expect: She hugged him. 

“It’s okay, my husband just overreacted,” she said with a sweet smile on her lips. She gently patted his shoulder, just like Chan always seemed to do. “Chan must have forgotten to tell you when breakfast starts.” 

Jisung looked up, opened his mouth to tell Chan’s mother the truth but Chan already confirmed what his mother had said: “Yeah, mom. Sorry but you know I easily forgot stuff.” Just like that Chan broke his own, most important rule. Jisung had to bite back a smile. 

Chan’s father grumbled. “I hope that’s the first and last time you came late to breakfast, rookie.” 

“Yes, of course,” Jisung reassured and finally sat down, next to Felix. To the left of Felix were Changbin and Jeongin, on the other side were Chan, Seungmin and Hyunjin. The latter was sitting right in front of Jisung and sent him a glare. Why was Hyunjin actually here again? He didn’t live here, right?

“I know what you’re thinking. I stayed the night, that’s why I’m still here,” Hyunjin answered his unspoken questions. Jisung tried to ignore the other’s glare and started to take some of the food. Was Hyunjin the type of person who would go into Jisung’s room and touch his stuff without asking? Jisung didn’t know the answer, yet. 

It was quiet for the first time and all you could hear was the clicking of the cutlery and the rain drops hitting the windows. Oh, when did it start raining? Jisung was taking a piece of kimchi pancake into his mouth when he realized that one chair was empty. Who was missing? While munching on his food, he looked around, looked at every face, except Hyunjin’s because that would remind him of the incident again, when another person entered the room. 

“Hey, who gave you the right to come this late?” Chan’s father shouted, and threw his metallic chop sticks on the table. Everyone looked up. The guy had a somehow dark aura, his head was hanging low but not in an ashamed way, just like Jisung had felt earlier. It seemed like he was annoyed. His black hair was slightly covering his face. He was wearing black pajama pants and a white shirt with… a cute-looking cat in cartoon style on it? Well, that didn’t fit the guy’s image at all. 

“Now, say hello to the rookie and sit down!” Chan’s father demanded and only then the guy looked up, brushed his hair out of his face and his and Jisung’s eyes met. 

Jisung completely forgot how to breathe. This guy can’t be real. A real human being just like everyone else in the room. He was stunning, breathtakingly beautiful. His face had perfect proportions, nice, plump lips and a straight nose with a tiny mole on the tip but the most mesmerizing part of his face were his eyes. They were huge. Two big, glistening irises looked at him, they were a dark, chocolate brown, basically sucking Jisung in. 

“Hi, I’m Minho,” the guy simply said with no expression on his face and sat down on the empty chair. 

Jisung swallowed hardly. “I-I’m Jisung, nice to meet you.” 

Minho didn’t seem to care about who Jisung was. He didn’t react at all, he just started eating. Jisung was afraid that he didn’t even said his introduction out loud but no, he clearly said it. Did he sound stupid or unlikeable? Blood rushed into Jisung’s cheeks and he quickly looked down, stuffing his face to hide his embarrassment. 

So, this was Minho? Jisung hadn’t expected him to be like that at all. He had imagined him to be nicer. He didn’t know if he liked him, if they even could become friends. 

What did Jisung know for sure was that he didn’t like the effect Minho had on him. At all.


	2. breathless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello,  
> i'm back with the second chapter~ i'm surprised it only took me two weeks, usually i'm a much slower writer.  
> i hope i can keep up the pace.  
> thank you so much for the positive feedback, especially the sweet comments. i appreciate it a lot :>  
> this chapter isn't the most eventful but it's important for the story developement,,,  
> the next one will be more interesting teehee 
> 
> have fun reading it~ (✿ ♥‿♥)

Later that day, around seven in the afternoon, Jisung arrived at his new home after he had had his first class at university. It had been not as expected but definitely not in a bad way. Today it had been quite theory-weighted but tomorrow they would have a praxis class, an instrumental one, which made Jisung already excited. He couldn’t wait to feel the keys of a piano underneath his finger tips and coax sweet melodies out of the instrument. 

“Hey, Jisung! Wanna watch ‘The Moon of Seoul’ with us? It’s gonna start in three minutes,” Chan who sat on the couch between Jeongin and a guy Jisung didn’t know, greeted Jisung, waving with both his arms and smiling widely. Everyone was there except Hyunjin who had left after breakfast and Minho who… well, Jisung didn’t know where he was but he didn’t care, really. Seungmin was laying on his stomach in front of the tv just like he had done on their first encounter, Felix and Changbin were sitting right next to Seungmin. On the table were beer cans and kimbap. 

Jisung couldn’t help it but return his smile when he sat down on the floor, next to the coffee table. He turned halfway to the couch and looked at the new guy who was sitting there. 

“And you are…?” Jisung curiously asked and left his sentence unfinished. 

The guy introduced himself: ”I’m Woojin.”

Jisung’s only reaction was a simple “oh”. This was the famous Woojin half of the people here were scared of. But he didn’t look scary at all? He looked like a bear, somehow. A gentle bear. 

Woojin groaned. “Oh no, they didn’t. What did they tell you about me?”

Nervously Changbin laughed. “N-Nothing. We told him nothing bad about you.”

“Oh, I didn’t ask you but Jisung,” Woojin replied and directed his eyes at the latter. Awaiting he slightly raised his eyebrows, making Jisung nervous. Should he be a betrayer and tell Woojin the truth? Out of the corner of his eye Jisung saw how Changbin made a cross with his arms while Felix next to him, furiously shook his head. 

“That’s right, they told me nothing bad about you. They just said that you’re Chan’s best friend,” Jisung answered and showed him a smile to make it more convincing. Hopefully it didn’t look forced.  
Skeptically Woojin looked at him, Jisung could almost see how the other was thinking. Out of fear he held his breath. He couldn’t bear his stare any longer, so he tried to change the topic. “They also told me that you would be at breakfast this morning but you didn’t?”

The tense expression on his face faded away. “Oh, my coach called me this morning and wanted us to come for an emergency practice.”

“Huh? What kind of sports are you doing?” Jisung asked interested. Chan and Hyunjin were in a swimming team, Jisung found out yesterday, so that meant Woojin wasn’t in their team or otherwise Chan and Hyunjin wouldn’t have been at breakfast today.

“I’m playing basketball,” Woojin proudly said and Jisung looked at him in awe. Basketball was quite popular at the moment. Jisung enjoyed watching their matches too, mostly because his father had always watched them. 

“That’s so cool!” 

“Everyone, shut up! ‘The Moon of Seoul’ started!” Seungmin suddenly screamed and wiggled excitedly with his legs. Jisung tried to keep quiet, put his hand on his mouth to quieten his giggle. Seungmin’s love for dramas was something else. There was a teasing remark resting on his tongue but he couldn’t say it out loud, yet. Maybe later when they all grew closer. Now they still were only strangers living together and Jisung didn’t want to leave a bad impression on them. 

Just like Seungmin had demanded, everyone was quiet and focused on the drama. Jisung has never watched “The Moon of Seoul” and just in general he wasn’t a big fan of dramas. It was never enjoyable to Jisung watching them. First, everyone was straight in dramas. It was always men running after women and women running after men. Second, artists were always made fun of. Their dreams didn’t matter at all, they were a joke. They should become doctors or lawyer or find a “normal” job instead. Dramas often made Jisung realize how excluded he actually felt in this society, so he avoided them usually. But now he couldn’t just walk away because he wanted to get closer to his housemates. 

“Wow, Chae Shi Ra is so pretty,” Jeongin said amazed and with his mouth wide open. 

“Jeonginnie, isn’t she too old for you?” Changbin laughed and stuffed his mouth with kimbap.

“I’m not planning on dating her! Can’t I just call her pretty?” Jeongin exclaimed and crossed his arms. “Also, she’s only eight years older, so she’s not that much older.”

Woojin choked on his beer and Chan immediately started patting his back hardly, to make the other’s coughing stop, while Seungmin laughed loudly. Jisung just grabbed a can of beer and stared at the top, not opening it. There it was, that feeling of being misplaced. Why did it have to be like that? Sometimes he wished that it would be normal if Jisung started to talk about how handsome the main actor was. But it wasn’t. Jisung started to chew on the inside of his cheek. 

Jisung directed his eyes on the tv again, he didn’t know what was happening, when someone crossed his sight. It was Minho. He was wearing black again but this time he wasn’t alone. There was a girl trailing behind him. Jisung couldn’t believe his eyes. The girl was laughing, greeted everyone quickly and followed Minho upstairs. Latter didn’t even say “hello”. 

Minho was unbelievable, absolutely unbelievable. 

Jisung balled his hands into fists, he clenched his fingers tightly. This behavior was so rude, it made Jisung mad. Slowly Jisung rubbed his knuckles against the carpet. It was soft and painful at the same time. 

A hand touched Jisung’s back. “Hey, Jisung? Can you help me make ramen?” It was Chan who got up of the couch and carefully stepped around the coffee table to go to the kitchen. Jisung loosened his grip, muttered a soft “Of course” and followed Chan. He wondered why the other asked him and none of the other guys. Jisung didn’t even know how to make ramen, so he was quite useless. Yet, he didn’t want to come across as rude, so he didn’t say no.

The first thing Jisung did when he entered the kitchen, he confessed his terrible cooking skills. “Actually, Chan… I can’t even cook.”

Chan chuckled softly in response. “No problem. To be honest, I didn’t call you to help me make ramen. It’s not that hard to make ramen.”

Dumbfounded Jisung looked at him. “Wait, really? I always thought making ramen isn’t easy. In general, cooking is like witchcraft to me!”

For a moment Chan looked at him as if he didn’t believe what Jisung was saying, then he slightly shook his head and continued to explain why Jisung actually was here: “Anyways, I wanted to tell you more about the rules.”

“I thought-?”

“Yeah, I know. But I have to add some aspects. So if you turn around, you’ll see the list,” Chan explained and made a “tadaa” when Jisung did as told. On the fridge was a list, written on pink paper with little flowers on it. On the top of the list, in big, bold letters stood “House Rules”. Jisung’s eyes wandered over the bullet points and he recognized the “no secrets”-rule but another, but a certain rule caught Jisung’s eye. 

“House inhabitants aren’t allowed to bring female guests.”

Quickly Jisung turned to Chan. “But didn’t Minho just-“

“Yup, he did. And that’s why I called you over. The thing is,” Chan leaned on the counter. “I allow Minho to bring over his female friends when my parents aren’t home, only because I know they are just friends.”

“How can you be so sure?” 

“I trust him. Minho and I went through a lot and he’s also the reason why I care so much about the ‘no secrets’-rule. So, I may give Minho a special treatment, I know that, but there’s a reason for that,” Chan explained and smiled fondly. “I just wanted to let you know, so you’re not that surprised when Minho brings a girl the next time.” 

Jisung pressed his lips together and just looked at Chan for a while, then he sighed. “Alright, then.”  
He didn’t know why this whole situation made him that mad. The twisting feeling inside his stomach made him sick. How could Chan trust Minho? He didn’t seem like a trustworthy person at all. So what if the girl Minho brought home wasn’t just a friend? And Chan blindly trusted him. Jisung didn’t like this at all but it shouldn’t bother him that much. It wasn’t his problem after all, right?

Chan then sent him back into the living room, so he “could enjoy the drama a bit more”. Jisung didn’t have the heart to tell him that he didn’t like watching dramas, so he just returned to the others and took Chan’s now empty spot. 

“Hey, by the way: I’m gonna celebrate my birthday Friday and you’re all invited,” Woojin informed them and took a big sip of his beer. 

“Oh, nice. Are we finally gonna see your house?” Jeongin asked curiously and looked with big eyes at Woojin.

“Ha, no. The party will be here,” Woojin said back and laughed. 

Changbin groaned. “Of course your party will be here.”

“Hm, I still have to invite Minho though but I’m too lazy to get up,” Woojin muttered to himself, then he sat up straight and screamed: “Hey, Minho. I’m gonna throw a birthday party here on Friday. Will you be there?”

It was quiet for a moment, then the sound of a door opening could be heard. Moments later Minho’s head appeared on the end of staircase. “You know that I live here, right?” Minho replied in a mocking tone but Woojin said nothing, arms crossed. It was like as if he still waited for Minho’s reply.

Minho rolled his eyes and now replied without any sarcasm. “Yeah, I will be there.”  
With that being said Minho disappeared into his room again. 

\--

It was night, a sleepless one again. Jisung was sitting behind the desk, the nightlamp was on, its light was weak, it was barely helpful. Felix was sleeping, he hadn’t asked for a hug which made him a little bit disappointed but it was okay. Jisung dedicated this night to writing song lyrics. The thing with his friend, or should he say former friend, kept bugging Jisung and the best way to get over it was with writing lyrics. Most of his song lyrics were born in nights, nights like these. 

But all on his paper were scribbles, keywords and crossed out words. This couldn’t be a writer’s block. No, it couldn’t be. Jisung kept clicking his ballpoint pen. He just kept staring at the paper in front of him. His eyes already started to burn and if he blinked too long, he wouldn’t be able to open them again. His eyes wanted to rest but his head just couldn’t. 

Jisung put the pen aside and looked at the writer’s bump on his middle finger. He missed those days where he would write and write and his hand just kept moving and the words would just flow from nowhere. Jisung didn’t know what was different to the past where he still could write, compared to now. 

Mentally exhausted Jisung rubbed his temples and sighed loudly. He didn’t want to look at the time, he knew that he was sitting there already for hours. Maybe he should just go to sleep and try another time. 

\--

“Hey, Jisung. What is this?” Felix holding his notes was the first thing Jisung saw when he woke up the very next morning. Quickly Jisung sat up. He didn’t remember at all what words he had written down last night. 

“Uhm… song lyrics?” Jisung carefully replied, slowly got up and walked towards Felix. 

Surprised Felix looked at him. “Really? You’re writing lyrics?” 

Jisung carefully reached out with his hand and took the notes out of Felix’ hands. “Yeah but it’s… nothing special.”

“What do you mean? That’s so cool!” Felix gave back and beamed at him. “But seems like this song didn’t work out, huh?”

“Mhh, yeah. I think I have a block right now.”

“That sucks. Maybe Chan and Changbin can help you out. They probably already told you that also compose songs.” Felix patted Jisung’s back. “Anyways, let’s go eat breakfast.”

“By the way, Jisung, what are you studying?” Minho sat next to Jisung who couldn’t stop at Minho’s way too straight and perfect nose. He probably got his nose done because how could anyone’s nose be this… nice?  
This time Jisung had arrived on time and Minho did not. Latter had taken the last free spot next to Jisung, much to the other’s misery. 

Jisung swallowed hardly after Minho had said his question out loud. He could feel Chan’s burning look on the back of his head when he looked at Minho. “Uhm… I’m studying medicine.”

Minho clicked his tongue. “How boring.”

Jisung clenched his teeth to prevent himself from making a rude remark. He breathed out loudly through his nose. He wouldn’t let Minho ruin his mood. Who was Minho that he could call other people’s majors “boring”? A dance major, so what? That didn’t make him any better or anything. And if he knew that Jisung was actually a music major then he wouldn’t call him boring.  
But he couldn’t tell them that yet. 

God, this was so frustrating.

\--

Thursday, one day before Woojin’s birthday, they went grocery shopping. “They” were Chan, Felix, Changbin, Jisung and to everyone’s surprise, Minho. Jisung really didn’t understand the reason the latter was here with them. It was strange compared to his usual behavior. Normally Minho ignored most of them all the time and didn’t spend time with them. The only time they saw him was during breakfast and dinner and when he came back from practice. Sometimes Jisung met him in front of the bathroom or in the hallway but they never exchanged a word. 

“What do we have to get?” Felix asked right when they entered the grocery store. Changbin kept moving the shopping cart they have taken outside, on the same spot. 

Chan pulled out a small piece of paper and gave it to Felix. “My mom and Minho wrote a grocery shop list together.”

Jisung shot Minho a surprised glance. The other just stood there and looked completely unbothered. Jisung couldn’t believe that Minho did that. Why was he suddenly so invested in this? 

“Okay, then let’s go,” Changbin said and pushed the cart forward. Felix joined him and held onto the cart. Chan gently grabbed Minho’s arm and they followed Changbin and Felix, and Jisung was left alone at the end of their walking line. 

Chewing on his lip, Jisung stared at Minho’s back. He was wearing a dark grey shirt without anything on it. This was confusing, not his shirt but his presence here. Minho’s cat-shirt was more confusing than the shirt he was wearing right now, but anyways.  
Minho’s hair was slightly messy and that Minho kept brushing through it with his hand didn’t make it any better. He had written the grocery list, was shopping with them and then what? Is Minho gonna cook for them?

Jisung walked a little bit faster and pushed himself between Chan and Minho. “What are you doing here?” He directed his question at Minho whose shoulder kept bumping into the one of Jisung. 

“Why? Am I that distracting?” Minho asked back and the ends of his lips twitched. 

Shocked Jisung gaped. He must look like fish. Minho was unbelievable, he kept surprising Jisung. His face turned red out of anger. “Don’t be so full of yourself. I was just wondering why you’re here when you don’t care about anything at all most of the time.”

“Oh, I care. I just don’t care about you,” Minho replied. “And you didn’t answer my question. But you know: no answer is also an answer.” 

Jisung balled his hands into fists. The blood inside his veins was boiling. Every inch of his body felt like exploding. He didn’t know what to say and if he opens his mouth only a mixture of gibberish and insults would leave his mouth. Instead Jisung heightened the speed of his walk and tagged along Felix and Changbin. “Stupid idiot” Jisung grumbled under his breath. 

“Did you say something?” Felix asked and Jisung immediately said “no, no”. 

In the cart were already bell peppers, green and red ones, as well as lettuce and tomatoes. Huh, when had they passed the vegetable section?

\-- 

Jisung looked at the watch on his wrist. Fuck, he’s gonna be late for class. With hurried steps he rushed to the university. If he hadn’t worked on his lyrics earlier then he wouldn’t be in such a hurry right now. Damn those lyrics, they kept haunting him. They were such a pain in the ass and Jisung would love to just throw them away but he couldn’t. He couldn’t let those lyrics go yet. Jisung was aware that those lyrics weren’t just any words on paper, each of every word held a big amount of emotions, maybe that’s why these lyrics were so messed up and had to order at all. Because that’s how Jisung felt, all his thoughts were thrown all over the place and his heart and head couldn’t keep up. 

His watch told Jisung that he was already 17 minutes late. Jisung could already see his university from afar. Maybe two minutes, then he would have closed the distance between him and that building. 

“Oh, hey, Jisung. What are you doing here?” An all too familiar voice pulled Jisung out of his head and his running. The voice came from behind, so Jisung had to turn around. All of the sudden Jisung’s legs felt like jelly and it wasn’t because the sudden stop of his running. 

“Hey, Felix.” Jisung laughed nervously when he faced his roommate. So this was how Felix would find out that he’s not a medicine major? And then the other housemates will get to know that, then Chan’s parents and then his own parents. The latter will immediately drive to Seoul, to the boarding house, find Jisung and kill him on the spot. “Can we talk later? I’m running late.”

“But the medicine class just ended half an hour ago? I have a friend there, that’s why I know that,” Felix explained and looked at Jisung with a weird expression on his face Jisung couldn’t quite interpret. “Also, I asked him if he has a Han Jisung in his class and-“

Jisung grabbed Felix’ shoulders, his fingers were trembling out of fear. “Can we talk later? I’ll explain everything.”

Felix placed his hands on Jisung’s wrists and put Jisung’s hands down. He seemed to think about it for a second, then he said: “All right, see you at home.” 

“Thank you, Felix.” With those words Jisung made his way to the class he was already late too.

\--

Jisung didn’t even make it to his room when he came home after class because Jeongin, Seungmin and Hyunjin stopped him from doing so. They stood in a line right in front of the entrance, all wearing a big smile, a suspicious big smile. 

“Hey, Jisung,” Jeongin said in a sweet tone and Jisung almost fell for it.

“Hey, guys. Can I go upstairs first? I have to-“ Jisung tried to explain but Seungmin’s laughing cut him off. He laughed exaggerated, then his expression suddenly serious. 

“No, you can’t. You’re already late and we did most of the preparing by ourselves. You have to help too, you know?” 

Jisung sighed loudly. “I know, I’m sorry. But can I please go up first and put my stuff aside?”

The three of them looked at each other and Jisung didn’t understand how the hell they communicated without talking but they kind of did. When they came to an agreement, Hyunjin told him: “Alright but then you come downstairs and we’ll tell you what to do.”

Jisung nodded and walked through the gap the other’s had created. He quickly made his way upstairs to his room and threw his backpack on his bed. He almost hit Felix who was sitting on his bed, with it. Jisung hadn’t noticed him when he entered their room. Both let out a surprised yelp. 

“Fuck, I didn’t see you,” Jisung panted and held his hand on his chest, above his heart.

Felix grinned. “Yeah, I noticed that.” 

“Anyways, I gotta go downstairs and help the others,” Jisung explained and already swirled around to walk out of the door, when Felix stopped him.

“Didn’t you want to tell me something?” 

Jisung stopped mid-movement. “Oh, right.” He looked at his feet, at the tip of his socks. On his left foot, right on his biggest toe, was a hole. It was tiny but it was still there. Jisung was sure that it hadn’t been there this morning. “I have to help the other’s, they are already pissed.”

“Are you avoiding me?” 

Jisung quickly turned around but he couldn’t meet Felix’ eyes. “I-I’m not! It’s just… It’s hard to talk about.” 

Felix looked Jisung into his eyes to search for an answer. “But you’re gonna tell me, right? Or will this be like one of these secrets like the Seungmin’s-comics-one?”

“No, I’ll tell you. It’s bigger than the Seungmin’s-comics-one.”

“Alright then,” Felix said and gave Jisung a soft smile. “And now go help the others before they kill you.”

Jisung thanked him again, even gave him a small hug and ran downstairs where Jeongin, Seungmin and Hyunjin already waited for him, again. Only this time there was also Minho standing next to them, seemingly annoyed with his arms crossed. 

“What is he doing here?” Jisung asked and walked slower with every step he took. He pointed with his finger at Minho. 

Minho grabbed Jisung’s finger and pushed his hand down. Only then Jisung noticed the shirt Minho was wearing. It was the weird cat shirt he had worn on their first actual meeting. Jisung almost snorted. 

“You’re both going to blow balloons,” Seungmin announced. “And hurry, Woojin’s gonna be here in twenty minutes.”

“Why do we have to do this together? Can’t he do this alone?” Minho asked, his brows were furrowed. He was right about his first question but Jisung definitely couldn’t agree with the second one. Minho could do this alone as well. 

“You both did nothing so far, so both of you have to do this!” Hyunjin explained. “And we already did most of the tasks, so you have to do this.”

“Or don’t you care about Woojin?” Seungmin added in a teasing tone. 

Minho and Jisung both grumbled and walked over to the coffee table where a package of balloons laid, and sat down next to it. Jisung ripped the plastic open, pulled out a yellow balloon and started blowing air into it. Minho didn’t move at all. He just stared at Jisung with big eyes. His lips were pressed into a thin line. When the balloon reached a fitting size, Jisung put a knot into the opening and threw the balloon into Minho face. It made a squeaky sound. 

“Hey, stop making such a face and help me,” Jisung laughed but immediately stopped when he noticed how Minho flinched and squeezed his eyes shut when the balloon had touched his nose tip. He seemed terrified. Minho didn’t even dare to touch the balloon, he just let it jump away. Jisung had never seen Minho this way. He looked vulnerable for the first time. Was he scared of balloons? Suddenly Jisung felt bad for throwing the balloon at the other. Just because Minho was mean to Jisung, it didn't justify if Jisung would treat him the same way. 

It got quiet, neither Jisung or Minho didn’t know what to say. The latter didn’t even raise his head, he just looked at his hands on his lap. Awkwardly Jisung scratched his arm. He opened his mouth and closed it again, just to open it again. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Minho breathed, barely audible. He seemed ashamed of his fear. 

Jisung felt bad for Minho, he didn’t understand how he could feel empathy for Minho, the guy who kept mocking him. “You know, I can do this alone. You can help in the kitchen or something.”

Minho looked up, blinked confused at him and got up. Jisung didn’t expect a “thank you” which he didn’t get. The other just nodded at him and went into the kitchen. Letting out a small scoff Jisung continued blowing up balloons. Just because Minho wasn’t mean for a second, didn’t make him to a nice person. 

The table was full with food and music kept coming out of the radio, only here and there the radio host made some entertaining comments. Not only empty bottles of beer but also of soju started to pile up and Jisung started to feel dizzy. His cheeks were warm. They just all sat around the coffee table and talked but they slowly ran out of topics. When Woojin arrived to his own party, he had been really grateful for what they had done for him. Only the six balloons laying around randomly had thrown him off but Chan had explained that the world around Jisung had started to spin after the fifth balloon so they had to stop him. 

“Hey, let’s play a game,” Changbin suggested and played giggling with the cap of a soju bottle. “How about ‘Spin The Bottle’?”

Hyunjin abruptly sat up and screamed: “With kissing?!”

“Yeah, why not?” Felix giggled and already reached for an empty bottle. 

With… kissing? Panicking Jisung stared at Felix. He couldn’t be serious, right? They were all guys. Why would he suggest that? Was it just the alcohol speaking? Probably. But they all were drunk so the chance that the others would agree to this stupid idea was relatively high. Jisung really didn’t want to do this, he didn’t want to kiss any of them. It would be Jisung’s first kiss. His first kiss shouldn’t be like this. 

Jisung thought about what he possibly could say, so they wouldn’t play this stupid game but Woojin stepped in before he could. “But we’re all guys. And Jeongin didn’t have his first kiss yet.”

Jeongin blushed furiously, while Jisung exhaled happily. He didn’t listen to how the others responded, it seemed like they found Woojin’s argument reasoning. Jisung just looked through their group of people, thinking about who he wouldn’t had minded kissing.  
Next to him was Felix. He was cute with his freckles and pretty facial features but Jisung couldn’t imagine kissing him. Things would become very awkward for them afterwards. They were roommates after all and the whole situation with Jisung’s secret(s) wouldn’t make it better.  
Next to Felix was Changbin who was definitely too cuddly with Hyunjin. Jisung also couldn’t imagine kissing either of them. Changbin was too small, Jisung liked someone who was taller than him even if it only was an inch. Also, Changbin sometimes talked in a high voice when he wanted a favor of someone which made Jisung cringe a little too much.  
And Hyunjin was just annoying.  
Chan and Woojin were like big brothers to Jisung and Jeongin was like a younger brother to him. Seungmin was just scary. Wednesday he had been in Seungmin’s, Jeongin’s and Changbin’s shared room and he had just looked at Seungmin’s camera sitting on the desk in their room, when Seungmin stormed to him and almost hit him for it.

And there was Minho. He was just straight up mean and kept making hurtful comments about Jisung. Jisung really couldn’t stand him. The thing with the balloons earlier had made Minho seem like a normal person with emotions but then he just walked away without even thanking him for doing the job all alone. But Jisung had to admit that Minho was good-looking and he was taller than Jisung. His eyes were really pretty and every time Jisung looked at Minho’s nose he still couldn’t figure out how his nose could be this nice. Jisung eyes darted to Minho’s lips and he had forgotten how plump and rosy they were. Actually, Jisung wouldn’t mind kissing them-

Immediately Jisung jumped off the floor, as if he got stung. His heart was throbbing inside his chest. 

“Are you okay?” Woojin asked and everyone was staring at him. Blood was rushing into Jisung’s cheeks. 

“I-I’m just tired,” Jisung stammered and yawned exaggerated. “I’m going to sleep, bye. And again, Woojin: Congrats to your 60th birthday. Bye!”

“Hey, you brat! I’m not that old!” Woojin’s words were the last thing Jisung heard when he ran upstairs. 

He didn’t even change into his pajamas, he just threw himself on his bed and pulled the blanket completely over himself. Groaning Jisung squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his palms against them. This didn’t just happen, no. He didn’t consider kissing Minho, absolutely not. As if he wants to kiss that asshole. That was just the alcohol talking. Just the alcohol. Jisung just kept saying that to himself with a painfully pounding heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i can change that one tag to "strangers to enemies to friends to lovers" lmao  
> might just delete that tag at all, we'll see
> 
> kudos and comments are always welcome~
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	3. togetherness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello,  
> wow i rlly managed to finish this chapter on time *pats my own shoulder*  
> last week i was reading that one longass woochan fanfic where stray kids were playing baseball and i found it funny how woojin is also playing baseball in my fanfic :')  
> i really enjoyed writing this chapter and i hope you enjoy reading it too!!

Jisung woke up with an aching head the next day. His memories of yesterday were blurry, just a hotchpotch inside his head. But thinking about the past evening made Jisung feel weird and he couldn’t explain why which bugged him a lot. All he remembered were several empty soju bottles laying around, Jeongin’s flushed cheeks (who let that baby drink?) and something stupid he had said to Woojin but Jisung just couldn’t remember what it was. The only thing he remembered was the regret he had felt after he had said it, so it must have been something really stupid. Jisung hoped he didn’t overstep a line. 

Groaning Jisung swung his legs out of bed and noticed only then that he still wore his clothes from yesterday. He pressed his nose against his shoulder to see if he had to change his shirt, just to retch because of the terrible smell. Okay, the blue shirt he was wearing had to go. Jisung pulled it over his head and went over to the wardrobe to pull out another shirt when he noticed someone standing in the room. 

Screeching Jisung threw his dirty shirt at the other person who was also screaming. Jisung recognized that voice immediately. 

“Fuck, Felix!” Jisung cursed, rubbing his temples because their screams had been too loud for Jisung’s hungover ears, and walked over to his roommate to take the shirt off of Felix’ head. 

“Sorry,” Felix pouted but then scrunched his nose. “Oh god, that shirt smells awful.”

“Thanks,” Jisung dryly said and put on the clean shirt he had pulled out of his wardrobe. It was a green shirt with a tiny squirrel on the left side. 

“Aw, that shirt is so cute!” Felix cooed and touched the squirrel with the tip of his pointing finger. 

Jisung awkwardly cleared his throat. “Felix, could you stop touching my nipple?”

“Oh.” Immediately Felix took his hand back. “Anyways, are you ready to tell me about your secret? I mean I can wait but-“

“It’s alright. I’ll tell you. My head hurts too much to fight it anymore,” Jisung sighed and fell on his bed. “You’re right, I’m not studying medicine. Actually, I’m majoring in music. But please, don’t tell anyone. My parents don’t know it and they’ll kill me if they find out.”

Felix smiled understandingly at him. “I won’t tell anyone. You can count on me!” He sat down, next to Jisung. “Does anyone else know it?”

“Chan does.” The hole in Jisung’s sock had become bigger, so much bigger, that his toe stuck out of the hole. It felt uncomfortable but also kind of freeing.

“That’s good.”

“Actually, Felix,” Jisung sat up and crossed his legs. “What happened between Chan and Minho that made Chan care so much about having no secrets?” 

“Hmm,” Felix stretched out that sound and swung with his legs. “I don’t know. I don’t live that long here.” 

“Didn’t you ask Chan about it?” 

“He said that I should ask Minho because he’s not in the position to tell me,” Felix explained and then added in a quiet voice. “And I won’t ask Minho because I’m scared of him.”

“Understandable.”

\--

“Children! Your parents sent you presents!” Chan’s mom screamed through the house on an early Monday morning. Two doors sprung open and five pair of feet ran downstairs. Seungmin and Changbin kept pushing each other, Jeongin cried out loud because someone had stepped on his foot and someone’s elbow hit Jisung’s rips.  
They huddled around Chan’s mom to accept the presents which consisted mostly out of food. Felix got snacks from Australia, Jeongin tangerines and smoked mackerels, Seungmin new films for his camera, Changbin’s mom sent marinated crabs they would eat later for breakfast, and Jisung got all different kinds of nuts and his favorite pink sweatshirt he had forgotten at home. 

Overjoyed Jisung pressed the shirt against his chest. It smelled like home. Even though he didn’t miss his home that much, this shirt meant a lot to him. It felt so soft between his fingers and he finally had it back. He wanted to change into it right now but sadly it was too warm to wear it. 

Jisung just wanted to bring his stuff upstairs when he noticed Minho standing at the end of staircase. He looked down at them from the second floor with an expression Jisung couldn’t read. When their eyes met, Minho turned on his heel and walked away. Didn’t Minho get any presents? That must be a joke. As if his parents didn’t send him anything. Didn’t he mean anything to them? Was that why Minho was so mean?

For a split of a second Jisung thought of going to Minho and offering him some of his nuts, but he pushed that thought away as quickly as it had come. Why would he do that? Minho was still Minho, no matter if he got presents or not. 

Instead Jisung quickly brought his sweatshirt into his room and then he and Felix spent their time until breakfast with trying to throw nuts into Changbin’s mouth.

\--

Chan, Woojin, Changbin, Hyunjin, Seungmin, Felix, Jeongin and Jisung, short: everyone except Minho, were sprawled out all over the grass in the park of their university. A huge package of dried fish was laying between them. Chan had picked Jisung up after his class had ended. 

_“What are you doing here?” Jisung asked panicked but then he remembered that Chan knew about his actual major._

_“We’re chilling at the park. Do you wanna join?”_

_“What did you tell the others why you’re here?”_

_“Oh, I told them the truth.”_

_Jisung shrieked. “You did what?”_

_“Hey, it’s alright. I said that I’m picking you up from class. They’re too dumb to figure out that medicine class is long over.”_

“Why do we always eat when we meet?” Jisung asked while he munched on the salty snack. 

“Because food is life,” Chan simply replied and wiggled his legs in the air while humming happily.

“True but I would’ve enjoyed chicken more than this oversalted stuff.” Despite saying this Woojin was chewing on said “oversalted stuff”. 

Everyone was laying around calmly on the grass except Hyunjin who couldn’t sit still. He sat on his butt but his legs were shaking and he kept stomping on the floor with his feet. “Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.” 

“Sorry Hyunjin but can you please shut the fuck up?” Seungmin asked calmly while he looked up to the starry night, arms crossed behind his head. 

“No!” Hyunjin whined. “How can you be this calm when we have competition tomorrow, Chan?” 

Chan just shrugged with his shoulders. 

“It’s because Chan is a swim god!” Jeongin raved and giggled. 

“And I’m not?” Hyunjin asked scandalized. 

“No, you’re good too,” Felix said and rubbed Hyunjin’s back comforting. “Everything’s gonna be alright.” 

“We’re gonna cheer for you!” Changbin added and also patted Hyunjin’s back.

“With cute signs and stuff!” Jeongin commented and smiled cutely. The taller kept whining while Woojin muttered a “hell no”. Hyunjin just collapsed onto the floor and rolled around. Other students who passed them looked weirdly at them.

Jisung somehow could relate. Not to Hyunjin’s anxiety relating to his competition but to his level of frustration and how he expressed it, even though Hyunjin tent to overreact. He also would like to whine and roll on the floor when he spent nights with writing lyrics or when he thought about his secrets and how he would burst any second if he kept holding in. Sometimes he just wanted to scream, let the pressure out. 

Maybe screaming would help Hyunjin and secretly, Jisung too. So, Jisung started to scream with his whole chest. 

Students stopped walking, the others around him stopped talking. Everyone stared at him.

But Jisung didn’t care. The weight on his chest became lighter. 

His air was running out, so Jisung stopped for a brief moment but when he started yelling again, Hyunjin joined him. And just like a line of dominos, the stones kept falling and made the next one mirror them, Changbin joined them and Felix and Seungmin until even the oldest ones out of their group were screaming with their whole chests. 

Out of breath they fell on their backs. 

“Well that was nice,” Chan said, surprised by his own statement. 

“Yeah but now the security is coming,” Seungmin remarked with panicked voice and jumped off the grass.

“RUN!” Jisung yelled and his feet were already carrying him away. 

\-- 

The next morning a blister on his foot greeted Jisung when he woke up. Jisung huffed when he made his way to the bathroom, scratching his stomach. It didn’t hurt, just felt a little uncomfortable. In the bathroom Jisung took a piss and splashed some water into his face, before he went back to his room. Felix’ bed was empty since his roommate was already at class. Seungmin, Jeongin and Changbin also had class and Chan and Hyunjin were already at the swim hall to warm up which meant that Jisung was alone at home except the fact that Minho was also there, in his room, probably still sleeping. 

Jisung will have to go alone to Chan’s and Hyunjin’s match if he doesn’t ask Minho to tag along. Grumbling Jisung changed his pajamas into streetwear. He didn’t want to ask Minho, absolutely not. But he also didn’t want to go alone. He would probably get lost. Was asking Minho worse than getting lost in Seoul and missing the match? Jisung thought about it longer than he should have. 

Five minutes of considering his options, Jisung dragged himself to Minho’s room. Its door was wooden, just like every other door here, but something was different. The shade of the used wood differed from the other ones. It was a tad lighter. 

Jisung chewed on his lower lip. He didn’t want to ask, really. It costed all his willpower to turn the door knob. He carefully opened the door, just in case if Minho was still sleeping. 

Minho was _definitely_ not sleeping. 

Jisung whole body froze when he saw Minho sitting on his bed. Minho faced the wall, his back was slightly turned to Jisung but latter still could see his side profile. A pillow was pressed between Minho’s thighs, he was basically sitting on it, while he kept rubbing his lower half against it. The end of his shirt was pressed between Minho’s lips which allowed Jisung to get a glimpse of his stomach and something else.

Immediately Jisung closed the door, tried to do it as quietly as possible it was in that situation, and ran into his room. He shut his own door maybe a little too loud but Jisung didn’t register it because blood was already rushing in his ear. His face was burning so badly while he pressed his hand against his mouth to prevent himself from making any noise. Jisung leaned against his door and just couldn’t believe what he had just witnessed. The image literally got burned into Jisung’s brain. Jisung squeezed his eyes shut but he still saw Minho doing… that.

Jisung groaned out of embarrassment and pressed the back of his hands against his cheeks to cool down. That was definitely the last thing Jisung had wanted to see in his life, ever. 

Later, when he had calmed down, Jisung sat in the kitchen and ate late breakfast or rather lunch regarding the current time. He slurped some kimchi stew Chan’s mom had left him, from a spoon and stared into the air, still not being able to process what he had seen. He shouldn’t have seen that. He should have knocked. The match would start in an hour and Jisung still didn’t ask Minho to tag along but now Jisung couldn’t do that for sure. 

“Oh, you’re home?” Minho asked when he entered the kitchen out of nowhere. Jisung yelped and dropped his spoon. “I didn’t notice you.”

_Yeah, I saw that you didn’t know I was here._

Jisung collected himself. “Yeah, I have no class.”

“Really? That’s… weird,” Minho muttered and sat down right in front Jisung. Latter couldn’t look into his eyes. Jisung’s thoughts were running wild, he just couldn’t meet the other’s eyes without thinking about it. 

Minho pointed at his stew. “Are you still eating?” 

Staring at Minho’s fingertip, Jisung slowly shook his head. “No, I just lost my appetite.”

“Fuck you.” The stew wandered over on Minho’s side of the table. 

Startled Jisung raised his head. Did Minho think that he lost his appetite because of him. “I didn’t mean-“ Then he stopped. Why does he care? Minho also doesn’t apologize for things he says. And he just stole Jisung’s stew! 

While Minho ate it was quiet, uncomfortably quiet. Jisung didn’t know why he just kept sitting there. Maybe he was mustering up courage to ask Minho to join him. 

“Hey, Minho?”

“Hmpf?” 

“Are you gonna go to Chan’s and Hyunjin’s competition?”

“Is that today?” Minho asked with a stuffed mouth.

Jisung nodded.

“Yeah, sure.” Like that Minho continued eating. Huh, that was easier than expected. 

“We have to go in twenty minutes,” Jisung added and Minho stopped moving.

“Wait, we’re going together?” Minho snorted and looked at Jisung as if he was a joke.

Offended Jisung jumped off his chair. “Yes! I want to support my friends too!”

“Uh-huh,” Minho scoffed and finished his stew, before he got up. There was a tiny wet spot on the end of the shirt Minho was wearing. Jisung knew that it wasn’t kimchi stew. 

“I’m gonna change, then we can go,” Minho let him know and went upstairs. Only then Jisung noticed that Minho wasn’t wearing any pants, just boxer shorts, and he had really nice thighs _ohmygod_ -

What the fuck was he thinking?

“Yeah, alright. Meet you outside.”

The walk to the swim hall had been awfully uncomfortable, just like the short period of time they spent waiting for the others. There was always space between them, at least one, two meters separating them. Every time Minho walked in front of him which was most of the time because Jisung didn’t know the way, Jisung couldn’t tear his eyes off of Minho’s thighs and every time Jisung’s mind kept reminding him how a pillow had been squished between those killer thighs and- This will be haunting him forever, Jisung was sure of that. 

Jisung and Minho waited in front of the swim hall and Jisung kept tapping with the tip of his sneakers on the floor. It was a little bit cold even though summer was almost there. Jisung regretted not taking a jacket with him. The jacket Minho was wearing looked so cozy and warm, it made Jisung pout. Stupid Minho with his stupid jacket.

“Hey, why are you waiting outside?” Woojin suddenly came from inside the hall and joined Jisung and Minho.

“Huh, we are you waiting for you and the others,” Jisung answered and looked confused at Woojin, then Minho. 

“We’re already inside. Didn’t Felix page you? He said he wanted to…” Woojin trailed off, then corrected himself. “Okay, I should’ve done it myself.”

\--

Chan won first place in his category and Hyunjin only fourth place. (“What do you mean _only_ fourth place? Fourth place is great!” Changbin had said but Hyunjin had just kept whining.)

The stars were already out and looked at Jisung through the window. It was dark, only the moon spent a little bit light while Jisung was sitting behind the desk. Jisung didn’t dare to turn on the little lamp standing on the desk because Felix was sleeping. The lyrics, no the draft of it, were laying in front of Jisung. He hadn’t touched it for days. The crossed out words were still there and the actual lyrics were still missing. Jisung felt a bit dizzy. 

Jisung remembered how full his head had been on his first day here, full of thoughts, a crashing wave of emotions. He should have written every single thought down on that very day. Slowly but surely Jisung started to forget how heartbroken he had felt on that day. The raw emotions were becoming just a memory. This was so frustrating, so fucking frustrating. Jisung hated to leave things unfinished. 

Jisung’s mind wandered somewhere else, not here with his lyrics. The incident from earlier was still fresh in his mind. Maybe he should write a song about Minho’s dick. 

_What the actual fuck, Jisung?_

Okay, it was definitely time to go to sleep. Jisung hurried to his bed and crawled underneath his blanket. 

Jisung didn’t know how many hours of sleep he had gotten when he woke up. It was still night and the first Jisung noticed was his burning skin. It was unbearable hot. He threw his blanket off his body but it didn’t change much. Panting Jisung spread his arms and legs. Was this a fever? Probably. 

Everything was so warm, Jisung could barely move. Jisung opened his mouth, panting, but the inside of his mouth was dry. He tried to swallow but couldn’t. Even closing his eyes was hard. Jisung felt so exhausted, his head felt like exploding. There was pressure behind his forehead, pushing and pushing. He just wanted to close his eyes and fall asleep but his body didn’t let him. Trying hard, Jisung raised one of his arms and pressed his palm against his forehead but it was just as warm as the rest of his body. 

Maybe he should try getting up and get something to drink.  
Jisung used all his strength to get out of bed and walk downstairs. He held with his hands onto the walls to get support because his legs were shaking. The floor felt almost icy-cold underneath his feet. It was dark but all Jisung could see was red, literally red. 

Jisung gripped the railing of the stairs, it was really hard to move his fingers or all his limbs general, it was just so warm. It felt like years until Jisung arrived in the kitchen. He thought he would die any second. Turning on the light, he stepped into the kitchen and went to the sink. With shaking hands he took a glass and filled water into it. He held the glass with both hands and took a sip. Whimpering he took another one. It felt so good, Jisung felt like crying. 

Being too immersed into the feeling, Jisung didn’t put enough strength into holding the glass and let it slip out of his hands.  
It shattered into thousand pieces. Water was everywhere.

And just like that Jisung started to cry. 

The tears streamed over his cheeks and wouldn’t stop. He was so exhausted but the crying helped somehow. The tears were colder than his hot skin, so they were cooling him down a bit. Jisung’s whole body started to shake while he was sobbing. He squeezed his eyes shut and whimpered, trying to stop his weeping but his body didn’t listen.

“Hey, Jisungie. Are you alright?” Chan was suddenly standing in the doorway and looked overly worried at him. He rushed to Jisung but suddenly stopped after he noticed the shattered glass. Chan quickly went away, to get a dust pan. Carefully he picked the shards, some with his own fingers instead of the dust brush. Then he picked one of Jisung’s hands and helped him over the puddle. Jisung just let Chan do, even when he pulled him into a hug. Sighing Jisung rested his forehead against Chan’s shoulder.

“Oh my god, you’re burning up!” Chan noticed and created minimally a distance between them, so he could look at his face. He pressed the back of his hand against Jisung’s forehead. His eyes widened. Jisung barely registered anything, he just looked at Chan with half-open eyes, thinking whether this is reality or a fever dream. 

“I’m gonna get my mom, just wait here.” He navigated Jisung to a chair and sat him down. Jisung just let Chan do and nodded slowly. His head was spinning and he really felt like dying. Slowly he moved his head towards the table in front of him and let his cheek meet the wood. It was comfortingly cold. Jisung sighed happily and passed out.

\--

Felix’ bed was empty on the other side of the room, when Jisung woke up. The bed was completely empty, the mattress was laying there naked, the pillow and blanket were missing. Making a confused noise, Jisung got up and immediately noticed how weak all his limbs were. He tried to whine but his throat was sore, all he got out was a broken noise. Jisung took his blanket, wrapped it around his whole body, so only his face was sticking out. Then he stepped out of his bed, then his bedroom and waddled downstairs, making sounds of discomfort all the way downstairs. Even though he had slept, he felt like he hadn’t. His cheeks were swollen and he felt stupid. 

The kitchen was also empty. “Huh?” What time was it? Jisung twirled around to look at the clock hanging on the wall. It was past 11! Jisung had just missed his class. Dumbfounded Jisung stood there. Then he walked out of the kitchen again and knocked at Chan’s door. No answer. 

Hesitating he opened the door and there he was. Chan was sitting there with a keyboard and headset on. Jisung came closer and patted Chan’s shoulder. Surprised the other looked up and put his headset down. 

“Oh, Jisung. You’re looking cute,” Chan squished his cheek and Jisung grunted. “Are you feeling better? Is your fever still there?”

“I’m feeling terrible but I think the fever is gone,” Jisung mumbled. Chan stood up and touched Jisung’s forehead, humming. 

“Now go back to bed and sleep. Sleeping is the best medicine.” Smiling softly Chan stroked Jisung’s head and send him upstairs. Jisung didn’t have the strength to protest, so he just crawled back into his bed. 

“Jisung, wake up. It’s time to take your medicine.” Chan’s voice pulled Jisung out of sleep. The older one was sitting on his bed, right next to him.

Grumbling Jisung rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “But you said sleeping is the best medicine.”

“Aww, Jisung. You’re so cute when you’re sick. You’re even not as half as loud as you’re usually are.” Chan gave Jisung a glass of water and a pill found its way into Jisung’s hand. 

“I’m loud? But I’m always holding back…” Sighing Jisung swallowed the pill and took a big gulp of water. The water felt nice how it was running down his throat. 

Gasping Chan stared at him with big, round eyes. “You’re what?! You didn’t show how loud your ass usually is?”

“Mhm,” Jisung chuckled and started coughing, while Chan mouthed an “oh my god”. 

“Anyways, where’s Felix?” Jisung asked and yawned. His cheeks felt a little bit flushed and his throat hurt so badly, as if someone was scratching it from the inside. 

“He temporarily moved to my room, so he doesn’t get sick too.” 

“Speaking of the devil,” Jisung’s voice cracked when he saw Felix walking into their room. Felix made a confused noise, he probably didn’t understand what Jisung meant with those words. 

“Are you feeling better, Jisung?” His roommate (former roommate?) asked Jisung and looked concerned at him. Smiling sleepily Jisung nodded. Felix’ lips twitched and formed a relieved smile. 

Then Felix turned to Jisung and asked him something in English and Chan replied him in _English_. Shocked Jisung looked at Chan. Was he having a fever dream?

Chan raised an eyebrow questioning at Jisung. “Are you okay?”

“You- You just spoke in English,” Jisung stammered with his mouth wide open. 

“And…?”

“Dude, I think you forgot to tell him that you’re from Australia too,” Felix giggled and Jisung gasped. 

“You’re what?!” 

“Oh,” Surprised Chan dragged out that vocal. “I really must’ve forgotten it.” 

“That you’re Australian or telling me about it?”

Chan had to think about it for a moment. “…I think both.”

“HEY, are you coming?” Changbin joined them out of nowhere, screaming. Pain jolted through Jisung’s head. Why did he have to be sick? Normally he didn’t mind someone being loud because he wasn’t a quiet person either.

“Yeah, give us a minute,” Chan calmed him down and focused back on Jisung. “We’re going to a disco and we’ll come back really late, so don’t wait for us. We already had dinner and left you some soup. There are also some snacks in my room, just look into the drawer on the left side of my desk but don’t tell my parents. Oh, and my parents aren’t home. If you start feeling worse, page me or the other guys.” 

“You’re going partying without me?” Whining Jisung looked at Chan and pouted. He had never been in a discotheque and now he finally had the chance to go one but he had to be sick. 

“Yes, you have to get well.” With that being said, Chan got up and walked out of his room but not without giving a comforting pat on Jisung’s back. 

Some time later, long after all his housemates had left the house, Jisung got up, put on his favorite pink sweatshirt since he was freezing, and went to the kitchen to eat some of the leftover soup. Jisung didn’t know how to warm up the soup though. Like a lost puppy he stood in front of the stove, staring at the plastic container filled with soup. Should he fill it into a pot and warm it up? Jisung sighed. He was scared he might set the whole kitchen on fire, so he went looking for the snacks Chan had told him about. They were laying in the drawer Chan had described him, between pens and cassettes. Jisung took out the bag of chips, got some water out of the kitchen and sat down in front of the tv. He opened the bag, the smell of spices flew right into Jisung’s nose, making him sneeze. 

Jisung took the tv remoter, put on MBC and was positively surprised seeing a music show being on air right now. Seo Taiji and Boys were currently performing and Jisung recognized the song. His sister was a big fan of them and their music had been playing 24 hours a day back at home. Taking a handful of chips Jisung stuffed his mouth and immediately regretted it. This wasn’t what he actually wanted. He wanted a warm, comforting soup. He put the bag aside and focused on the show instead. He really wished he would be at the disco with the others. This was going to be a boring night. Going to sleep wasn’t an option at the moment since he had slept the whole night and wasn’t tired at all. 

Like that he just watched MBC music core for an hour until a drama started playing. He turned off the tv and just sat there. He didn’t want to go upstairs yet. Or should he do that and work on his lyrics?

Minho made the decision for him on what do next.  
He rushed into the living room, soaking wet and dripping water everywhere he stepped. When their eyes met, they both froze in their movements, since they both had not expecting the other to be here. 

“What are you doing here?” Minho asked skeptically, coming closer to the couch Jisung was sitting on. 

“I’m sick, that’s why I’m not with the others. But the real question here is why you’re not with the others. Were you having fun with girls again or what?” Jisung countered. 

“Are you jealous or what?” Minho said back , not answering Jisung’s question like he usually did. 

Jisung already opened his mouth to make a counterattack again when a sound came out of Minho’s wet jacket. It was a meow, Minho’s jacket was _meowing_.

And for the first time Jisung saw Minho blushing. A bright shade of pink spread over Minho’s cheeks. Minho looked panicked at Jisung, then at his jacket before he hesitantly opened the zipper and the head of cat peaked through the opening, meowing again. It was a ginger cat, with white spots and green eyes. Jisung’s heart literally melted. 

“Oh my god, she’s so cute!” He squealed, sprang off the couch and put out his hand to pet the cat, pushing his and Minho’s kind-of-enmity aside. Minho was seemingly surprised by Jisung’s reaction. Was that a smile on his lips? Jisung had never been this close to Minho. The latter smelled like rain and something Jisung couldn’t associate. 

“But, Minho,” Jisung looked up, right into Minho’s eyes. Why did Minho always have to rebel? Even though it was kind of cute how he rescued a cat. “we aren’t allowed to have pets.”

Minho pressed his lips together, exhaling loudly. “I know but… I couldn’t just leave her on the street. Also, I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“I live here,” Jisung stroked back. “Did you think you would be able to hide her if I hadn’t been here when you arrived seconds ago? You know, just because you have a room on your own doesn’t mean you live alone.”

Silence. Minho who was usually quick-witted, said nothing. 

“You need someone who helps you hiding the cat, otherwise you won’t be able to do that and this cutie ends up on the street again,” Jisung explained, making himself sound like a detective. 

“You want something in exchange for helping me,” Minho discovered, not being really happy about it. “What do you want?”

What did Jisung want? Jisung didn’t want to be sick anymore but that was something Minho couldn’t do for him. Making his writer block go away was also impossible for Minho to do. But Minho could cook, right? Or at least he knows how to write grocery lists and that was the same… kind of, in Jisung’s eyes.

“Can you warm up the soup you had for dinner? Then I’ll help you,” Jisung answered, sounding dead serious. He was, in fact, serious. All he wanted right now was comfort food. Nice, warm, comfort food.

Minho’s eyebrows were furrowed in disbelief. “You are kidding, right? You must be kidding.”

“I’m not. I’m sick and I want fucking soup.”

Minho snorted and broke out in laughter. But he wasn’t laughing in a mocking way. It was honest laughter. Jisung was disappointed about the fact that Minho still looked handsome when he laughed, that his face didn't turn into a grimace. Lucky bastard. 

“Alright, I’m gonna make you soup. You want it now?” Minho asked and Jisung nodded, water already running inside his mouth. “But you promise to help me hiding this baby, right?”

“Yes, pinky promise,” Jisung said and stretched out his pinky towards Minho whose expression strangely turned soft. He sat down the cat on the floor and accepted Jisung’s pinky promise. Minho’s hand was small. 

Minho repeated Jisung’s words when he interlaced their pinkies, reassuring that Jisung promised to help Minho. 

“Pinky promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowow Minho and Jisung can talk without insulting or being mad at each other? *pikachu meme*  
> but who knows how long they'll be nice to each other,,, (i know lol)
> 
> anyways, please leave kudos and comments if you liked this chapter, i appreciate it a lot~


	4. exposure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my dudes,  
> i'm back, right on time. There are only some minutes left until Sunday ends but hey, it still counts.  
> I want to say a big thank you to all the lovely people who left comments and kudos or even tweeted me!! You are a big part of my motivation. :')  
> Anyways, let's talk about this chapter: it's the shortest so far but it's still over 4k filled with minsung's complicated relationship lmao. I hope you have fun reading it~

The stray cat and Jisung were sitting on the couch in the living room. The latter’s stomach was filled with soup while the cat waited for her food. Making a content hum, Jisung petted the cat. His head still felt like it was filled with cotton but at least Jisung didn’t freeze anymore. The cat’s purring warmed his heart. Minho had left ten minutes ago to get food for the cat after he had warmed up the soup for Jisung. Jisung was wondering what took Minho so long. It didn’t take that long to the convenience store nearby and all Minho had to get was cat food. 

With every minute that passed, Jisung grew more anxious. What if the others or Chan’s parents came back early? Minho and Jisung would get into big trouble and they would have to throw the cat out back on the street. Jisung looked at the cat and the cat looked at Jisung with big round eyes. 

Jisung might start crying if the cat had to leave. She was too cute and was also the reason Jisung got his soup, so Jisung owed her. That’s why Jisung picked up the cat and brought her upstairs. He looked at his room, then Minho’s, just to pick the latter option. Minho had picked up the cat, so he had to hide her. He was also the one with the single room. Jisung took a deep breath before he opened the door and stepped into the room. His eyes immediately met the pillow, the pillow which had been used for other things than sleeping by Minho. 

“Oh god…” Jisung mumbled and closed his eyes, so he wouldn’t have to look at the pillow. 

A finger tapped on Jisung’s shoulder and made Jisung scream out of surprise. Before he could realize what was happening the cat scratched him across his face. Breathing harshly through his teeth, Jisung turned around, while the cat had already jumped off his arms. 

“What are you doing here?” Minho asked annoyed but then noticed the scratch on Jisung’s face which must be really bad when it made Minho’s expression turn into that.

“I’m hiding the cat in your room, idiot,” Jisung said through gritted teeth. The scratch burned. Why did he have to be such a scaredy cat and scream at literally everything? 

“I see…” Minho said and trailed off, not knowing how to respond. He looked at the cat sitting next to Jisung’s feet, washing her fur. 

“Is it still raining?” Jisung asked bluntly after he noticed how Minho’s clothes were still dripping. Doesn’t that dumbass know what an umbrella is? 

“Yup,” Minho replied, tore his eyes off of the cat and looked at the red mark on Jisung’s face, that stretched from his left cheek, over his nose bridge, to his forehead where it cut the beginning of Jisung’s right eyebrow. “Don’t you wanna do something about your cut? I mean, you’re a medicine student. You know what to do, right?”

Jisung laughed awkwardly. “Right…” 

Okay, he was fucked. He absolutely didn’t know what to do with the wound. For a band aid it was too large. Maybe he should plaster it with more than just band aid? No, that would look stupid…

So, Jisung did what he could do the best. Running away from his problems. 

He rushed to his room and slammed the door shut. Running five meters made Jisung break out into a cough. Maybe he should start doing sports. He walked over to the full body mirror to look at the scratch and his breath hitched. It really looked bad. Jisung whined and sat down on his bed. Now he was sick and wounded. Could it get any worse?

\--

Five worried faces were the first thing Jisung saw when he woke up the next morning.

“What are you looking at?” Jisung’s voice was raspy and a cough jumped out of his throat. His throat still hurt but that wasn’t the only thing that hurt. Oh no-

“Jisung, what happened to your face?” Felix asked with his eyes so big, Jisung was scared they might fall out. The thought made him laugh which made the others look even more worried. He immediately stopped.

“I think he’s going insane,” Seungmin whispered to Jeongin who nodded slowly.

“I can still hear you,” Jisung commented and finally sat up. Lying down while everyone stared down at him, made Jisung feel small. 

“Jisung, _what happened to your face_?” Chan repeated Felix’ question and drew an invisible line over his own face where the scratch marked Jisung’s face.

“Uhh,” Jisung’s mind went blank. He couldn’t say the truth, otherwise the cat would be thrown out. He had to make something up. “I, uhm-”

“That idiot fell down the stairs.” Minho’s annoying voice interrupted the scene. Jisung shot an angry glare at Minho who was standing in the doorway, arms crossed while he grinned. Minho was the idiot here. He would get in trouble if the others find out about the cat, not Jisung. So, Jisung could be an ass and tell it. Or he could blackmail Minho, kind of. The realization made Jisung’s lips twitch. 

“Actually, Minho pushed me down the stairs because I walked into his room without asking,” Jisung counterattacked and added a cough to make his role as a victim more convincing. 

“Minho, you ass. Jisungie is sick. How could you?” Chan replied, seemingly disappointed of the other. 

Minho’s ears turned red and he opened his mouth to fight back but Jisung stared at him, hinting with his eyes at how he could reveal everything. Minho raised his eyebrow a little bit, as if he couldn’t believe that Jisung would do something like that. Cockily Jisung wiggled his eyebrows in Minho’s direction. This felt fucking amazing. Jisung felt so powerful, he felt like he held the world in his hands. 

Minho just scoffed and walked away.  
The others turned back to Jisung and started to baby him, asking him if it hurt very much and if he needed anything. Jisung fell back into his pillow and let the others take care of him. This morning turned out to be better than Jisung had expected.

\--

Jisung was laying on a sun lounger in the garden, wearing a tank top and shorts. A week had passed and June was already there, giving everyone a hard time. It was way too hot, news called this summer the hottest summer of all time. Jisung’s nose was still a little stuffed but his fever was long gone. But this heat reminded him of the warmth he had felt when he had had fever. He felt like melting and he wasn’t the only one. 

“Fuck, this kind of weather shouldn’t be allowed,” Changbin groaned and took a big bite of the watermelon slice he held in his hand. The juice dripped down his hands which made Woojin look disgusted at him. 

“What do you want to do? Call the police and report it?” Seungmin asked and looked at the bowl of ice cream which wasn’t solid anymore and had turned into a puddle of melted ice cream. He sighed and put it next to the plastic chair he was sitting on. 

“How can he be doing squads now?” Felix asked confused and leaned over to Jisung to point at Chan who was training the whole time they were spending in the garden. 

“I know, right? It’s suicide,” Jisung commented and stared into the sky through his sunglasses. He noticed how his chest was flushed from the heat. Usually he was a bit insecure about showing his arms and legs but this heat gave him no other choice than showing skin. Actually, it was so hot that Jisung would love to take off all his clothes but that was even too much for Jisung. 

Apparently it wasn’t too much for the others. Chan and Felix were wearing no shirt and Minho, who just exited the house, was wearing the shortest shorts Jisung had ever seen. They barely covered his thighs. Scandalized Jisung stared at those thighs and tried to keep his mouth shut. He really tried.

“Did you get those shorts from the girls section?” 

Hyunjin snorted and Jeongin looked so shocked, he looked around to see how the others reacted. Minho stopped walking and Jisung realized how badly he had fucked up. 

“Han Jisung, I’m gonna fucking kill you.” And with those words he stormed towards Jisung. Screaming for his life Jisung jumped of the sun lounger and ran. Minho was fast, really fast. With those thighs it was no surprise. 

“Help me!” Jisung yelled and kept running around the others. 

“I’m too scared of Minho,” Felix said back and continued following Jisung with his eyes, just like everyone else did. 

Minho was coming closer, Jisung could feel and hear it and his heart was about to burst of fear, just like his lungs from running so fast. A second before Minho pushed him to the floor, Jisung saw his life flash by, really. Minho jumped on him until they hit the ground and pushed the air out of Jisung’s lungs. Gasping for air, Jisung closed his eyes. Is this how he’s going to die? He pulled up his shoulders, afraid of Minho hitting him but nothing happened.

Confused Jisung opened one eye, then the other one. Minho was sitting on him and just looked at him. Why wasn’t he doing anything? He was too scared of asking. Minho was heavy, it was uncomfortable. But not only his weight was uncomfortable, the whole situation was. The gaze of Minho was… weird. His big, dark eyes looked down at Jisung and latter felt somehow exposed. 

“Minho?” Jisung decided to speak up, his voice was quiet. He squirmed under Minho and wiggled around, to make the other stand up. 

Minho snapped out of his thoughts and he squinted his eyes angrily again. Oh no. Before Minho could choke Jisung, the others finally pulled him off Jisung. Angrily Minho shook them off and went back inside. 

“Are you okay?” Jisung didn’t know who asked this, he just nodded and stared back into the sky. He shouldn’t have torn his eyes off the clouds, then he wouldn’t have looked at Minho’s thighs.

\--

Jisung kind of felt bad. Maybe he shouldn’t have made that comment yesterday. Sure, Minho was mean sometimes but that didn’t give Jisung the right to be mean to him as well. Also, Jisung saw Minho being nice and not an ass. He probably was actually a quite nice person that cared about his friends but didn’t show it as much. He went to the competition of Hyunjin and Chan, went grocery shopping and wrote even a grocery list for that, and he rescued a stray cat. Jisung was getting tired of being annoyed at Minho. Maybe he should apologize…

Groaning Jisung flushed the toilet. Yes, he thought about Minho while being on the toilet, so what? Jisung exited the bathroom and his eyes immediately met the door of Minho’s room. How was the cat doing? Was Minho really hiding her in his room all the time? That would be animal abuse! 

Jisung walked across the hallway and knocked at Minho’s door. When no one answered Jisung carefully opened the door. Please don’t let Minho be sitting on his pillow again, _please_. 

Minho was in fact on his bed but he wasn’t sitting on his pillow. Instead, he was laying on it with the cat on his chest. The cat was purring while Minho stroked her fur with a big smile on his face. He didn’t notice Jisung. For a moment Jisung stayed quiet, didn’t move and looked at the scene in front of him. It was kind of cute. 

“Hey, can we talk?” Jisung broke the silence and closed the distance between him and Minho with tiny steps. Finally Minho noticed his presence. 

“You never learn from your mistakes, do you?” He said back, after he had sighed deeply. “You’re lucky Doongie is laying on me or I would kill you for real this time.”

“Why do you hate me so much? And I learned from my mistakes! I knocked on the- wait, who’s Doongie?” Jisung started to complain but stopped midway because of the unknown name. 

“It’s the cat, idiot.” 

“Oh.” Dumbfounded Jisung hit himself mentally. He was an idiot. Doongie. That was a cute name. Jisung petted Doongie who meowed happily. Without thinking much, he sat down on Minho’s bed. Minho, on the other hand, grunted unhappily. “Anyways, can we talk?”

“There is nothing to talk about,” Minho blocked Jisung. 

“ _Minh_ o,” Jisung whined. “You tried to kill me!”

“For a good reason.” 

Jisung rolled his eyes and rubbed his face shortly out of frustration with his hands. “You’re unbelievable.” 

It was quiet. Jisung and Minho avoided each other’s eyes. He came to apologize but now Jisung didn’t want to anymore. Every fucking time Minho had to ruin the situation. They were in this kind of situation way too often, uncomfortable, silent moments where they were basically trying to ignore each other. Jisung had to think about how he came here to prevent this kind of situations from happening. And now he did the exact opposite. 

Jisung mumbled angrily, fighting with himself on the inside. He swallowed his pride and looked into Minho’s face. “You know, I actually came here to apologize for what I said yesterday.”

“What do you mean?” Minho also looked up and cocked one of his eyebrows. 

“You know what I mean,” Jisung said through clenched teeth. 

“I don’t.” Is he being serious right now? Jisung tried to apologize and Minho acts like he’s dumb. 

“Are you fucking serious? You know what I mean! How can you be such an ass? I’m trying to apologize and you act like an idiot? Didn’t your parents raise you correctly?” The words exploded out of Jisung’s mouth. He was so in rage that he didn’t register fully what he was even saying.

Minho stopped petting Doongie and his expression completely changed. He put the cat aside and sat up. “Fuck off and leave my room.”

Out of anger Jisung’s heart was beating so fast, he barely heard what Minho had said. “What?”

“I said,” Minho proceeded to talk, slowly, pronouncing each word carefully with a clenched jaw. His eyes were burning. “leave my room. Now.” 

Jisung’s heart dropped. It slowly sunk into his head how badly he had fucked up this time. “I’m-“

“Now.” Minho looked so mad, Jisung thought he might get killed this time for real. Jisung quickly got up and rushed out of the room, not fully understanding what just had happened. 

\--

Jisung felt bad, really bad, much worse than last time. Guilt was following him everywhere. It clung onto his shoulders and wouldn’t leave him alone. He didn’t know why he cared so much about the whole situation. Minho had hated him already and now even more. And so what? They weren’t friends, they were just strangers living together, right?  
Thinking that way felt strange to Jisung. Deep down, he knew that it was wrong. They all here weren’t just strangers. Jisung had already found friends here and with every day passing they started to feel more and more like a family. 

With his head lowered and sighing deeply Jisung made his way to Chan’s room on the next day. He knocked on the door and opened it. “Hey, Chan. Can I burrow your keyboard?”

Chan, who was sitting in front of his desk and read a book, turned to Jisung, making a surprised sound. “Oh, Jisung. Hey. Didn’t hear you coming.”

“I literally knocked on the door.” Jisung laughed quietly, he had a déjà-vu and leaned against Chan’s desk while talking to him. 

“Really? I didn’t notice, sorry. Hadn’t so much sleep last night.” 

“Speaking of sleep: Did I actually wake you up the other night when I got sick?” Jisung asked worriedly. 

“No, you didn’t. Actually, I usually don’t sleep that much either,” Chan explained and closed the book. “You wanted the keyboard, right?”

“Yup. I need it for class. We have to compose something small.” Chan got up and handed him the keyboard. For a moment Jisung looked at it, then decided to put it down on the floor to ask Chan for advice regarding the situation with Minho since he knew him the longest. 

“I… have another question for you. Yesterday I wanted to apologize to Minho because of the thing I said to him-“

“The one about the shorts?” Chan interrupted him and Jisung nodded quickly. 

“And… you know Minho. He kept teasing me and I just- fought back.” Jisung stated and phrased it rather carefully. 

“You killed him?” Chan shrieked and jumped off the chair. 

“No!” Jisung quickly cleared up and laughed. “No, I… said ‘Didn’t your parents raise you correctly’ and he got really mad…”

The look on Chan’s face said everything. 

“I fucked up _really_ bad, right?” Jisung asked after Chan didn’t answer at all. 

Chan hummed. “You did, absolutely.”

“Are his parents… dead or why did he react that way?”

“No, they are alive. Minho and his parents aren’t on good terms.”

Not being able to stand still anymore, Jisung sat on the desk. “But what happened? It must be really bad or he wouldn’t have reacted that way.” 

“Jisung,” Chan started and brushed through his hair, seemingly conflicted. “I can’t tell you. All I can say is that it’s horrible what happened and you should better never mention his parents in front of him ever again.”

Concerned Jisung looked at Chan, then his hands. He saw the writer’s bump that was slowly disappearing. He understands how harmful it must be for Minho when people talk about their parents and how much they love them. Jisung hated when all his friends back at home asked him how he could leave his home without missing his parents or becoming homesick. He had lied, said that, of course, he would miss them. But he didn’t miss them, not in the slightest, and it made him feel guilty sometimes. How could Jisung love someone who made him feel bad all the time, who forbid his dreams and would never accept his true self? 

“And how can I make him forgive me?” 

“That will be hard. He’s really resentful.”

“I noticed…” Disappointed Jisung mumbled. 

“I don’t really know what to do, to be honest. I can try talking to him,” Chan suggested and pointed at the piece of paper Jisung was sitting on. “And now, can you please get up? You’re sitting on the essay I have to work on.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” Jisung got up and picked up the keyboard again. “And thank you for this.” 

He walked out of Chan’s room, when the other stopped him. “Oh and Jisung?”

“Yeah?” Jisung turned around in the doorway. 

“Saturday we’ll go to the disco again and this time you can join.”

A scream of joy left Jisung’s mouth and he almost dropped the keyboard. Chan’s laughter followed him when he went back into his room. 

\--

It was Friday which meant that Jisung would visit a disco for the first time tomorrow. It was also two days after he had made Minho hate him more than ever before. Jisung still didn’t apologize to him and it bothered him a lot but he just couldn’t do it. The last time he tried to apologize, he just made it much worse. What would happen if he messes his apology up this time? Minho would kill him for real, Jisung knew that for sure. 

He worked on his composition after he had come back home from class. The ideas for the melody wouldn’t stop coming and Jisung was so immersed into his work that he didn’t register anything or anyone around him. He didn’t know if Felix had been in the room or not. Felix had moved back into their room, after his cold had ended. 

Happily Jisung hummed the melody that was dancing through his head. It swirled around, made circles and flooded through his ears where it found its way onto the paper.  
This was going so well, Jisung couldn’t believe it. It was too good to be real. As long as he didn’t have to write lyrics, it was going well. 

“Jisung, sweetie? Can you help me?” The voice of Chan’s mother came from downstairs. Why was Jisung always at home when no one else of the other guys was.? He rushed downstairs to help Mrs. Bang. She was holding a big pile of folded clothes. 

“You boys always make so much dirty laundry,” she laughed and gave him half of the clothes. “Here are your and Felix’ clothes. Please bring them into your room.”

“Of course, auntie,” Jisung said sweetly and took the clothes Chan’s mother had given him. He went upstairs and sorted the clothes to put them into their wardrobe. How could Chan’s mother know which clothes belonged to who? Is that a superpower only moms had?

Jisung was about to sit down when he heard the footsteps of Chan’s mom in the hallway and realized what she was about to do. She was going to Minho’s room. 

“Wait!” Jisung screamed when he ran out of his room and almost slipped. He stepped between the door and Chan’s mom. The latter was looking very confused at him. 

“Jisung, what are you doing?”

“I, uh…” Jisung never knew when to shut up but now he was at a loss of words. He had to come up with something but what was convincing enough? “I can take Minho’s clothes and put it into his room!”

“That’s sweet, but I’m literally in front of his room, so there’s no need to do so.” Jisung was panicking. He had to stop her from going into Minho’s room where Doongie was but he didn’t know how. 

Jisung felt so helpless when Chan’s mother reached for the door knob and turned it. She gently pushed Jisung aside and walked into the room. Oh no. Squeezing his eyes shut, Jisung stood there and waited for the world to end. 

Chan’s mother gasped loudly and Jisung knew that this was the moment, she saw Doongie. 

“Jisung, what is this?”

Hesitating Jisung opened his eyes and tried to smile. “A cat…?” 

“Hey, what are you doing in my room?” Minho asked as annoyed as always when he also stepped in the room and only saw Jisung at first. Of course he had to come home when Doongie gets found. 

“Minho, can you explain this?” Chan’s mom pointed at Doongie who was laying on the bed and slept soundly. Only then Minho saw Mrs. Bang and realized in what situation he ended up being. 

Minho swallowed hardly and searched for an excuse. Jisung felt so bad and then, suddenly he knew that it was his chance to make it up to Minho.

“It’s my fault! I put the cat here,” Jisung threw into the conversation and Minho’s head turned so quickly to Jisung, that Jisung was scared he broke his neck. 

Mrs. Bang looked sincerely surprised at Jisung. “What? And why did you put it into Minho’s room?” 

“Because…” Jisung started, thinking hard. “Because Minho is the only one who has a single room and I wanted to pull a prank on him!” 

“With a cat?” Chan’s mom looked seriously confused but then she sighed defeated. “You know what: I don’t care but take the cat out of the house.” 

She left the room, muttering about how she would never understand boys. Jisung let out the breath he had been holding without noticing. 

Jisung didn’t know what to expect from Minho but what the other did was just beyond Jisung’s imagination. He walked over to Jisung and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you,” he said into Jisung’s shoulder and Jisung couldn’t believe what was happening. Was Minho, the Lee Minho who hated him to death, hugging him? This must be a dream. Jisung couldn’t decide whether it would be a nightmare or not.

“Do you forgive me?” Jisung asked quietly. Wow, he would have never expected it to be this easy. 

“Maybe.” Minho leaned back and smiled for a brief moment, before he turned serious. “But what are we gonna do with Doongie?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minsung are doongie's parents: confirmed  
> now, what will happen to doongie? are minsung finally on good terms? how will be jisung's first time at a disco? what happened between minho and his parents? and why did minho wear those shorts (lmao)? so many questions that will maybe find an answer in two weeks, so stay tuned ;-)
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	5. friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, i'm back on time!  
> i'm surprised by how well this is going.  
> i really like how this chapter turned out, even though some scenes were really painful to write.  
> It already says in the tags that homophobia is part of this story but i want to warn you because in this chapter it's more visible than in other. 
> 
> Grab your tissues, ladies and gens. Have fun reading~

_“But what are we gonna do with Doongie?”_

“I don’t know, we could ask Chan for help,” Jisung suggested, still being bewildered by the hug Minho had given him seconds ago. That had been so untypical for Minho.

“Chan’s dad is allergic to cats, which is also why he kept sneezing when I was around him,” Minho giggled and then sighed. “So, that’s why Chan will probably will be no help.”

“What? But we can’t throw Doongie out!” Jisung replied very upset and pouted. As if Doongie knew that they were talking about her, she meowed and jumped off Minho’s bed. 

“I know,” Minho said in a whiny tone and looked at Doongie before he patted her head. “I mean, we could still try and ask Chan for advice anyways.”

“I feel like Chan is like a dad everyone goes to for advice,” Jisung noticed and grinned. 

“Weird thought but accurate,” Minho admitted. 

“Hey, Chaaan.” Minho and Jisung greeted the other one in union and stretched out his name. They stood in front of the open door to Chan’s room, smiling like two big idiots. 

Chan didn’t even look up. “What do you want?” Then he suddenly raised his head, way too quickly and looked at them, utterly shocked. “Aren’t you two fighting?”

“Not at the moment,” Minho replied with and made the first move to walk into Chan’s room and jumped on Chan’s bed Chan was laying on. 

“We’ll see how long this is going to last,” Chan muttered and said up. “Now, what do you want?”

“The thing is… we have a child and your mom doesn’t let us keep her!” Jisung explained and also came closer but didn’t sat down. Kind of lost he stood in the middle of the room. The keyboard he had borrowed two days ago was standing on the desk again. 

“You- WHAT?” Even more shocked than about the fact that Minho and Jisung weren’t fighting, Chan jumped off his bed and threw his arms into the air. 

Minho groaned and hid his face in his hands. “Note to myself: Never let Jisung talk, ever again.” He then tugged on Chan’s shirt to pull him back onto the bed. “We don’t have a child, _jesus_. I found a stray cat and hid her in my room but your mom found her. Jisung helped me hiding her and even told your mom that he hid there to pull a prank on me. She doesn’t allow us to keep her but we can’t throw her out!”

Relieved Chan put a hand on the part of his chest where his heart was. “Thank god, I almost got a heart attack.” He then sat down on the bed again. “A cat, huh? That explains why my dad kept sneezing when you were around him.” 

Minho laughed quietly again and looked at Jisung, saying with his eyes “Told you.”. 

“I don’t know if I can convince my parents to let us keep her but I can try. Maybe you can keep her outside or make her stay outside most of the time and in the winter she can come inside?” Chan suggested and played with the back of Minho’s shirt. 

“Oh, we could build Doongie a cute little hut and put it in the garden!” Jisung’s eyes lit up, thinking about Doongie sitting in her cute, little house. 

Minho clicked with his tongue. “I’m really bad at building stuff and I have a feeling, you are too.” 

Jisung wanted to counterattack but he hadn’t anything to say because Minho was absolutely right. Instead he just whined and turned to Chan, looking at him with pleading eyes. A big sigh could be heard, before Chan talked again. “I can ask Woojin but first I have to talk to my parents.” 

“But be convincing! Tell them I’ll kill myself if we can’t keep Doongie,” Minho said in a dead-serious voice and stared threatening into Chan’s eyes. Jisung didn’t even doubt what Minho had said for a second. 

“Okay, okay,” Chan said defeated and hushed them out of the room. “And now go. I have work to do.” 

\--

“My children, come down for the fashion show!” Hyunjin basically screamed through the whole house while he clapped into his hands. Jisung, who was standing right next to him, held his ears with his hands and groaned out of pain. Did people around him feel like that when he screams around? 

“If you call me your child one more time, I’m gonna kill you,” Woojin said calmly while he sat on the couch. 

Disappointed Felix sighed when he arrived in the living room. “Why do we always have to talk about killing each other? We’re a family.”

“And?” Minho asked. He was also sitting on the couch, next to Woojin. Doongie was laying on his lap. Woojin kept glancing at the cat, not quite understanding where she came from. Chan had talked to his parents and they had allowed Minho to keep Doongie, so Chan didn’t have to talk to Woojin about building a cat hut, Jisung concluded. Jisung didn’t quite understand _how_ Chan had been able to convince his parents but he didn’t dare to ask. So much stress and pressure and that stupid scratch on his face for nothing. 

“And family doesn’t kill each other!” Felix finished Minho’s sentence. 

“Hm” was all Minho gave in response and Jisung tried really hard to not look at him horror. Maybe Minho had killed someone from his family, maybe he had had a sister and he had killed her and maybe that’s why Minho and his parents had a bad relationship! No, that was ridiculous. If Minho had killed his sister he would’ve been in jail. But nevertheless, Minho was capable of killing someone, Jisung had no doubt.

“So, let’s show your outfits for the disco!” Hyunjin reminded them about the reason they were gathered in the living room. “We have to go in an hour.”

“That’s plenty of time,” Changbin commented and brushed through his hair. “I still have to finish my hair.”

“Jisung, when are you going to change into your party outfit?” Hyunjin asked and Jisung made a confused sound, then looked down at his outfit. What did he mean? This _was_ his party outfit. He wore oversized, blue jeans and a blue and orange striped shirt. 

“No!” Hyunjin gasped overdramatically. He was wearing ripped, bleached jeans and a colorful dress shirt with crazy pattern and the top two buttons opened. A cross necklace was resting between his collarbones. “Don’t tell me that’s your party outfit.”

Only then Jisung started to look around to see what the others were wearing and he finally noticed how underdressed he was. Even though Changbin was also wearing oversized jeans, he combined it with a black tank top which showed off his arms. Minho was wearing straight jeans and a tight, black t-shirt with a turtle neck, so tight, Jisung couldn’t stop staring at his chest. On the other hand, Chan was wearing some crazy red pants and a silky, black shirt with a low v-cut. He had straightened his natural curly hair. Jisung stopped looking around and sighed. 

“Okay, let us help you,” Seungmin suggested and then started to point at the people he referred to. “Felix, you give him your jeans-overall, Changbin, you give him you bucket hat and you, Chan, give him your crop top. Oh, and Hyunjin will give you some accessories.”

“Wait, I’m going to wear a _crop to_ p?” Jisung squeaked and tried to hide his stomach even though he was wearing a shirt that covered it. 

“No one is going to see your belly, geez. Or at least the front of it,” Hyunjin said and already hushed him upstairs without even giving Jisung a chance to protest.

\--

“I’m feeling so exposed.” Jisung kept whining on their way to the discotheque. The rather cold night air kept brushing his naked sides which neither the crop top or the overall covered. The sky wasn’t a clear blue anymore, it rather was the color of the deep sea. Only some more minutes and the sky would be pitch black with little, shining dots. With the clear blue being gone, the heat started to disappear with every hour passing which is why it became a little cold every time the wind decided to swing by. 

“You literally wore shorts and a tank top days ago which exposed way more skin than the outfit you’re wearing now,” Minho said, being really done with Jisung. He kept dragging Jisung on his sleeve every time the latter wanted to return and change his outfit. The others were already far ahead of them and Jisung didn’t understand why Minho kept being around him. Maybe he felt like he owed Jisung something for saving Doongie which didn’t make quite sense because in the end, Jisung didn’t _really_ save Doongie. It only took Chan’s magical, convincing words to make Doongie stay. Jisung only lied for Minho and said that he placed Doongie in Minho’s room to pull a prank. So, why was Minho keeping him company? Maybe he was indeed a nice person, in his own, unique way. 

“I know but this is different. I don’t like showing my stomach,” Jisung explained and let Minho drag him along. 

“Your stomach is fine,” Minho said but didn’t look into Jisung’s face. The storm of worries inside Jisung’s head stopped for a second and so did Jisung’s walking. It was weird hearing a sort of compliment from Minho. Was it the first time?

“Hold on, I never showed you my stomach,” Jisung noticed, weirded out. “And I didn’t plan to.” 

“I saw it anyways.” 

“When?!” 

Minho tugged on his sleeve again, to make him walk again. The others were already becoming dots in the distance. “You always scratch your stomach when you come into the kitchen for breakfast.” 

Thinking hard about the reliability of Minho’s statement, Jisung just followed Minho and even started to walk faster when Minho did. Did he really do that? And did Minho watch him every morning?

“What are you taking so long?” Changbin screamed from the distance and Jisung saw only a small, angry figure throwing his hands into the air at the end of the street.

“We’re coming!” Jisung yelled back and started to run without warning Minho. He quickly passed the latter who just groaned and followed Jisung’s action.

\-- 

The line in front of the disco was huge when they arrived. Normally, if this had been a line in front of a café or something, they would’ve just walked away and looked for another café, but this, _this_ , the best discotheque in Seoul, according to Chan, and that’s why they just joined the line and waited. After some time, their feet started to hurt and Jisung was seriously considering to sit down but he was wearing clothes of the others, so he couldn’t do that. 

“Hey, let’s play scissors, rock and paper,” Felix suggested and smiled goofily. 

“To determine what?” Seungmin asked and looked at Felix skeptically. 

“Nothing, just for fun.”

“Who the fuck plays that just for fun?”

“We!” Changbin answered and already created a fist with his hand. The others joined him, even Seungmin after he mumbled out his frustration. 

They waited for an hour and half until they finally got in. It was stuffed and warm, the air was heavy. The music was so loud, the walls were vibrating and Jisung felt it in his whole body. The light was dimmed, only some flashy, colorful headlights threw some light into the room. Jisung couldn’t even make one step without bumping into someone, shoulders and elbows kept poking him. Chan said something to them but Jisung couldn’t hear him, so he just followed the others who started moving somewhere. Only a few moments later Jisung found out that “somewhere” was the bar. He gulped hardly. He had planned to not drink today because the last time he had drunk alcohol, he forgot almost everything that had happened the same night, and he hadn’t intended to change those plans.

They all sat down around the bar and everyone ordered something to drink. They all said some weird names Jisung had never heard before. He only knew beer and soju, cocktails and that stuff were foreign to him. He was so nervous, he didn’t know what to say. So, he just showed with his hand that he wouldn’t order anything and passed his turn to Hyunjin who was next to him. Jisung could feel how the others looked weirdly at him but not for long. After everyone had a drink, except Jisung, they walked to somewhere else. It was a couch corner with a table in the middle. 

Everyone found a spot, sat down and started to talk but Jisung felt somehow misplaced all of a sudden. He looked at the table in front of him, it was black and had some weird stains on it Jisung didn’t want to question. There was a weird taste in his mouth. He was squished between Woojin and Seungmin. Woojin was talking to Chan and Seungmin was teasing Jeongin next to him. Jisung couldn’t understand how they were able to talk at his loud volume. Actually, no, the real question he was thinking about was, why he wasn’t enjoying this. He liked being loud and loud things. 

“Hey, let’s dance!” Changbin shouted over the music – how could he be so loud? – and grabbed Felix hand and pulled him on the dance floor. All the others followed them, Jisung had to get up to make way for the others, and soon the couch corner was almost empty. Almost. Jisung decided to not join them and took back his spot at the table and to his surprise, right in front of him, there was Minho. 

“Why aren’t you dancing?” Jisung asked confused and thought about scooting closer to Minho but he chose not to. 

“Don’t feel like it,” Minho answered back and leaned back.

“You’re a dance major and _you don’t feel like dancing_?” 

Minho just chuckled. “And why aren’t you dancing?”

“I can’t dance,” Jisung responded and felt how he became a bit red. 

“Okay, _now_ I feel like dancing. I’ll teach you.” With that being said, Minho pulled Jisung onto the dancefloor. Jisung didn’t even have a chance to protest, he just stared at Minho’s fingers holding onto his own. He didn’t like to dance, even though he loved music. His limbs don’t listen to his head, every time he tried to move along music. Minho pulled him towards the others who were jumping around like maniacs. You couldn’t call this dancing either, so it eased a little bit Jisung’s mind. Only Hyunjin was maybe dancing “properly”, he was swinging his hips here and there but that’s it. 

Jisung stood in the middle of the dancing mess and looked lost. He stared at Minho and didn’t knew what to do. Minho laughed at him and stepped a little bit closer to Jisung. He placed his hands on Jisung’s hips which made Jisung blush furiously. Thank god the colorful lights made it invisible for the others. A guy had never touched him like that. Jisung felt like slapping himself for reacting like this. Minho was just teaching him how to dance.

“You have to relax, don’t be so tense.” Minho giggled into his ear because the music was too loud to talk comfortably. Jisung nodded and tried to loosen up but Minho’s hands on his hips made it seem impossible. For a second he closed his eyes, counted to three and tried to relax. 

When he loosened up a little bit, he opened his eyes and looked expectantly at Minho. 

“And now,” Minho said, took his hands back and stepped back. “Let’s dance.” And just like the others did, he started to jump around with his hands in the air. Shocked Jisung stood there and didn’t know how to react for a moment, before he broke out in laughter and mirrored Minho’s movement. His feet stopped touching the ground and for that one second he felt like flying. His heart was so at ease, Jisung couldn’t stop laughing. This wasn’t what he had expected when he imagined Minho dancing or how his first disco experience would look like, but this wasn’t bad at all. It was better than that. 

They all grabbed each other’s hands, jumped around and screamed along the songs that were playing. Minho’s hand was warm and Hyunjin’s hand was a little bit sweaty.

Later Jisung finally ordered something to drink, it wasn’t alcoholic but just a coke. The others didn’t comment it, nor sent him a strange look, so it didn’t matter. Jisung finished that coke so quickly, he almost had to burp. The jumping, no, “dancing” had made him so tired that he had to sit down. Surprisingly their couch corner was still free, so he returned to it along with Felix, Changbin, Seungmin and Jeongin. Chan and Woojin were talking to some girls, while Hyunjin and Minho were still dancing and this time, seriously _dancing_ and not jumping around. But they drowned so quickly in the mass, Jisung hadn’t been able to catch a glance at their dancing. 

Changbin nipped on his beer while he looked at Jisung’s empty coke bottle. “You don’t drink?”

“Nah,” Jisung said and shrugged with his shoulders. He was relieved how cool Changbin was with it because he just nodded slowly, understanding. 

Seungmin groaned and rested his head on his hands with his elbows on the table. “I don’t know how I’m going to go to class tomorrow. It starts at 10!” 

“Oh man, that sucks,” Felix said and played with the cap of his bottle. He seemed to be a little bit tired. Yawning he leaned against Changbin’s shoulder and hugged himself slightly. His cheek was squished against Changbin and he looked ready to go to sleep. 

“I have class at 12, so I can sleep a little bit longer,” Jisung commented and grinned cheekily. When he realized his mistake, it was already too late. 

“But Woojin is also studying medicine and he has also class at 10,” Seungmin remarked in a skeptical tone and raised his head. 

Jisung whole body froze. “It’s… uh, we have different classes.”

Seungmin was quiet for a moment, then put his head back into his hands. “Ah, makes sense…”

Jisung’s heart literally dropped and he knew, if he stood up now, his whole body would collapse because of how weak his knees suddenly had become. This whole situation with his major was getting so stressful, Jisung sometimes couldn’t stop thinking about it, so badly, that he was close to getting anxiety attacks. He didn’t know how long he would be able to keep this secret, the only thing he knew, was that it wouldn’t be able to stay a secret for forever. As much as he didn’t want to, some day he’d had to confront it. There was no way around. 

Jisung was glad that this situation came up here, in a discotheque, while the others were already a little bit tipsy, so they weren’t able to register everything fully. He was also glad that he didn’t drink. Who knows, maybe he’d be the type of drunk person who spills everything and tells everyone every secret information he had. It hid Jisung how bad that’d be. It would be horrible. Terrible. 

“I wanna talk to Chan,” Felix mumbled, his Australian accent suddenly heavier than it usually was. He moved his head and sat up. Then he said something again, slurred the words again but this time in English. Everyone at the table looked at him with questions marks on their faces. Felix began whining and started stomping with his feet on the ground, still talking in English. 

Okay, maybe Felix was more drunk than Jisung had expected. But how was it possible to be that drunk already? Maybe he was a lightweight? 

“Felix, why do you want to talk to Chan?” Jeongin asked carefully and talked slowly, scared that drunk Felix might forgot how to speak Korean. Ignoring Jeongin, Felix kept talking in English, seemingly upset. 

“I’ll go get Chan but it will take a bit,” Seungmin said and already got up. 

“Wait.” Finally, Changbin spoke up and he sounded… angry? He turned to Felix with a big frown on his face. “Why do you always want to talk to Chan? We’re your friends too! Only because Chan can speak English? That doesn’t mean that we don’t care about your problems too! It’s always Chan here, Chan there. You live in Korea, so speak Korean, jesus christ!”

The music was still as loud as it was before but now it seemed more present than before. If it hadn’t been there, there would have been dead silence.  
Jisung couldn’t believe what Changbin had just said. It was as if someone else had spoken and _not_ the Changbin he knew and was friends with. 

Felix, still as drunk as before, had understood every single word and you could see it on the way his shoulders tensed up, his eyes became watery and his lips started to quiver. He jumped of his seat, climbed over Jeongin and Jisung and stormed away. The mass of people swallowed him and like that, he was gone. 

Only then Changbin realized what he had said. He opened his mouth but there was nothing coming out. Instead he got up and followed Felix, as quickly as he could. 

Jisung’s head hurt. He had to get out of here. The lights became too flashy and the music seemed even louder than before. Felix and Changbin were still gone and Seungmin and Jeongin had gone to look for them. Jisung had decided to stay here, in case Felix or Changbin or hopefully both of them would return. But with every minute passing, Jisung started to feel worse and worse. There was a weird aftertaste inside his mouth and it wouldn’t just disappear. Jisung felt like throwing up. He really had to get out of here. 

But he couldn’t just go, right? Jisung chewed on his lower lip, looked around and the lights suddenly became blurry. No, he had to go or he would really throw up. Holding tightly onto the table, he got up. Then he fought his way through the crowd, until he somehow landed outside. It was already dark and in front of the disco were people smoking. The smell burned inside Jisung’s nose, so he walked a bit more aside. 

To Jisung’s surprise, there was a familiar person standing under a street lamp next to the disco. “Hey, Minho,” Jisung greeted the other one who was leaning against the street lamp. 

“Oh, hey. Why are you not inside?” 

“My head hurts,” Jisung answered and stood next to Minho. “And what are you doing here?” 

“It was getting too much for me. Chan and Woojin are flirting with some girls and Hyunjin met some friends and yeah… What happened to the others?”

“Uhm…” Jisung started and remembered the tears in Felix’ eyes. “Changbin said some mean things to Felix who then ran away and Changbin followed him. And then Seungmin and Jeongin went to look after them and… that’s how I ended up being alone.”

“Changbin? _Our_ Changbinnie was mean to Felix?” 

“He said… that Felix should start talking only Korean and he was really mad that Felix always relied on Chan’s help.”

Minho sighed. “Oh god, I saw it coming.” 

“What?” Jisung made a surprised sound. 

“Changbin is often in my room and complains about it.”

“Changbin is often in your room but I’m not even allowed to take a step inside your room?!” Jisung complained and looked at Minho deeply offended. 

“Jesus, Jisung. We’re talking about a serious problem and you’re thinking about _my room_?” 

“Hey, this-“

“Sorry to interrupt but do you have a lighter?” A stranger approached them and he smelled heavily like cigarettes. Jisung was about to say “no” when Minho pulled out a lighter and lit up the cigarette in the stranger’s hand. The stranger thanked him and walked away.

“Do you smoke?” Jisung asked Minho and tried to remember a moment where Minho had smoked in front of them but he couldn’t think of a single one. 

“No, I used to but it affected my stamina and with that my dancing, badly. That’s why I stopped,” Minho explained and put the lighter back into his pocket. “I still have the lighter with me because… old habits die hard, you know?” 

“I see.” Jisung nodded and tried to imagine Minho smoking. 

They weren’t alone for long this time either. Someone else, a group of people approached them, and this time they were no strangers or at least one of them. 

“Minhyung?” 

It was like a punch in the face when Jisung saw his old friend standing there. Minhyung, who left him alone on his first day in Seoul, was looking at him with a weird expression on his face. Jisung barely recognized him. He looked different. 

“So, it really was you who I saw on the dancefloor,” Minhyung said and scoffed. “God, how are you not ashamed?”

There was a tug inside Jisung’s chest. “What do you mean?”

“You really aren’t ashamed, are you? This not a fucking gay club, you can’t just dance here with your boyfriend or who the fuck that is.” He pointed at Minho. “That’s so disgusting.” 

Jisung stopped breathing. This wasn’t really happening. This was just a bad dream. Jisung would wake up any second and then this nightmare would be over. Minhyung was still somewhere in Seoul and had not this kind of reason why he had left Jisung alone. They were still friends and Minhyung had just changed his phone number, that’s why Jisung wasn’t able to contact him.

But he wasn’t waking up. Minhyung was still standing in front of him, he looked so disgusted, as well as his friends, and Jisung felt like crying. No, Minhyung couldn’t know about this. It was impossible that Minhyung knew that Jisung was into guys. Was it that obvious? And what was Minho thinking? He was quiet and just stood there. Jisung didn’t dare to look at his reaction. 

“You think, I never noticed how you looked at my lips? I just… can’t. I was so happy when I got away from you and I don’t even feel bad for leaving you alone at the station. I tried to stay as far away from you as possible but seeing you two faggots-“ 

Minho’s fist cut him off. It happened so quickly, Minho punched him so fast and hard, it was like a flash. Jisung didn’t even see if Minhyung’s nose started to bleed which it probably did, because Minho took his hands and ran with him away, as quick as possible. 

They ran and ran and ran until Jisung’s lungs burned. Jisung felt tears on his cheeks and he wanted to wipe them away, it made him angry how weak he was. The sky was sharing his pain and started to cry too. Heavy rain drops fell from the sky. Jisung held onto Minho’s hand so tightly, he was scared he hurt the other. Minho was running in front of him and decided in which direction they were going. The rain was getting so heavy that puddles started to form around them. It was getting harder to run. Jisung wanted to ask Minho to stop, there was no way Minhyung and his friends were still following him, but Minho already ran towards a telephone booth. He threw the door open, pulled Jisung into the booth and slammed the door shut. Both were panting heavily. 

“I’m gonna page Chan. He is probably worried,” Minho told Jisung after he calmed a bit down and threw a coin into the telephone and dialed a number. Jisung couldn’t look into Minho’s face, so he turned away and wiped the tears quickly away. He had to stop crying. Jisung’s chest was feeling with sadness, as if he had water in his lungs which made breathing hard. This hadn’t been Minhyung, it couldn’t be. The Minhyung he had been friends with was kind and sweet and always had a smile on his face. 

“Hey, Chan. Minho here. Jisung and I went home earlier. Don’t worry too much. Enjoy the night and come back home safely.” 

Jisung didn’t want to talk about the thing that just had happened, so he asked Minho something else: “How did you and Chan became friends?” 

Minho seemed to be taken by surprise by that question. It took a bit before he answered. “We grew up in the same town before he moved to Australia in high school. One day, I was on the playground, playing alone when some bullies approached me and started calling me names. Chan, who was also there, came to me and stood up for me. He said things like ‘I’m gonna tell my parents about this’ and you know, for children those are quite scary words to say, so the bullies left me alone.” Minho laughed quietly. “God, Chan was always too nice for this world. Any other kid would have been too scared to help me. I mean, to be honest, I wouldn’t had helped me either, so-“ 

“But Minho, you just helped me like, seconds ago,” Jisung interrupted und turned around to look at Minho. 

Minho became quiet. He softly smiled to himself. “I guess… you’re right. But I will never be as nice as Chan.” 

“Yeah, you’ll be a mean bitch forever,” Jisung joked and tried to smile but he couldn’t. Minho chuckled and muttered: “That’s true.”

As much as Jisung didn’t want to think about the thing that had happened, he had to make something clear. “Oh and Minho, I’m not… not- a homosexual.”

“Geez, just say ‘gay’. It’s 1994, no one says homosexual anymore except old people and you’re not old, right?” Minho groaned exaggerated and tried to ease the tension inside the booth a little bit. Jisung nodded while he bit worriedly on his lip.

“And Jisung, I don’t really care if you’re gay or not.”

It was as if the grip around Jisung’s heart loosened up and he was able to breathe again. It was the first time he heard someone say this, ever, in his whole life. Sometimes, people were extremely homophobic but most of the time people decided to avoid this topic. No one had ever said something nice about gay people, at least in Jisung’s surroundings. And hearing Minho, Minho _the mean bitch_ , say something like this made Jisung almost cry again. This time not out of sadness but of relief. Jisung held back the tears and quickly turned around again. He saw Minho’s face in the reflection of the glass, saw that little smile on his lips. 

They waited for the rain to stop before they walked home, saying nothing because words weren’t needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry I had to make Mark the mean, homophobic ex-friend. pls forgive me :(  
> if you leave me any kudos or comments, i'll love you forever lmao <3
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	6. embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello,  
> i don't have much to say, so enjoy this chapter :>

As soon as Minho and Jisung arrived at home, Jisung excused himself and went to his room to hide underneath his blanket. Minho didn’t even question it, he just let him go. On their way home they hadn’t talked at all and Jisung was grateful for that. 

He had been on the verge of crying the whole time and now, under the blanket, he burst. Jisung’s whole body started shaking and he clung onto the bedsheets. He curled into a ball, his knees almost touching his chest. Today had been a nightmare. Jisung still wanted to wake up, so he wouldn’t had met Minhyung. He wanted to stay in his little bubble where everything was fine and Minhyung just a memory. 

Had he really been that obvious about his feelings? Was it really that obvious that Jisung was into guys? Did they all hated him in secret in this house? Everyone… except Minho? Minho’s words warmed his heart at least a little bit. _“I don’t care if you’re gay or not.”_ Jisung had never met such an open-minded person like Minho, regarding this topic. But Jisung didn’t know how the others thought about gay people. As much as Jisung liked them, he didn’t think that all of them were as open-minded. He didn’t want to risk the new home he had found here, so he didn’t plan to ask them about it. 

The tears wouldn’t stop, as much as Jisung tried to think about Minho’s words. There was so much hate directed to people like Jisung in this world and even Minhyung, the person he had trusted the most, hated him too. It hurt so much, Jisung thought the world would stop spinning because of this whole situation. But the world was not ending and maybe, that hurt Jisung even more. Everything was well, the world didn’t care about Jisung’s misery. 

He sobbed, tried to calm down because Minhyung wasn’t worth his tears, but he couldn’t stop. He gasped every time he tried to breathe in calmly. His head started to hurt from crying and it was getting hot and stuffy underneath the blanket, so he threw it off his body. The cold air hit his flushed cheeks and he literally forced himself out of bed. 

Jisung walked over to the desk, pulled out paper and started writing. The words flocked out of Jisung’s mind, no, broken heart.

_between broken glass_  
_and sparkling dresses_  
_i wanted to steal them_  
_from you, secret kisses_

_but now, between smoke_  
_and artificial street light_  
_you still look like my friend_  
_yet, it frightened me, your sight_

_it’s you and at the same time_  
_it’s not you, my lost friend_  
_i’m losing tears over you_  
_as well as my precious bedtime_

_no rest, no sleep,_  
_my life now a nightmare_  
_i was childish and naïve_  
_and thought you care_

_but you didn’t_

Writing those words made it hurt only more, so Jisung took the paper, scrunched it up and threw it into the trash can. He put his face in his hands and sighed. Count to 10, it will help. He closed his eyes and started counting. Then breathed in. Then he started counting again. Then breathed in, again. And repeat. 

Jisung heard how the door got opened. Was it Minho? He turned around and looked up. 

It was Felix. His eyes were red and puffy. Jisung almost forgot what had happened in the disco between Felix and Changbin. He immediately got off the chair and walked over to Felix, to pull his friend into a hug. Felix smelled like alcohol. 

“You’re wet,” Felix mumbled into Jisung’s shoulder and only then Jisung realized that he hadn’t changed his clothes when he had come home. The wet fabric was sticking to his skin. He and Minho had been running under the rain, their clothes had been drenched. 

“Oh,” was all Jisung said, before he ended their hug and changed into his pajamas. Then he dedicated his attention back to Felix who was already lying on his bed.

“Are you okay?”

Felix just shook his head and quietly said: “Can you please sleep in my bed tonight?”

Jisung of course agreed and joined Felix. He could use this as well right now. His eyes still hurt from crying and there was probably snot sticking onto his cheek. Felix tangled his arms around Jisung and pressed his face against Jisung’s shoulder. 

“I want this night to be finally over,” Felix whispered.

Jisung sighed. “Me too.”

\--

The clothes were still wet from the rain when Jisung woke up the next morning. They were laying on the floor, next to Felix’ bed. Jisung’s eyes were still a little bit puffy from sleeping but also from yesterday’s crying. Jisung rubbed his eyes and sat up. Felix was not cuddling him anymore, he had turned on his other side, facing the wall. 

Jisung went downstairs and noticed how the others were already eating. He started walking slower, very confused by that scene in front of him. Jisung’s father didn’t yell at him for being late. The others sent him worried glances. Jisung’s mother stopped eating, to ask Jisung: “Are you feeling better, sweetie?” 

Jisung turned to Minho, stared at him with scared eyes. Did he tell them? No, the real question was, _how much_ did he tell them? Minho shook his head the slightest, so the others wouldn’t see, as if he wanted to tell him that he didn’t tell them everything.

“Yeah,” Jisung just said and sat down, next to Seungmin. He didn’t feel like eating, at all. But he still took some of the stew in front of him, so the others wouldn’t ask questions about his wellbeing. The chair next to Chan was empty, as well as the chair next to Jisung. It didn’t take long for Jisung realize that it was Changbin who was missing. 

“Where is Changbin?” Jisung asked and took a spoonful of the stew. He barely tasted anything. 

“He slept at Hyunjin’s place and is still there,” Chan answered and he looked stressed, very stressed. And tired. Yesterday seemed to had been a rough night for everyone. 

\--

After breakfast everyone went their ways, they either went to class or spend some time alone before they had to go to class as well. Changbin didn’t come home that day. Or the day after. Or the day after that day. Friday he still wasn’t there. The whole week went by without anyone of them noticing. It was as if they got lost in a time loop on Sunday and it spat them out on Friday, leaving them confused and feeling empty. Felix was feeling down and Jisung was numb, they cuddled every night to give and receive at least a little bit affection. Minho and Jisung didn’t talk, at all. It was worse than insulting each other the whole time. It was all just weird and Jisung hated it. 

“Okay, my children. I can’t see you being like this anymore,” Mrs. Bang cut through the heavy silence at their breakfast on that Friday. She even stood up, so everyone was hearing what she had to say. “It’s summer and you should be outside, enjoying it. Of course you have to study as well but not all the time, you’re still young. So, I decided that we’re going to wash your blankets today!” 

“Oh no,” Chan mouthed and looked at his mother with wide eyes. Everyone turned over to him, looking overly confused and also a little bit terrified.

“We’ll do that in the garden and then you can camp in our garden while your blankets dry overnight. I already called Woojin and Hyunjin over, so they can help you. They’ll also spend the night here,” Chan’s mother explained cheerfully. 

“Is…” Felix spoke up and his voice was so thin, barely audible. “Is Changbin coming too?”

Chan’s mother hesitated with her answer. “I don’t know, sweetie.”

A small sigh left Felix’ lips. “Alright, I understand.”

Jisung felt really sorry for him. He saw every night how bad Felix actually felt. Changbin must had hit a weak point inside Felix with the words he had thrown at him. 

After they had finished breakfast, they began to prepare everything for the washing of their blankets. Mr. Bang got some giant buckets out of their basement and put them in the garden. All the boys got their blankets, took off their bed sheets and put the blankets into said buckets. Then they began to fill the buckets with water from the garden hose but the water was cold and Mrs. Bang rated it as ‘too cold for washing the blankets’, so they started to heat up some water in the kitchen, to make the water in the buckets at least a little bit warmer. They had all changed into shorts and bermudas, so their regular jeans wouldn’t get wet.

“Thank god, you didn’t put those girl shorts on again,” Jisung commented as soon as Minho had changed and walked into the garden, not being able to keep quiet. Maybe provoking Minho was the right way to get a reaction from him. Indeed, it would get a reaction from Minho but was it going to be the one Jisung had expected?

“Are you jealous of my thighs?” Minho said back and grinned. “I mean, if I had chopsticks as legs, I would be also jealous.” 

“Hey!” Jisung fake-gasped and smiled internally to himself. Even though Minho had kind of insulted him, he had done it in a teasing tone which meant that Minho wasn’t feeling weird about him, right? At least he didn’t kill him, so it couldn’t be _that_ bad. 

“Stop talking, start working,” Chan’s father yelled at them while he sat on a garden chair, he was wearing sunglasses. Mrs. Bang came closer and stroked his upper arm. “Ah, honey, let them have fun.” 

They were about to step into the buckets, when the gate to their garden got opened. “Help is coming!” Hyunjin screamed. A bag was hanging off his shoulder and Woojin was following him. 

“Hey, wait for me!” Changbin’s raspy voice came from the distance and he jogged over. Jisung could feel how Felix tensed up even though he wasn’t next to him. Quickly Jisung shot his friend a worried glance. Felix was clearly avoiding Changbin’s eyes. And Changbin wasn’t even daring to look at Felix’ direction. 

Jisung didn’t want to leave Felix on his own, so he took him over to one of the buckets. “Come on,” Jisung said, took off his shoes and socks and pulled him into the water. The water was warm, not hot, and that was very pleasant. There were some bubbles in the water, dancing on the surface. Felix followed him into the bucket and Jisung began to walk on the spot. It felt funny how the blanket moved and felt underneath his feet in the water. 

Felix almost slipped and Jisung reacted quickly. He grabbed Felix’ wrists and provided him support. “Thank you,” Felix giggled and for the first time he was genuinely happy in days. 

Jisung smiled brightly and continued to move his feet. He still held onto Felix’ arms. Felix then also wrapped his hands around Jisung’s wrists. The others were also inside the buckets, continuously stomping with their feet while Mrs. Bang went back into the kitchen to prepare drinks and snacks.

Jisung was really glad that Chan’s mom had suggested doing this. It distracted Felix from Changbin, Jisung from his broken heart, and just everyone from all the worries they had. 

“Hey, Jisung!” Minho suddenly came over with big steps. “You know that you’re stepping on my blanket right now, right?”

“Oh, it’s yours?” Jisung asked surprised and looked down at the fabric under his toes. 

“Yeah. I just wanted to ask if you washed your feet today?”

“Uhh…” Jisung trailed off. He _didn’t_ wash his feet this morning. Minho won’t like this, at all. 

“ _Jisung_.” Minho was slowly coming closer and his eyes were becoming smaller, he squinted them out of growing anger. 

“Please don’t kill me,” Jisung squeaked before he jumped out of the bucket and sprinted away. 

“HAN JISUNG!” Minho yelled from the top of his lungs and ran after him. Jisung was having a déjà vu. This was all too familiar. Now Minho would catch him, jump on him and try to choke him.

Chan groaned. “Aw, come on guys. Not again.”

Just like predicted Minho threw his body on Jisung who fell on the grass. “Minho, please don’t kill me.”

But Minho didn’t try to murder him. Instead, he began to tickle him. Minho sat on his thighs and attacked his upper body with his fingertips. Jisung started screaming and laughing at the same time. He was extremely ticklish. His whole body started twitching and he tried to free himself from Minho’s grip but Minho was just too strong. 

“Minho, please stop!” Jisung gasped in between laughter and he felt how tears were slowly building up in the corners of his eyes. His stomach started to hurt from the tickling and laughing so hardly. Jisung kept begging and begging but Minho wouldn’t stop. He had that shit-eating grin on his face which Jisung just wanted to wipe off his face. 

“Do you think that Minho will just keep going until Jisung dies from laughing?” Jisung heard how Jeongin was asking Hyunjin and Seungmin but they didn’t bother to step in and help Jisung. 

“You can die from laughing?” Hyunjin gasped and looked seemingly shocked at Jisung who was still lying under Minho. Yet, he was still standing still.

“Yup.” Seungmin popped the p and just continued to stand there, not even considering to free Jisung from his misery or you even could call it a near-death-experience (in Jisung’s eyes at least). 

Tears were already streaming down Jisung’s face and Jisung started to grasp for air. “Please,” Jisung pressed that word out of his lungs. 

And Minho _finally_ stopped and just now Jisung noticed how hard Jisung was actually holding onto Minho’s wrist, much harder than before when he had given Felix support. “Thank god,” Jisung breathed out, his stomach hurt so badly and his head fell back on the grass out of exhaustion. He took his hands back and freed Minho’s wrists. But Minho stayed on top of him. He looked at Jisung and his whole expression softened, his grin had disappeared. Minho wiped off the tears of Jisung’s face. 

“I won’t stop the next time you’ll dare to step on my blanket with your dirty feet,” Minho simply said before he got up. Jisung just stayed where he was, on the floor. He was breathing hardly. The clouds in the sky were barely visible, just small bits of white candy cotton. Jisung still felt Minho’s hand caressing his face. His touch had been gentle, the complete opposite to his touches from before. Without noticing Jisung raised his hand and traced the ghost of Minho’s touch with his fingertips. 

Jisung felt like his soul had left his body from laughing so hard. 

Later they sat around a campfire they had made in a brazier. Marshmallows were skewered on wooden sticks They had set up the tents and also some garden chairs around the brazier. It was already dark outside. The sky had changed from a clear, bright blue to a dark violet. Grasshoppers were chirping around them and fireflies could be seen here and there.

“Hey, let’s play scissors, rock, paper,” Felix suggested while he hugged his knees. His feet were naked and he happily wiggled with his toes. Jisung was really glad to see that Felix was feeling better even though Changbin was sitting three seats apart from him.

“What? Again? Can’t we just play something else, like _normal_ people do?” Seungmin groaned loudly and stopped roasting his marshmallow which was already burned anyways.

“Wait, this time I don’t want to play this just for fun,” Felix tried to explain quickly with shaking his hands. “We have to decide who is going to sleep in which tent.”

“That’s actually a great idea.” Chan hummed and made grabby hands towards Jeongin who had come back from the toilet. Jeongin whined a bit in protest but Chan still held his hands in Jeongin’s direction. The youngest finally gave in and sat down on Chan’s lap while Chan slung his arms around him. One of three chairs between Felix and Changbin was now empty. 

“It’s so hot, how can you two be cuddling right now?” Woojin asked. His arms and legs were spread to cool down a little bit. 

“Jeonginnie looked so cute, I just had to cuddle him! No matter if it’s hot or not, how can you not cuddle this baby?” Chan cooed and squished Jeongin’s cheeks which were turning a red shade.

Minho choked on his coke. “It’s easier than you think.”

“Just because you’re coldhearted?” Hyunjin asked teasingly. 

“I’m not.” Minho was seemingly hurt even though he tried to brush it off. Jisung noticed how Minho started to play with the hem of his shirt. “I’m not coldhearted. I just don’t like skinship.”

Jisung quickly tried to change the topic. “What about playing scissors, rocks, paper? Are we doing that now or not?” 

“Someone seems to be eager to play some scissors, rocks, paper,” Changbin snickered but stretched out his arm with his hand put in a fist nevertheless. The others did the same and they started to play the game. 

It took a while until they formed three groups but not everyone was pleased with the result.  
“I won’t sleep with Changbin in a tent,” Felix quietly said and looked down at his hand who was still formed into a scissors. 

“Are you still mad at me?” Changbin asked and his voice was slightly trembling out of anger. His hand which was also formed into a scissors, was slowly becoming a fist. 

Felix didn’t answer. Instead Hyunjin spoke up. “I can change with Felix, if that’s okay.” 

“Oh, then I want to change with Minho. I rather want to sleep with Jeongin in a tent!” Seungmin joined the discussion. It also seemed like he wanted to distract from Changbin’s and Felix’ discussion.

“Do you have something against me or why don’t you want to sleep in a tent with me?” Jisung asked hurt. 

“If we change our tents like that then why did we even play scissors, rock, paper?” Chan commented smitten.

“Oh, Chan. You like following rules _way_ too much,” Woojin remarked in a mocking tone, but wasn’t serious, and smiled. 

“That’s why I’m a Law student, you dumbass,” Chan said back and laughed. 

“You’re a Law student?” Jisung repeated in a raised voice. That was really surprising to Jisung. Chan and law? But the longer he thought about it, the more it made sense. Chan was always so rightful and hated it when people lied, so _why_ did it surprise him? Then he realized that he didn’t know the others as well as he thought he did. “Actually, I don’t even know what you all are majoring in.”

“You don’t care about us at all!” Hyunjin whined in an exaggerated way. 

“Wait, I know that Felix is studying Computer Engineering and Minho is a Dance major,” Jisung remembered and scratched his head. 

“Okay, you care about _two_ people only,” Hyunjin corrected himself and crossed his arms. 

“That is not true!” Jisung exclaimed. 

“Okay, children. It’s time for bed!” Woojin said, clapped into his hands and got up before the situation could escalate. Chan hummed in agreement and let Jeongin get up from his lap. 

“You can call us ‘children’ but _I can’t_?” Hyunjin complained but still got up. 

“Correct.” Woojin simply said and sent Hyunjin a glare which made the other flinch.

“Okaaay.” Chan mirrored Woojin’s actions, clapped into his hands and got up. “Go to your tents. Felix and Seungmin can switch their tents, if they want.”

“Thank you,” Felix mumbled and followed Jisung into his tent. Jisung literally jumped into the tent and crawled inside the sleeping bag. 

“Look, I’m a caterpillar,” Jisung smiled widely and tried to sit up with his arms stuck in the bag. He tried to cheer Felix up and wiggled around a bit. Felix’ lips twitched the slightest, then he sighed.

“I forgot my plushies, I’ll be right back.”

“Please take my pillow with you.” Felix nodded and exited the tent again and left Jisung alone. 

Jisung fell back on the floor and looked up. The tent was made out of dark blue fabric. Now that Felix was gone, Jisung realized that the pain inside his chest was still there. He had been so busy with cheering Felix up that he had pushed that feeling away. There was a hole inside his chest and emotional support for his friends wasn’t filling said hole. Jisung put his hand on his chest and it still felt the same. His body hadn’t changed and there was no hole. It was all in his head and it drove Jisung insane. 

“You okay?” Minho asked when he entered the tent. Jisung raised himself a little up, so he could look at Minho’s face. 

“I guess,” Jisung muttered and rubbed his cheek. “What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? I’m going to sleep here.” Minho sat down next to Jisung and claimed the sleeping back there. Then he put his pillow down and Jisung almost choked on his own spit. _Oh no, not_ the _pillow_. Jisung couldn’t stop his head from reminding of a certain _situation_ he hadn’t wanted to witness. Minho patted the pillow one, two times and then lied down. 

“I see…” Jisung trailed off. He had forgotten that Seungmin and Minho had switched tents. Everyone was leaving Jisung alone. First Minhyung, then Seungmin and Hyunjin. No one wanted to be around him. “Minho, do you want to be somewhere else?”

“What do you mean?” Minho made a surprised noise that came from the back of his throat. 

“You probably don’t want to be here in a tent with me,” Jisung quietly said and looked back at the blue fabric of the tent. 

“Stop talking bullshit.” Minho quickly sat up. “Is it because of that thing that happened between you and your old friend?” 

Jisung ignored the question. “No one wants to be around me.”

Minho sighed quietly. He turned on his side. “And why am I here?”

“Because-“ Jisung stopped. _Because you’re a nice person?_ But Minho wasn’t your regular nice person who did nice things. He showed his kindness in a different way and not like… this, as if he was pitying Jisung. 

“You’re right. It’s because Seungmin and I switched places. Why would I wanna share a tent with someone who doesn’t washes their feet,” Minho answered himself and stuck out his tongue. 

“Hey!” Jisung punched Minho’s shoulder but in a jokingly way. “I normally wash my feet!”

“You’re lying,” Minho sing-songed and smiled widely. He looked at Jisung and his smile softened. “Please don’t think badly of yourself just because of one asshole. And now, say it with me: Fuck Minhyung.”

“W-What?” Jisung stammered and blinked two, three times. 

“I said, say it with me: _Fuck Minhyung_.” 

Jisung swallowed hardly before Minho started to count to three. 

“One, two, three!”

“Fuck Minhyung!” They said in union and it made Jisung break out in a smile. 

“Who’s Minhyung?” Felix asked when he came back with a giant teddy bear in his arms.

“No one.”  
“An asshole.”

“Okay, then.” Felix also lied down next to Jisung and hugged his teddy bear. “Can we go to sleep? I’m tired.” 

“Yes, of course.” Jisung made himself comfortable but it was a little hard because Felix had squished his teddy bear between them. Which is why Jisung scooted a little closer to Minho, who scrunched his eyebrows but didn’t comment it.

\--

Birds chirping were the first thing Jisung heard when he woke up the next morning. A weird aftertaste in his mouth was the first thing he tasted when he woke up because he had forgotten to brush his teeth last night. And the first thing Jisung felt was a hand resting on his chest. 

Jisung looked to his left and found out that the hand belonged to Minho. Still asleep, Minho was hugging him. His face was so close to Jisung’s shoulder. There was drool on Minho’s chin. It almost made Jisung laugh. He looked so stupid. It was kind of cute. 

_“I just don’t like skinship.”_ Jisung remembered Minho’s words from yesterday. Minho was much softer than he wanted to admit. Sure, he was quick-witted, sassy and his kind of humor was a bit dark, but in reality Minho was a big softie. Jisung didn’t understand why Minho acted this way, why he always held people around him an arm-length away. Jisung also didn’t understand how he and Minho used to hate each other and now they were friends, kind of. It didn’t make any sense. They had been so mean to each other, continuously mocking each other. Especially Minho had been provoking him the whole time and now he was protecting and hugging him. He didn’t push Jisung away anymore. Now he did the opposite, he held Jisung close. 

Minho’s hand looked so small. Jisung put his own next to it to compare them. They were the same size. “Strange,” Jisung mumbled and took his hand back. 

Something scratched against the entrance of the tent and it appeared so suddenly, it made Jisung yelp. A “meow” followed the scratching, as well as the awakening of Felix and Minho. Minho took his hand back and rubbed his face. Jisung quickly got up, fought himself out of the bag and opened the entrance of the tent. Doongie happily hushed into the tent and crawled on top of Minho. 

“My baby,” Minho chuckled and patted her head. 

“Why didn’t we let Doongie sleep here last night?” Jisung asked out of curiosity. 

Minho glared at him. “She would’ve fucking died inside here.”

Felix yawned and joined their conversation. “Who’s Doongie?”

“Oh no,” Jisung whispered. 

“How dare you?” Minho said in a low tone and he looked really disppointed. 

“Felix, if I were you, I would run, like… _now_!” Jisung advised and was scared for Felix. Latter followed Jisung’s advice and was gone in a second. 

Minho laughed quietly and didn’t move an inch. He crossed his arms behind his head, then turned to Jisung. In a questioning way Minho raised one eyebrow at Jisung. 

“Don’t you want to kill Felix?” 

“Nah,” Minho replied. “Not today.” 

“What did you do to the real Minho?” 

Minho snorted. “I think he’s still sleeping.” 

Jisung rolled on his side. “Hm, I like this Minho more, I think.” 

“Don’t let the other Minho hear that,” Minho said in a dead-serious voice but then he started to giggle. This Minho was so… different. As if he really was another person and not the “real” Minho.

And Minho’s eyes were glistening while he was giggling, as if he held every single star of the whole universe inside his eyes, and it still confused Jisung why the other was acting so differently around him compared to their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *writes some words that rhyme*  
> me: i am a lyric god
> 
> i don't really like how the chapter turned out but i don't like anything i'm doing rn, so it's probably depression talking lol  
> also, i made the legendary pillow have a comeback, inspired by a comment lmao
> 
> hope you liked it


	7. sharing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello,  
> i didn't expect to finish this today but here we are :>  
> while writing this, i listened to a kpop hoe playlist,,, uh yeah tmi  
> ANYWAYS, i hope you enjoy reading this~

After they all had woken up, they gathered around the fireplace where only ash was left. Most of them had their hair standing up of their head, their faces were puffy and they looked very tired overall. 

“The bugs were killing me,” Jeongin whined and kept scratching his arms which were covered in mosquito bites. He had his knees against his chest and wasn’t sitting on Chan’s lap for once. Chan on the other hand kept dozing off on his chair. 

“Me too,” Seungmin mumbled and rubbed the sleeping sand out of his eyes. 

“That’s the price for sleeping outside,” Woojin said, crossed his arms and leaned back. “Maybe I regret coming here.”

“Ohh, you’re not, Woojinnie.” Chan, suddenly wide awake, cooed at Woojin with a big grin. 

“Mhm, _Woojinnie_ , you love us too much to regret it,” Jisung added in an overly exaggerated way. 

Woojin squinted his eyes at Jisung. “You’re lucky I’m too tired to rip off your head right now.” 

“Yeah, too bad,” Jisung commented with sarcasm dripping off his tongue. 

“How can he be in such a good mood this fucking early in the morning?” Hyunjin groaned and didn’t even bother to fix his messy hair. He just kept playing with the grass under his feet with his toes. 

“I just slept very well!” _For the first time in a long while_ he added in his head but didn’t say it out loud. Maybe he should sleep outside more often. _Or inside Minho’s embrace._ Quickly Jisung pushed that stupid thought away. Minho was definitely the reason for him sleeping well. Or his arm that had been slung around his chest-

“Anyways, now I want to know what you all are majoring in,” Jisung quickly changed the topic to distract his mind and also maybe lighten the mood. “Except Minho, Chan and Felix.”

“Economics,” Changbin said in a monotone tone while he stared at something in the distance. 

Jeongin sighed. “Educational Science.”

“Korean and Mathematics to become a teacher,” Seungmin softly said and smiled to himself. Jisung totally could see Seungmin as a teacher. 

“Business,” Hyunjin said, not really happy about it. 

Most of them weren’t really happy with their major, Jisung saw it on their faces. It hurt him, knowing that feeling, being forced to something that would affect your life. Something that wasn’t your decision but of your surroundings. The realization made Jisung swallow hardly. He wasn’t studying something that was not his passion but he was lying to almost to everyone to keep up this perfect image of him studying Medicine. 

“And you, Woojin?” Jisung asked and looked at the older one.

“Oh, I’m studying Medicine too. Did you forget that, Jisung?” 

Jisung whole face paled. Woojin knew that he had been lying the whole time, _the whole fucking time._ Jisung felt like throwing up.

“Ah, r-right,” Jisung stuttered and laughed nervously. 

Woojin sent him a smile, a knowing smile, and it twisted Jisung’s insides. Jisung was panicking, anxiety was filling up his chest. Woojin could expose him any moment. He was basically inside Woojin’s hand and he could just crush him.

\--

They spent the whole day outside, eating watermelons and ice cream. Minho had excused himself around 6pm because he had to go to a dancing class. 

“He just doesn’t want to help cleaning up,” Changbin explained Minho’s sudden disappearance and groaned while picking up the plastic trash from the floor around the fire place. That was such a Minho-thing to do, Jisung thought to himself.

Anxiously Jisung kept glancing at Woojin who was chatting with Chan and Jeongin while they tried to fold the tents back together. Would the other expose him? Had he considered it yet? Needles of fear kept poking into his chest, it was hard to swallow. His fingers were trembling the slightest. He trusted Felix and Chan to keep his secret, why wasn’t he feeling the same when it came to Woojin? He had kept it for himself for now, so why should Woojin tell the others about it now? Maybe it was because Jisung knew Woojin (and Hyunjin) the least since they weren’t living here. 

What was Woojin thinking of him? He knew that Jisung was a liar and liars were always seen as bad persons. _Always._ Jisung’s eyes started to burn. No, he wouldn’t start crying now. He couldn’t.  
Holding the tears back he chewed on his lower lip while he carried his stuff back into the house, so Woojin and the others could put his tent away as well.

Out of frustration Jisung threw his pillow on his bed where his now clean blanket was laying on, nicely folded. For a moment he stared at his pillow before he decided to bring Minho’s pillow also back to his room. He quickly went downstairs again and he noticed how Woojin, Chan and Jeongin were looking at him. _Did Woojin tell Jeongin what a bad person Jisung was?_ Jisung wanted his head to shut up. He ignored the thought and returned to their tent, to take Minho’s pillow with him back into their house. 

Being so deeply stuck inside his head, Jisung forgot what Minho had done with the pillow. He rushed to Minho’s room, opened the door and greeted Doongie who was sleeping on the bed. Unlike his own pillow, Jisung gently placed it on the bed and gave it a small pat before his mind reminded him where the pillow had already been. 

In shock Jisung stared at his hand, his pupils shaking. He wanted to leave the room and rush to bathroom to wash his hand when he noticed something sparkly lying on the floor next to Minho’s wardrobe. Curiously he came closer to the wardrobe and leaned down to pick up the sparkly thing which ended up being three glitter flakes. Why was there glitter in Minho’s room? Trying to find an answer, Jisung stared at the glitter before he remembered that he had wanted to wash his hand. He let the sparkle fall back onto the floor before he went to the bathroom, washing his hands for maybe a little too long.

\--

Jisung barely slept the next night, he couldn’t stop thinking about the whole situation with Woojin. He was worrying so much that his insides felt like burning but it was kind of muted. It wasn’t so painful that it made Jisung forget everything. It became only fully present when he was lying awake in his bed while the world was quietly sleeping and his mind was shutting up for one second. For that one second the fire inside him blew up and made his inner walls burn. 

He didn’t know how to approach Woojin. The other wasn’t living here and it would be suspicious if Jisung suddenly decided to visit Woojin, for the first time ever. And if he reached the point of meeting Woojin to talk, what should he say? How should he start the conversation? 

The next morning Felix didn’t comment on Jisung’s sleepless night. Jisung had noticed with time that Felix was a light sleeper and probably had noticed how Jisung had kept turning around on his bed that night. 

Jisung could actually ask Felix for advice, he didn’t know why this hadn’t crossed his mind yet? But Felix was already gone when the idea came up inside Jisung’s head while he had been sitting on the edge of his bed for half an hour, doing absolutely nothing and staring at the white wall in front of him.  
He could ask Chan as well but he already knew what he was going to say: _If you hadn’t made a secret out of this, this wouldn’t have happened._

Groaning Jisung got up and walked to the bathroom. Maybe he would get a better idea on the toilet.

But he didn’t make it to the bathroom. Changbin’s voice pulled him out of his head. It came from Minho’s room. Did Changbin move back in? Jisung stopped walking, made a turn and went on his tip toes to Minho’s room where the door was a crack open. Carefully he stepped closer and took a glimpse of what was happening. Minho was sitting on the edge of his bed and leaned back while Changbin was talking loudly with his arms in the air and kept walking around.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Minho!”

“Just apologize,” Minho said back and sounded slightly frustrated. 

“Why? He keeps ignoring me,” Changbin complained and huffed. 

Minho scoffed. “No offense, but you were an ass, that’s why he’s avoiding you.”

“But he acts like I’m not his friend and keeps running to Chan-“ Changbin started to ramble, but Minho waved him off.

“Yeah, yeah. You said that already a thousand times. You’re jealous, I get it.”

“I’m not-”

“You’re not jealous,” Minho finished his sentence. “You keep saying that but stop lying to yourself. Maybe then you’ll finally realize that Felix is the victim here and not you.”

“…” Changbin was obviously offended, he was gaping at Minho. Then he stormed out of Minho’s room, grumbling: “Yeah, fuck you too, Minho.” 

He walked past Jisung without noticing him. Minho, on the other hand, noticed him very well. 

“What is this weird obsession you have with my room?” He asked annoyed but still opened the door even wider for Jisung. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jisung grinned, stepped inside and went straight to Minho’s bed to lie down on it, just to annoy Minho which worked. 

“Get off my bed,” Minho demanded and looked down at him with his arms crossed. 

“Nope.” Jisung stuck out his tongue and grinned cheekily. 

Seconds later, Jisung noted to himself that he should listen to Minho more often because the latter literally jumped on Jisung and poked him with his elbow into his ribs, so hardly that Jisung yelped. Minho then stayed on top of Jisung with his back resting on Jisung’s chest. 

“Minho, you’re heavy as fuck,” Jisung groaned and tried to push Minho off his body without any success. 

“Did you just call me fat?” 

“Yes,” Jisung breathed out and whined because Minho wouldn’t move an inch. 

“Will you get off my bed when I tell you to do so?” Minho asked and slightly turned around to look at Jisung face. Immediately Jisung nodded so hardly that the world spun for a second. “Okay, then.” And so Minho freed Jisung and the latter jumped off Minho’s bed, so quickly he almost slipped on the stupid carpet on Minho’s floor. Minho smiled smugly at him but then turned serious. 

“You heard me and Changbin talking, right?” He asked, sighing. “I know, I was too harsh to-“

“No, you weren’t too harsh!” Jisung quickly told him otherwise, being completely honest. “I think Changbin needed someone to tell him the truth and it’s not your fault that the truth sometimes hurts.”

“Wow, wise words coming from you. Something I would’ve never expected to hear,” Minho chuckled but then added a small “thank you”.

“Hey, I write song lyrics! Of course, I know some wise words!” 

“So, being a composer and being wise are equal in your eyes, or what?” Minho slightly turned his head right, looking at him with a thoughtful expression. He stayed quiet for a moment before he spoke up again:

“You aren’t a Medicine student, aren’t you?”

“W-What? Of course, I’m a Medicine student, what are you talking about?” Jisung quickly denied Minho’s statement with a racing heart. How did Minho find out about it? Was Jisung really such a bad liar? 

Minho wasn’t believing him, Jisung saw it in his eyes, crystal clear. Jisung was so scared, he felt like dying. He wanted to press his hand on his racing heart to calm it down because its pounding was probably so loud Minho could hear it. He quickly had to change the topic, otherwise Minho would continue to dig deeper into that topic.

“Anyways, why are glitter flakes laying all around on your floor?” 

It absolutely caught Minho off guard and he quickly turned his face away from Jisung. “None of your business.”

“None of my business? Like everything that involves you?” Jisung was talking about Minho’s parents and they both knew it without Jisung _actually_ saying it. He didn’t know why he was suddenly getting to invested in this topic, Jisung was the one who was continuously hiding stuff from the others. “I thought we’re friends. I feel like I don’t know you. At all.”

Minho shot him a hurt glare before he scoffed: “The same goes for you, Jisung.”

It was like a slap on Jisung’s face. He didn’t want to admit it but it hurt. Hearing Minho saying his name in that context. But he deserved it and Jisung was aware of that. Jisung was the liar here and made Minho look bad instead. 

Instead of solving the tension between them, Jisung simply walked out of Minho’s room with a throbbing heart.

\--

The next day, during the evening, Jisung decided to meet up with Woojin after his baseball practice. It took him a while until he found the baseball field and yet, Woojin’s practice was still going. Jisung came closer to take a look at the happening. He wasn’t the only one who was watching the practice. There were some high school girls in their uniforms, screaming at the baseball players. 

“Oh my god, Jinyoung is so hot! His thighs are from another world.” 

“No, Jaebum is way hotter! The way he pitches the ball is just-” 

“Oh, shut up, both of you! Woojin is so fricking hot, I think I’m going to burn my fingers if I’d ever get to touch him.” 

Jisung cringed a little bit to himself, his toes curled inside his shoes. The fangirling of the girls was reminding him of his little sister who could spend hours on talking about Seo Taiji And Boys. He wouldn’t have thought that Woojin would be so popular or his baseball team in general. But he definitely had underestimated it. 

“They are coming, ohmygod!” The one who was allegedly a “Jaebum”-fan, whoever that was, started yelling and pushed the other girls aside to get closer to the players. She rushed towards one of the players and held a bag of chips into his direction, while she still kept her distance. “Jaebum, I got you your favorite chips. You played so well today. Please eat well and take care of your health!”

The player, Jaebum, smiled shortly and accepted her gift. “Thank you, Yuna.” Then he continued to walk towards the parking lot with some other teammates, while the girl, Yuna, started squealing. She kept saying to herself that she couldn’t believe that Jaebum had remembered her name. 

“Oh, hey, Jisung,” Woojin greeted Jisung in the middle of this weird scene and put on a sweatshirt. Jisung patted Woojin’s back, told him how well he played and sent a grin at the girl who had wanted to touch Woojin. She tsked at him and walked away with her friends. 

“Jisung, I barely did anything today because I hurt my shoulder,” Woojin commented and scoffed quietly at Jisung’s dumbfounded reaction after. 

“Uhhh, anyways. I came here to talk to you,” Jisung quickly said and there it was again, the nervous tingling inside his stomach. 

“And I thought you came to fangirl with the other girls here.” Woojin brushed through his sweaty strands of hair. “Can we go get teokbeokki and talk while eating? I’m starving.”

“Yeah, sure!”

Minutes later they were sitting on plastic stools at a food stall, the food they had planned on sharing was steaming in front of them on the table between them. Woojin was eating, Jisung not. He didn’t feel like it. The upcoming conversation stole Jisung’s whole appetite. Jisung looked at the pattern on the table. It was barely visible and accompanied by scratches. 

“You’re not hungry?” Woojin asked and looked up from his meal with his eyebrows raised. 

Jisung simply shook his head and said: “It’s all yours.”

“You lost your appetite because of the thing you want to talk about?” Jisung just nodded and Woojin hummed. “I think I know what you want to talk about. It’s the fact that you actually don’t study Medicine and lied to us the whole time.”

_Liar_. The words cut into Jisung’s stomach. Woojin saw him as a liar and he had just confirmed that. Jisung swallowed on nothing before he spoke up. “You’re right,” Jisung mumbled and didn’t really know what else to say. His tongue was heavy inside his mouth. 

“Look at you. Just days ago you called me ‘Woojinie’ and were so loud and now you can barely open your mouth.” Woojin sighed and stopped eating when he noticed how miserable Jisung was feeling. “Hey, I’m not here to make you feel bad. Sorry, if it sounded like that. I’m not mad.”

“You’re not?” Jisung asked surprised.

“No, of course not.” Woojin smiled gently. “I talked to Chan and-“

Jisung groaned. “Of course, you did.”

“ _I talked to Chan_ and he told me about your situation. He told me that your parents can’t know that you’re actually studying Music and that they want you to study Medicine. I understand why you were lying and that’s why I’m not mad.”

“I- I still want to apologize to you for lying,” Jisung stammered. “I don’t want you to think badly of me.” 

“I’m not. I don’t see you as a bad person. In my eyes, you’re still that noisy, squirrel-looking boy I got to know just a few months ago.” 

“I… don’t know if that was a compliment or not but… thanks?” Jisung laughed quietly and Woojin joined him. 

“So, you’re really not mad?” Jisung wanted to reassure and it was visible how Woojin held back a sigh.

“I’m not. But the others might be if they’ll find out.”

Just then Jisung remembered how mad Minho had been yesterday. It made Jisung’s stomach twist. “I might have already made someone mad…”

Worried Woojin asked who it was.

“Minho. We talked about the whole Changbin-Felix-situation and then he suddenly asked me if I’m really a Medicine student and it ended in us fighting.”

“And then?”

“And then I left his room. So, we didn’t make up and it bugs me a lot,” Jisung mumbled and now, that he talked about it, he realized how much it actually bothered him.

“Who would’ve thought that you two end up being friends,” Woojin remarked and smiled softly. “You should tell him the truth. Minho cares about you. I rarely see him acting like this, so you must be really special to him.”

“I don’t think he sees me as friend. I barely know anything about him and if I ask him something personal, he immediately becomes angry.”

“Mhm, the way Minho treats his friends is a bit different than you’re probably used to. He’s a very secretive person and you have to accept that. I don’t know much about his personal life either and I respect that he doesn’t want to let me know about it. He has a reason why he doesn’t want others to know about his life. I just know little bits of his story and they aren’t pretty. It takes a long time and a lot of trust until he lets you into his life,” Woojin explains. “That’s why I’m so surprised that you two get along so well in such a short time. I know, your beginning had been… _rough_. But now he sees you as a friend, trust me. You must’ve noticed that he still teases you but he also protects you and stands up for you, doesn’t he?”

Jisung remembered how Minho had punched Minhyung’s face after he had insulted them. He nodded and realized that Woojin must be right. “So, I should just tell him the truth?”

“Yes and now let me finish the food, so we both can go home.”

\--

It was already dark when Jisung arrived at their house. Woojin had accompanied him to the subway and then they went separate ways. Maybe Minho was already sleeping but Jisung wanted to tell him the truth now. He stormed upstairs and then to Minho’s room and jumped into it.

“You were right! I’m not a Medicine major. I’m studying Music, which means I’m as cool as you, so please don’t be mad at me anymore!” The words burst out of Jisung’s mouth and when he finished, he finally breathed. 

Minho, on the other hand, had stopped breathing for a second. “Fuck, Jisung! Don’t you know how to knock, you idiot?!” 

He was sitting on his bed with a book in his hands and were those glasses resting on his nose? Jisung stood there, very much confused. “Did you hear what I said or did I just say it in my head?”

“You’re a Music major and called me cool, and no, I’m not mad but I will be if you won’t leave my room like _right now_.” 

“But, Minho! Now that I told you my secret, you have to tell me the truth about the glitter flakes!” Jisung complained, not taking Minho’s threat seriously. 

Minho groaned and properly sat up. “Okay but only if you’ll leave me alone after that. I have homework to do.”

Jisung urged forward and kneeled in front of Minho’s bed, where the other was sitting. His eyes were sparkling. Damn, this was easier than he had expected. He must have asked Woojin for advice earlier! “Yes, of course!”

Taking off his glasses, Minho rubbed his eyes and looked out of the window. He bit his lower lip nervously for a second, before he turned back to Jisung. “I helped out a friend and danced in a strip club.”

The smile fell of Jisung’s face and he choked on his own spit. Minho? In a _strip club_? That was definitely not what he had expected, at all. Jisung had thought that Minho maybe had helped out at a little girl’s party and that’s why he had glitter in his room, but never he would’ve thought of a strip bar!

“What kind of people are you friends with?!” Jisung managed to say, still coughing. 

“With idiots like you.” Blood rushed to Jisung’s cheeks. He crawled on Minho’s bed, the wide smile from earlier followed him and clung onto his lips.

“I’m your friend?” In awe Jisung looked at Minho who was still annoyed. 

“Yes and now close your mouth and leave my room,” Minho admitted and tried to look back at his back but he couldn’t because Jisung was still sitting in front of him. Jisung couldn’t really believe what was happening right now. Minho wasn’t mad at him anymore but he’s a one-time-stripper and Jisung’s friend! 

“ _Jisung_ , will you please leave now?” Minho repeated slowly and now he didn’t look annoyed anymore. Just tired. Jisung looked at Minho’s face for a moment, noticed the dark shadows under his eyes, and then he got up. 

“Good night. Don’t stay up for too long,” Jisung softly said and left the other alone. 

Back in his room he hummed satisfied. This went better than expected. Way better. 

\--

Some days later and they all were sitting in front of the tv, watching some drama Seungmin was currently obsessed with. Much to his surprise, Jisung enjoyed the drama but not because of the plot or the actors. Minho was sitting next to him and kept making sarcastic remarks which annoyed the hell out of Seungmin but Jisung couldn’t stop laughing. 

“She had probably an affair with his brother. No, he probably doesn’t wash his hands after using the restroom, right? He totally looks like that type of person!” Minho whispered to Jisung who snorted. 

“What makes you think that?” Jisung asked quietly back but Jeongin shushed him quiet. 

“The episode is about to end and if Seungmin doesn’t get to know how it ends, he will ramble about it the whole fucking night!”

“Jeongin, no cursing under my fucking roof,” Chan commented but only half-heartily because he was focusing on the tv.

“Didn’t you just-“ Jeongin began but Hyunjin put his hand on Jeongin’s mouth. 

“You will thank me later,” he whispered to the younger one. 

_“I’m sorry but…”_ The actress on the tv was hesitating while she was talking to her husband. _“But I cheated on you. With your brother…”_

Seungmin’s jaw dropped, Hyunjin was screaming at the ending credits and Minho gasped. “Really? With the guy who doesn’t wash his hands?”

Jisung took the chance and grabbed the tv remoter to turn off the tv. “I have something to tell you.” 

Felix who was sitting on the floor, turned over to him with big eyes filled with worry. “You have cancer?”

“What the fuck, Felix. No.”

“You’re gay,” Hyunjin bluntly said and everyone stopped moving. Jisung’s heart dropped and he thought he’d die right now, in front of everyone. But how-?

“I’m joking.” Hyunjin laughed and clapped with his hands. “As if you’re gay. That’d be so weird!” 

The others joined him and laughed as well, only Minho and Jisung stayed quiet. Awkwardly Jisung forced out laughter but it made him feel so bad, he immediately stopped. That was how they would feel about Jisung’s sexuality? They would see it as “weird”? As a joke? It hurt Jisung more than he wanted to admit. Minho put his hand on Jisung’s naked knee, he was wearing shorts, probably to calm him down but it only did the opposite.

“Yeah, uhm,” Jisung started, trying to ignore Minho’s hand and the pain, disappointment inside his chest. “What I wanted to tell you is… that I’m not a Medicine major. I’m studying Music, against my parents will. They don’t know it, so it has to stay a secret what my actual major is.”

“That’s neat,” Changbin said and made a brofist towards Jisung but quickly took it back. “I mean that you’re studying Music. Not the part with your parents not respecting your dreams.”

“Yeah, that sucks!” Seungmin said. “But it’s really brave of you to pursue your dream.”

Jisung thanked him with slightly red ears. It was nice to hear how the others thought of him. No one saw him as bad person or at least it seemed like that.

“But you broke a rule,” Jeongin noticed with big innocent eyes and looked at Chan. Everyone did the same and looked at the hoster’s son. 

Chan sighed. “He kind of did but not really? I knew about it and it’s a difficult situation, that’s why I made an exception.”

“And is Minho’s whole life so difficult that you have to make exceptions for him all the time?” Changbin asked, not being really serious and just laughed when Minho showed him his middle finger. 

“Oh, I know _everything_ about Minho,” Chan said and wiggled with his eyebrows. Minho faked gagging sounds.

“Are you sure about that?” Jisung asked in a teasing tone which made Minho push his elbow into his ribs. 

“Yes, he is,” Minho said and got up. Jisung’s whole face was scrunched in pain. “Now, good night. Sleep tight, you idiots.” 

Hyunjin and Changbin then also got up and went home to Hyunjin’s place, Changbin still hadn’t moved back in. Felix and Jisung decided to go to sleep as well and the others stayed downstairs.

\--

_Red. Minho’s hand resting on Jisung’s knee. It wanders and goes higher on Jisung’s thigh. Higher and higher. The floor beneath Jisung’s feet disappears. A tingling sensation is controlling Jisung’s body. He can’t move. Minho is so close, Jisung can feel his breath. It’s so warm. His hands are suddenly everywhere, touching every single inch of Jisung’s naked skin. He feels like burning. Minho’s lips were soft but they set Jisung on fire. All Jisung could see, feel, hear, smell and taste was red._

Jisung woke up so suddenly the world lost its balance for a second. He couldn’t believe what he had just dreamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohoOo jisung had a spicy dream,,, will this affect his relationship to Minho? *acts as if i don't know the answer*
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	8. touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonjour, i am back~  
> thank you so much for the comments & kudos <3   
> again, this chapter is shorter than others, i apologize for that ;;  
> i still have to write a oneshot for Minho's bday, huhu
> 
> anyways, have fun reading~ :>

_Red. Minho’s hand resting on Jisung’s knee. It wanders and goes higher on Jisung’s thigh. Higher and higher. The floor beneath Jisung’s feet disappears. A tingling sensation is controlling Jisung’s body. He can’t move. Minho is so close, Jisung can feel his breath. It’s so warm. His hands are suddenly everywhere, touching every single inch of Jisung’s naked skin. He feels like burning. Minho’s lips were soft but they set Jisung on fire. All Jisung could see, feel, hear, smell and taste was red._

Jisung woke up so suddenly the world lost its balance for a second. He couldn’t believe what he had just dreamed. 

It was still dark outside and Jisung could barely see what was right in front of him. Jisung licked his lips, his throat was dry. He tried to swallow when he noticed in what way the dream had affected him. It was too dark to see it but Jisung didn’t had to, he felt it in his underwear. He wanted to die out of shame. There was a whimper out of embarrassment stuck in his throat, ready to come out. 

Quickly Jisung got up from his bed and rushed to the bathroom while he pulled down his shirt to hide what was in his underwear. His cheeks were burning up, Jisung hated that feeling so much. He rushed into the shower and just jumped inside the shower. Cold water hit his hot skin and the clothes he forgot to take off, just a few seconds later. Jisung didn’t really care about his clothes now. Later he would hate himself for it but now he just wanted everything to disappear. The images from the dream that were burned into the back of his head. 

Jisung felt so dirty. How could he dream something like that about Minho, his friend? Why had it always to be guys he was friends with? But no, he didn’t feel _that_ way about Minho. Minho was a friend, just a friend. He was nothing like Minhyung, so that’s why there was no way Jisung would get feelings for Minho, right? Minhyung had been nice, kind of awkward and he sometimes acted like a 12-year-old which Jisung had found really cute. But Jisung had to find out that wasn’t the real Minhyung, so what was Jisung’s type really like? Was he into kind guys or guys who pretended to be nice but were actually assholes? And what was Minho? He was nice but not really? No, Minho _was_ in his own, unique way. He just appeared to be mean when he tries to protect himself. Also, he liked to tease others and _that_ wasn’t really kind, but overall you couldn’t call Minho a bad person.   
So, in conclusion: Minhyung was a bad person and Minho was kind of a good person?

Jisung groaned and threw his head into his hands. This was all too black-and-white. Also, he didn’t want to think about either MInhyung or Minho because both of them woke emotions inside him that he didn’t wanted to encounter right now.   
Right now Jisung just wanted his boner to go away, as well as the memories from the dream, and then he wanted to go back to sleep because he had to get up early tomorrow, no, today, in a few hours. 

\--

Seeing Minho the next day at breakfast was unbearable. He was sitting with his back in Jisung’s direction when the latter had entered the kitchen. All the memories from the dreams ran over Jisung. He still could feel where Minho’s hand had been on his knee the last night and he wanted to shake that feeling off. Jisung couldn’t look Minho into the face, otherwise he would die, right here, right now. _“19-years old Music student died in a boarding house out of embarrassment because he had a wet dream of his friend.”_ Jisung already could see the headline all over the news. Okay, maybe they would leave out the last part because they still where in Korea after all. 

Without being able to sit still, Jisung continuously wiggled with his legs. All this made him so nervous, his breath was slowly getting shorter. He had to calm down and act normal, so no one would ask him why he was so obviously nervous. Stuffing his mouth with bread would maybe calm him down a little bit and he grabbed the bread in front of him so quickly, it almost slipped out of his hands. He put the whole slice of bread into his mouth and tried to chew but it was too much inside his mouth which lead to him choking and coughing. 

_“19-years old Music student died in a boarding house while he tried to stuff his mouth with bread because otherwise he would’ve died out of embarrassment because-“_

“Jesus, don’t you know how to eat?” Chan asked but not in a serious tone. He patted Jisung’s back a little harder than he usually would while Jisung took a napkin and spit the remains of bread into it and tried to push the last bits out of his throat with coughing. Seungmin scrunched his nose a little bit in disgust, yet he filled Jisung’s glass with water and put it into his hand. 

Like a person who hadn’t drunk for three days, Jisung gulped down the whole glass and made a loud, satisfied “Ah”-sound after he was done.   
And then he realized how he had been acting more strangely than he had while being nervous and that’s why everyone had stopped eating to look at him. Even Minho but Jisung desperately tried to ignore his two, big, brown irises that always seemed to sparkle a little bit. 

“Have you never seen a guy choking on bread, huh? Don’t stare at me like that”, Jisung complained and quickly looked down because if he had stared at the pastel-yellow wallpaper any longer while trying to ignore Minho’s eyes, he would’ve failed. 

Why had it to be Minho out of all the people Jisung knew? If it had been Chan and Woojin Jisung probably wouldn’t have been as confused because they both were really attractive and charismatic, so having a wet dream about them wouldn’t be _that_ weird, right? 

What the hell was Jisung even thinking? This whole situation was just uncomfortable and Jisung just wanted it to end, no, he wanted it to be undone. As if it never happened and Jisung never dreamed of Minho’s hands touching him everywhere. 

\--

From then on Jisung did what he always did when there was a problem. He ran away from it. In this case the “problem” was Minho, so Jisung basically avoided the other one as much as possible. Every time there was a moment where the two of them would be alone, Jisung _ran_. Of course he noticed how Minho looked strangely at him but Jisung just couldn’t be alone with Minho or he would go insane. He didn’t want to think about that stupid dream anymore. He absolutely didn’t see Minho as a love interest. All he wanted was being able to look into Minho’s eyes without thinking of _red_. 

Jisung knew that he couldn’t keep avoiding Minho forever but he hadn’t expected it to end after only two days.

“What did you do?” Minho was standing in the doorframe of Jisung’s room with both his hands on the wood, blocking the way for Jisung who was in his room, helpless. Minho’s look on his eyes was so demanding and literally burning that Jisung just couldn’t avoid it. Looking at Minho after avoiding him for two days felt weird because he still looked the same. But it felt different looking at him this time. As if this was not the Minho he knew but that’s bullshit because it’s not Minho who had changed. It was Jisung himself, even though it was just a dream that had shaken his world. 

“What do you mean?” Jisung asking nervously and he hated how his voice shook the slightest. He seriously didn’t know what Minho meant because he hadn’t done something except avoiding Minho which couldn’t be the thing the other asked for. 

“What did you do in my room? You must’ve done something otherwise you wouldn’t avoid me!”

“Do you need my attention that much?” Jisung shot back and he had no idea where this suddenly came from but it worked, Minho was seemingly shocked and for a moment he didn’t look that mad anymore. It didn’t last long though. 

“Cut the bullshit and tell me truth,” Minho said and if Jisung wasn’t so nervous he would’ve noticed how Minho’s ears had turned red. 

“I didn’t do anything, I swear!” 

“Then why are you avoiding me?” Minho asked and stepped closer to Jisung. Jisung took a step back.

“I’m not avoiding you,” Jisung mumbled, not very convincing.

“You are! You can’t even look me into my eyes.” One step closer to Jisung. One step further away from Minho. 

“I can look into your eyes. Look!” Demonstrating Jisung widened his eyes and looked into Minho’s eyes. It felt like a punch in his guts. The warm brown of Minho’s eyes woke up the red inside Jisung and all the images flashed passed Jisung’s eyes. He panicked and squeezed his eyes shut, so he wouldn’t think about it anymore. 

“See! You can barely look me into the eyes. Jisungie, you’re so bad at lying. Why don’t you just tell me the truth. I won’t kill you, I promise,” Minho suggested in a sugar-coated tone which led to Jisung having a sugar shock. The nickname made Jisung feel weird. 

Not being able to talk, Jisung just shook his head violently with his eyes still closed. Minho then pushed Jisung on his bed and jumped on him. He locked his arms and legs around Jisung’s upper body, so Jisung’s back was pressed against Minho’s chest. 

Jisung was this close to have a mental breakdown. “W-What are you doing?” He opened his eyes and tried to look at Minho but he held him too tightly.

“I won’t let you go until you tell me the truth,” Minho replied and squeezed Jisung which made the latter whine. 

“But I was about to go on the toilet when you decided to tie me up with your limbs which is actually-“ 

Minho interrupted him. “Then it is the best for you if you tell me the truth as soon as possible so you can go on the toilet.”

“Or I’ll just pee on you.”

“Ew, what the fuck, Jisung.”

“Ha, you didn’t think this through, right?” Jisung teased and for a moment he forgot that Minho was holding him so closely, he could feel every inch of Minho’s upper body pressed against his back. Minho then squeezed the part of Jisung’s chest he was holding and the realization of what kind of situation he was in right now, rolled over Jisung. His breath hitched because it reminded him of the dream that had already started to fade a little bit. It felt all too familiar, as if this had happened before. 

Jisung squirmed and tried to free himself from Minho’s touch because he started to feel very uncomfortable. “Please let me go.”

“No,” Minho stubbornly said and remained his arms locked around Jisung. “I’ll let you go if you tell me the truth.”

“But I am telling you the truth! I didn’t do anything to your room,” Jisung whined and wiggled frustrated. 

“I don’t believe you.” 

Jisung started to beg. His mind reminded how Minho’s breath had hit him in the breath just like it was right now. “Please, please, Minho!” 

“No.”

Slowly Jisung grew tired from trying to escape Minho, so he decided to make something up. Minho said he’ll let him go when Jisung tells him what he had done to Minho’s room. “Okay, I’ll tell you,” Jisung sighed quietly because he knew that Minho would be mad at him for it. “I stole one of your shirts and ruined it. Now let me go.”

“What?!” Minho was so taken by surprise that he loosened his grip a little bit, so Jisung took the chance and stormed out of his room. He knew that Minho would chase after him in order to find out all the details about the incident, why he did that, which shirt it was, how he ruined it, and so on. 

Just like Jisung had expected he heard Minho’s footsteps behind him, so he decided to make a turn and run downstairs. 

Jisung didn’t know what was happening until he landed downstairs with his butt hitting the floor hardly. Pain shot through his left foot, causing him to scream. He had slipped and fallen the stairs down. Tears blocked Jisung’s sight, when he grabbed his feet and held it. It made the pain only worse, so he quickly let off it. 

“Jisung, are you alright?” Minho ran to him and kneeled down next to him. He sounded so worried, it almost hurt Jisung.

“No, obviously I’m not okay,” Jisung managed to say and wiped his tears angrily away, so he could look at Minho who seemed not to be mad at all.

“You shouldn’t have run away from me!” Minho complained and decided to take look at Jisung’s foot. He took off his sock and breathed in sharply.

“No, I had to! Otherwise you would’ve killed me,” Jisung said back. He tried to sit up a bit more to have a look at his foot. “Does it look bad?”

“It looks very bad. It’s already starting to swell.” Minho looked up from his foot and his lips were pressed to a thin line out of worry. “And I wouldn’t have killed you, I’m over that phase.”

“Oh, so wanting to kill people was _just_ a phase?” Jisung teased him even though the pain in his foot was almost unbearable. 

“Jesus, you know that I don’t want to kill people literally. It’s just a metaphor,” Minho groaned. Then he took Jisung’s hands to help him get up. “Can you try stepping on that foot?”

Jisung tried to take a step but as soon as his toes touched the ground, it started to hurt really badly. He held tightly onto Minho’s hands and put all his weight on his other foot, so he could stand properly. 

“Okay, I think we have to go to the hospital,” Minho concluded and helped Jisung to the couch. “Sit down and I’ll get Chan, so he can drive us.”

“Chan has a driving license?” Jisung asked confused. That was something he hadn’t heard before.

“Yup but he doesn’t drive that often, so it’s not that unlikely that we get into a car accident. But hey, then we get at least a free ride to the hospital with an ambulance.”

Two minutes later and Minho came back with Chan. “Oh, so Jisung didn’t scream for no reason like he usually does?” He asked surprised and stepped closer to Jisung to have a closer look at his foot. 

“Is that why you didn’t come to see what’s happening?” Jisung asked offended.

“Yeah, I mean when you spend tons of time with Changbin and Hyunjin you get used to people screaming for no reason. Also, you have to admit that you are a natural screamer, that’s why I wasn’t alarmed,” Chan explained while he tried to examine Jisung’s injury. “I think it’s probably broken, so it’s the best when we drive to the hospital.”

One hour later they were sitting in the waiting room which was packed with other people. It was warm. Jisung rested his injured foot on Chan’s lap, the naked skin of his leg was sticking to Chan’s leg since they both were wearing shorts but Jisung’s didn’t really care. Chan kept asking Jisung if he needed anything, if he wanted water or sweets while Minho who was sitting next to Chan, kept quiet. 

“I’m fine, Chan. I just want this to be over,” Jisung said and leaned back.

“We wouldn’t be here if you two would stop acting like children.” Chan sighed. “You have to really stop all this chasing around, okay? You’re adults now, so you have to solve your problems like that as well. Children fix their issues with each other with running around and chasing each other. Adults talk about it.”

“We were just playing around,” Jisung mumbled in a sulky tone because of the scolding.

“But it ended with you being injured. Look, I don’t wanna tell you to stop having fun. I just want you to confront your problems and talk about it, and not to run away from them.”

Jisung gulped hardly. He hated how right Chan was with his words and how it applied to more than just this situation with Minho. Jisung always ran away from his problems. He lied about his major and caused people to be upset. After his dream, he avoided Minho which led to him being here, in a hospital with his foot probably being broken. 

“Sorry,” Minho muttered and didn’t even look at Jisung or Chan. Still, he seemed sincere with his apology. 

“No, it’s alright. It’s my fault,” Jisung said. 

“Jisung, no. It’s _my_ fault,” Minho said back, now finally looking at Jisung. “I shouldn’t have forced the confession out of you.”

“But it was me who slipped and fell down the stairs. You didn’t push me!”

“But I made you feel like you had to run away from me, which ended in you falling down the stairs.”

“Actually,” Jisung grasped for air because this discussion was slowly becoming heated. He turned to Chan. “I think, I want sweets. Can you get some, Chan?”

“Of course.” Chan who had been following the conversation with his head going from left to right like he was watching a ping-pong game, got up and went to get the sweets. He was seemingly happy to being able to escape the discussion. 

“Actually,” Jisung began his sentence again. “I lied about the shirt. I didn’t do anything to your room.”

“So… you were telling the truth after all?” Minho asked carefully which Jisung confirmed with a nod. “But why did you avoid me then? Did _I_ do something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t. It’s just…” Jisung began and trailed off because he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t tell the truth. It would probably harm their friendship. “I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Don’t worry, it’s nothing… big. You did absolutely nothing wrong, it’s me.”

Minho looked at him thoroughly as if he was searching for an answer on Jisung’s face which he didn’t end up finding. Then he chuckled. “Wow, we just solved our problem without anyone getting hurt.”

“Like real adults,” Jisung added, giggling. “No, but really. We should stop this chasing around, like Chan said.”

Humming Minho agreed. 

\--

Two hours later they were back at home and just like they had suspected, Jisung foot was broken. Minho had apologized two more times and both times Jisung had told him not to apologize for something he wasn’t responsible for. Nevertheless, when Jisung wanted to go to his room, Minho suggested something which caught Jisung completely off guard.

“Let me carry you upstairs.”

Minho didn’t even wait for a response, he just picked up Jisung like he weighted nothing. Jisung was too shocked to answer anyways. He tightly held onto his crutches. Then he walked with Jisung up the stairs. 

“Are you planning to throw me off the stairs?” Jisung joked and Minho just grumbled. He carried him even to Jisung’s room. 

“Let me know if you need anything,” Minho said and walked out of Jisung’s room, after the latter had thanked him. 

It felt strange seeing Minho so worried and caring, it’s quite unusual for him. But Jisung remembered how Woojin had said that Minho was actually a very caring when it came to his friends, so that explained why Minho behaved like this. Jisung liked that side of Minho, when he was being honest. 

\--

The next morning it was only Jisung and Felix who were sitting at the table to eat breakfast. The others had gone to their classes and Chan’s parents had left for their work. Felix had helped Jisung to go downstairs and had announced that he would do the dishes. Jisung was really thankful for the help. He was glad that he wasn’t alone at their home, otherwise he would’ve been quite helpless. 

“Felix, are you okay?” The plate in front of his friend was still full.

“It’s Changbin’s birthday today and he spends it at Hyunjin’s place.”

“Oh.” Jisung poked the meat on his plate with his chopsticks. “Isn’t he going to celebrate it with us?”

“I thought he had invited you all except me to Hyunjin’s place to throw a party,” Felix replied and looked surprised that it didn’t seem to be the case. 

“No, he didn’t,” Jisung said. “How about we invite Hyunjin and Changbin to our house and order some chicken to celebrate?”

“If we’re going to order chicken, we have to call Woojin as well over,” Felix smiled softly. “But yeah, we can do that…”

“Great!” Jisung loudly said. “And now finish your food or Mrs. Bang will be sad.”

Then Felix finally started to eat a little bit. Jisung wanted to ask him if Changbin and he still were fighting but he didn’t want Felix to lose his appetite. It seemed like they still weren’t talking to each other. Jisung wondered how long it already had been since the two had their fight. It was weeks ago but it still felt fresh. It still was weird that Changbin wasn’t here with them, eating breakfast, screaming around and doing push ups at random times. Jisung hoped that Changbin and Felix would make up soon. Hopefully the conversation Minho and Changbin had held, helped the latter realizing that he should apologize. 

\--

Later that day, they all were gathered in the living room to celebrate Changbin’s birthday. Chicken was on the table, as well as coke and beer. The tv was on and some music show was playing but they weren’t really paying attention. Everyone was there except Minho who was still at the dance studio practicing. Felix and Changbin still were avoiding each other.

“What happened to your leg?” Hyunjin asked while he chewed on his chicken. His fingertips were slightly shiny because of the oily food.

“Minho had tried to kill me for real this time and pushed me down the stairs,” Jisung dramatically said and threw his head back in an exaggerated way. Then he laughed and quickly denied his previous words. “I’m joking. I slipped and fell the stairs down.”

“I mean, I would’ve believed your first statement because I’m sure Minho’s capable of doing something like that,” Seungmin said and looked at the tv for a brief moment.

“Nah, he said it was just a phase. Now we solve our problems like adults,” Jisung explained.

“Yeah, sure,” Woojin snickered and took a sip of his beer. 

“Anyways, where’s Minho?” Changbin wanted to know. 

“He’s at the dance studio,” Chan replied but Hyunjin didn’t seem to believe it.

“Bullshit. I think he’s in that one club, you know what I’m talking about.”

Did Hyunjin mean the strip club? But it had seemed like a thing Minho didn’t tell anyone except Jisung. Also, he had called it a one-time-thing. Confused Jisung looked at Hyunjin, then Seungmin who decided to comment on Hyunjin’s words.

“Yeah, I think so too. He just doesn’t want us to know that he works there and I get why.”

Chan looked alarmed, as well as Woojin who grabbed the tv remoter and turned up the volume. Jisung turned to Hyunjin and spoke over the loud music. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, you don’t know?” Changbin decided to answer Jisung’s answer. “We think that Minho works at a gay club.”

“W-What?” With wide eyes Jisung just stared at the others, asking himself if he had understood the others correctly. Minho works in a gay bar? This was even more unexpected than the one time he helped out a friend in a strip bar. But how did the others know about it? 

“We once found a nametag with his name and the logo of a gay club on it,” Seungmin explained. “We don’t think he’s gay because he doesn’t act like a gay person at all. But we heard that you get good money there, especially when you’re a good-looking guy.” 

_“And how does a gay person act like in your eyes?”_ The question was on the tip of Jisung’s tongue but he didn’t voice his question. Yet again, he was hurt by the assumptions and opinions of the others who he sees as his friends. Coming out to them was really no option.

“But it’s just a guess. We don’t know it for sure, so you shouldn’t judge Minho. Also, what I know for sure that he’s at the dance studio, so stop making up stuff,” Chan stepped in and he was mad, Jisung saw it on the way he looked at them. 

“Chan is right, you shouldn’t make up something like that,” Jeongin decided to underline the words and pouted. 

The others apologized but Jisung just felt weird. He wished Minho had been here, so the others wouldn’t have told him this kind of information. He didn’t know what to think about it, it was overly confusing to him. It didn’t make sense. What if he worked there? Then it also would be possible that Minho was gay too. But that’s something Jisung never would’ve taken to consideration. On the other hand, it would explain why Minho had been so mad at Minhyung for insulting them, though. Still, it didn’t fit into Jisung’s picture. 

Maybe he should ask Minho about it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel very bad for making the other members say homophobic stuff :((   
> but their view regarding that topic will change, that's all i can say
> 
> see you in two weeks~
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	9. secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, how are you? i hope you're fine.  
> last week had been very rough for all of us. i was surprised that i managed to finish this chapter almost on time.  
> sorry for the one-day-delay.  
> before you start reading i want to assure you that Woojin will still be part of this fanfic, until the very end.  
> i hope it cheers you up a little bit, have fun reading <3

„Hey, you wanna go to the cinema?”

Jisung was surprised when that question was directed at him. Why would Minho want to go to the cinema with Jisung out of all people? No, why would Minho ask a person to join him to the cinema? Minho was the type of person who would go watch movies alone. It was weird that he asked only Jisung, no one else. It would be only the two of them. 

Which is why Jisung reacted the way he did. “ _With you?_ No, thanks.”

Minho clicked with his tongue. “Jisung, it’s my thing to be sarcastic and mean.”

“Hey! I’m as sarcastic as you are. It’s not like you invented sarcasm.”

“Maybe you’re right about this part but you’re not mean. You’re too nice for that,” Minho countered and looked at him with his head slightly tilted to the right. Was that a… compliment? From Minho? It made Jisung feel weird. He was - kind of - flattered but the fact that he was feeling that way, woke a weird emotion inside Jisung, because it was Minho who had complimented him. 

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m too nice for this world.” Jisung sighed dramatically and his face broke into a wide smile. “What movie do you wanna watch?” 

“’The Fox With Nine Tails’.”

Jisung made a surprised sound. “Isn’t that a love movie? I didn’t expect you to be into that kind of stuff.”

“Is it? I didn’t really read the summary of the plot. I thought the poster looked cool,” Minho explained and he seemed as confused as Jisung was. 

“I mean, we can still watch it,” Jisung suggested and trailed off. Why was it making him shy? He was just asking Minho to watch a romantic movie, that’s it. 

“Alright, but let’s get burgers first. I’ll treat you,” Minho said and got up from Jisung’s bed he had sat down, right after he had entered Jisung’s and Felix’ room.

“Okay, this is getting too much. Why are you so nice to me?” Jisung asked suspiciously and looked up to Minho. 

“I…” Minho began and was searching for words. “I just want to make up for breaking your leg.”

“You didn’t break my leg, geez. How often do I have to tell you that?” Jisung groaned and got up with the help of Minho who gave him his crutches. 

“You can tell it me as much as you want, I will still feel guilty for pushing you, mentally not physically.” 

“You’re so stubborn, I can’t,” Jisung grumbled, yet he accepted Minho’s help when they went downstairs. Only three weeks left, then he would be able to walk on his own without any help. He didn’t like to rely on others, it made him feel like a burden. 

Chan drove them to a restaurant which was located next to the cinema and they found a nice table at a window. It was Jisung’s first time here, so he didn’t really know what to order, he just ordered the same thing as Minho. Jisung wondered where Minho had the money from to pay for their meal. Was he getting a lot of pocket money? But, no, that couldn’t be the case. Minho and his parents were on bad terms, weren’t they? Jisung didn’t think that his parents would support him financially when that was the case. So, was Minho working? But he seemed to be at the dance studio all the time. Maybe he was giving dance lessons?

And then Jisung remembered what the others had told him days ago. That Minho wasn’t at the dance studio all the time but at a gay bar to work there. Jisung had wanted to ask Minho about it but he never had dared to. There had been plenty of moments to ask him but Jisung had brushed it off every time, _maybe next time, it’s not the right moment_. But when was the right moment? 

Jisung looked at Minho who was looking out of the window with a soft smile on his lips. He looked so content. Of course, Jisung was curious, but asking him might ruin his mood. Maybe it was just an accusation after all. Maybe Minho was really at the studio all the time. 

The ending credits were playing and Jisung just felt misplaced. The movie had been a love movie after all. Watching a romance bloom on screen while sitting next to Minho had been just weird. Jisung didn’t know how to act, he had been extra careful with his words because he didn’t want to ask Minho about the gay bar accidentally. Sometimes his mouth was faster than his head which is why Jisung had been so reserved and quiet compared to his usual behavior.  
At the restaurant it had been more bearable because they had been eating. They also had chatted a little bit after they had finished but it had been their usual bickering, nothing too serious.

They were waiting for Chan outside the cinema. It was uncomfortably quiet.

“Thank you for today,” Jisung quietly said and gave Minho a small smile.

“You don’t have to thank me,” Minho said back and returned his smile for a brief moment. “But you’re hiding something from me, right? You’re so… quiet.”

“Are you calling me a noisy bitch?” Jisung asked and grinned, trying to hide his panic. Why was he always so obvious?

“Maybe,” Minho chuckled but then became serious again. “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to. I don’t want to force you to do anything. Just- Just tell me when you’re ready, okay?”

Maybe this was the right moment? “Minho, are you-“ 

Jisung was about to ask when a car honking interrupted him. It was Chan in his car with his windows rolled down. “Get in, children!”

\--

Just like that Jisung had missed his opportunity to ask Minho. It had been the right moment and it wouldn’t just come back. Jisung gave up on getting another opportunity, he would just wait until Minho tells it himself. That meant that he probably had to wait forever. 

It was a regular Tuesday with rather boring theoretical classes, when Jisung went to the library to make copies of a book he had to read. If he wasn’t on crutches, it wouldn’t take him that long. His wrists hurt when he _finally_ arrived at the library. Luckily one of the other students opened the door for him. Jisung remembered her name to be Sooyoung. She was a Dance Major and friends with Jiwoo who was in most of his classes, that’s why Jisung knew her. He thanked her and went inside. 

Jisung was about to walk to the Music section in the library when he noticed Chan and Changbin sitting in a corner, talking to each other. He was about to scream a “hello” at them but then he remembered that he was in a library, so he walked over to their table. They hadn’t noticed him yet, so they continued talking. By then Jisung was so close that he could make out their words. The strange thing was, they weren’t talking in Korean. If Jisung understood it correctly, they were talking in English. Or mostly it was Chan talking and Changbin repeating words here and there. 

“What is… this?” Jisung asked when he was close enough for Chan and Changbin to notice him. Changbin visibly flinched. 

“I can explain!” Changbin said in a panicked voice and got up from his seat.

Chan, on the other hand, remained sitting. “I’m giving Changbin English lessons, so he can apologize to Felix in English.”

Jisung squealed which made the librarian shush him quiet. “That’s so cute,” Jisung whispered and giggled. He took the free seat next to Chan and grinned at Changbin. “You do really care about Felix.”

Changbin’s cheeks became red. “Could you please keep it to yourself? I want it to be a surprise.”

“Yeah, sure. My lips are sealed,” Jisung turned an invisible lock on his mouth. “How’s it going? Are you an English god yet?”

Changbin snorted. “Nah, I’m not.”

“But he’s getting there. He’s a good learner,” Chan said and patted Changbin’s hand that was resting on the table. The compliment made Changbin made smile widely.

“I have a motivation to study, that’s why it’s going so well. Also, I’m not planning on becoming a fluent English speaker. I just want to learn some sentences to apologize to Felix and understand him sometimes, so he doesn’t have to talk to Chan about his problems all the time.”

“Not that I mind,” Chan chimed in and wrote something down on his sheet of paper. 

“Changbin minds, though. He’s jelly,” Jisung sung the last word and poked Changbin’s upper arm with his pointing finger. 

Changbin grumbled, his cheeks as red as before. He didn’t even deny what Jisung had said. “You talked to Minho, didn’t you?”

“Of course, he did. These two are like Siamese twins,” Chan teased Jisung.

“We’re not!” Jisung said back and pouted. Were they really sticking to each other that much? “Anyways, when are you gonna move back in?”

“Soon,” Changbin said. “Maybe next week.”

“Why not now?” Chan asked and had a slightly disappointed frown on his face.

“I don’t feel ready yet. I want to return when I’m good in English. Otherwise it will be just awkward if I return and keep not talking to Felix.”

“I mean, you could just return and apologize to him in Korean,” Jisung suggested. “Felix misses you a lot.”

Changbin sighed. “I know and I miss him too. But I want to show him that I really care.”

“In the end it’s your decision on how to apologize,” Chan said and Jisung nodded in agreement. In Jisung’s eyes it would be better if Changbin moved back in now and apologized to Felix, but Chan was right. Changbin had to make that decision.

\--

The next day Jisung was on his way to the university when Jeongin joined him halfway through.

“Oh, Jisung. Didn’t you leave the house half an hour ago? How could I catch you up? I just left ten minutes ago…” Jeongin said and looked at Jisung with big, confused eyes. 

“Jeongin, I’m literally on crutches,” Jisung deadpanned. 

“Right, haha…” Jeongin giggled awkwardly. “How much longer do you have to have to wear the cast?”

“Around three weeks but I’m going to a check-up today, maybe I’ll get rid of it sooner,” Jisung answered. 

Jeongin hummed and they continued to walk together in silence. It was still warm outside but it was slowly getting colder. It wasn’t cold enough that you had to wear a jacket but you had to change your shorts to long pants. Shorts were easier to put on for Jisung because of his cast, so he was still wearing them, unlike Jeongin who was in jeans. 

“Jisung?” Jeongin suddenly broke the silence and he sounded quite conflicted.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t wanna study Educational Science anymore. I never wanted to study it but I didn’t want to disappoint my parents,” Jeongin sighed and looked down on the stones of the path they were walking on. 

“And you’re asking me for advice?” Jisung tried to clarify. 

“Yes, you are studying something you’re actually interested in, no matter if it pleases your parents or not,” Jeongin said and sighed deeply. 

“It wasn’t an easy decision to make, though.”

“But in the end, you did it. And I want to as well,” Jeongin told him and he sounded determined. 

“Please, think careful about this, okay? I’m not here to stop you, I’m obviously the last person to do that. But I want you to think about it because it’s a big decision to make,” Jisung said and remembered how anxious he had been when he had applied to the university for Music and not Medicine. What if his parents had caught him? What if he had been trapped forever in a life he wasn’t happy with?

“I will think about it but I’m relatively sure that I want to do it. I don’t want to be stuck doing something I don’t find joy in. I don’t want to pretend,” Jeongin explained.

“Ooh, our Jeonginnie sounds all grown up,” Jisung laughed and stopped walking for a moment, so he could pat Jeongin’s back. 

“Hey, I’m not that much younger than you! You’re acting like I’m 12 or something.”

“In my eyes you’re as innocent as a 12-year-old.”

Jeongin opened his mouth to protest again but decided otherwise. “So, uhm, could you keep this a secret for now? As long as I’m still thinking about it?”

“Yeah, sure,” Jisung said. “And now please open the door for me or I’ll collapse trying to do so.”

\--

“Hey, mom. How are you doing?” Jisung was on the phone in a hospital, waiting for his turn. While he and Woojin, who had accompanied him, were waiting, Jisung had decided to call his mom. He had had to promise her when he had moved out, that he would call her at least once a week.

“Oh, Jisungie. I’m fine. Where are you calling from?”

“From the hospital. I’m here for a check-up.”

“Because of your foot? Does it hurt? Are you okay?”

Jisung laughed quietly. “Mom, I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt. The cast is just uncomfortable.”

“Alright then. I hope you’re not alone.”

“No, no. Woojin, a friend of mine, is here with me.”

“He must be a good guy.” His mom chuckled. “How’s university?”

Jisung hesitated for a second. “Fine. Lots of homework but I can handle it.”

“There are so many terms in Medicine you have to study, right? I can imagine how hard it is.”

“Uh-huh.” Jisung didn’t deepen the topic and switched to another one quickly. “How’s Dad?”

After Jisung had ended the call, it hadn’t taken long until it was his turn. The examination had been over in a few minutes and now Jisung and Woojin were sitting in the car of the latter. 

“I can’t believe I’m getting rid of this thing earlier than expected,” Jisung sighed happily while he looked outside the window. 

“That’s really nice,” Woojin commented and sounded genuine. 

“Thank you for coming with me,” Jisung said and turned his face to Woojin. 

“No need to thank me. That’s what friends are for, right?” Woojin’s words made Jisung’s chest fill with warmth. Woojin truly was a good friend. And he gave good advice, really good advice. So, now Jisung basically had the chance to get good advice from Woojin which is why he started to think about all his current problems and how Woojin could help him.

“Do people often ask you for advice?” Jisung asked out of curiosity while he was still thinking. 

“I guess? I don’t mind it, though.”

“And how do you give such good advice that people keep asking you for it?”

“Are you asking me right now for advice on giving advice?” Woojin laughed. “I don’t know, I just say what I think.”

“When I say what I think it most likely ends in a disaster,” Jisung stated and scratched the back of his head. 

“Well, that’s true,” Woojin stated and snorted at Jisung’s scandalized reaction. “Why are you asking?”

“Lately people ask me to keep their secrets, in particular Jeongin asked me for advice on something I can’t let you know. And I don’t really know if… I was any help or I can keep their secrets in general.”

“Why? Do you like gossip that much?”

“No, it’s just… for example: If I reveal one of the secrets I could make a person very happy,” Jisung carefully explained. “But then I would make another person sad, _if_ I’ll tell it.” 

“Hm, that’s a difficult situation. But if you promised to keep the secret, then you should keep it,” Woojin said. 

“You’re right,” Jisung agreed and then went for another question. “Another thing. It’s about Minho and the thing… the others said about him.”

Jisung noticed how Woojin tensed up. He breathed out of his nose loudly. “I can’t say anything about it. It’s just a rumor.”

“I know that you can’t confirm anything. I wanted to ask him myself. Is that a good or bad idea?” Jisung asked and saw how Woojin’s tense grip loosened up a bit.

“It might be a bad idea. I don’t know how he will react.”

“That’s also my issue. If he wasn’t so unpredictable, I would’ve asked him on the very same day,” Jisung sighed. “But do you think it’s realistic for him to work in such a bar?”

Woojin was quiet for a while before he spoke up to give Jisung an answer. “I don’t think that it’s impossible.”

So, Woojin thought that it was possible. And the thing was, Jisung thought so too. It didn’t seem unlikely. Minho hadn’t made any homophobic remarks as long as Jisung had known him. 

“If I were you, I wouldn’t ask him, to be honest. I would wait until he tells it himself,” Woojin then said, as a final answer to Jisung’s question. And Jisung decided to follow his advice.

\--

Two weeks later and Jisung was rushing upstairs without the help of his crutches. They had taken his cast off in the hospital and even though the doctor had advised him to still use the crutches for a few more days, Jisung wanted to surprise Minho. His foot hurt slightly from the sudden burden but he ignored it. He could bear this for a few minutes, just to make Minho feel good again. Jisung didn’t want Minho to feel guilty anymore. 

“Minho, look! I can walk again-“ Jisung enthusiastically screamed when he slammed the door to Minho’s room. But the reaction he got was something he hadn’t expected. In fact, he didn’t get any reaction at all. Instead Jisung interrupted Minho at doing _something_.

Minho was kissing a girl on his bed.

Jisung paled. All the blood had left his face. It felt like a punch into his stomach. This was so unexpected, it made Jisung’s heart drop. Minho looked with wide eyes at Jisung, it felt peculiar looking at his friend after catch him kissing a girl in his room.

His shock state lasted only for one second, a brief moment. And then his shock turned into anger, hot, boiling anger. How could Minho do that? He was breaking a rule! He had lied to Chan, he had misused his trust. Jisung had thought of Minho as a nice person but he must’ve been wrong.

“Minho, how could you?!” Jisung yelled at Minho who jumped off his bed. 

Minho was visibly panicking. His pupils were shaking and his lips was slightly quivering. “Jisung, it’s not what it looks like!”

“Oh, is that all you have to say? That’s such a cliché thing to say,” Jisung scoffed and stepped closer to Minho. He weakly punched his chest. “How could you lie to Chan all the time? I thought you were a nice person!”

“Jisung, I-“

“No, shut up. You’re gonna lie to me, too, and misuse my trust as well,” Jisung said through clenched teeth but his voice started to shake towards the end. Fuck, he didn’t want to cry. Why would he cry over something like this?

Minho grabbed Jisung’s shoulders. “Jisung, please listen to me. I know, you’re probably not going to believe me. I kissed my friend because she wanted to practice kissing.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t believe you.” Jisung was getting furious. “That’s such a stupid excuse. Do you really think I’m that stupid?”

“I don’t think you’re stupid. Jisung, I-“ Minho began but stopped. He sighed deeply, breathed in and then said just one, simple sentence.

“I’m gay.”

Jisung stopped punching Minho and the world stopped spinning. Jisung must’ve misheard Minho. This couldn’t be the thing Minho had said. Minho and gay? As unbelievable, no sudden, this information was, it couldn’t be an excuse, a lie, right? Minho wouldn’t lie about something like this, right? If Minho had wanted to tell him a believable excuse to get rid of him, he wouldn’t had said something like this. Jisung’s thoughts were running wild. If that was true, then the rumor that Minho worked at a gay bar would make more sense now. 

“Jisung? Please say something.” Minho sounded so vulnerable, it broke Jisung’s heart. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to say,” Jisung truthfully said and looked at his feet. He was wearing the sock that had a hole in it. The hole was sewed up. Jisung turned to look at Minho’s friend who was still sitting on Minho’s bed. “Did she know it?”

“Clearly. Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked him to kiss me. If he was straight, he would’ve probably fallen for me and my beauty after kissing me,” the girl said and flipped her hair back. 

“Definitely,” Minho said dryly, after he had rolled his eyes.

“Why did you tell it to her and not me? I thought we were friends,” Jisung pouted and he hated how the feeling of betrayal was nagging on him on the inside.

“Oh, you didn’t ask me. If you did so, I would’ve told you,” Minho said bluntly.

“What? Really?” Jisung looked back at Minho’s friend. “Did you ask him?”

“Yup.” She popped the “p” and grinned. “I mean, it was quite obvious.”

“Obvious? It’s not obvious at all!” Jisung was truly confused. It had never been obvious to Jisung that Minho was gay. Otherwise he wouldn’t had been _that_ surprised.

“Maybe it’s because of my gaydar,” she chuckled.

“What’s a gaydar?”

“It’s when non-straight people can see who’s queer and who’s not,” Minho’s friend explained while Minho himself just sighed seemingly annoyed. 

“I think it’s bullshit,” Minho commented, almost in a sulky tone.

“It’s not my fault that your gaydar is broken!” The girl laughed and got up from the bed. “Anyways, I gotta go. See you tomorrow, idiot.” She jokingly slapped Minho’s ass and left the room.

“Yeah, bye,” Minho waved after her lazily. 

Jisung was still processing all the new information when he realized something. “Wait, is she gay too?”

“Nah, she’s bi,” Minho replied and sat back down on his bed. Bi? Jisung had heard of it before but he had never met someone bisexual. He also hadn’t met an open gay person in his whole life. Well, until now. Jisung also sat down next to Minho and sent him a soft smile.

“I know what to say now,” he said and Minho raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m glad that you trust me enough to tell me about your sexuality. I’m… proud of you.” 

“Jeez,” Minho chuckled and looked at the ceiling with pink cheeks.

“I have a question, though. Do your parents know about it? And what about Chan?” 

The smile disappeared of Minho’s face. “Chan knows it. And my parents? My parents… they know it as well.” Minho made a brief pause, then he finally looked at Jisung. His eyes looked so sad. “It’s the reason they threw me out of their house.”

Without thinking much, Jisung pulled Minho in a tight hug. Was that why Minho and his parents were on bad terms? Poor Minho. “I’m so sorry to hear that. It must’ve been so hard.” 

Minho sighed so deeply, his whole body shook hardly as he gripped onto Jisung’s shoulders. He pressed his nose against Jisung’s collarbone. Jisung gently stroked his back and tried to calm him down. He had never seen Minho like that. Jisung kept seeing new sides of Minho today and it made his heart tremble. Minho had finally opened up to him or at least he had done it a little bit. He had opened the door to his true self. It was just a crack, the door wasn’t fully open yet, but Jisung could wait. He couldn’t believe that Minho trusted him so much. 

Minho rubbed his cheeks when he let off Jisung. There were wet stains on his cheeks and his eyes were slightly red. Suddenly Minho got shy from his outburst and avoided Jisung’s gaze again. 

“Another question: Do you work at a gay bar?” Jisung suddenly asked. Maybe it wasn’t the perfect moment to ask that but it wasn’t a bad moment either. 

Minho looked surprised at him. “I do. Where did you get that information?”

“Uhm… The others have suspected it because they found your nametag,” Jisung awkwardly explained and he could see how Minho’s heart literally dropped. “But they aren’t entirely sure of that. They also said that they don’t think you’re gay.”

“Why would I work there then if I wasn’t gay?” Minho snorted and played with his bedsheet. He kept tugging at the fabric.

“They said that you get good money there because you’re handsome.”

“Oh, did you just call me handsome?” Minho teased him and leaned a bit closer to Jisung to give him a shit-eating grin. 

“No, I-“ Jisung stammered. Why was he so flustered suddenly?

“So, you don’t think I’m good-looking?” 

“That’s not- Oh, shut up,” Jisung groaned and hid his face in his hands. Minho giggled in response. 

“I forgot to say it but I’m glad you’re not wearing that cast anymore,” Minho then switched the topic. “It kept reminding me of what I did.”

“How many times to I have to tell you that it wasn’t-“ Jisung began but Minho didn’t let him talk him any more. He started to tickle him and Jisung started screaming in a highpitched tone while laughing at the same time. This time Minho didn’t torture him for too long. He just let off him and laughed and Jisung joined. And maybe then Jisung told him about how he had caught Chan teaching Changbin English and how Jeongin wanted to change his major and they kept talking and talking while the sun and the moon switched their positions and stars decorated the sky, until they both eventually fell asleep on Minho’s bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't really like this chapter but what's new lmao  
> anyways, tysm for all the kudos and sweet words you sent me~
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	10. electricity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello,  
> i'm back with another chapter. it's insane how many comments the last chapter got.  
> i couldn't stop smiling, you are the cutest!! <3  
> i'll try to reply to all of them tomorrow~
> 
> have fun reading :>

Jisung felt warm when he woke up. He hadn’t a blanket resting on top of him. Instead, it was Minho’s head, laying on his chest. Jisung didn’t know how to react. It was the second time he had fallen asleep next to Minho and the latter had been touching Jisung when the sun had gone up. It was comfortable and yet, uncomfortable at the same time. Jisung was still wearing jeans, the heavy material was digging into the skin of his lower abdomen. But at the same time, Jisung didn’t mind it _that_ much because the position with Minho laying on top of him and the sun shining through the curtains, was very comforting. 

Skinship was something Jisung loved a lot. But fulfilling his desire of other’s touch was difficult if you were a guy. Society told you to be hard and not vulnerable if you were a man. Crying and hugging others for no reasons, _just because_ , was seen as vulnerability, and Jisung hated it. So fucking much. He wanted to lean into touches, gentle pats on his head or back, to make them last just a little bit longer. Of course, there were those times where Felix and Jisung had been cuddling in their beds but it had been happening in the dark.  
So, having Minho resting his head on his chest made Jisung feel content. Feeling Minho’s weight made Jisung warm up on the inside. 

Jisung looked at the crown of Minho’s head, the strands of black hair. It looked shiny but Jisung didn’t dare to touch it. He remembered how Minho had once said that he didn’t like skinship. Oh, the irony. In the end, it was both times Minho who had indicated skinship. Maybe Minho was just a victim of society and actually was loving skinship just as much as Jisung did. 

When Jisung thought about yesterday’s conversation, he remembered the feeling of surprise filling him up. It was more of a positive kind. At first, it was disbelief. Minho being gay was something Jisung had never expected. Now, when Jisung thought about it, it was silly that he was so surprised about this. He hadn’t assumed Minho’s sexuality before, so why he had been so surprised? Or maybe he had assumed it, without knowing it. He had felt like the only person who wasn’t straight, so that meant that he had assumed the others to be straight.  
Jisung sighed quietly. He felt dumb because of this.

On the other hand, Jisung felt a little bit proud that Minho trusted him enough to tell him about it. The trust was so big that Minho embraced him in his sleep. Jisung could tease him about it, about how Minho would cuddle Jisung in his sleep even though he told them that he didn’t like the touch of others. But if Jisung did that then maybe Minho would be more careful in his sleep. 

Jisung’s relationship to Minho was kind of strange. There was always a hint of uncertainty in the air when he was around Minho. Could Jisung ask Minho this or that? What kind of friends were they? Friends but not really friends? Good friends or best friends or even soulmates? The last option made Jisung cringe a little bit. The name was a little bit too cheesy for Jisung. In Jisung’s eyes, there was no such a thing like soulmates. How would something like this possible? Of course, it’s a wonderful concept. Who didn’t want to have someone you could trust and rely on entirely because you know that they understand you? Someone, whose soul is linked to yours. 

Jisung exhaled and looked back at Minho. His chest was rising and falling. Even though Jisung couldn’t see the other’s face, it must look peaceful. Minho had so many sides to him, he never failed to surprise Jisung. He was so fascinating, Jisung just wanted to dig deeper into him to get to know every bit of him. 

The thought made Jisung sit up quickly, so quickly that Minho dropped off his chest. Jisung got a groan in response for his sudden movement. He turned slightly around, just to have a look of Minho’s face which was a little puffy. 

“What are you doing here?” Minho asked confused and rubbed his eyes. 

“We were talking last night and then we both fell asleep on your bed,” Jisung explained. 

Minho just made an understanding sound, something like a hum, and grabbed his pillow to hug it. “Anyways, what time is it?”

Jisung glanced at the clock on the desk. “It’s time for breakfast.”

For a moment Minho blankly started at the ceiling before he swung his legs out of the bed. “Then let’s go.” 

After Jisung had finished his food, he stayed at the table to talk a little bit with the others or rather, to listen to them. It’s strange that Minho hadn’t made any comment regarding the fact that Jisung had slept on his bed. Normally the other would have been annoyed by it, Jisung assumed. 

Jisung looked over to Felix and Changbin who were giggling like idiots. The latter had moved back in two days ago, after he had apologized to Felix. The same night Felix had gushed about how sweet Changbin had been and how much he appreciated that Changbin learned English for him. Jisung was glad that they were back to normal. Felix was his bright self again, as if he had never been filled with sadness before. 

\--

It was night and of course was Jisung sitting at his desk, writing lyrics. It was going quite well lately, his writer’s block had left him alone weeks ago. Jisung’s was doodling a little bit on the corner of the sheet of paper. Circles turned into tornados. 

Jisung kept thinking about Minho’s words, confession. That his sexuality was the reason his parents had kicked him out. It was scary and maybe a little bit egoistic, to think about what would happen if Jisung’s parents would find out that Jisung wasn’t into girls. Would they abandon him as well? Would they stop sending him little gifts from home? Would they stop calling him? 

The tornados became black holes. 

Jisung couldn’t imagine how hard it must had been for Minho. He didn’t know how their relationship had been. A small sigh left Jisung’s lips. This whole thing explained a little bit Minho’s behavior, the way he never let anyone come close to him. _“I don’t like skinship.”_ He probably didn’t want to get hurt again. 

Yet, Mihno hugs Jisung in his sleep and trusts him to a certain extent.

Jisung stopped moving his pen. _This_ made him feel weird. He swallowed hardly. Jisung didn’t like how the thought made his insides tingle. It felt all too familiar. 

To distract himself from the feeling, Jisung continued deepening the black hole. As a homework, he had to write lyrics about home and he had already thrown some ideas onto the paper. Maybe it was too depressing, the associations he had with the word “home”. Warm and comfort were usually the words people thought of when they thought of their home but Jisung couldn’t say that for himself. He didn’t feel like he had a home. Sure, he had his parents’ house that he would call his home when he was talking to others, but he didn’t feel warmth or comfort when he thought about the small, blue house in Incheon.  
It was different about the boarding house. It more felt like a home to Jisung. He felt secure here. But still, even though he called it his home, something was missing. Jisung still had to hide that one part of himself. A part, Minho had exposed to Jisung. It seemed impossible to Jisung to do the same. Maybe Minho was able to do it because he hadn’t anything to lose. Maybe Minho hadn’t something he could call home either? 

The black hole turned into a real hole in the paper. The ink had bled through the material and now Jisung stabbed the table with his pen. When his pen hit the wood, Jisung stopped moving. He really had to stop. Jisung tossed his pen aside and moved over to his bed to lie down.

\--

“What do you wanna do for our birthdays?” Jisung asked Felix while they were walking back home from university. They were talking slowly because Jisung still had to use his crutches for a bit even though he could walk on his own. He shouldn’t strain it.

“I wanna do something else than just chilling in the living room while stuffing ourselves with junk food. I want to something special,” Jisung said and his eyes started sparkling at his last sentence. He had thought about for the past days. He had known that his and Felix’ birthday were approaching, there were only a few weeks left. “How about we go to a karaoke booth?”

“Oh!” Felix seemed surprised by his idea but not in a bad way or at first it looked like it. But then Felix’ smile dropped. “But I can’t sing.”

“Felix, that doesn’t matter! It’s just for fun,” Jisung explained. “Also, I’m not a good singer myself.” 

“I don’t believe you. Don’t you have to be able to sing when you’re studying Music?”

“No, not really. It can be beneficial but not necessary… So, what do you think about the karaoke booth?”

“Hmm,” Felix thought about it and then turned to Jisung. “I think it’s a great idea. I think Changbin and Chan will like it as well. You know, when they are making music, they sometimes add their own singing. They are really good. Maybe you should join them.”

Jisung chuckled, excitement was bubbling inside him. “I already thought about it. Chan had already invited me to their attic since it’s finally not as hot anymore.”

“He invited you to the attic? I never got invited,” Felix pouted. 

Jisung cooed. “Okay, once I get into their cool music-making-club, I’ll smuggle you into it, okay?” 

A giggle left Felix’ lips when Jisung had proposed the idea. “Okay, then try your best on getting into the club. I’ll count on you.”

\--

Jisung was sprawled out on the couch in the living room and stared at the tv. He was so bored, it was unbearable. There was nothing interesting on the tv and the rubix cube in front of him on the table made Jisung feel stupid. Reading wasn’t also his thing, so Jisung had just decided to embrace the boredom. 

Just when Jisung thought he would die out of boredom, right now, right here, Minho ran down the stairs. “Oh, thank god. You’re my savior!” Jisung screamed out of joy and jumped off the couch to walk over to Minho who stopped walking to give Jisung a judging look. He was dressed in all black, black jogs and black shirt. That would mean one thing. 

“What do you mean?” Minho asked confusedly but then shook his head. “You know what? I don’t have time for your answer. I have to go to practice.”

Minho was about to walk away but Jisung grabbed him by his shoulders. “Can I please come with you? I’m so _bored_ ,” Jisung pleaded in a whiny tone and stretched out the last word. 

Minho looked for an answer in Jisung’s eyes before he sighed deeply. “Okay, you can. But please don’t distract me. Just act like… you’re air, okay?”

“I’ll try!” Jisung said back and beamed at Minho for allowing him to go with him to practice. 

“Air doesn’t talk,” Minho commented but grabbed Jisung’s wrist anyway, to drag him out. 

Jisung was laying on the floor and watched Minho practice. He knew that Minho was a great dancer but _this_ was just beyond his expectations. Minho’s movements were so smooth, yet powerful and sharp when he wanted to set accents. It was absolutely mesmerizing. Jisung wasn’t even able to eat the kimbap they had bought on their way to the dance studio. His mouth was constantly opened in awe. He propped his head on both his hands while he lied on his stomach, slightly wiggling with his feet in the air. 

They had been there for over an hour, when Minho walked over to Jisung, leaned down to him and opened his mouth, showing Jisung that he wants kimbap. Jisung snickered and took one slice of kimbap out of the foil and put it in Minho’s mouth. Minho munched happily on the food and leaned against the wall, still looking at Jisung. His black hair was sticking to his sweaty forehead, his cheeks were flushed and yet, Minho still looked very attractive. Jisung wondered how Minho’s eyes could always be so sparkly. They were always shining when he looked at Jisung.

“Are you having fun?” Minho asked and sat down to be on the same level as Jisung. 

“Yes, thank you so much for bringing me with yourself to your practice. It was so boring at home.” Jisung stumbled over the word “home”. It reminded him to that one night, connected to the thoughts he had. “You’re so good at dancing, it’s incredible.”

“I know,” Minho bluntly said but Jisung still noticed how his ears turned red. It made Jisung’s heart flip. 

“Did you consider on joining dance contests? You could get money with it. Then you wouldn’t have to work at the bar anymore,” Jisung asked and sat up to sit on his butt. 

“I… thought about it but I don’t know. I don’t feel like I’m good enough yet,” Minho explained and drew invisible circles on the floor with his finger tip.

“What are you talking about?” Jisung asked outraged. Minho couldn’t be serious! “You dance like a fucking god. You would win that competition without shedding a simple drop of sweat!”

Minho chokes on his own spit and starts coughing. “Jisung, you’re exaggerating. _Stop._ ” He laughed in between coughs while Jisung rubbed his back to make him calm down. When he finally stopped, Minho continued talking. “I know that I’m good but I don’t know if I’m good enough.” 

“Okay, then how about you just try it out? What can you possibly lose?”

“My confidence?” Minho said quietly and his smile broke. 

“Noo, no no no,” Jisung said and scooted closer to Minho. “You won’t lose your confidence because I will still be there and tell you how brilliant you are.”

Minho snorted and Jisung was proud about how he had made the other smile again. “Jesus, you’re so cheesy.” 

“I hope you’re not lactose-intolerant,” Jisung said back and winked at Minho.

Minho made gagging sounds. “I’m never taking you with me to practice ever again.” 

“Okay, okay, I’ll go back to being to air,” Jisung quickly said and raised his hands in defense. 

\--

“Let’s party!” Jisung yelled as soon as he opened the door of the karaoke booth. Colorful lights were greeting him. The other followed him. Woojin muttered under his breath “Jesus Christ”, realizing what he had gotten himself into. They sat down on the couches and Jisung happened to end up sitting next to Jeongin. 

“Let the birthday kids sing first,” Chan said and looked expectantly at Jisung and Felix. Jisung showed Felix with his hand to go first, he wanted to talk to Jeongin first. He hadn’t had a chance to the past days. 

Jisung leaned over to Jeongin who was laughing at something Changbin had said. “Hey, how are you doing?”

“Good,” Jeongin softly said and smiled to himself, before he looked directly at Jisung. “Very good, actually. I decided to take a risk and change my major. I… even told my parents.”

Jisung gasped. “Really? How did they react?”

“They took it well, surprisingly,” Jeongin happily said. 

“Ohh, that’s great! I’m so happy for you!” Jisung said and pulled Jeongin in a tight hug. The latter made a surprised sound but returned the hug nevertheless. 

Jisung still got the chance to listen to Felix singing after they had loosened up their hug. He had a soft voice, he wasn’t singing loudly but Jisung still could make out it. He sounded lovely.  
When his friend finished singing, Jisung jumped off his seat.

“And you said you can’t sing, what the fuck, Felix!” Jisung screamed and ran over to Felix to jump excitedly around him. Felix got all shy but joined Jisung and jumped around as well, when Jisung took both of his hands. 

It was then Jisung’s turn to sing. He turned around to look at Chan and Changbin. “Consider this my audition for your cool music-making-attic-club. This is for you.” Jisung chose a really hard song with plenty of high notes. He wanted to show everyone how good he actually was. He smashed out every note and hit every single note perfectly.

And he indeed showed everyone how good he was. Jisung impressed everyone with his singing abilities. Changbin was screaming how good he is and Chan just walked over to him to give him a handshake, accepting him into the “club”. Behind him Felix was yelling: “ _’I’m not a good singer’_ , my ass. What the fuck, Jisung!”

Everyone sang one song by his own and then they began to pair up and then they mixed those pairs also up. It went on and on, and hours kept passing without them noticing. In the middle Seungmin and Hyunjin had left the room, just to come back with a birthday cake with lightened candles on top of it. Felix and Jisung had blown out the candles together after they had made wishes. Jisung had just wanted this moment to last forever. 

But eventually it had to come to an end and it was time for the last song. Even though there were only two mics, they decided to sing together. They looked through the songs, trying to find the perfect song. 

“Oh, they already have J.Y. Park’s song here? Didn’t he have his debut like… two weeks ago?” Chan asked surprised and almost clicked on the song but Minho yanked the remoter out of his hands.

“We’re not going to sing ‘Blue City’,” Minho said and continued to scroll through the songs. “I don’t like this guy.”

“I don’t know why but me too…” Felix muttered and scratched the back of his head. 

In the end they decided on a trot song and Jeongin absolutely stole the show. 

“If we won’t be the new Seo Taiji and Boys, then I don’t know,” Chan laughed while they picked up their trash and got ready to leave. They all really had nice singing voices, it had surprised Jisung a lot. 

After all, this was the best birthday Jisung had ever had.

\--

Jisung was still on a high, even two days after their party in the karaoke booth. He was currently writing lyrics for a song Chan had shown him. He and Changbin had been working on it for the past days. It was really good and Jisung was already excited to hear the end result of it. For the first time Jisung wasn’t writing lyrics sitting in his room. Instead, Jisung was sitting on the floor in the living room with the others. It was already dark outside and the tv was on, like it almost always was. Their happy chatting may distracted Jisung a little bit from writing but it also inspired him. Being around his friends was showing different sides to this world to Jisung and it actually helped him with his lyrics. 

He was happily scribbling on his paper when the light suddenly went off, as well as the tv. Hyunjin, who was also there to pay them a visit, began whining because, apparently, he was scared of the dark. Seungmin had to pat his back to make his friend calm down. Chan got up and went to look for candles. If he hadn’t told them of his plans, Jisung probably wouldn’t had noticed that he was gone because it was _that_ dark. 

It didn’t take him long to come back with candles and matches. Jeongin helped him lighting the candles and placing them in the living room. Chan then suggested, mostly to make Hyunjin feel a little more at ease, to turn this into a pajama party. They all went upstairs with candles in their hands, changed into their pajamas and grabbed blankets and pillows. Hyunjin borrowed pajamas of Seungmin.

Jisung was about to go downstairs with Felix who was holding a candle for both of them, when Minho stopped him from doing so. He was also holding a candle, so Jisung stayed.

“What is it?” Jisung asked and looked confused at Minho. The other was wearing the shirt with the cat on it. Jisung hadn’t seen it in a while. 

“I… want to give you your birthday present… kind of,” Minho explained and Jisung could make out a smile on the face of his friend. 

“But, Minho, you don’t have to. Also, my birthday was days ago. I’m sorry but I have to inform you that you’re kinda late,” Jisung teased the other and laughed quietly when Minho groaned.

“That’s why I call it ‘kind of birthday present’,” Minho underlined. “So, I wanted to invite you to the bar I’m working at.”

Jisung paused for a moment. He was about to say _“But you know that I’m not-“_ but Jisung didn’t even finish that thought. He wouldn’t lie like that into Minho’s face again. Minho, who had told him he was gay. He would be the last person to judge Jisung and the latter knew that. Also, Minho must suspect it if he suggests Jisung to go to a gay bar. Jisung couldn’t say “no”. If he was being honest, he was curious how it would be there. 

“Okay, sounds good,” Jisung said after thinking about it for a bit and he noticed how Minho let a small sigh out of relief.

“Great, I have a shift tomorrow, so we can go together,” Minho said and Jisung just hummed before he followed the other downstairs. Jisung was a bit distracted by his rapid heartbeat. Why was his heart suddenly beating so fast?

Jisung went back to his spot from before where his notebook was still laying. He picked it up, as well as his pen and made himself comfy. Changbin had turned on the radio and it seemed like their house wasn’t the only one that had a power blackout. In the whole city was no electricity. The DJ of the radio show they were listening, had a calm and soothing voice.

“Hello, welcome to a special kind of show today. As you may have noticed, there is no electricity right now. Wherever you are, make yourself comfortable while you listen to us. I prepared some songs that will hopefully create a warm atmosphere. If you’re at home, grab your blankets and loved ones. Use the chance and spend some time together. Isn’t it wonderful to know that it’s only you and the darkness? There is nothing that could distract you. Apart from me.” The DJ laughed quietly. “Or maybe you’re next to the person you like. May I say your crush? Why don’t you take the chance, this nice atmosphere and tell them how you feel? It’s quite romantic to confess right now, isn’t it? Maybe you can share a blanket then and wait for the electricity to come back. Or maybe you won’t need it because there will be a spark between you two.”

“Jeez, that’s too cheesy,” Felix said and Chan chuckled quietly. 

“But isn’t it quite romantic?”

“Not when you’re surrounded by guys,” Seungmin said and changed the channel.

Jisung didn’t know why but while he thought about the DJ’s words, he turned on his side to look at Minho who was lying next to him. His eyes were closed. _“Or maybe you’re next to the person you like.”_ Jisung liked Minho a lot, if he was being honest, but lately something else kept pushing itself to the surface. When Minho was around, Jisung was happy. Minho made Jisung feel a kind of joy no one else was giving him. There was this tingling inside Jisung every time Minho said or did something particular. 

As if Minho knew that Jisung was looking at him, he opened his eyes, looked at Jisung and stuck out his tongue. 

_“May I say your crush?”_

Jisung heart dropped. He immediately turned on his other side with his heart pounding hardly against his rips. No, no, no. Jisung didn’t have a crush on Minho. That wasn’t possible. Minho was his friend, nothing else. The last time Jisung had a crush on a friend, he ended up with a crushed heart. He didn’t want to go through the same again. One time was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's funny how i always had planned on this fanfic to be ten chapters long and now that we're already at the 10th chapter, we're not even close to the end lmao  
> anyways, i hoped you liked this chapter, see you in two weeks <3
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	11. warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello,  
> sorry for the delay. the chapter should've been up yesterday but i didn't manage to finish it ;;  
> but tysm @ my followers on twitter for being so understanding <3   
> ALSO big thank you for all the sweet comments, i appreciate them so so much!! ;;<3
> 
> anyways, i hope you have fun with this chapter~
> 
> note: KNP stands for Korean National Police

That Jisung was nervous about today, was probably an understatement.  
His stomach kept turning and he couldn’t sit still. He kept wiggling with his legs while he sat at the dinner table, not being able to eat the stew in front of him. Minho kept sending him amused glances, Jisung could feel it on his skin. 

So, Jisung was nervous about two things. First, he would go to a gay bar tonight for the first time in his whole life. Second, he will go there with Minho. _Minho_ , who made Jisung feel things he didn’t want to feel. He didn’t know what to except or how to act or what to wear. Heck, he couldn’t even ask the others for advice because they couldn’t know about tonight. Jisung and Minho would tell them that they’ll go to the dance studio, if anyone asked. 

“You kept laughing at me at dinner!” Jisung complained loudly as soon as he entered Minho’s room with the other one lying on his bed. He crossed his arms and puffed his cheeks.

Minho cooed at him. “Oh no, poor, _poor_ Jisungie.”

Jisung’s heart jumped at the nickname. He chose to ignore it. “You’re still doing it!”

“It’s funny how excited you are,” Minho explained and turned on his side to look properly at his friend. “We’re just going to a gay bar.”

“ _We’re just going to a gay bar?_ You’re saying it as if it’s nothing special!” Jisung gasped and plopped down next to Minho on the bed. Minho didn’t comment it. “It’s my first time going, of course I’m nervous.”

“Relax, Jisung. It’s nothing to worry about.” Comforting Minho placed his hand on Jisung’s back and gently stroked it. It sent shivers down Jisung’s spine. He jumped back, away from his touch. 

“But I don’t know what to do there or what to wear or ughhh,” Jisung groaned loudly and fell on his back. He pressed his palms again his eyes and kept whining.

“Geez, stop being so dramatic. I can lend you some clothes if you want.”

Jisung peeked through his fingers. “You would?”

“If it makes you stop whining, yes.” Jisung made a happy sound and jumped off Minho’s bed to open his closet. He noticed how Minho tensed up a little bit when he opened it and then a small sigh could be heard. Jisung acted as if he didn’t notice it and started to look through Minho’s clothes.  
There were mostly black clothes which didn’t surprise Jisung much. Minho seemed to have adopted Chan’s choice of color when it came to clothes. But not entirely. There were also some blue sweaters and orange shirts and also some weird, colorful t-shirt huddled up in the corner of the wardrobe.

Then something shiny caught Jisung’s eyes. “You have leather pants?” Jisung gasped and looked scandalized at the other. 

“Mh, yes. You want to wear them?” Minho wasn’t bothered by Jisung’s shocked reaction and eyed Jisung, then the pants with a suggestive grin.

Jisung stared at the shiny fabric, hesitating. He always had wanted to know how it would feel like to wear something like _this_. “I’ll try them on.”

“Interesting,” Minho commented and chuckled. Jisung felt himself turning red. He kept his eyes on Jisung.

“Can you please look away? Like I said, _I want to try them on_ ,” Jisung underlined and he hated the heat in his cheeks. 

“Oh, suddenly you’re shy?” Minho asked jokingly but turned away nevertheless. He looked at the window and tapped with his fingers on his thigh. Jisung turned around as well, just to make sure. Getting undressed in Minho’s presence made Jisung feel very weird. His movements were hurried, so Minho wouldn’t have to wait for too long. 

But once he was wearing the pants, Jisung had to hold onto the waistline. “Uhh…” is all Jisung said, telling Minho to look. Minho did so and snorted.

“You’re skinnier than I expected.”

“Sorry that not everyone has a… _body_ like you,” Jisung said back and kept holding onto the waistline that was very loose around his hips.

“Are you calling my ass fat?” Minho sat up and looked at Jisung with a glint in his eyes.

“Yes.”

“Thanks.” Minho seriously took it as a compliment, the way his lips curved into a smile seemed genuine. Jisung clicked with his tongue. Minho was unbelievable.

“So, it seems like I can’t borrow anything from you,” Jisung sighed and almost threw his hands in the hair but only “almost” because otherwise he would be standing in underwear in front of Minho.

“Yup. But to be honest, you don’t have to dress up. We’re going to a bar, nothing special,” Minho explained and Jisung wanted to interrupt him, tell him that it _is_ special, but Minho kept talking. “You don’t have to pretend, you know? It’s one of the few places you can be yourself, so put on anything you feel comfortable in.” 

Jisung’s chest filled with warmth, he felt wholesome. _A place where he could be himself._ That’s what Jisung had been looking for.  
He gave Minho a smile and was about to go out of the room when Minho grabbed him by his waistband which made Jisung squeak. 

“You’re still wearing my pants, idiot.” 

\--

Jisung decided to wear his favorite pink sweatshirt. He liked how it was slightly oversize which made it extra comfy. Minho was wearing a black dress shirt and light jeans. The first two buttons of his dress shirt were opened. He looked very good. 

It didn’t take long until they arrived at the bar. Minho’s shift would start at 10pm. The bar was hard to find, it was in a small, kind of sketchy alley and the entrance wasn’t even signposted. You had to pass a dark entrance hall, to enter the actual bar. The lights were not as bright and colorful like the ones in the disco. They were the exact opposite, they flooded the room in warmth. The floor and walls were wooden in a dark tone. There weren’t many people but most of them were men. Behind the bar was a guy with bleached hair, also wearing a black dress shirt just like Minho.

“Hey, Minho. Who are you bringing with you?” The bartender asked while he dried the glass inside his hands with a towel. 

“Hey, that’s Jisung. A friend of mine. And Jisung, that’s Taemin,” Minho introduced the bartender and Jisung greeted him shyly. Taemin looked at Jisung with mischievous eyes, then turned to Minho.

“He’s cute.”

Jisung choked on his own spit and started coughing, while Minho burst out laughing. “You’re scaring the poor boy!”

“Sorry but I’m just stating facts,” Taemin chuckled, then leaned over the counter to slap Minho’s ass with the towel. “And now switch places with me, I’m tired.”

Minho went behind the bar and snatched the towel out of Taemin’s hands to give him a taste of his own medicine. But Taemin was quicker than him and ran away, laughing. He filled some water in a glass and handed it over to Jisung who was still struggling to breathe.

“It’s on the house,” Minho commented and Jisung rolled his eyes at him after gulping down the liquid. 

“You’re so generous,” Jisung said with his voice dripping in sarcasm. 

“No, actually, all the drinks you’ll order will be on the house. It’s the benefit of working here. I get all the drinks for free.”

“Oh, you don’t have to,” Jisung said and waved it off. 

“No, I insist,” Minho cut him off. “Also, you don’t drink much, right? So it won’t be that much anyways.”

Jisung grumbled and didn’t say anything. Minho smiled. “Good, then I’ll make you a cocktail.”

Just like at the disco, Jisung hadn’t planned on drinking tonight but if it was for free, he couldn’t turn it down. Also, just one drink won’t be that bad, right? 

With the drink in his hand, Jisung sat down at the bar and curiously looked around. The atmosphere was pleasant. People were chatting and soft music was playing in the background. There were maybe three or four empty tables but at most of them were people sitting. They looked so careless and full of joy. Guys were obviously flirting with each other and two men were even kissing in a corner. It made Jisung’s stomach flip. It was the first time he was seeing two guys kissing. It made Jisung very… happy. Happy that it was able for two guys to express their love for each other in public, sort of. Just like a normal couple. 

“Hey, you’re new here.” A guy sat down next to Jisung at the bar. He had dark hair and his eyes were glistening in a weird way.

“Uh, yeah. You know when new people come here?” Jisung asked surprised and fully turned around to the guy to properly look at him.

“Yes, we’re like a family here. Everyone knows everyone here. We aren’t that many and almost everyone is a regular, so it’s not that hard to recognize the faces here.”

Jisung hummed. “Makes sense.”

“Are you planning on becoming a regular?” The guy asked and he smiled at him with curious eyes.

“I don’t know yet,” Jisung answered honestly, staring at the pink liquid of his cocktail. “But I like it here. It feels very…”

“Warm?” Jisung nodded. “I know what you mean. I felt like that as well when I first came here. And… even now, it still feels very heartwarming to know that here are people like me.”

“That’s really nice to hear,” Jisung softly said. Maybe this really could become a place he can call home? 

“Anyways, you wanna dance?” The guy suddenly asked out of nowhere, so suddenly that Jisung didn’t know how to react. 

“D-Dance?” He stammered and his ears were burning hot.

“Yes, dance. As in moving our bodies to music,” the guy explained and laugh.

Jisung looked around. “But no one is dancing.”

“Someone has to be the first. Also, it’s not _that_ unusual for people to dance here.”

Jisung hesitated before he agreed. “Okay but I can’t really dance.”

As soon as Jisung said those words, he had a déjà vu. He had said the same thing when Minho had asked for a dance at the discotheque. He still remembered the touch of Minho’s hands on his hips. Jisung turned around to look at his friend. Minho was talking to a girl at the other end of the counter. 

The guy took Jisung’s hand and pulled him to the middle of the room where enough space was to dance. Jisung didn’t know what to do and suddenly his arms felt like two foreign objects glued to his upper body. 

“Easy, relax,” the guy chuckled and put his hands on Jisung’s waist. He pulled Jisung closer. It didn’t feel right. Minho’s hands on the same spot had felt much better. Jisung decided to follow the guy’s advice and tried to relax. He put his hands on the guy’s shoulders.

They both softly swung to the music. Jisung felt awkward. This felt completely different than the time he had danced with Minho. He had been at ease when dancing with his friend. They had been laughing and screaming and jumping around. This felt too intimate, inappropriate right now. Jisung barely knew this person. He shouldn’t dance like this with a stranger.

Jisung’s eyes kept wandering to Minho who was now looking back. He was still talking to the girl but he wasn’t look at her. His eyes were glued to Jisung. Shame was nagging on Jisung on the inside. Why did he feel ashamed? He looked down, at their feet. 

Suddenly the guy touched Jisung’s chin with his fingers and made him look up. Confused Jisung looked at him. 

And then he leaned down. 

Jisung jumped back. “What the hell are you doing?” 

His hands were shaking. This felt so wrong. 

“Trying to kiss you, obviously,” the guy said offended. He made a step towards Jisung but Jisung stepped back. 

This would be his first kiss. He didn’t want it to be like that. His first kiss should be with someone he loves, his _other half_. Maybe Jisung was a romantic when it came to first kisses. 

“I don’t want that. Please leave me alone,” Jisung said with a clear voice even though his knees were weak. He felt like he was about to fall down. Without waiting for the guy’s reaction, Jisung went back to the bar, right to Minho.

“Hey, Minho. I don’t feel so well, I think I’m gonna go-“ Jisung began but he got interrupted. 

“They are coming!” A guy burst into the bar and screamed out of the top of his lungs, warning everyone.  
Minho dropped the glass he was holding and grabbed Jisung’s hand to pull him through a door right behind the bar. Jisung didn’t know what was happening. People were running after him. Minho was guiding him through a dark alley, they were suddenly outside. 

Minho was holding his hand so tightly, it almost hurt. They were running and Jisung didn’t know why. He wanted to ask who they were running from, when he heard heavy footsteps running behind them.

“KNP! Stop immediately!” A deep voice was screaming at them and Jisung’s heart dropped. It was the police. Jisung didn’t know how but he and Minho sped up. Almost as if their feet were flying over the ground. 

They were running and running through alleys Jisung had never seen before. Jisung’s lungs were burning and breathing got hard. Jisung could barely feel his feet.  
He didn’t know how long they were running but after a long while, Minho slowed down and Jisung groaned in relief. They were at a park Jisung had never been before. 

“I think they’re gone,” Minho panted and fell down on the grass. Jisung did the same and lied down. His heart was beating so fast, Jisung could feel it in his throat.

“Why do I always have to run away when I’m out with you?” Jisung whined and breathed hardly. He had his arms and legs stretched out and looked up to the night sky. Stars were looking back at him.

“I’m sorry?” Minho tried and broke out in breathy laugh. 

“Okay, but,” Jisung turned on his side to look at Minho. “Why was the police there?”

“It’s something that regularly happens. The police comes at least once a month with the excuse of getting a notification of drug dealing at our bar.” Minho sighed. “But we all know that the police department are homophobic assholes and just want us scare away. But we won’t go away that easily.”

“At least once a month? Jesus, that’s horrible,” Jisung said and exhaled. 

“Yeah, sorry that you had to witness that.”

“No, it’s alright. I still liked it there… at first.” Jisung just couldn’t lie to Minho. He couldn’t look at him anymore. He looked back at the stars, trying to find comfort in them.

“I saw you with the guy. Did he do something to you?” Minho asked worriedly. “I only saw you two dancing. But you didn’t look that comfortable.”

“It’s… I don’t even know why I said ‘yes’ when he asked me to dance,” Jisung responded and awkwardly scratched his arm. “And then he tried to kiss me.”

“Oh.” 

“Can we talk about something else, please?” Jisung asked the other who seemingly didn’t know what to say. 

“Yeah, sure. Ask me anything.”

“Have you ever been in a relationship?” 

Jisung could hear Minho smile. He crossed his arms behind his head and looked up at the sky like Jisung was doing. “I didn’t expect that kind of question but okay. I kind of have been in a relationship.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was at high school. There was this guy… He was in the football team, actually. You know that their homophobia is on a whole another level. We barely knew each other until we got into the same sports class. I noticed him staring at me in the dressing room, so one day I stayed longer and he did the same, until we both were the only ones there. And then… we hooked up. We would do that every week after class and at some point, we would be meeting up at my house because my parents were often at work. We weren’t boyfriends. We were just… fucking, I guess. So, you can’t really call it a relationship.” 

“Did you want it to be serious, though?”

“I… don’t think so.”

Jisung hummed. “But have you ever been in love?”

“I have” was all Minho said before he turned to look at Jisung and smiled fondly at him. Jisung’s heart was fluttering. The stars were reflected in Minho’s eyes and they were glistening even more than usual. 

“And now let’s go. It’s getting cold.” Minho helped Jisung get up and they began walking home again. Jisung followed him with a confused heart.

\--

Jisung was cuddled up in a blanket, sitting with a guitar in his hands on the attic. Chan and Changbin were also having blankets on them while scribbling lyrics on paper. 

“I think we should give us a name,” Chan said and looked excitedly at the other two.

“Oh, so you really are accepting me into your little group?” Jisung asked surprised and stopped playing. It was only the fourth time Jisung had joined them on the attic.

“Yeah, you’re a perfect addition for our group,” Chan said and wiggled with his eyebrows. 

“Okay, funfact: I have already thought about a name,” Changbin said and made a dramatic pause to create tension. “How about ‘Seo Changbin and Boys’?”

Jisung snorted. “You can’t be serious.”

“What? I kept thinking about it since your and Lix’ birthday party. I mean, we could even include the others. We’re all really good singers, don’t you think? We could be a potential boygroup,” Changbin defended his idea after he had thrown his pencil aside.

“We and a boygroup? Nah, I can’t see that,” Jisung said back and had to laugh a little bit at the ridiculous idea. 

“Huh? I don’t think it’s that hard to imagine,” Chan commented. “I think we would be a really group.”

“Right? And ‘Seo Changbin and Boys’ would be the perfect name for us,” Changbin added and Chan threw a crumbled piece of paper at Changbin’s head.

“Stop it already.”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.”

“Anyways, what do you think of us writing a Christmas song and perform it at our Christmas party?” Chan proposed.

“What Christmas party?” Jisung asked.

“Oh, last year we threw a Christmas party before everyone drove back home over the holidays,” Changbin explained and rested his head on his hand, looking all dreamy. “It was really nice.”

“Or we could go to the karaoke bar again?” Chan proposed and Changbin groaned in protest. 

“Okay, I’ll admit: The first time it was fun, the second time at Seungmin’s birthday was also fun but the last time we went there for Chan’s birthday it was getting too much. We are going there way too often the past weeks. I’m very glad that we didn’t go there to celebrate Minho’s birthday.”

Jisung’s eyes became round out of surprise. “Wait, when was Minho’s birthday?” 

“Oh, his birthday was on the 25th October,” Chan replied. “Didn’t he tell you?” 

“No, he didn’t…” Jisung got quiet. Why didn’t Minho tell him that? He thought they were friends. Jisung wrapped the blanket tighter around him. 

“Don’t think too much about it. You know Minho, he likes to be a little secretive,” Chan tried to assure him but it didn’t help that much. Yes, Jisung knew that Minho liked to keep things to himself but Jisung thought he was different, that Minho treated him differently than others. 

\--

Jisung was sitting on Minho’s bed, on the very same day, just a few hours later. Doongie was cuddled up on his lap but Jisung couldn’t really see her because he hadn’t turned on the light. Yes, Jisung was waiting in the dark for Minho to finally arrive. Maybe he wanted to scare his friend a little bit, as a revenge for not telling Jisung about his birthday. 

While Jisung was waiting, his thoughts were slowly drifting away. He thought about the bar, how he almost had seen a potential home in it but then the thing with the guy had happened and the perfect picture of a home was broken apart. Minho had asked Jisung if he wanted to tag along when he went to the bar to work, but Jisung had said “no” the three times Minho had asked over the past weeks. After the third time Minho had stopped asking. Jisung felt a little bad about it.  
Jisung just couldn’t bear to see the guy again or run away from the police, regularly. 

Jisung could still hear the footsteps of the police, chasing after them. They were haunting him. He couldn’t understand how Minho still could work there, at the bar. How he liked working there so much that he didn’t mind running away from the police regularly. 

Doongie on his lap was suddenly moving. Jisung listened up and heard someone coming. It must be Minho. Jisung groaned on the inside. _Finally._

Jisung directed his eyes to where he was suspecting the door, looking dead-serious. Minho turned on the light and yelped loudly when he saw Jisung. Doongie jumped off Jisung’s lap and ran out of the room. 

“Hello to you too,” Jisung said and grinned. 

“Are you moving into my room or why are you here all the time?” Minho asked and took off his pullover which he had been wearing over a pullover. 

“Mh, maybe. I like it here,” Jisung said jokingly and now fully lied down on Minho’s bed. “Okay, that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to ask you something.”

“Shoot it.” Minho walked over to the bed and tried to push Jisung a bit to the side of the bed that was against the wall. “Move over.”

Jisung made space for Minho to lie down. “Why didn’t you tell me about your birthday?”

Minho scoffed softly. “Why do you care about my birthday?” 

“Because it’s _you_ ,” Jisung blurted out but then realized how that sounded like. “A-And birthdays are special. You should celebrate them!”

“It’s just the day I came out of my mother’s vagina, I don’t know why you should celebrate that,” Minho bluntly said, making Jisung laugh.

“Why is that such a you-thing to say?”

“Dunno. But it’s cute that you care.”

The comment made Jisung flustered. “Anyways, do you like celebrating Christmas then?”

Minho’s expression turned soft. “Oh, yes. I love it.”

Jisung exhaled loudly and over the top. “Thank god, I almost thought you were a robot or something.”

Minho weakly boxed Jisung. “Idiot.”

Jisung giggled and finally decided to look at Minho properly. “What are you planning to do for Christmas?”

“Oh, I’ll probably stay here with Chan and his family since I have nowhere else to go.”

“Right… sorry for asking,” Jisung mumbled and regretted asking. He had forgotten for a moment that Minho and his parents weren’t talking anymore.

“No, you don’t have to apologize. It’s alright,” Minho told him and gave Jisung a smile. “What are you planning?”

“I don’t know yet. My mom wants me to spend Christmas with them but I don’t really want to. It’s… I don’t feel comfortable at my parent’s house.”

“Hm… I understand,” Minho quietly said. “How about you stay here?”

“With you?”

“Yes _and_ Chan and his parents.” 

Jisung chuckled. He liked the idea. A lot. Spending Christmas here, at the boarding house, made Jisung feel warm on the inside. He really could see himself celebrating the holidays with Minho, Chan and his parents. 

“Sounds good,” Jisung whispered and beamed at Minho. And once again, he didn’t think about the following things he said. “Are we going to drink hot chocolate and cuddle?”

“ _Cuddle_?” Minho stared at him with big eyes. 

Jisung didn’t know where this sudden boost of confidence came from but he sat up a little bit and began poking Minho’s chest with his pointing finger. “Yes, cuddle. I know that you’re secretly a cuddler.”

“A-A cuddler? Stop talking bull-“ Minho began but Jisung stopped him with a bone-crashing hug. He slung his arms around Minho’s upper body and pressed his cheek against his chest. Minho tensed up underneath him.

“Hmm, do you like this? You love this, right?” Jisung teased him and looked up at Minho. His cheeks were flaming red and he avoided Jisung’s eyes. Pouting Jisung got up a little bit. “Oh, come on. Stop denying it. I know that you like cuddling. The last two times we slept together, you hugged me in your sleep!”

“I did?!” Minho got even rounder out of shock, if that was even possible. 

“Yes. And now,” Jisung laid his head back on Minho’s chest. “embrace the hug, idiot. You don’t have to hide it anymore.”

“God, I hate you,” Minho grumbled before he finally relaxed. Jisung hummed happily. He had missed hugging someone. Jisung could only compare to Felix but Minho felt much more comfortable than his roommate. He was soft and warm, so _warm_. Jisung liked it a lot. He felt so content. It was nice having a friend he could cuddle with and who enjoyed it as well.

 _A friend._  
A tiny part inside Jisung’s head told him that hugging a friend shouldn’t make his heart beat faster but Jisung decided to ignore it. He didn’t want to worry about that right now. All he wanted was to enjoy this moment.

“Uhm, how long are we gonna stay like this? I have homework to do-“

Jisung yawned. “Just five more minutes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who stayed in bed for more than just "five more minutes" *wink wonk*
> 
> soo, as you can probably guess is the next chapter going to be a christmas special hehe i hope you are as excited as i am~  
> see you in two weeks <:
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	12. christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello,  
> i want to let you know, if you don't follow me on twitter, this chapter is mostly the result of an all-nighter.  
> which doesn't mean its worse than the other chapters lmao  
> since this is a christmas special, I made the middle part a little more light and humorous. I hope you like it~  
> tysm for all the sweet comments and all the kudos, you're leaving <3
> 
> have fun reading :>

Jisung was sitting outside, on the balcony. The starry night sky was above his head. It was cold, so cold Jisung could see his breath forming milky clouds in front of his mouth. Jisung was barefoot and only wearing a shirt and shorts. He was sitting on a plastic chair and its material was almost unbearable cold against his skin. He was freezing but he had to cool down. It was as if he had been in a fever when he had hugged Minho and cuddled with him. Minho had fallen asleep with Jisung on top of him, he even had slung his arms around Jisung’s upper body, but Jisung had stayed awake. And with every minute passing, the pounding inside Jisung’s chest had become louder and louder. Jisung had become so panicked that he had to leave Minho’s embrace.

And that’s how he ended up on the balcony.  
Jisung was hugging his legs and leaned his forehead against his knees. Despite the coldness, Jisung’s cheeks were burning. What had gotten into him that he would hug Minho like that? Minho was so warm and now Jisung had to go back to reality and cool down. Maybe he would get sick if he sits there for too long but he had to clear his mind first before he could go inside. 

Why did he hug Minho like that? Jisung sighed. He wasn’t stupid, he already knew the answer. Jisung just didn’t want it to be true. He didn’t want to be hurt again. But… with Minho he wouldn’t get hurt like that again right? With Minho he didn’t have to be scared that his friend turns out to be homophobic. Minho is gay, so Jisung has chances with him or at least more than with Minhyung. But that might be a problem. Was Jisung only into Minho _because_ he was gay? Did Jisung only like him because the chance to get hurt was not as big? 

No, if Jisung was being honest, he had liked Minho before the latter had come out to him. Jisung liked how much Minho loved cats, so much that he smuggled Doongie into their house and wears that silly cat shirt all the time. He liked how Minho always acted tough and cold but in secret he cared so much. He defends his friends, heck, he even punched a guy just because he insulted Jisung. Minho was so soft, it made Jisung’s heart melt every time the other hugged him in his sleep. Even thinking about having Minho in his arms made Jisung’s heart flip. 

Frustrated Jisung put his face in his hands. Jisung _had_ to admit to himself that he has a crush on Minho. The thought makes Jisung feel like his insides are getting squished together. _Crush_. It had been a while since he had felt that way. He wasn’t a person that easily falls for someone. But when Jisung liked someone, it was intense. All he would think about was that person. He had forgotten how overwhelming it is to have feelings for someone. He didn’t like feeling that way. No, he didn’t dislike the feeling itself. He didn’t like the risk it was followed by. Jisung didn’t want to get blinded by love and get hurt again. 

But would Minho really hurt him? Once Jisung really thought about it, it was hard to believe. Jisung looked up at the sky, at the shining stars, which reminded him of how Minho’s eyes always glistened. Minho wouldn’t hurt him. The way the other looked at him and took care of him was so gentle, even though he liked to tease Jisung.

So, what could Jisung do with his newly gained information? Confessing to Minho his undying love for him? Jisung scoffed. Now he would have this new secret that he wouldn’t be able to tell anyone. _Great_.

Jisung’s toes were in the verge of freezing off, Jisung could barely feel them anymore, when rain drops started to fall down on him. It was the final sign that made him go inside. 

\--

Chan had the glorious idea to pick everyone up personally with a song before they all would gather up to throw their Christmas party. It began with just Chan, Changbin and Jisung. They still hadn’t decided on a name, so they had to continue to just awkwardly call out their names when they were introducing their trio, which hadn’t happened so often yet _but still_.  
Back to the realization of Chan’s idea. They started with Jisung’s and Felix’ room. Jisung was, of course, not in the room, so they only sung their self-produced Christmas to Felix who wasn’t very… thrilled by their performance. 

“What was _that_?” Felix asked, standing just in boxer shorts and t-shirt in front of them. 

“A Christmas song…? Wasn’t that clear enough?” Jisung answered but instead of an answer, it more sounded like a question.

“Uh…” With a slightly uncomfortable expression, Felix scratched the back of his head. “It sounded too depressing to be a Christmas song.”

Changbin groaned. “I told you it was a bad idea when we decided to make it sound more _mature_.”

“Actually, it sounded more like an angsty teen-song but okay,” Felix quietly stated and jumped a little bit when Chan, Changbin and Jisung gasped loudly in union. 

“So, why did you sing me that song anyways?”

“We are picking everyone up for the Christmas party,” Changbin explained.

“Like Christmas angels?”

“ _Yes_!” Chan exclaimed overly enthusiastic because finally someone got his idea. 

“But you don’t really look like angels.”

“I bought costumes but these two,” Chan pointed at Changbin and Jisung. “Refused to wear them.”

“Oh, I’ll wear one if you want,” Felix suggested and smiled softly. Chan walked over to him and pulled him into a bone crushing hug. 

“I can always count on my little, Aussie bro!”

Minutes later they were in front of Seungmin, Jeongin and Changbin’s room, Chan and Felix were wearing cheap-looking angel wings and halos, while Jisung was holding a guitar and Changbin a tambourine. Latter wasn’t quite happy with the instrument he got to hold but in the end, it was better than wearing those stupid angel costumes. Even though Changbin had to admit that Felix looked kinda cute in it. Talking about Felix, he was the one who had convinced the trio to sing _actual_ Christmas songs and not the ones they had written themselves. 

Like that they knocked on the door and began singing “Jingle Bells” for the two very sleepy guys in front of him. Their reactions were much better than they got from Felix before.

“That’s cute,” Seungmin commented and smiled. “But what is all this for?”

“We’re picking you both up for our Christmas party!” Changbin explained a second time and made jazz hands with an awkward smile on his face. 

“Aw, that’s really cute,” Jeongin agreed. “But Chan looks kinda ridiculous with his black clothes and the white wings.”

Chan looked down at his clothes and sighed. “Yeah, I didn’t think this through.”

“I bet Jeongin will look much cuter in that costume,” Seungmin said and ruffled Jeongin’s hair. The youngest one giggled and then smiled cheekily. 

“I think so, too.”

“Lucky for you, Chan has a costume left,” Felix said.

“Are we gonna leave the house like that?” Jeongin asked suddenly and was taken back when Changbin nodded, snickering.

“Of course! We still have to pick up Hyunjin, Minho and Woojin,” Chan explained. 

“And… you are going to drive us?” Seungmin asked hopefully.

“Hah, no,” Chan chuckled. “You all won’t fit into my car. We’re going to take a bus.”

“I think, I’m going to get changed…” Felix mumbled and was about to turn around, when Chan sneaked an arm around him and slowly shook his head.

Jisung patted Felix back. “Rest in peace. It was great knowing you.”

20 minutes later, after lots of complaining and whining, they all sat squished together in the back row of the bus they were taking. 

“This is the worst moment of my life,” Felix sighed and uncomfortable shifted in his seat because of the wings he still was wearing. People kept staring at the six guys. Changbin looked surprised at him.

“Worse than the time we had our fight?”

Felix eyes got round out of sadness. “Oh no, that was much worse than this. This is nothing compared to our fight.”

“Good. I-I mean, not good,” Changbin stammered but Felix just shushed him with his laugh. He put his head on Changbin’s shoulder and told him to be quiet. 

“Anyways, I still wonder how I agreed to this,” Seungmin commented and leaned back his head to look at the roof of the bus. 

“Same,” Jisung said and also looked up at the roof. It was grey and there wasn’t really something interesting to see, so Jisung looked down again. Instead he began looking at the other passengers. There were two girls, sitting next to each other, chatting. Jisung could only see the backs of them, one had a high ponytail, the other had her hair down. One of the girls was bouncing with her legs and Jisung got a glimpse of the pink socks she was wearing. Jisung’s eyes wandered to an old man who kept dozing off. Jisung hoped that he wouldn’t miss his stop. The man was holding to a cane. And then Jisung turned his look to a guy, who was standing. His stop must be close. But something caught Jisung off guard. He knew that guy but he just couldn’t remember where he knew him from.

Suddenly Chan jumped off his seat and almost fell. “Fuck, I think we missed our stop!”

“Why are we such a mess?” Jisung complained while they walked all the way to Hyunjin’s dormitory. Apparently, they had passed three more bus stops after they had missed the one they were supposed to get off on. Also, Jisung had almost forgotten his guitar in the bus and had to run back to it, before its doors got closed. The guy who had been standing was kind enough to pass him his instrument. But seeing his face closer didn’t make Jisung figure out who the stranger was.

“Please stop complaining all the time. This is supposed to be a meaningful time. Some family bonding, y’know?” Chan said and huffed. “And we’re almost there, no worries.”

“Aww, family bonding?” Seungmin cooed. “Who’s the mom and the dad?”

“Chan is definitely the dad!” Jeongin said and beamed at Chan. 

“Nah, Woojin is the dad,” Changbin said and Seungmin nodded in agreement. 

Jeongin scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. “But Chan isn’t the mom.”

“Neither is Woojin,” Seungmin said back and they all got quiet.

“Can’t we just have two dads?” Felix asked carefully and Jisung wanted to pull him in a hug for that. For the first time he heard someone who’s not Minho, say something not-homophobic. He stifled a smile.

“Hm… that’s kinda weird but who’s saying that our family isn’t weird to begin with?” Changbin said and chuckled. 

“Can you please shut the fuck up?” Well, that wasn’t the kind of reaction they had expected when they performed “Jingle Bells” for Hyunjin. The comment hadn’t come from Hyunjin, though. The latter was actually very delighted by their surprise visit. The angry shouting came from Hyunjin’s neighbor who burst out of his room, wearing only underwear. Chan put his hands on Jeongin’s eyes. 

Hyunjin who just had been smiling sweetly at them seconds ago, turned over to his neighbor and snapped. “Oh, _you_ shut up. You are much louder when you bring girls over which happens to be _every single night_.”

The guy scoffed but didn’t say anything, before he returned to his room. Hyunjin rolled his eyes at him, before he turned his attention back to his friends. “So, what was this for?”

“We’re picking you up for the Christmas party,” Changbin answered, _again_. 

“Oh, cool. Let me pick up my stuff and then we can go.”

“Your neighbor seems to be an ass,” Jisung said to Hyunjin while they were standing in front of Woojin’s apartment. They had walked to it since it wasn’t that far away from Hyunjin’s dorm. 

“Don’t get me started. He such a pain in the ass. Every night he has girls over and the walls are so thin, I hear _everything_.” Hyunjin shuddered. “I really wish I had holy water or something like that to cleanse my ears.”

“That sucks. Why aren’t you living in the boarding house with us, though?” 

“The dorm is just a short walk away from the university. It’s very convenient,” Hyunjin explained and shrugged. “And it’s bearable to live here. My neighbor is in his last semester anyways, so I’ll get rid of him very soon.”

“What did I miss? And why are you wearing those silly costumes?” Was the first thing Woojin said after they had finished singing. He was holding a slice of toast (or what was left of it) in his hand he had been munching on the whole time. 

“So, Chan had the wonderful idea to pick everyone up for the Christmas party, disguised as angels. We had to take the bus, looking like _that_ , then we missed our bus stop, Jisung almost forgot his guitar, we got screamed at when he sung for Hyunjin and yeah,” Changbin explained and Jisung wondered when they had silently agreed on Changbin answering those questions for them. 

“Hyunjin screamed at you?” 

“No!” Hyunjin waved off. “My neighbor did.”

“Oh, okay. Where’s Minho though? Did he refuse to come with you?” Woojin joked.

“No, we’ll get him next. He is at the dance studio,” Jisung said and just talking about Minho, not even mentioning his name, made him feel fuzzy on the inside. He would face his friend for the first time after he had realized he had a crush on him. Jisung had been avoiding him for the past days, he didn’t know how to handle his finally newly-acknowledged feelings.

Woojin sighed. “God, does that boy ever leave the studio?”

Felix leaned over to Jisung and giggled. “Woojin is totally the dad.”

Minho looked at them in judgingly. “I didn’t expect heaven to be like this.”

“It’s because this isn’t heaven,” Changbin said with a serious expression. “Welcome to hell.”

“Wonderful,” Minho hummed and grinned. “I guess this is happening because of the Christmas party happening today. Are you picking me up?”

“Yes.” Changbin exhaled in relief, then muttered to himself “fucking finally”.

“Okay, let me take a shower and get changed, then we can go,” Minho said and threw a towel over his shoulder before he left his friends alone. Jisung looked after him, his heart jumping excitedly inside his chest. He wanted to press his hand against his chest, to make the throbbing stop. Now that he accepted his feelings for Minho, seeing him hits different. 

Seungmin and Hyunjin were joking around, dancing and jumping around. They attempted to dance a Waltz but failed miserably. Jeongin laughed at them and tried to help them out, together with Felix, but their wings kept going in their way. Chan and Woojin had sat down and talked about university. And Jisung was just standing there, like an idiot. Waiting for Minho to come back. Suddenly he didn’t know what to do with his hands and tried to put them in the pockets of his pants which didn’t exist. So, he was just fiddling around with the upper sides of his jeans. 

\--

Later they were sitting on the attic and drinking hot chocolate. They were cuddled up in blankets and talking about this and that. Jisung was sandwiched between Felix and Hyunjin. Minho was right across him on the other side. Jisung kept avoiding his gaze. From the corner of his eyes he could see how Minho kept glancing at him.

“See, I made it possible for you to come to the attic,” Jisung quietly said to Felix and smiled. 

“It was your idea to celebrate here?” Jisung nodded. “Thank you, Jisungie.”

“Everything for my favorite roomie.”

In the midst of everyone’s conversation, Chan spoke up. “Anyways, what do you want for Christmas?”

“I’ve been looking at that one particular camera for the past weeks but it’s probably too expensive for my parents to buy, so I’ll probably just wish for film-rolls and socks or something like that,” Seungmin replied and you could hear the bitter sadness in his voice. 

“Oh, Seungmin. I hope you’ll get the camera. Maybe they’ll make it your birthday _and_ Christmas present. You didn’t get any birthday gift yet, right?” Hyunjin asked concerned and Seungmin nodded, looking a bit more hopeful now.

“And what do you want, Hyunjin?” Seungmin asked in return.

“I want those shoes I keep talking about.”

Everyone told what they wanted for Christmas except Jisung. He couldn’t tear his eyes off of Minho who was smiling so softly when he talked about how he wanted a toy for Doongie for Christmas. Finally, he dared to look at the other one. The way Minho’s eyes turned into crescents made Jisung feel warm and happy. What Jisung wanted for Christmas wasn’t something he could get.  
He wanted to be able to sleep again and not worry about the consequences if he’d confessed to Minho. Jisung wanted to stop fantasizing about hugging Minho and maybe even kiss him, because it just made him feel miserable afterwards. He knew that probably would never happen. A tiny but loud voice inside his head, which happened to sound like Minhyung, kept telling Jisung how he’d never have a chance with Minho. Sure, he still could cuddle with Minho but it would be too tempting to go further, Jisung _knew_ that.

“And Jisung, what do you want?”

Jisung chuckled. “World peace.”

\--

Jisung was coming home from university, extremely exhausted. He had a headache, a professor had embarrassed him in front of everyone and overall it had been just a horrible day and all Jisung wanted was to go to sleep. It was the last day before their Christmas break and everyone in their house who wasn’t staying, were packing their stuff. Changbin was particularly loud, louder than usually, because he kept losing stuff which he had to take with him. Jisung was glad he hadn’t to deal with that kind of stress. 

While Jisung was going up the stairs, he was already dreaming of changing into shorts and his favorite, pink sweater and roll himself up in a blanket. He dragged himself to his room, the closer he got to his room, the harder it got to walk. 

Finally, when he opened the door and stepped into his and Felix’ room, he almost tripped over Felix’ suitcase laying on the floor. He noticed how Doongie was on his bed, playing with something.

That something turned out to be his favorite sweater.

“Doongie!” Jisung shrieked and rushed to his bed. Suddenly all his energy was back. He yanked the fabric out of the cat’s mouth before Doongie went on the run. To Jisung’s misery the damage Doongie had done to his sweatshirt was severe. It was impossible to miss the huge hole the cat had bit into. It was as if the only thing that could spend him comfort now, was ripped apart. 

Tears prickled in Jisung’s eyes but he held them back. It’s just the exhaustion, he told himself and tried to calm down. He threw the piece of clothing on the floor, took off his uncomfortable jeans and crawled underneath the blanket on his bed. All he wanted, was this day to finally end. Could this day get any worse? Jisung really hoped it wouldn’t.

\-- 

Felix left one day before Christmas. His suitcase was the biggest from all the housemates.  
“I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.” 

Jisung hugged his best friend tightly and returned his words. The other was in a winter jacket, the padding so thick it almost made Felix’ upper body look like a marshmallow. 

“You too, Felix. And have a safe flight.” 

“Thank you. Oh, and please don’t return to the old Minho and Jisung. I don’t want to come back to both of you fighting.”

“Never,” Minho chimed in and put his arm around Jisung’s shoulder. 

Chan also said his “goodbye” to Felix before the latter drove to the airport together with Chan’s father. Minho, Chan and Jisung stayed at the boarding house together with Chan’s mom who was cooking for them. The boys had suggested helping her but she had declined their help. They ended up watching the Christmas program on tv. 

Jisung was on the verge of falling asleep, Chan next to him was already sleeping, when their telephone rang. Minho, who was closest to the phone, took it.

“Hello?” He listened to what the other person had to say before Minho handed the phone over to Jisung.

“It’s for you,” he mouthed before Jisung accepted the phone receiver. 

“Hello?”

“Jisung-ah, hello, my dear.” It was his mom. 

“Hey, mom.” Jisung got up and moved a bit further away from the others, as far as the telephone cord allowed him to. 

“How are you feeling? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah. Hey, mom… sorry again that I won’t be home for Christmas.”

“It’s alright, Jisungie. As long as you visit us during your spring break.”

“I’ll try. How is dad?”

“He’s fine. He and I miss you a lot.”

“Me too…” Jisung felt bad for not really meaning it. “Have you gotten my presents yet?”

“Yes. The socks are very warm and your dad enjoys the sweets a lot.”

“I’m glad. I liked your gift as well.” His mom had sent him a pullover. It was warm but itchy. And it couldn’t replace his beloved sweatshirt. 

After he had finished his call with his mom, they had had dinner and Jisung announced he wasn’t feeling well which is why he went to his room earlier than the others. He wasn’t going to sleep yet, he just wanted to lie down. To his surprise, Doongie was laying on his bed again. Jisung couldn’t be mad at her for what she had done to his sweatshirt. She was just a cat after all. 

Jisung was about to lie down, when someone knocked at his door. 

“Come in.”

The door opened the tiniest bit and Minho put his head through the door gap. “Were you about to go to sleep?”

“No, not really…”

Minho took those words as an “okay” for him to come inside Jisung’s room. He was hiding something behind his back. He looked especially soft in the beige pullover he was wearing. It had tiny, white snowflakes embraided on it.

“I have something for you.”

“But we agreed on not getting gifts for each other?”

“I know, I know,” Minho stepped closer and you could see how he had to hold back a big smile. The corner of his lips kept twitching and Jisung found it endearing. “But you looked so sad the past days, I just had to get you one.”

 _I’m sad because of you_. Jisung thought to himself but pushed that thought away. It wasn’t Minho’s fault. It’s Jisung himself and his feelings for Minho that are the cause. 

“You didn’t have to, Minho,” Jisung weakly said. Why was Minho so nice? 

“No, I _had_ to. It’s my duty as a friend to make you happy.” _As a friend._ Even though Minho’s words were sweet, they hurt Jisung deep on the inside. He wanted to be more than just friends. But Minho couldn’t know that. He had good intentions with his present.

Minho pulled out a gift, the wrapping paper was loosely hanging around the actual present. “Sorry, I’m not that good at gift wrapping.”

Jisung chuckled and took the gift. It felt soft underneath the paper which meant it probably a piece of clothing. He glanced at Minho who was looking at him expectantly, before he unwrapped the gift. It revealed pink fabric. For a moment, Jisung stopped breathing. Again, he looked at Minho with big eyes and only then he completely unfolded the piece of clothing and it turned out to be something Jisung had expected it to be, the second he saw the pink color. 

A pink sweatshirt. 

“But how…” Jisung began, not being able to finish his sentence. Instead he sat down on his bed, staring at the pink in his hands. Minho also sat down. 

“It’s not the same, if you’re wondering,” Minho explained. “I found your sweatshirt in the trashcan some days ago and I was wondering why it was in there. You seemed to like it a lot. But then I saw the hole in it. What happened?”

Jisung pointed at the cat sleeping behind them. “Doongie happened.”

Minho clicked with his tongue and looked at Doongie. Then he turned back to Jisung. “Anyways. After founding the sweatshirt in the trashcan, I decided to get you a new one. You seem… upset the past days, so I wanted to cheer you up. It was hard to find the exact one but in the end, I managed to find one that’s quite similar.”

“It looks exactly the same. Only… unused.” Jisung smiled and felt himself tearing up from Minho’s kind gesture. “Thank you so much, Minho.”

And Minho just looked so fondly at him, it pushed Jisung off edge. The tears that had been building up the past days, burst out and streamed down his cheeks. Why did Minho have to be so nice? Why couldn’t he be an asshole? Then it would be easier to not like him. 

“Jisung, a-are you okay?” Minho asked concerned and scooted closer. Why couldn’t he just not care? 

Jisung shook his head and sobbed. When Minho slung his arms around Jisung’s upper body, Jisung had the urge to jump back, so he wouldn’t get his hopes high. But he remembered how warm and safe he had felt in Minho’s arms, so he gave in. He pressed his face against the curve of Minho’s neck and Minho smelled so comforting, it made Jisung cry even more. This hug was meaning to Jisung something else than to Minho.

“What is going on?” 

“I can’t tell you,” Jisung whimpered against Minho’s skin. 

Minho began stroking Jisung’s head. “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?”

Jisung nodded. He knew that Minho wouldn’t judge him no matter what. But if their friendship could overcome everything, was another thing. If Jisung confessed, Minho would probably turn him down politely but Jisung doubted they could still be friends afterwards. He didn’t want to kill their friendship. He’d rather suffer than losing Minho. 

Eventually, Jisung calmed down and leaned back to look at Minho. His pullover had a big wet spot on his right shoulder. “Sorry for that.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t mind it. You needed to cry it out. Are you feeling better?” Minho reached forward and brushed a tear on Jisung’s cheek away with his thumb. Jisung’s skin tingled under his touch and his breath hitched. His touch was like flutter, soft. Barely there. 

Jisung sniffed and looked at Minho, trying to find an answer in his eyes. Did he feel better? The tears lifted up a little weight off his shoulders. “Mhm, a little bit. Thank you.”

“Do…” Minho hesitated. He chewed on his lower lip. “Do you… wanna cuddle?”

Jisung’s heart dropped. Cuddling with Minho? It was tempting, _very_ tempting. But Jisung didn’t know if he’d be able to hold himself back. 

“I- I have to say ‘no’. I want to sleep… alone.”

“Oh… okay.” Disappointment was written all over Minho’s face. It hurt Jisung, there was a pang in his heart. Minho got up. “Then, good night, Jisung.”

And not hearing Minho calling him by his nickname caused Jisung even more pain. Weakly Jisung said: “You too.”

Minho left his room, Jisung put Doongie on the floor, carefully, before he took off his shirt and put on Minho’s gift. It felt soft against his skin. Jisung curled up under his blanket and tried to forget Minho’s thumb caressing his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh, yeah. a bit more angst than in the past chapters, sorry for that.   
> see you hopefully in two weeks. happy holidays <3
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	13. confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello,  
> i'm a few minutes too late, whoopsie.  
> i'll reply to comments tomorrow, big thanks for taking the time to write them. you are the sweetest <3
> 
> have fun with this chapter~

„Why are you looking like a sad burrito?” Jisung didn’t even bother to look up when Chan suddenly entered the attic, questioning Jisung’s current state. He was wrapped up in a blanket, lying on the floor while regretting all the things he had done in life. Because everything he had done, led to Jisung liking Minho. 

“Am I not allowed to look like one?” Jisung said back and stared at a wooden box in the back of the attic. It was Christmas Eve and Jisung hadn’t even been downstairs yet. It was already getting dark, Jisung assumed. Jisung had slept way too long, said he was feeling sick when the others had called him for breakfast. Then he had gone to the attic, had played a little bit on the guitar before he had given up and turned into the “sad burrito”. 

“You are allowed to look like one but you aren’t allowed to capsule yourself away from us on Christmas,” Chan said and came closer. He sat down next to Jisung and crossed his legs. “What is going on?”

“Nothing,” Jisung lied and hid his face a little further into the blanket. He felt like an idiot. The touch of Minho’s thumb is still ghosting over Jisung’s cheek. He had been so gentle, like always. And then Minho had asked for cuddling. He had never done that. Jisung hadn’t realized it yesterday but now it wouldn’t leave him alone. Minho had asked for it, so Minho was fully comfortable around Jisung? It made that stupid glimmer of hope inside him flicker. 

“You’re not really good at lying.”

“Hmpf” was everything Jisung gave as a response. Chan scooted closer and slung an arm around the body under the blanket. He wasn’t quite sure what part of Jisung he was holding.

“Jisung, tell me what’s up,” Chan repeated his question. “Please, tell me. Minho doesn’t talk to me either.”

Jisung crawled halfway out of his blanket and sat up. “Minho’s not feeling well, too?”

“Finally you’re talking. I would’ve mentioned Minho earlier if I knew it would make you talk.” Chan chuckled but then turned serious. “Yeah, Minho’s been grumpy all morning. He had been so nice lately but now it’s like he’s back to his old self.”

Jisung bit his lip. It was his fault that Minho was acting this way. 

“Aaand now you’re not talking again.” Chan sighed. “Please don’t tell me you two had a fight. I thought that phase was already over.”

“We… we didn’t have a fight,” Jisung muttered and planned on crawling back in the blanket but Chan grabbed an end of it and tugged on it. It was so sudden, Jisung lost his balance and fell on Chan’s lap. 

Groaning Chan shoved Jisung off of him. “As much as I love cuddling, you just hit me in the balls with your elbow.”

“You love cuddling too?” Jisung asked surprised and freed his arms. Another victim of their society.

Chan nodded and chuckled. “So, you want me to cuddle you and then you’ll tell me about your problem?”

“Actually, I have to decline because… cuddling _is_ the reason why Minho and I are acting like that,” Jisung explained, softly. His voice was about to break. 

“Did you ask Minho for a hug? You know he doesn’t-“

“No, it was the other way. _He_ asked for it but I said ‘no’.”

Chan looked stunned at him. This wasn’t what he had expected, Jisung could see it in his eyes. “But why- I don’t understand…”

It was warm under the blanket but Jisung started shaking. Fear was attacking him like an earthquake. What was Jisung supposed to say, other than the truth? He was so scared to say it out loud. Thinking about it was one thing, but telling someone about his feelings, _admitting_ to them, was absolutely terrifying. 

Jisung exhaled, debating on the inside if he should tell Chan about it. He felt like he was slowly becoming a time bomb, close to exploding if he didn’t tell someone about his problems. But Chan knew that Minho was gay, so he wouldn’t judge Jisung for that either, right?

“I think, I like Minho.” Jisung stopped, corrected himself. “No, I _know_ I like him. A lot. More than I should.”

Breathing got hard, Jisung felt choked up. The tears were coming back. Jisung wanted them to disappear. Grasping for air Jisung clutched his blanket and tried to hold back the tears. 

Chan waited for Jisung to calm down before he asked: “Is that why you said ‘no’ to cuddling?”

“Yes, I didn’t want to get my hopes up,” Jisung mumbled.

“Oh, maybe I have something that will cheer you up,” Chan said and patted Jisung back, smiling softly. “It’s not my place to tell you this but… let’s just say, you might have a chance that he returns your feelings.”

“Because he’s gay?”

Chan made a surprised sound. “You know that? Okay, why am I even surprised? Of course, he told you. But why are you so scared of telling him?”

“Just because he’s gay it doesn’t mean he will return my feelings for sure,” Jisung replied. 

“I know but I feel like… you are acting as if you have feelings for a homophobe and not Minho.”

Jisung gulped hardly. Why was Chan so right? Because Minhyung had hurt Jisung, he was scared of trusting Minho. 

“It’s just… I got hurt before and I don’t want to ruin our friendship. Every time I’m around him, I feel like exploding. I want to tell him so badly how I feel, I just-“ Jisung stopped himself from rambling and hid his face in his hands. 

“It’s okay,” Chan rubbed Jisung’s back. “But if you don’t want to ruin your friendship, you should stop avoiding him, okay?”

Jisung nodded. 

“Also, if you want to confess, just do it.”

“W-What but I just said-“ Jisung stammered but Chan interrupted him.

“There are other ways to confess than just _telling_. Jisung, you write lyrics. You can write him a song but in the end it’s your decision if you let him hear it or not. Trust me, it’s freeing,” Chan smiled to himself. “And I think you know it yourself.”

Jisung thanked Chan and pulled the other one in a hug. 

After their short, sweet moment, Chan helped Jisung get up. “And now give our grumpy cat-fanatic a hug, too. Get things back to normal, okay?”

Jisung chuckled. “I’ll try.”

“Lee Minho,” Jisung said as loudly as possible when he entered the living room where Minho was sitting. Just like Chan had told him, Minho looked sullen. Even when Jisung made his presence known, Minho’s expression didn’t even budge. 

“Han Jisung.” Jisung groaned internally. He was really acting the way when Jisung had just moved in. But Jisung wanted to follow Chan’s advice in order to keep their friendship alive. 

Like that Jisung walked over to Minho, joined him on the couch. For one moment, he just looked at Minho, takes in the sight. Minho’s lashes that flutter when he looks at Jisung. That small pimple that appeared on his chin. His stupid, _perfect_ nose.

Jisung then slung his arms around Minho. He pulled him close even though Minho got tense. “I’m sorry that I didn’t let you cuddle me yesterday.”

Minho leaned back, the sour look on his face gone. “No, you don’t have to apologize. It’s okay if you don’t want to. I don’t want to force you.”

“No, I have to. It was the first time you admitted to your cuddling-obsession. I should’ve been more supportive.”

“’Cuddling-obsession’? You ass,” Minho laughed but finally returned the hug. He melted in Jisung’s arms and Jisung had to hold back a scream. He hadn’t talked to Minho only for half a day but he had already missed him. Jisung hated how _whipped_ he was for Minho, his friend. 

“Let’s go eat, you lovebirds,” Chan laughed from the other side of the room and Jisung had already forgotten he was there. Jisung’s breath hitched at the “nickname” for him and Minho. Please let Minho take it as a joke. _Please._

Minho just chuckled and let Jisung go. Thank god.

\--

“Do you believe there is another universe?” Chan asked into the night. He, Jisung and Minho were sitting on the balcony, on the same cheap plastic chairs Jisung had realized on he was in love with his friend. Just this time Jisung was wearing warm clothes and not just shorts and a shirt. And he wasn’t crying. 

“I’m sure there is… but not only one,” Jisung said and sipped on the tea in his hands. It tasted like cinnamon. 

“Is this what you usually talk about on the attic?” Minho asked, seemingly confused. 

“Nah,” Jisung replied. “We normally just talk about music… and stuff.”

 _Stuff_ like “Hey, I’m in love with my friend and don’t know what to do because we’re both guys and live in 1994”. Jisung shifted in his seat. Hopefully Minho wouldn’t ask about the “stuff”. Maybe he thinks they talk about girls or stupid things. 

“But why do you think that there are more universes?” Luckily Minho didn’t question it. Instead he really seemed interested in Chan’s question. 

“I mean, the galaxy is _huge_. We people can’t explore everything of it. It’s impossible. There is so much unknown in the space, so why not another universe?” 

Minho looked up at the sky after Chan has finished talking. “Huh, makes sense.”

“And that’s why I think there isn’t just only one more universe, but many more.”

Tearing his eyes off the sky, Minho turned to look at Jisung. “How many more?”

“I don’t know… I never really thought about it. Maybe hundreds? Thousands?” 

“ _Thousands_?” Minho gasped loudly. “Why thousands?”

Jisung grinned. “Why not?”

“What do you think? Are there different versions of us in the other universes?” Chan now also looked at the stars. 

“Maybe there is one universe where we are exactly the same, just like here, but there is a minor difference. Like…” Jisung began and couldn’t even finish thinking about it because Minho did it for him.

“Like we have hands for feet and vice versa.”

“Minho, what the fuck,” Chan burst out in laughter. 

“What? You can’t tell me I’m talking bullshit because you don’t know if it’s true or not.” Minho stuck out his tongue to the other one. “Anyways, what did you want to say Jisungie?”

“I more thought of something like we all have blue hairs or something.”

“That’s boring.” Minho stretched out the “o”. Annoyed Jisung clicked with his tongue. 

“At least it’s not weird like yours.”

“Still boring.”

Chan tried to change the subject. “Imagine we are a boygroup in another universe. That’d be cool, right?”

“I can’t imagine myself as an idol. I’d rather see myself as a dancer,” Minho said and stretched out his hand, asking for Jisung’s mug without saying a word. Jisung raised an eyebrow before he handed him his tea. 

“But we’re talking about another universe and not this universe. The Minho in another universe can be the total opposite of you,” Jisung reminded him.

“Maybe there is a universe where all of us are gay and only Minho is straight,” Chan suggested and Minho snickered.

“Geez, that’d be horrible.”

Jisung was scared that Chan would correct himself and also call another-universe-Jisung straight. Minho could also correct the statement because he literally visited with Jisung a gay club. But both of them didn’t add anything to the idea and Jisung was really grateful for that.

“Do you think we are friends in every other universe, all nine of us?” Jisung suddenly asked into the comforting silence. 

Minho handed Jisung his mug back before he shared his thoughts. “Oh, I’m sure we are all together in every single one. Maybe we aren’t friends in ever universe, maybe in one you and I still hate each other but only because we are two artists fighting for the first place. Or in another universe we all nine are in a Mathematic Olympics team but Woojin realizes how dumb we actually are and switches teams, before he comes back to us because he loves us too much. Maybe we are a family in another universe and Jeongin is our grandmother with really weird antics and keeps terrorizing us. Oh my god, maybe we are cats in another universe except Seungmin because he totally would be a dog. No, wait Chan is absolutely not a cat. And Jisungie, you too. And-“

“Minho you’re drifting away,” Chan noticed and patted Minho’s back. “I think we get your point.”

“You also proved that your imagination is from another world.”

“Or do you mean ‘from another universe’?” Minho corrected Jisung and wiggled with his eyebrows. “But yeah, I am one hundred percent sure that we are together in every universe.”

“I don’t know why you are so sure of that but it’s really sweet.” Chan put an arm around Minho’s shoulder and tried to pull him closer but Minho shied away with a scrunched-up face.

“Talking about sweet. How much fucking sugar did you put in your tea?” Minho directed his attention back to Jisung. “It tasted straight up like diabetes.”

“ _Thanks_.” The mug filled with the so-called diabetic tea was already cold. Jisung stared at it and realized that Minho’s lips had touched it. 

\--

The same night, just a little bit later, Jisung was sitting in his room and stared at the mug standing on his desk. _Minho’s lips had touched it_. He hadn’t dared to drink out of the mug after Minho had touched it. Jisung shouldn’t be so freaked out about it. It was just Minho who had drank out of it. 

But it wasn’t _just_ Minho. Anything regarding Minho wasn’t _just_ something. Minho was everything to Jisung and it drove the latter insane. 

Jisung moved to his desk, the cinnamon smell tickled in his nose, and picked up the mug. He looked at it and with a sigh he put it down again. He remembered Chan’s advice from earlier. Maybe he should just write down his feelings and confess through lyrics. And in the end, it was up to Jisung if Minho actually gets to hear it. 

A piece of paper quickly found its way in front of Jisung, as well as a pencil. The paper showed some signs of past events, some scribbles here, some crossed out thoughts there. It didn’t take long until some new words appeared on the paper.

_at first we were nothing_  
_you called me boring_  
_our first talks were cursed_  
_made me feel the worst_

_anger and insults and fights_  
_until in one of many nights_  
_drenched in heaven’s tears_  
_brought her home, upstairs_

_she turned our world around,_  
_with her the anger drowned_  
_secrets started to form_  
_around you I felt warm_

_one night you defended me_  
_slowly you became all I see_  
_your nose, your eyes, your lips_  
_your hands on my hips_

Jisung’s breath hitched, he had to stop. It hadn’t caused much back then, but remembering Minho’s hands on his hips now made Jisung feel all fizzy on the inside. That night had surely been something else. So much had happened in just a few hours, it was almost hard to believe. If Jisung wouldn’t remember everything so clearly, he’d believe it was all a dream. 

\--

The mug was still standing on the desk when Jisung woke up. He fell asleep in the clothes from yesterday. Groaning Jisung forced himself out of his bed. Just then, when he finally stood up, he noticed the piece of paper on the desk as well. The words on it were written so carefully. Jisung took the paper, read through the words and the raw emotions made Jisung feel weird. He quickly folded it and put the lyrics in the back pocket of his pants. Minho shouldn’t see this ever.

But Chan had been right. It had helped him a little bit with his feelings. Jisung didn’t feel as bottled up as he did before. His heart was a little tiny bit more at ease. It wasn’t like the time he had written about his feelings for Minhyung when he had had his last encounter with him. When he had written about Minhyung it had made him just feel worse. 

But writing about Minho felt much more fulfilling. Jisung didn’t struggle to write about Minho. He felt like he could write books about Minho and wouldn’t get tired of it. 

Jisung shook his head. God, this was cheesy.

\--

“Hey, idiot. I expect you to be in my room when I’m back home. It’s time to cuddle, bitch.” Minho had paged Jisung only minutes ago, so it meant he probably would be home in only 20 minutes but Jisung ran to Minho’s room as soon as the message ended. His heart was pounding and he had to hold back sounds of excitement that were stuck in his throat. Minho had left the house to go to dance practice two hours ago. They still had holidays and everyone was still out of the house. Even Chan and his parents had decided to go on a 2-day-trip, so it was only Minho and Jisung. 

Jisung loved to cuddle, especially with Minho. And now that he partly confessed, kind of, he felt like he could enjoy cuddling with Minho without feeling guilty. 

Happily Jisung jumped on Minho’s bed and fought the urge to hug the pillow while waiting for his friend, because he certainly does remember what Minho had done to the pillow. 

Minho was home earlier than expected, luckily. He had a huge smile on his face when he entered his own room and saw Jisung on his bed. His bag quickly landed on the floor and Minho climbed on his bed. He slung his arm around Jisung and pulled the latter’s head on his chest. 

“Ew, you’re smelly,” Jisung greeted the other one.

“Hello to you too.” 

Jisung laughed quietly and also put his arm around Minho. “How was practice?”

“Good. I’m working on something new. I can show you, if you want?”

“Oh, I’d love to.” Jisung closed his eyes. This felt so good. He could feel how Minho was breathing. When he wasn’t thinking about their current situation, solely focusing on right now, it didn’t feel like he was hugging his friend. It felt like he was having an intimate moment with his lover. The thought made Jisung wanting to rub his nose against Minho’s chest because of how content it made him feel.

Jisung couldn’t enjoy the moment for too long, though. As soon as he opened his eyes, he couldn’t hide the fact that he was cuddling with his _friend_. 

“Do you think it’s weird we’re doing this?” 

Minho put his hand on the back of Jisung’s head. “No. Absolutely not. We’re just being friends.”

The way Minho said it hinted how he wasn’t really believing his own words. Did that mean that Minho fully understood in what kind of situation they were? 

“Just bros being bros?” Jisung teased him and looked up.

“Yes, just dudes being dudes,” Minho said while brushing through Jisung’s hair.

\--

“Do you think that was all just a dream?” Jisung rubbed his face with both his hands. He was sitting at his desk, again, but this time not alone. Doongie was accompanying him, sitting unaffected on the desk. 

“Like, it felt too good to be real. And then he basically admitted that he knew that it wasn’t normal for us to cuddle like that. Okay, no he didn’t admit it but the way he said it…!” Doongie was staring at Jisung and decided to lay down.

“Stop looking at me like that, I know that I’m being ridiculous.” Jisung whined. “But what am I supposed to do?”

All he got in response was a “meow” but that was enough of an answer for Jisung. “You’re right, I should work on my lyrics! Thank you, Doongie.”

Jisung took out the sheet of paper and began writing again.

_at night I can’t sleep_  
_your touch is all I seek_  
_and you give it to me_  
_even a hand on my knee_

_but you see me as a friend_  
_and love isn’t what you intend_  
_with your touch and hug_  
_and drinking out of my mug_

_I want more than that_  
_more than a simple chat_  
_more than bickering and teasing_  
_I want something pleasing_

_reading between lines_  
_I’m looking for signs_  
_that you feel the same_  
_hoping it’s not just a game_

_my heart longs for you_  
_I hope yours does for me too_  
_the only thing I miss_  
_is a simple, first kiss_

_from you. ___

__Jisung looked at the last lines and began squealing. He pressed the piece of paper against his chest. His cheeks were burning. He can’t believe he wrote something like _this_. Even though it was literally on the edge of being cheesy, Jisung loved it. He was holding his heart in form of lyrics.  
Jisung looked at the words, read them over and over. He even tried singing them with a soft voice. _ _

__Minho would never get to hear this. Jisung was going to make sure that this never would reach Minho’s ears. Would he let Minho know about his feelings, they probably would never get to cuddle like they had done yesterday. Sure, there was a possibility that Minho was also seeing him more than a friend but Jisung didn’t want to risk their relationship._ _

__Maybe his feelings would now slowly go away, after he fully accepted them after writing them down. Jisung put the lyrics back in the pocket of his pants._ _

__

__\--_ _

__

__Jisung was about to leave the house to go to buy some snacks for Minho and himself, when he touched the back pocket of his pants out of reflex to check if the lyrics were still there._ _

__But they weren’t._ _

__Jisung’s heart dropped. He stopped mid-movement. One look told him he wasn’t wearing his usual pants. But why wasn’t he wearing them? He had put them on the chair to wear them today.  
Jisung ran upstairs, into his room and threw everything over just to find the goddamn pants. Why weren’t they there? He was sure he had put them on the chair, _so why weren’t they here_? _ _

__Completely bewildered Jisung stood in the middle of the room, sorting his thoughts in the mess he was being in right now. This was bad. No, worse than bad. Jisung was growing anxious, his insides began to turn. A lump was forming in his throat. If someone finds the lyrics he was doomed._ _

__“No, no, no,” he was mumbling while spinning around. Then his eyes caught the door to the bathroom. _Wait.__ _

__Maybe the pants somehow ended up in the laundry. Didn’t Minho tell him that he wanted to do it for Mrs. Bang since she still was on vacation with Chan and Mr. Bang? Jisung rushed to the bathroom and began looking through laundry basket._ _

__“Thank fucking god.” Jisung pulled out the pants and luckily found the sheet of paper in the pocket. Out of joy, Jisung began kissing the lyrics._ _

__“What are you doing?”_ _

__Once again, Jisung froze. Slowly he turned around and looked right into Minho’s face. Fuck._ _

__“Uhm, nothing?”_ _

__“You don’t so sure of that.” Skeptically Minho eyed him. “What is that?”_ _

__“Nothing.”_ _

__“ _Jisung_.”_ _

__“Okay, they are lyrics but they are pretty embarrassing, so I didn’t want anyone to find them.” It wasn’t a lie, Minho just hadn’t to know that the lyrics were about him. He laughed awkwardly. “Can I go now? I wanted to go to the grocery store to get us some snacks.”_ _

__Minho said nothing for a moment and Jisung thought he was allowed to go, but then Minho jerked forward and ripped the paper out of Jisung’s hand._ _

__“No!” Jisung screamed and tried to get the lyrics back but Minho wouldn’t let him._ _

__Minho began giggling. He saw it as a game, like the usual teasing they would perform from time to time. He couldn’t know how serious this actually was. Jisung began trembling. This couldn’t be happening. He was trying everything to get the paper back._ _

__“Please give it back,” Jisung begged and gripped Minho’s arms with both his hands but Minho still wouldn’t let go. He couldn’t read it. It would destroy their friendship._ _

__Now fully realizing that Jisung got even more upset. He was on the verge of crying._ _

__Minho suddenly stopped smiling. “Jisung, are you okay? I didn’t think it was so important to you.”_ _

__“It is,” Jisung managed to say, holding the tears back. “Can I please have it back?”_ _

__“Of course,” Minho immediately gave it to him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think-“_ _

__But Jisung didn’t even listen to him. He pushed Minho aside and left the house as fast as possible. His heart was still racing. He was clutching onto the piece of paper that had almost ruined his friendship. Jisung should get rid of the lyrics if he wanted something like that to never happen again but he couldn’t._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> b r o, i'll never write in italics again. the lyrics took me /so/ long ugh  
> btw, the universe-scene was inspired by skam :>
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	14. waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello,  
> i'm on time, yay  
> there's not much to say, i just want to thank you for the lovely comments <3
> 
> have fun reading~

Jisung was still clutching onto the paper, his steps were quick. He was running away from his problems, again. Didn’t he want to stop doing that? His lower lip was stuck between his teeth while Jisung was walking to the convenience store. The plan to go buy snacks for Minho and himself was still standing. 

What would’ve happened if Minho had unfolded the sheet of paper and looked at the lyrics? Jisung really couldn’t imagine how his reaction would have looked like. Maybe Minho would have been disgusted by the sugar-coated words dedicated to him. Jisung slowed down his walking. No, Minho would never react like that, no matter how much Jisung’s anxiety wanted to make him believe that. 

But that didn’t mean he would react nicely either. Minho could react badly but in a polite way. Like “Oh, that’s really sweet but I can’t be friends with you anymore.” or “Hey, I really like you as a friend but now that I know that you have feelings for me, I can’t assure you that I can stay being friends with you.”. 

Those possible reactions made Jisung’s inside feel like a twisted disaster.   
_It’s okay, Jisung. Minho didn’t read the lyrics, it’s alright. You two are still friends._ And if Jisung wanted to keep their friendship alive, he had to make sure that he wasn’t mad at Minho. He also should hide the lyrics better next time. 

Softly Jisung knocked at Minho’s door. Minho was sitting on his bed, staring out of the window. He immediately got off his bed. 

“Jisung, I-“

“No, don’t apologize. There is nothing to apologize for,” Jisung interrupted Minho, knowing exactly what he was about to say. “I’m tired of apologies. You know that you shouldn’t have stolen my paper and I know that I overreacted-“

“Stop making it seem like it had been nothing. I’ve never seen you so scared, Jisung.” Minho came closer and put his hands on Jisung’s shoulder. “The paper seems very important to you. I’m sorry I scared you so much.”

Jisung wanted to stop his friend from apologizing. But Minho was already pulling him in a hug. 

“You’re more obsessed with cuddling than I expected,” Jisung chuckled and tried to hold himself back from enjoying the hug too much. 

“Oh, I only like hugging that one, special person,” Minho replied with a quiet and soft voice. He was still hugging Jisung, so the latter couldn’t see his face. 

_Special person_? Did Minho just referrer to Jisung as a “special person”? Jisung pulled Minho a little closer even though it would increase the chance that Minho could feel how fast Jisung’s heart was suddenly beating. Maybe Minho was joking again. Still, it made Jisung’s heart flutter to think that Minho could see him as someone special to him. 

“I bought snacks,” Jisung told Minho when he pulled back. “Wanna watch a movie?”

Minho cheeks were in a lovely pink. “Sure.”

\--

One week later and Jisung was still thinking about how Minho had called him special. He was sitting in the library, trying to read. But the words were dancing in front of him, they wouldn’t stay in place. Just like Jisung’s thoughts. They kept wandering off to Minho, how he had called him special, how he had admitted that he only likes to hug Jisung, how he had brushed Jisung’s tears off his cheeks with his thumb. Minho was always so gentle. 

Jisung dropped his head on the table with a loud “thud”. Ouch. Jisung kept his forehead against the wood. Minho and he kept acting as if the “special person”-incident had never happened. And it confused Jisung _so much_. 

Holding back a whine, Jisung turned his face to the side, so his cheek was squished against the table. He looked around, his eyes moved from books about the first World War to the ones about algorithm. And between the book shelves was a familiar figure. It was the guy Jisung had seen in the bus on the day of their Christmas party. He slowly raised his head. Where did Jisung know this guy from? 

Jisung should be more subtle while he was literally _staring_ at a stranger and not be so _fucking_ obvious but Jisung wasn’t even thinking about it because he kept wondering who this guy was. 

Eventually the guy noticed Jisung’s staring and turned around and then his eyes turned round. He must’ve recognized Jisung. But instead of Jisung who had been just looking, the guy walked over to Jisung to talk to him.

“Hey.”

“Hey?” Jisung replied unsure, still not knowing who this guy is. “Sorry, I don’t remember where I know you from. Are we having a class together?”

“No,” the guy smiled but it had a hint of sadness. “Can I sit down?”

Jisung just nodded and the guy put his bag down before he sat down right across Jisung. “So… you and I never talked before and you probably were more focused on my friend when we first met, or should I say former friend?”

“Former friend?” 

“Yeah, uhm,” the guy cleared his throat awkwardly. “You may know him as Minhyung.”

Jisung paled. His brain finally found the guy’s face in his foggy memories. The night that had hurt him so much. The guy was one of the people that had been standing right next to Minhyung who had been insulting Jisung and Minho, and all they had done was absolutely _nothing_. 

Jisung wanted to get up and just go away but the guy gently touched Jisung’s wrist and said in a pleading tone: “No, please wait. I’m not here to hurt you.”

Debating on whether he should believe this stranger or not, Jisung froze in his current position, slightly hovering above his chair with his butt. Jisung then gave in and sighed. Expectantly Jisung looked at whatever-his-name-was. “Then why are you here?”

“So, I wanted to apologize for Minhyung’s words. I know, it would’ve been better if Minhyung himself apologized but he would never do that.” The guy gave Jisung that sad smile again. “And that’s why I’m not friends with him anymore. I can’t be friends with someone who is… homophobic.”

“Wait, are you-“

“Jeno, sweetie!” Another guy suddenly joined them and took the seat next to the other guy – Jeno, apparently. He had a huge smile on his face, he was literally beaming. Jeno on the other hand, seemed to be embarrassed.

“Don’t call me like that in public, Jaemin,” he groaned.

“Why, sweetheart? Can’t I call my boyfriend like that?” The new guy – Jaemin - responded with a cheeky smile. 

_Boyfriend_? Jisung’s jaw dropped. Did he just hear right? Was the other just joking? He must be joking. No guy would say something like that to another guy in public. 

But Jeno’s reaction told him otherwise. “ _Jaemin_!”, he hissed with red cheeks and looked panicked at Jisung. 

Jisung was just too confused at what was happening, so he asked without thinking: “Are you two dating?”

“Yes.”   
“No.”

“Oh, come on, Jeno. We can tell him that we’re dating, right? Isn’t he one of us?”

“Wait, is it that obvious?” Jisung was now the one that was panicking. Then he internally slapped himself because he literally exposed himself to two strangers.

“Nah but I was also there when Minhyung… you know,” Jaemin explained in a bittersweet tone. Jisung couldn’t remember him from that night but he believed him. 

“Okay, we are dating and that’s why we aren’t friends with Minhyung anymore,” Jeno admitted quietly, then he worriedly looked around at the library before he shyly took Jaemin’s hand. 

That little gesture made Jisung’s heart ache. It was so heartwarming to see but at the same time it hurt, hurt because they still had to worry of getting caught. 

“You two are cute together,” Jisung softly commented.

“Thanks but you and your boyfriend are too,” Jaemin said back. 

“M-My boyfriend?” Jisung almost choked on nothing.

“Yeah, the one with the big eyes and the _thighs_ ,” Jeno explained. 

Did they mean Minho? Why was Jisung even asking, of course they were talking about his friend. He had been the only one next to Jisung when Minhyung had verbally attacked him. 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Jisung corrected them but then added in a tiny voice. “But I wish he was.”

“Oh, Jisung,” Jaemin cooed. “Are you sure he doesn’t like you? Is he straight?”

Jisung didn’t want to out Minho to other people. He hadn’t the right to. But Jeno and Jaemin were total strangers and Jisung would probably never meet them again, also they were in the same boat as Minho and Jisung, in a very tiny boat with barely people on it in an ocean so dangerous, they could drown any given moment, so Jisung could tell it to them without worrying of them exposing Minho.

“He isn’t. And I don’t think he likes me _that_ way.”

“Why do you think so?” Jeno asked and quickly let off Jaemin’s hand when the librarian walked pass them. Jisung didn’t miss how Jaemin pressed his lips together in disappointment.

“He… probably just sees me as a friend.”

“And where is the ‘probably’ coming from?” Jaemin asked with curious eyes.

“It’s just…” Jisung sighed distressed. “He’s confusing me lately. So, he always says that he doesn’t like skinship but he hugs me all the time and asks me to cuddle with him. He’s a bit of an ass but for the past months he was very nice to me and always apologizes when he does something wrong. And… and just some days ago he called me ‘special person’ and that he only likes to cuddle with me.”

Wow, saying it out loud hit completely different. It kind of felt nice to tell someone about it who didn’t know Jisung or Minho or the whole situation they were in. Jeno and Jaemin had a fresh mind with which they could look at the “thing” Jisung and Minho were in.

“Are you fucking serious? You are trying to tell me that he only likes you as a friend.” Jaemin looked at Jisung as if he was an alien. “I don’t think you know the definition of friends.”

Jisung noticed how warm his face was getting. “Do you mean- mean, he likes… me?”

“Yes, dumbass.” Jaemin deadpanned and Jeno snorted.

“Hey, you can’t call me a dumbass yet. We know each other for like half an hour,” Jisung pouted and tried to ignore the butterflies inside him dancing like crazy inside his stomach. 

“Oh, that’s enough time for Jaemin to start calling people like that,” Jeno snickered.

“Yeah, we’re basically friends now,” Jaemin added and patted Jisung’s hand with his own. “And as a friend I’m telling you to shoot your shot.”

“That sounded wrong,” Jeno stated and Jisung had to agree, giggling. 

“Wow, are you twelve or something? I’m being serious, Jisung. Tell Mr. Thighs how you feel, okay?”

Jisung stopped laughing and not only because the librarian was judging them. Then he nodded and thanked Jaemin shyly. 

\--

Jisung had parted ways with Jaemin and Jeno after they had exchanged phone numbers and promised to meet up again soon. Weird, Jisung thought to himself. He had made friends outside the boarding house for the first time. And finally someone told him concretely what to do with his on-going situation with Minho. It’s strange how Jisung had been worrying about his feelings for Minho for weeks and it just took two gay guys to tell Jisung what to do and suddenly he was able to muster up all his courage. 

Okay, maybe not enough courage to tell it Minho face-to-face but just enough to steal the telephone from the living room and hide in Chan’s room because the telephone wire is not long enough for Jisung to take the phone to his own room. He had asked Chan to leave his own room because he had to make a “special” call and Chan had wiggled with his eyebrows before he left Jisung alone with his guitar and the phone. 

The lyrics were still in the pocket of his pants, of course Jisung hadn’t learned from his mistakes. The paper got more and more wrinkly with every time Jisung took it out. But the lyrics were still visible. Jisung laid the paper in front of him on the desk and tried to smooth it out with his hands. Every single word still felt like little crumbles of his heart that had been captured on paper. 

“Oh my fucking god,” Jisung whispered and closed his eyes. He was about to confess to Minho and it gave him a stomach ache. Even though he was scared, Jisung was determined to tell Minho about his feelings. The things Jaemin had said were very convincing, Jisung really had felt like an idiot afterwards for thinking that Minho liked him only as a friend. Minho must think more of him. Jaemin had planted a seed of hope inside Jisung. 

Okay, let’s do this.  
Jisung picked up the phone, dialed Minho’s number and waited for Minho’s mailbox to tell him to leave a message.

Some stupid music started to play and you could hear Minho’s voice. “Hello, here’s Doongie’s dad. If you have to tell me something, go ahead and do so. But if you’re going to bore me, just let it be. Don’t waste your and, most importantly, my time.”

Jisung chuckled but then noticed that it was his turn to talk. He swallowed hardly, then he began talking. “Hey… Minho. It’s me, Jisung. And I have something for you.”

A deep breath and Jisung began playing his guitar. His fingers were moving without thinking. Jisung didn’t even notice but he closed his eyes again and began singing without even looking at the lyrics. He was seeing Minho’s face behind his eyes and all he could do was smile and sing the song for his friend by heart. No, not for his friend. Minho was more than just that to Jisung. 

Jisung poured his everything into his singing, he wanted Minho to hear how much he meant to him. He imagined how Minho would listen to it. Where would he be in that moment? Would Minho listen to it in a telephone booth near the university or would be holding the phone that was at his dance studio, against his hear when he listened to Jisung’s message? Or maybe he would be in the living room, here in their house, and all he would have to do after listening to Jisung, was going upstairs to talk to Jisung himself.

The seed of hope inside him was slowly becoming a flower, fragile but bright. Jisung smiled to himself.

“From you.” The last two words of his song were barely audible while Jisung finished them with a smile. He didn’t add anything more to the message and hung up. 

When his finger touched the button to end his message, only then Jisung fully realized what he had done. Maybe he regretted it a little bit, their friendship was at a possible risk. But the regret was barely there. Mostly there was a tremor threatening inside of Jisung, as if an earth quake was about to storm him. It was excitement, the adrenaline rush from just confessing to his crush. 

“Crush” was maybe the wrong term for the things he was feeling for Minho. You have a crush on someone when you’re in eighth grade or maybe even at university when the guy sitting next to you was too nice to you on several occasions. But Jisung’s feelings for Minho were more than just that. Minho’s whole existence wasn’t just poking on the outside of Jisung’s heart, no. It was pushing and breaking into the deepest part of Jisung’s heart to claim it fully. And with success. Jisung’s heart was inside Minho’s hands or more like, it was inside Minho’s pager, waiting to be opened. 

Jisung brought back the phone into the living room and gave Chan a nod that possibly said “yeah I’m ready with confessing my undying love for Minho in the cheesiest way possible”. Chan gave him a thumbs up and laughed quietly to himself while he walked back into his room.

One look at the clock told Jisung that Minho was on his way to the dance studio to meet up with Jisung to show him some of his dancing, like he had promised. So, Jisung put on his favorite shoes, took his thicker jeans jacket that Minho had once borrowed from him (he had told Jisung that he had taken it _accidentally_ ), and left the house.

Music was audible when Jisung came closer to the practice room Minho had told him to go to. So, that meant Minho was already there. Jisung was wondering if Minho had checked his pager yet. He stood in front of the door and was so nervous, he felt like throwing up. What if Minho had already checked the message? It would be their first confrontation with them both knowing how Jisung felt for Minho. 

Jisung took a deep breath and opened the door.   
Minho was with the back turned to Jisung while he danced. He wasn’t following a choreography. Minho’s body was loosely moving to the music, as if he was in thoughts. Normally he danced sharply with so much energy, Jisung didn’t know where he was getting it from, and yet he managed to look elegant, when the choreography asked it from him. But that wasn’t the case right now.

Had Minho listened to Jisung’s song? Is that why he was acting like that?

“Hey, Minho.” Jisung greeted his friend but his voice betrayed him, it trembled. 

Minho turned around, surprised. But then he sent Jisung a sweet smile, his eyes turned to little crescents, so his long lashes were touching the highest point of his cheeks. Jisung’s heart fluttered. “Hey, Jisungie. I didn’t hear you come.” With that being said he turned back to the mirror.

Weird. Minho didn’t act differently, he treated Jisung like he usually did. He hadn’t heard Jisung’s confession yet? Or did he choose to act like he hadn’t heard it?

“Uhm, Minho?” Jisung asked carefully and stepped closer. “Did you hear my message I sent you?”

Minho looked back at him. “You sent me a message? Haven’t heard it yet… should I listen to it now?”

“No, no!” Jisung panicked and waved it quickly off with both of his hands. “Listen to it when I’m gone, okay?”

“Aren’t we going home together?” Minho asked disappointed. 

“No, wait. We can go home together but you gotta listen to the message first,” Jisung replied and then came up with an idea. “Okay, let’s do it this way: I will go first to the bus station and wait for you like… 15 minutes, so you can change and listen to the message.”

“Now you’re making me curious,” Minho complained. “You’re making such a big deal out of it. What could’ve you possibly said that you don’t want me to listen to it while you’re with me?”

“Please don’t start guessing,” Jisung whined which made Minho chuckle. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t. Still doesn’t change the fact that I’m wondering.”

Jisung squirmed a little bit. “Anyways, what are you practicing right now?”

Minho plopped on the floor. “Ugh, I don’t even know. I’m trying to come up with a choreography for a competition I’ll might join.”

“A competition? When is it?” Jisung also sat down.

“The first round will be in one month and it might seem like a lot of time but it’s not and I’m just so frustrated. I can’t come up with anything.”

“Creativity blocks suck, especially when you have a deadline. The only thing that helps is taking a break.”

“But I don’t have the time to-“ Minho objected but Jisung pressed his pointing finger against his friend’s lips.

“Shh. You _have time_ for a small break, okay?” 

Minho jumped back with a disgusted expression. “Don’t touch my lips with your dirty fingers.”

“What do mean with dirty? I always wash my hands!” Jisung complained and held up both his hands, as if you were able to tell they’re clean just by looking at them. 

Minho clicked with his tongue. “Bullshit.”

Jisung gaped at him while being seriously offended but then Minho started laughing. “I’m joking but thank you for the advice. Do you count teaching you how to dance, as a break or not?”

“I mean, you will probably give up out of frustration because I have two left feet. So… no, it doesn’t count as a break.”

“Aw, come on. You’re not _that_ bad,” Minho said back, really keen on teaching Jisung how to dance. “And the dance I’m about to teach is not that hard.”

“Oh, did you just call me a good dancer?” Teasingly Jisung asked Minho.

“I did not, idiot.” Quickly Minho got up and stretched out his hand towards Jisung. “Now get up and dance.”

Jisung accepted Minho’s hand and let him help him getting up. “Which dance to you want to teach me?”

“Good ol’ Waltz,” Minho answered and made a bow like a prince. “Milady, can I have this dance?”

“’Milady’? Who says I’m dancing the female part?” Jisung tried to protest but Minho already put his right hand on Jisung’s waist. It made Jisung flustered.

“I am saying that because the male part has the lead. And I have to lead you because you don’t know what to do,” Minho explained and straightened his back. “Now, put your left hand on my shoulder and hold with your other hand my hand.”

Jisung did as told and interlaced their fingers, his cheeks slightly turning red. Minho snickered. “Not like that. If we interlace our fingers, we can’t make a turn.”

“Oh.” Awkwardly Jisung undid the interlacing of their fingers and just held Minho’s hand like he had to. 

“Good. Now, Waltz is in triple time and the accent is always on the first step. We’ll start with the basics. I show you the steps and you’ll try to follow me, okay?” Jisung nodded and looked down at Minho’s feet that began to move, trying to follow.

“Imagine you’re moving in a square and count ‘one, two , three’ with an emphasis on ‘one’. Like this,” Minho began counting while he moved, like he had described it to Jisung. The latter watched Minho do the steps, two, three times, then he followed. His eyes were constantly glued to their feet, trying not to mess up. 

They were doing that for some minutes, until Jisung felt secure enough. They were dancing in circles over and over again. Jisung was getting a little dizzy and not only because they were spinning. Minho was so close, his hand felt so nice on his waist and his breath was brushing Jisung’s cheek slightly. 

“Okay, now look up and relax. Tell me about your day,” Minho spoke up and as soon as Jisung raised his head, he looked at Minho’s face that was wearing a soft expression. He looked so stunning, Jisung was so captured by his beauty that he stumbled and accidentally stepped on Minho’s foot. 

“Sorry,” Jisung mumbled and wanted to look back at their feet but Minho didn’t let him. He held Jisung’s chin up with his fingers and it felt like the world stopped moving.

Jisung’s whole body froze, it refused to move. Just like Jisung, Minho stopped dancing. With round eyes, Minho stared at Jisung. His pupils were shaking just the tiniest bit. What was Jisung supposed to do? His heart was beating so fast, he was afraid it might jump out of his throat. 

Was about to happen what Jisung thought of? No, that’d be crazy. There was no way they were about to kiss. Just _thinking_ about the possibility that their lips were about to meet, made Jisung feel panicked but also very warm and fuzzy on the inside. He griped a little bit harder onto Minho’s shoulder he was already holding on to. 

Jisung scanned the look on Minho’s face. Was he thinking about the same thing? All he could see were the stars in Minho’s eyes. 

There were many scenarios Jisung had painted inside his head about his first kiss. First he had wanted it to be on his prom with Minhyung. There would be sparkling dresses of the girls and the starry night above their heads. In quiet nights where his thoughts had been too loud, Jisung had dreamt of a first kiss hidden under blankets, cuddling with the person he liked, so they could fall asleep in each other’s arms. But lately another image kept pushing itself forward inside his head. Jisung had once seen a movie with a scene that had completely taken his breath away. It was raw and beautiful and just everything Jisung could dream of, because it was imperfectly perfect. The couple in the movie shared their first kiss under rain. Maybe Jisung had imagined himself and Minho under rain together, kissing. 

Jisung wasn’t even noticing but Minho was coming closer, painfully slow. But then their nose tips touched and Jisung’s heart dropped. This was _really_ happening. Jisung still didn’t know what to do, so he just looked at Minho with big eyes and quickened pulse. Minho’s eyelashes were fluttering and _oh god_ \- Any second they would kiss. Jisung will be kissed for the first time and that by Minho, the person he had been dreaming of sharing an intimate moment with. 

Minho was so, so close, Jisung couldn’t handle it any longer, so he squeezed his eyes shut. Without being able to see, Jisung noticed how Minho’s thumb was caressing his side. Suddenly Jisung wanted to jerk forward and finally capture their lips but he didn’t get chance to.

The door squeaked when it got opened.   
Jisung shot his eyes open and jumped back, looking terrified. Scared he looked at Minho, then the door where a girl was standing but Jisung recognized her right away. It was Minho’s friend, Sooyoung.

“Geez, I’m sorry to interrupt your _moment_. I’m just here to get my water bottle,” she greeted them and grinned knowingly. “Just keep doing what you were up to.”

Like that she was gone and Minho and Jisung were alone again. But continuing what they were about to do, was easier said than done. So, Jisung did what he could do the best: run away.

He laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, uhm. I-I’ll go to the bus station and you can change and listen to my message, okay? Just like we planned.”

Jisung didn’t even wait for Minho’s response, he just fled out of the studio. His heart was still beating rapidly, as if he had been running a marathon. He felt bad for leaving Minho just like that. But Jisung was leaving him with his confession, his heart. So, that would make up for it, right? Maybe then Jisung would get his kiss in the rain, even though it wasn’t raining right now. Honestly, Jisung could also live without the rain, he just wanted Minho.

The bus station was nearby. Jisung sat down on the bench and waited. 

And waited.   
He waited for longer than they had agreed on. 15 minutes turned to 20 minutes and those turned to 30 minutes. Jisung was getting worried. He couldn’t even imagine what could’ve gone wrong. 

Jisung decided to wait to wait ten more minutes, then he would take the bus and drive home. He waited but he didn’t get the rain he had dreamed of. 

And that’s when Minho started to avoid Jisung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm, two things:  
> 1) please don't kill me  
> 2) look forward to the next chapter
> 
> byE
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	15. rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello *crawls out of a hole*  
> thank you for not killing me for the last chapter lmao  
> i want to thank you for all the comments, i had expected that the last chapter would cause a lot of reactions, but not that manY. ily <3  
> right now is finals season for me, so i didn't have enough time to answer your comments and i don't want to give half-hearted answers, so please wait for it :>
> 
> ANYWAYs, have fun reading~~

_Someone once said that love is distributed like rain on the earth. Some get too much of it, some too little._

Jisung felt like he was going trough a drought.  
Minho was avoiding Jisung and the latter didn’t know why. Or rather he couldn’t _understand_ why. He could imagine that the reason for Minho’s behavior was Jisung’s confession but Jisung just couldn’t understand. They had almost kissed, so why was Minho avoiding him after Jisung had told him how he felt? 

Jisung wasn’t even mad at Minho for avoiding him, he was just confused. And maybe a little bit hurt. After all Minho had left him sitting at a bus station after Jisung had confessed to him. And now Minho was avoiding him. It didn’t make any sense at all. 

It was so unusual for Minho to behave like that. Normally Minho would confront him and not ignore him. Jisung was the one to run away, not Minho.

And for the first time, Jisung decided _not_ to run away but confront his problem. 

The first time Jisung _really_ tried to talk to Minho was on the next day right after the incident. Minho was about to come home, his lecture had ended 15 minutes ago. Jisung went to Minho’s room and sat down on his bed.  
At night Jisung hadn’t been able to fall asleep. He had kept waiting for Minho to return home. And at some point, he did but he hadn’t paid Jisung’s room a visit. This morning, at breakfast, Minho hadn’t greeted Jisung back. A “Can we talk talker?” had been left unanswered. Jisung had given up immediately, especially because the others had been there. 

But now here, in Minho’s room wasn’t anyone, not even Doongie. Under these conditions Jisung and Minho can talk about whatever was going on, right? 

Well, they didn’t talk. Minho came home, exactly six minutes later. He walked into his room, saw Jisung on his bed and left it right away. Jisung couldn’t even say a word. 

Then Jisung thought, okay, maybe he should confront Minho again when the others were there and this time he shouldn’t give up. There was no way he would let Minho go without knowing his reason for acting this way. Jisung hadn’t mustered up all his courage to be greeted with silence. 

A week of Jisung still trying to reach out to Minho later, they all gathered in the living room. Woojin and Hyunjin had come over and it was actually the first time they all saw each other after the Christmas break. Jisung was surprised that Minho was actually there, with them, and not at the practice room, like he was all the time lately. 

They were talking about finals and university and mean professors that give them way too much homework. But it wouldn’t be a _normal_ conversation if one of them doesn’t throw a weird question into the conversation.

“What is the worst meal you have ever eaten?” Hyunjin suddenly asked. Everyone chuckled at the question, only Jisung had his eyes fixated on Minho who wasn’t able to smile as well. Jisung saw how the wheels were turning inside Minho’s head. Right now, Jisung wanted to take a look inside his mind to find out what was going on. 

They were listing down some of the worst things they had ever eaten and it sparked a debate about pineapple on pizza which made Woojin and Seungmin _very_ furious.

“Fruit doesn’t belong on pizza! It’s a fucking hate-crime” Seungmin simply said with so much determination that it was hard to disagree.

“But isn’t a tomato considered a fruit?” Felix confusedly asked and it made Jeongin gasp softly. 

“Okay, the only fruit that belongs on a pizza is tomato but _not_ pineapple,” Woojin gave in on the first part but still stuck to his opinion. 

“But didn’t you like Hawaii Toast?” Chan asked, his question was directed at Woojin.

“Yeah but everyone ate Hawaii Toast just a few years ago,” Woojin tried to defend himself and then turned to Jisung. “Why aren’t you saying something, Jisung? You’re the biggest pineapple-on-pizza-hater I’ve ever met.”

“Hm?” Jisung wasn’t quite listening, their discussion was leading nowhere anyways. All he could think about was Minho. He just wanted to hear his voice. It had been a while. 

Everyone was looking at Jisung, except Minho.  
So, Jisung got up to make Minho look at him. It just made the others more confused. Minho didn’t react at all. He was just chewing on his lower lip, looking down at the carpet. 

“Please, talk to me. I don’t know what-“ Jisung began but then Minho also got up.

“Just stop.” And then he walked away again. 

It felt like a punch in Jisung’s stomach. 

\--

Just because Minho had told him to stop, Jisung didn’t intend to do so. He had promised himself he wouldn’t stop until he gets an answer. Jisung just had to come up with another way to get it. Getting an answer from Minho himself wasn’t working, Jisung finally realized that, but maybe someone else could give him possible options for an answer. Turn the whole situation into a multiple-choice-test. 

“Okay, Jiwoo. I need your help.” Jisung slammed both his hands on the table Jiwoo was sitting at right after their class had ended.

“Hello to you too, Jisung.” Jiwoo laughed brightly and packed her stuff, before she got up. “So, what’s the problem?”

“Can you arrange me a meet-up with Sooyoung? I have to talk to her about something.” Together they were walking out of the room. 

“Is the ‘something’ Minho?” Jiwoo asked with a grin and it threw Jisung completely off-guard. How could she know that? “But yeah, sure. Lucky for you, I always meet up with her after this class.”

“Yeah, it’s Minho. But how do you know?”

“Oh, Sooyoung just tells me sometimes about what she and Minho are talking about.”

“And what are they talking about?” Jisung wanted to know. Where they perhaps talking about him?

Jiwoo patted Jisung’s back. “Jisungie, I can’t tell you that. Look, there’s Sooyoung!”

Excitedly Jiwoo ran up to Sooyoung and jumped into her arms. Jisung saw how Sooyoung rolled her eyes but still smiled. He slowly walked over to them and greeted the latter.

“What a pleasure to see you, Jisung,” Sooyoung said back and Jisung wasn’t quite sure if she was being sarcastic. 

“I need your wise words, Miss Sooyoung,” Jisung replied.

“I’m listening.” 

“Well… basically, I confessed to Minho and now he’s avoiding me.”

Sooyoung stopped walking. “What? You _finally_ confessed? I thought the day would never come when one of you idiots admit your feelings for each other.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Sooyoung repeated slowly. “That he likes you, just like you like him.”

“But then why is he avoiding me?” 

A deep sigh left Sooyoung’s lips. “Let me say it like this: He once made a bad experience with someone confessing to him and now he is afraid of letting someone into his heart again. But-“

“Let me guess. But it’s not your place to tell me about it,” Jisung finished her sentence. “I hear that often when it’s about Minho’s past. Does she tell you any details, Jiwoo?”

“Nah, she never tells me about his past. She just calls him an oblivious idiot all the time.”

Sooyoung chuckled. “So, you probably want to ask me what to do now, right?”

Jisung just nodded. 

“Confront him. Don’t give him a chance to escape. Make him listen, okay? Minho is very stubborn. He won’t listen until he has no other option than to listen.”

“He’s a tough one, huh?” Jisung smiled to himself.

“Oh, he is,” Sooyoung agreed but then got very serious. “But, Han Jisung, if you dare to break Minho’s heart, I’m gonna rip you apart.”

And Jisung believed her, so he quickly nodded, slightly terrified, and thanked her, before he left. 

\--

Jisung was sitting at the bus station Minho had left him waiting. Minho had fled to the dance studio once again, two hours ago. Sooyoung had contacted Jisung and wished him good luck. Jisung had been about to go to sleep when Minho’s friend had contacted him, so it was already dark outside. It would probably take a while until Minho shows up at the bus station but Jisung would follow Sooyoung’s advice and try _everything_ until Minho listens to him, even if it meant that he had to wait hours at a bus station. Minho had to show up eventually. 

Jisung’s Walkman was keeping him company. It was kind of lonely but soon Minho would be here and this time he couldn’t avoid him. There was no way, he would walk back home. It was too far away to do that. 

The music was just background noise because Jisung’s thoughts were too loud. He kept worrying about the thing that was about to happen. Maybe it won’t work out again? Jisung didn’t want to lose Minho, not like that. He closed his eyes. 

“Jisung?” There was the voice he had missed so much. It almost drowned in the music because how softly Minho had said it, but it still had reached Jisung’s ears. Jisung almost fell off the bench when he saw Minho. He came back from practice much earlier than Jisung had expected.

“Minho.” Jisung put the headset off, got up and made a step forward. Minho took a step back. It hurt. Only then Jisung noticed that it was raining. With taking a step back, Minho wasn’t standing under canopy anymore. 

Without thinking, Jisung reached out and took Minho’s wrist to pull him back under the canopy. “Don’t stand in the rain or you’ll get sick.”

Minho stared at Jisung’s hand still holding onto his wrist. His cheeks were rosy. Jisung didn’t know if it came from the cold or the situation they were in. Then, as softly as before, Minho asked: “Why are you doing this?”

“What… exactly do you mean?” 

Finally, Minho looked him in the eyes, for the first time in days. His eyes were filled with tears. “Why are you… why are you making fun of me?”

Jisung’s heart dropped. Was this what Minho had been thinking about the whole time? That his confession had been just a cruel joke? Jisung now took Minho’s other hand as well. “I am not making fun of you, Minho. I was being sincere. I _really_ like you.” 

Minho’s lip trembled and Jisung saw how he tried to hide it. “Really? I- It’s just…”

“Minho, we almost kissed once. What made you think that I was making fun of you?” Jisung looked at Minho, caressing Minho’s palms with his thumbs. 

Minho didn’t answer, He looked so vulnerable. Jisung just wanted to pull him a hug and tell him that everything is fine. And that’s what Jisung did. He slung his arms around Minho and pulled him close. Comforting he caressed Minho’s back. Of course, Jisung had suffered these past days and maybe he also should be comforted right now, but Minho must’ve been seriously hurt in the past if he was thinking that Jisung’s confession was a joke. 

When Jisung pulled back, he left just a little bit of space between them. Minho was a little wet around his eyes but a big smile was on his lips. Gently Jisung brushed a tear away with the tip of his pointing finger. 

“I really want to kiss you right now,” Minho whispered and stared at Jisung with his mouth slightly open. Jisung felt like bursting, his lungs were filled with happiness. There was the urge to scream into the world how much he liked Minho. 

“Me too,” Jisung quietly said back. “I want to kiss you too.” 

But they didn’t kiss. Instead they completely separated their bodies from each other because their bus arrived. They didn’t have to say it, a “later” was floating in both of their heads. The bus driver looked strangely at him, as if he _knew_ , and it made Jisung feel sick. They quickly sat down at the back of the bus. 

Jisung took Minho’s bag and put it on both of their laps. Then he took Minho’s hand under the bag and intertwined their fingers. Minho looked surprised at him but then smiled widely and squeezed Jisung’s hand. Suddenly Jisung got shy. 

It felt surreal, holding Minho’s hand and knowing that he returned his feelings. Now that Jisung was back to reality, in the bus, being aware that they were in public, he had to process what just had happened minutes ago. He was holding Minho’s hand, his beautiful, soft, warm hand. Just minutes ago he had almost kissed Minho again. God, Jisung couldn’t wait to finally connect their lips to a kiss. It all happened so quickly. His plan to confront had finally worked, Minho had finally listened. And even though the reason for Minho avoiding Jisung was laid open now, it still concerned Jisung. It was rare to see Minho like that. Usually Minho shrugged everything off with a smug grin or a sarcastic comment. But the Minho he had met at the bus station was the complete opposite. Full of doubt and fear. He had looked so close to tears, as if just a wind stroke could make him trip. 

He looked outside the window to make his thoughts wash away with the rain. Rain drops were running down the glass. It was like in a music video. It felt kind of ironic and Jisung couldn’t hold back a chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” Minho asked confusedly and looked for an answer in Jisung’s eyes.

Jisung waved it off. “It’s just… don’t you think that this feels like a music video right now?”

Minho hummed. “You’re right. It certainly does. The only thing that’s missing is music.”

“I can fix that problem.” Excited like a kid, Jisung pulled out his Walkman and put the headset on Minho. He had to let off Minho’s hand for a second to do so, but connected their fingers right away after he had turned the music on. Minho softened when he looked at Jisung and it made Jisung’s heart melt inside his chest. And Jisung thought, fuck it. He laid his head on Minho’s shoulder. He was able to hear the music very quietly. 

It felt kind of perfect. Not entirely perfect but very close to it. 

Their bus ride didn’t take long and the rain didn’t stop. Jisung, on the other hand, had stopped caring. He held Minho’s hand openly when they got off the bus. They probably would never see the bus driver again or hopefully he had forgotten about their interlaced fingers by then. 

Once again, Minho made Jisung run at night. But this time, Minho wasn’t leading the way. They both knew the way. And even though it was cold and the rain drops were almost painful, they were laughing wholeheartedly. 

Since Jisung knew the way, knew where they had to turn right or left, he decided to take the lead. Because he knew a small alley, close to their house. He wanted to kiss Minho so badly right now. He just looked so breathtakingly beautiful, without any effort. His hair was wet and sticking to his forehead and neck, and his smile was so wide, he could see the slightest of pink flesh. The rain drops looked like diamonds on his skin. _Jesus Christ_. Jisung really wanted to kiss Minho.

Minho almost slipped when Jisung pulled him in an alley. Jisung guided Minho against the brick wall, looked left and then right to see if anyone was there, then he poured all his attention to Minho and only Minho. He looked at him while holding his shoulders with his hands. Minho’s eyes were huge and they returned his look with anticipation and curiosity. 

Quickly Jisung leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss on Minho’s lips. His lips were wet but it was warm. It made Jisung’s skin prickle.  
Minho looked at Jisung with a smug smile, as if he was saying “Is that all?” He then took over, put his hands on Jisung’s waist and pressed Jisung against the wall on the other side. The wall was cold but Jisung didn’t even noticed it because all he could feel was Minho and Minho’s lips that were pressed against his own. It was as if Minho had finally gained all his confidence back. 

The first kiss was innocent, clumsy almost. But this was one was so much more. It was so much at once. It was pining, hiding, running away in the rain but also hugs, love songs and being special. The kiss was so affectionate. Jisung didn’t know quite what to do, he just moved his lips against Minho’s. It felt really nice and Minho must be enjoying it as well since he wasn’t pulling away. Minho then came closer until their chests touched and his fingertips slid under Jisung’s already wet shirt. His touch felt so intimate, it made Jisung’s skin heat up. Jisung gasped and Minho took the chance and slipped his tongue into Jisung’s mouth. Oh, _that_ hit differently. Jisung clung onto Minho’s shoulders and sighed happily into the kiss. He gently caressed Minho’s neck and licked against Minho’s lips. 

Suddenly Minho pulled back and turned his face to the side to sneeze really loudly. 

“Okay, we’re going home,” Jisung decided with a concerned voice. “You can’t get sick before your competition.”

They began running again and soon arrived at the boarding house. They quietly snuck inside, went on tip toes upstairs and then into Minho’s room. Jisung didn’t want to wake up Felix, not even to just get fresh clothes from his own closet. Instead he asked Minho if he could borrow something from him. 

His clothes just smelled like him. Jisung asked Minho to turn around, so they could get changed. He wasn’t so sure if he was ready to see Minho in only underwear yet. When he was sure that Minho had turned around, Jisung put Minho’s shirt against his nose. It smelled really nice.  
A bit embarrassed by his action, Jisung quickly got changed into the new shirt and shorts and went to the bathroom to get a clean towel. The tiles in the bathroom felt a little cold under his feet. Maybe he should ask Minho for a pair of socks later. 

Jisung sat down on Minho’s bed and made a bit space between his legs, so Minho could sit down on the floor between them. “Come here.”

Minho sat down and made a happy sound when Jisung began drying Minho’s wet hair with the towel. He leaned into Jisung’s touch and gently caressed Jisung’s legs. “I can’t believe that this is really happening right now?”

“What exactly do you mean?”

“Us,” Minho chuckled. “It feels surreal that we are really happening.”

Jisung put the towel aside. “Me too, I can’t believe it either.”

Minho crawled onto the bed and brushed Jisung’s hair back with his hand. He looked so lovingly at Jisung, it made Jisung lean over and peck Minho’s lips. 

They decided to go to sleep, so Minho turned off the big lamp and pulled the blanket over them. Jisung pulled him into a hug and they tangled their legs. It was so comforting. Jisung felt like he finally could be himself. Their foreheads touched and Minho’s lashes were giving Jisung’s cheek butterfly kisses. 

“I really liked your song,” Minho admitted and Jisung could hear his smile.

Jisung got shy. “Thank you. But why did you think I was lying?”

Minho sighed deeply. “You know… I told you about the guy I fucked around with, right? It was nothing serious. I didn’t want to catch feelings for him. I constantly told myself that this was nothing. It’s because… I got hurt before. I once had feelings for a friend of mine. We had been friends for years and eventually I fell for him. I was naïve and told him about my feelings. And he took it well, I thought at first. One day, he told me that he liked me back and I was so happy. He asked me to wait for him outside of the school until his class ended and I did so. Turns out, he didn’t like me back. He lied. He had told all his friends and together they beat me up after school, at the spot I had been waiting for him.”

A lump was stuck in Jisung’s throat and his eyes began to burn. He pulled Minho closer, so the latter had to put his head in the crook of Jisung’s neck. “I’m so sorry that this happened to you.”

“I’m okay now but he’s the reason I can’t trust others easily.”

“And also why you thought I was pulling a prank. But… I don’t want to be insensitive but I thought you knew that I have nothing against gay people, so why would I lie to you?”

“I know but there was this stupid little part of me that kept telling me otherwise. I mean, you never admitted that you’re gay,” Minho mumbled against Jisung’s skin and it was so painful to realize how much the guy must have hurt Minho to have _this_ immense trust-issues. 

“Okay, then,” Jisung pulled back and looked where he was expecting Minho’s face to be. “I am _very_ gay and I like you _so much_ , it almost hurts.”

And then it hit Jisung. It was the first time he had admitted it and not only to someone but to himself as well. Never had he ever used the word “gay” to describe himself. He had always used “different” or “liking boys” or “playing for the other team”. All were synonyms but never the clear truth.  
It felt very freeing, just like when he had confessed to Minho. 

Minho giggled. “I am very gay, too, and I like you a lot as well.”

“I am glad to hear that,” Jisung chuckled but got serious then again. “But what happened after your friend had done… that.”

“I got transferred to another school and after that I have never seen him ever again. At the new school I met Chan again and now we’re here,” Minho answered. “Oh, and another thing. I punched your friend, or should I call him ex-friend, after he had insulted you. For one, I didn’t want the same thing happen to you that had happened to me, but also I did the thing I had always wanted to do to _my_ ex-friend.” 

“You know, actually I’m not a big fan of violence, but I think the moment you punched him in his stupid face, I fell a little bit for you,” Jisung said.

“Just a little bit?” Minho teased.

“Yes, _just a little bit_ ,” Jisung poked Minho’s cheek. He had aimed blindly but he didn’t miss it. “But I’m curious: When did you fell for me?”

“Remember when we were washing the blankets in the summer and you hadn’t washed your dirty feet before you touched my precious blankets with them?”

“How could I forget that? I thought I was gonna die.”

“Yeah, so you remember how I almost tickled you to death. And I guess, I fell _a little bit_ for you, when I was sitting on you and you just laughed so cutely and your cheeks looked so lovely and squishy and-“ Minho cleared his throat nervously. “Yeah.”

“That’s a weird kind of moment to fall for someone but okay. I’m just surprised that you didn’t catch feelings for me when I helped you with hiding Doongie,” Jisung wondered. “What did you think of me back then?”

“Oh, I just thought you were cool.”

“Just cool? Doongie scratched my face and you thought I was just ‘cool’ for doing that?” Jisung pushed the blanket aside and made it very dramatically to get up. “I think, I can’t date you if you think like that of my heroic act.”

But Minho didn’t let him go far. He grabbed Jisung’s wrist, pulled him back on the bed and pinned him down. Hurriedly he turned on the night lamp and finally Jisung could look at Minho’s face. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were glistening.

“Dating? Did you just say ‘dating’?” Minho asked excitedly and now it was Jisung’s turn to turn red. 

“Yes? I thought, that’s how it works. We kiss and that makes us boyfriends? I’m sorry, I don’t know how relationships work-“

Minho stopped him from rambling with a kiss. “You’re such an idiot.”

“But I am your idiot, right?”

“Yes, you’re my idiot.” Minho giggled and finally let off Jisung’s wrist. He pulled Jisung back into a hug and pressed a kiss against Jisung’s cheek. “And I know we have a lot to talk about but can we continue tomorrow? I’m very tired.”

“Yes, of course.” Jisung leaned over Minho to turn off the light before he returned Minho’s hug. “But one more thing: that was my first kiss, earlier.“

“I’m your first kiss? That’s so cute,” Minho chuckled and carefully traced Jisung’s lips with his fingertip. A yawn escaped his lips. “Good night, Jisungie.”

“Good night.” And then they fell asleep, arm in arm, with rain softly knocking at the glass of the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAADJFWSHDKSABFFKSKFNFDS
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	16. mothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello,  
> sorry for making you wait longer than usually. uni kept me very busy.  
> thank you so much for all the comments you left under the last chapter, they warmed my heart and i could relate to all the keyboard smashes :')
> 
> have fun reading~

Jisung woke up, his eyes were still closed, when he noticed a warmness he had never felt before. It wasn’t like the warmness of summer that makes the ice cream melt in your hands, nor was it feverish, making you wake up all sweaty and sticky. It rather felt like the first day of spring after a long, cold winter. Happily Jisung sighed and opened his eyes just to look at Minho’s sleeping face. The sun shined softly onto his golden skin and it made Jisung’s heart melt how relaxed and just _soft_ Minho looked like in his sleep.

So, it was not just a dream, huh?  
Jisung had to stop himself before he could squeal. The sound of excitement was bubbling inside his chest and made Jisung’s toes wiggle excitedly. Minho’s arm was loosely wrapped around Jisung’s waist and his fingertips were so close to the tiny part of Jisung’s exposed skin that his riled up shirt has caused to show up. Jisung didn’t want to move to prevent Minho from waking up but that one strand of hair on Minho’s cheek screamed from being brushed behind his ear. 

Carefully Jisung touched Minho’s cheek and tried to push the hair out of Minho’s face but Minho’s hand stopped him. Jisung yelped when Minho grabbed his wrist and opened his eyes with a glisten in them. 

For a moment they just looked at each other, remembering every single detail of yesterday, all the tears and rain drops and kisses. They didn’t dare to move and Jisung even stopped to breathe for that one second, before he leaned forward and pecked Minho’s lips. 

Minho smiled so widely and beautifully, Jisung thought he would die out of happiness right now, right here. 

“Was I really your first kiss?” Minho asked softly and tightened his grip around Jisung to pull him closer, so their bodies were flushed against each other. 

“Yes. Why would I lie?” Jisung asked back with a tiny pout. “Am I such a bad kisser?”

Minho chuckled quietly and caressed Jisung’s cheek. Jisung leaned against the touch. “No, you’re not a bad kisser.”

“So, then I’m a good kisser?” Jisung raised one of his eyebrows cockily. 

“No, you’re just fine.”

Jisung put his hand against his chest where his hand was and faked a pained expression. “Ouch, now my feelings are hurt.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that I like kissing you a lot,” Minho added before he leaned in to kiss Jisung properly. The words made Jisung turn red. He could feel the burn in his cheeks. Wow, he really was kissing Lee Minho right now, in his room, on his bed. Jisung couldn’t understand how someone as perfect as Minho would return his feelings. 

When they separated, Jisung traced Minho’s nose bridge. “Have I ever told you that your nose is literally perfect and I used to hate you for it.”

“You never told me but thanks. But do you know...” Minho hovered above Jisung’s face. “You know that saying ‘big nose, big di-‘”

Jisung pressed his hand against Minho’s lips to stop him from talking with his face on fire. “You shithead! I will never compliment you ever again!”

Minho licked Jisung’s palm which made Jisung jerk his hand back. Laughing loudly Minho climbed on top of Jisung. “Now I know why you like my nose _so much_.”

“Stop talking,” Jisung squealed and hid his face in his hands. “I think I have to rethink the decision of dating you.” 

“Oh no, I won’t let that happen. I won’t let you go just like that,” Minho said in an overly serious tone, looked at Jisung with slightly squinted eyes and Jisung recognized the mischievous sparkle in them right away. _Oh no._

Jisung knew what was about to happen but it was too late for him to run. Minho was already attacking him with his fingers, tickling the hell out of Jisung. Jisung started screaming, laughing uncontrollably. It didn’t take long until tears were prickling in the corners of his eyes. 

“I will stop if you promise to stay my boyfriend.” Minho stopped to talking and Jisung knew that it was a joke, this whole situation, but deep down he knew that there was possibly a grain of truth behind it, that a tiny part inside Minho was still thinking that Jisung wasn’t being serious. 

Catching his breath, Jisung tugged at the collar of Minho’s shirt and pulled him down. “Pinky-promise.” Jisung whispered softly and pointed his pinky finger towards Minho.

Minho accepted Jisung’s finger and intertwined their pinkies. Jisung then put his hand on Minho’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. God, Jisung knew for sure that he would never get sick of feeling Minho’s lips against his own. Testing, Jisung licked against Minho’s plush lips which made the other smile into the kiss. 

There was a knock at the door, followed by a “Minho?”.  
Jisung and Minho both froze, staring at each other with big, panicked eyes, before Jisung jumped off the bed and hid in the first place that came into his mind: the closet. 

“Y-Yeah?” 

Jisung heard how Felix entered the room. “Oh.”

“Oh, what?” Minho asked back, almost in a rude tone and it made Jisung a little bit mad but he understood that Minho was acting like that because he was scared. 

“I thought I heard Jisung’s voice coming from your room,” Felix confusedly replied. “Anyways, have you seen Jisung? He didn’t sleep in his bed tonight or at least it looks like that.”

“Don’t worry, Lix. We came home late yesterday and Jisung told me that he has a paper due tomorrow, so he wanted to go to the library to finish it. He’s probably already there.”

“Huh, okay.” Jisung could imagine how Felix was scratching his head. “It’s just weird that his bed was made. He never does that but okay. See you at breakfast.” 

“Yeah, see you.” 

Jisung counted to 30 before he stepped out of his hiding place. Minho was not in the bed anymore, instead he was standing in the middle of the room. Jisung was about to make a joke about how he just came out of closet but the look on Minho’s face made his smile drop. 

The pink bubble around them burst and they were back to reality.

\--

From the very first day of their relationship, Jisung and Minho had to hide it. Months passed of them trying to act like they were only friends. Only at nights or when they were completely sure no one was home, they snuck into each other’s rooms and could be fully themselves. Minho of course passed the first round of the dance competition and Jisung couldn’t be any prouder. At the moment Minho was preparing for the next round that was already in six weeks. He spent a lot of time at the dance studio and Jisung often joined his practices, just to spend a little bit time with him.  
They hadn’t told anyone about their relationship except Sooyoung. Not even Chan and it made Jisung feel more and more guilty with every day passing. 

Jisung was lying on the floor of Minho’s practice room, staring at the ceiling. The winter days were over and they finally hadn’t to wear five layers of clothes anymore. While he was thinking, Jisung rubbed his belly without noticing. “I really crave ice cream right now.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, Jisung saw how Minho stopped dancing. “Just five more minutes and then we can go and get some.” 

Jisung whined and rolled onto his side to have a proper look at his boyfriend. His bangs were sticking to his forehead. He looked already exhausted. “Come on, just a small break. Those five minutes won’t make a difference.”

“Exactly. That’s why you can wait five more minutes,” Minho simply said back and stuck out his tongue before he proceeded to dance. 

Grumbling Jisung lied back onto his back and crossed his arms. His thoughts went back to how they haven’t told Chan about their relationship yet. They really should tell him about it and not only because of his no-lies-policy. Chan was one of their closest friends, he knew about their sexuality and has always been really supportive throughout the time. It was also quite unrealistic that Chan would expose their relationship to the others. Jisung really wished they could tell all their friends about their relationship but some of them had voiced their opinion about homosexuality in some sort of way that made Jisung’s insides turn. Their comments were never filled with hatred like the things Minhyung had said to him, but they always called homosexuality “weird” and that not in a good way. Maybe they just had to get educated a little bit about same-sex relationships. 

“We should tell Chan about us,” Jisung said while they were walking back home. The melon ice cream in his hand was already half as big as it was when they had bought it. 

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” Minho sounded a bit surprised but not entirely taken back.

“Wait, you’re not against it? Then why did you never propose the idea yourself?”  
“No, not really. I never mentioned it because I didn’t want you to think that I’m forcing you to come out to him,” Minho explained and put his arm around Jisung’s shoulder while they were walking. Jisung really wanted to hold his hand.

“Chan already knows that I’m not straight. Actually... I asked him for advice regarding our situation before we started dating. You know when we had that weird time around Christmas?” Jisung admitted and talked a bit quieter when a group of people passed them. 

“So, _that’s why_ he started looking at me as if he knew something around that time? Geez, I was so pissed at him for that because he wouldn’t tell me what’s up.” Minho groaned. “But okay then, let’s tell him when we’re home.”

Hyunjin and Seungmin were sitting on the couch in the living room with the tv being on, when Jisung and Minho returned home. 

“You had ice cream and didn’t bought any for us?” Hyunjin asked offended.

“That is correct,” Minho replied, ignoring Hyunjin exaggerated gasp. “Is Chan home?”

“Yup, in his room,” Seungmin answered and Minho thanked him. 

He and Jisung then went to Chan’s room, closing the door behind them. Chan was sitting at his desk, scribbling on paper. 

Minho waited until Chan looked up at them and before he could greet them, Minho kissed Jisung, right in front of him. 

Jisung punched him lightly when Minho pulled back. “I don’t think we agreed on telling him like _that_.”

“You’re dating?” Chan asked, looking at them with curious eyes. Both, Minho and Jisung nodded. 

“Cute, but you never asked for my blessing,” Chan pointed out in an overly serious tone, talking like a dad.

Jisung could see how Minho had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Chan seemed to sense it as well because he broke out in a soft chuckle before he asked another question. “Who else knows about it?”

“Only a friend of mine but that’s it,” Minho answered. 

Chan hummed. “Do you plan on telling the others?”

“We don’t know. They don’t seem to be that... open-minded.” Jisung chewed on his lower lip. Saying it out loud made him feel really bad. He didn’t want to talk like that about his friends. 

“Even though you know that I don’t like having lies here, I understand that you don’t want to tell them. Also, it is the best for all of us when my father doesn’t find out about it. He’s quite homophobic and I don’t want Minho get thrown out of his home again,” Chan explained and got up to pat both Jisung’s and Minho’s back. “Please remember that I will always have your back.”

Jisung pulled him into a hug. “Thank you.” 

Chan was about to say something else when Jeongin started screaming in the living room. “Attention!”

Disturbed Jisung, Chan and Minho went to the living room where all the housemates were now gathered. Jeongin was standing in front of the tv, waiting for everyone to listen to him. 

“Can you move a little bit to the left? I can’t see the tv,” Seungmin said and made a hand-motion, waving Jeongin to the left.

“No.” Jeongin grinned back at him. “I have something to say.”

“Obviously,” Changbin muttered who was suddenly standing next to Jisung. 

“My mom invited all of us to spend the weekend after Mother’s Day on our farm.”

“That’s really nice of your mom,” Chan said and walked over to Jeongin to ruffle through his hair.

“Reminds me of a field trip you would to in elementary school,” Felix commented, jumping a bit out of excitement.

“But Woojin and I can join us as well, right?” Hyunjin asked which Jeongin answered with a nod. 

“This will be so much fun,” Jisung leaned over to Minho and whispered excitedly. Minho gently stroked Jisung’s back with his hand and smiled at him but he seemed to be in thoughts because the smile didn’t reach his eyes. 

\--

Jisung was coming home from meeting up with Jaemin and Jeno. He may or may not had told them about his relationship but not without asking Minho before for permission to do so. They were really happy for them and had planted the idea of a double date inside Jisung’s head. Jisung was about to run upstairs to tell Minho about the idea but he wasn’t able to do so. As soon as Jisung stepped inside the house, in the entrance hall, he heard whimpering. 

Jisung’s heart dropped as soon as he realized that it was Minho. His first thought was to rush to Minho but then Jisung heard how he was talking to someone, so he stopped right at the corner and leaned against the wall. He didn’t want to eavesdrop but he had to understand what was actually happening.

“It’s Mother’s Day soon, isn’t it? That’s when a mother has to get presents, right? So, I sent you some gifts. I-I hope you like them and don’t throw them away. I should be mad at you for... treating me like you do, but I just can’t because I miss you, mom.” Minho sobbed violently and that’s when Jisung broke out of his current position and ran to his boyfriend.

Minho was sitting on the couch, clutching the receiver to his chest. He didn’t even look up when Jisung slung his arms around him. “Hey, Minho. I’m here, it’s going to be fine.”

Immediately Minho tensed up in Jisung’s hug. “It’s _not_ going to be fine. She is going to throw the gift away like she threw me away.”

Minho wiggled himself out of Jisung’s grip and put then the receiver roughly back to his place, so violently, Jisung was scared he broke it. He kept his back turned towards Jisung avoiding the other’s look while he continued to cry.

“Please look at me.”

“You probably think I’m stupid for sending her a gift. I don’t blame you, I think I’m stupid too-“

Jisung cut him off, slinging his arms around Minho’s waist and pressing his face against Minho’s back. “I don’t think you’re stupid.” He pronounced each word clearly with pauses in between them to break through Minho. “I understand why you did that. Please, don’t think like that about yourself. It’s normal to miss your mom.”

Minho stayed quiet. He breathed shakily and his body was still trembling a bit from his crying. It pained Jisung so much to see him like that. The last time he saw Minho like that he knew that he was partly the reason for his tears, so Jisung could stop him from shedding tears. But now all he could do for Minho was to be there for him. 

“Do you miss your mom?” Minho then quietly asked and began drawing invisible circles.

“Not... really. I always felt like I was in a cage when I was at home. And it’s not only because of me being gay or my passion for music. I was never able to be fully myself because my parents wanted me to be someone else. Fuck, I don’t want to talk badly about them because they _tried_ to be good parents but I just don’t... feel the same connection most children have to their parents.” Jisung felt weird for saying it out loud. He had never admitted or told anyone about it and it left a bitter taste on his tongue. 

With red, puffy eyes Minho turned around and looked at Jisung. “My mom was always so sweet to me and I thought she would accept my sexuality but... she didn’t. I wish I wouldn’t care so much about it.”

“Don’t beat yourself up,” Jisung wiped a tear off Minho’s face. “Even I care about what my mom thinks if she finds out I’m gay. And I’m certain she won’t accept it as well.”

“Is she homophobic?” 

“She... never said anything against gays but her view of life is quite conservative. I’m more worried about my dad because he certainly has said a lot of homophobic shit.”

“So, technically there is a chance that she will accept you for who you are?” 

Jisung thought for a moment about it. “ _Technically_ , yes there is a small chance that she wouldn’t hate me for my sexuality. It is even possible that she’d be more pissed at me for lying to her.”

The telephone destroyed the silence that was about to be created. Jisung naturally reached for the receiver and put it against his hear. “Hello?”

“Hello, this is Mrs. Lee... Minho’s mother.” 

Jisung almost dropped the phone. Slowly he turned to Minho, his eyes wide. It was hard to believe that the woman who made his Minho cry like that, was on the other end of the phone Jisung was holding in his hand right now. There were so many words Jisung wanted to throw at her head but instead he handed Minho the receiver.

“Hello?” Minho sounded so vulnerable with his voice trembling. His whole body was tense again. 

Jisung couldn’t hear what Minho’s mother was saying, neither could he tell from Minho’s reaction. He waited for the conversation to end, it was mostly quiet with Minho saying absolutely nothing. 

But then Minho spoke up, so quietly, so softly, it almost broke Jisung’s heart. “Goodbye.”

Minho looked with big eyes at the receiver, then at Jisung, as if he wasn’t able to believe what had just happened. “She thanked me for the gift and apologized for making me cry like that.”

His lips turned into a small smile before he finally pulled Jisung into a hug and pressed his forehead against Jisung’s shoulder. Jisung brushed through Minho’s hair. “Hey, that’s amazing, right?”

“I mean, she didn’t invite me back or anything but still. It was nice to hear that she actually still cares about me or at least just a little bit.”

\--

It was night and Jisung couldn’t sleep. He kept thinking about how Minho’s mom had reacted to Minho’s message. It was giving him a glint of hope that his mom wouldn’t completely abandon him if he would out himself. He was really tired of hiding who he really was.

Jisung didn’t know where this sudden boost of confidence came from or if it was him giving up, but he got up from his bed and went downstairs to the living room where the telephone was. He unplugged it and went with it back upstairs. Jisung didn’t want to wake anyone up or listen to what he was about to tell his mom. On tip toes he walked outside, onto the balcony, after plugging the phone into the closest power point, and sat down on the plastic chair he had realized his feelings for Minho on.

He dialed his parents’ number and hoped for his mother to pick up. 

“Jisung, is that you?” His mother’s sleepy voice greeted him after a few seconds. 

“Yes. Did I wake you up?”

“No, but I was about to go to sleep. Did something happen?”

“Not really but I have to tell you something.” Jisung breathed in and looked at the stars that had told him that he liked Minho more than a friend. “Mom, I’m gay.” 

Silence.

“What? Are you drunk, Jisung? Why are you-“

“No, mom. I’m sober. I can repeat it for you: I’m gay. And it’s fine if you can’t accept that but I’m tired of lying. I finally met someone who loves me for who I am and I just wanted to let you know.”

His mother sighed, deeply. “Jisung, I-I don’t know what to think. Can we talk about it another time?”

“Of course.”

“Okay, then good night.”

“Good night and happy Mother’s day, mom.”

“Thank you.” Jisung thought his mother had ended the call but then she added something. “Thank you for telling me.”

Then she really hung up and Jisung didn’t know what to feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the shortest chapter so far but i'm not mad at it because the following scenes wouldn't fit into this chapter's atmosphere.  
> i hope you look forward for the weekend at Jeongin's farm, it's going to be more lighthearted than this one, pinky-promise :>
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	17. slipping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello,  
> FINALLY a new chapter!! sorry for the wait and i know the last chapter sucked, sorry for that :(  
> but i really like how this chapter turned out (it's not proofread yet!!)  
> have fun reading~
> 
> tw: Jisung shows symptoms of an anxiety disorder and there is a nsfw-ish scene

Jisung’s head felt like a hot air balloon. He rested it against Minho’s exposed shoulder. His boyfriend was wearing a tank top, showing off his slightly toned arms. He and Jisung were sitting in the back of Chan’s parents’ car, together with Felix on Jisung’s right side. Next to Chan, who was driving, sat Jeongin on the passenger seat. If you look behind their car, there was another car with Woojin, Changbin, Hyunjin and Seungmin in it. They were on the way to farm Jeongin grew up on. 

Days had passed after Jisung had come out and Jisung still didn’t know what to feel. Shouldn’t he feel relieved? This is not how relief felt like. There were too many thoughts inside Jisung’s head and they just wouldn’t stop piling up. There were so many of them that you couldn’t separate one of another. They were becoming one giant mess. Jisung wanted them to go away, he didn’t want to think anymore. He was tired of overthinking. Had he done the right thing? Why did his mother react that way? Why did Minho’s mother call back? Why did Minho react that way? Why Jisung didn’t know how to react? What was a ‘correct’ reaction to a situation they were in? Why didn’t Jisung tell Minho that he came out? Did his mother tell his father about his sexuality? How did he react? What did they think? What is Jisung supposed to think?

Frustration made Jisung huff and squeeze his eyes shut. His fingertips dug into the skin of Minho’s upper arm. His cheek was sweaty against Minho’s skin and if he would raise his head, their skin would probably stick together for a second. It felt a bit uncomfortable but Jisung didn’t mind it much because the mess inside his head was bothering him ten times more. Jisung wondered why Minho wasn’t asking why he was acting that way the past days. Usually he was quick to notice any changes in Jisung’s behavior, so why was he staying quiet now? The same went for Felix. Why didn’t he notice the change between Minho and Jisung? And why didn’t he sense how Jisung is hiding something from him? God, he will be so upset when he finds out that Jisung was lying for so long to him. 

It felt surreal how everything had happened in such a small span of time. It went so fast that it was hard for Jisung to believe it really had happened. First the thing between Minho and his mother, then his spontaneous coming out to his own mother. 

Why did he do that? Didn’t Minho’s situation show him how a coming out can turn out? And how can he care and not care about his parents’ feelings at the same time.

Jisung opened his eyes and tried to make eye contact with Chan through the mirror, when he said: “Can you turn the music louder, please?” 

Chan gave his usual goofy smile and turned the music louder, not suspecting anything. Jisung didn’t understand how his thoughts could be so loud, when they were at the same volume the whole time. You can’t scream nor whisper in your head, it will always be in the same volume. So, how could his fucking thoughts be louder than the stupid music?

Jisung just wanted his head to shut up. 

Then, out of nowhere, there was Minho’s hand, gently touching Jisung’s hand. Jisung raised his head, just a little bit, so he could look at Minho. Minho looked at him with a question mark above his head, asking without actually asking “Is everything alright?”. Jisung stared at him for a moment, not knowing if he should say the truth, but then he shook his head the slightest bit and pressed his lips tightly together. Quickly he tore his eyes off his boyfriend and stared at his shoes instead. The once white shoes were now grey. 

\--

Maybe the others have talked in the car, Jisung didn’t remember it. It was likely though, knowing Jeongin, Chan and Felix. Maybe Minho had made some sarcastic comments here and there. 

Jisung really tried to look normal when he got out of the car and joined the others in front of Jeongin’s parents’ house. Jeongin got greeted with hugs from his parents and the other were chatting happily. Minho was behind Jisung, brushing his elbow with his fingertips. Jisung knew that it was Minho’s way of asking if everything was alright, so he turned around and formed a “later” with his lips, trying to smile afterwards. He knew that Minho didn’t buy it.

“Woah, that’s a lot of apples,” Hyunjin said, staring with wide eyes at the field that was next to the cozy, small house. 

“And you will help us pick them tomorrow,” Jeongin’s mother replied and smiled widely. She and Jeongin had the exact smile. 

Jeongin’s father started laughing when he caught Changbin’s not very enthusiastic reaction. “Oh, don’t look like that, son. It will be alright.”

“Or do you want my parents do all the work alone?” Jeongin asked and raised an eyebrow cheekily.

Changbin quickly waved it off. “No, no. Of course not. But I’m just starting to wonder if this is really meant to be vacation or us working for free.”

“Maybe it’s both,” Seungmin commented. 

Felix patted Changbin’s back. “Come on, it will be fun! We can eat apples while we work. Isn’t that cool?”

“About that-“ Jeongin’s father began but his wife interrupted him.

“You must be very hungry, right? I prepared dinner for you.” She then made them move inside but not before they took their shoes off. 

Woojin noticed Jisung’s lack of words. “You’re so quiet, Jisung. I thought you would be the first one to complain.”

Jisung knew that Woojin didn’t mean it seriously but he didn’t feel like laughing. Woojin’s chuckle quickly died down and was replaced by a concerned frown. “Are you okay? If something is bothering you, you can always talk to me. You know that, right?”

Looking down, Jisung quickly nodded. Woojin then left him alone and sat down next to Chan who was talking to Jeongin’s father happily. 

Jisung sat down on the floor, right in front of the table and stared at the food and cutlery and bowls in front of him. Usually his mouth would water at the sight of such delicious food but all he felt was the twisting inside his stomach. Minho sat down next to him and touched his back in secret. Jisung could feel his eyes on him but he didn’t return his look. 

Instead he reached for the chopsticks. He accepted the bowl with rice that Chan had filled up for him. The rice was so white. Jisung ruined it with a bit kimchi he placed on top. Red on white. He began counting the rice grains. Poking the dish, Jisung struggled with forcing himself to pick up a bite. He didn’t want to be rude. Jeongin’s mom had prepared so much for them, it had probably taken a lot of time. But Jisung felt sick. Taking a bite seemed impossible.

He mustered up all his courage. “I’m sorry but can I go lay down? I’m not feeling well.” 

Jeongin’s mother immediately got up. “Of course, sweetie. Follow me.”

Jisung was so thankful for Mrs. Yang being so nice and understanding. He got up as well, he felt the worried looks of the others burning on his skin. His shoulders were tense as he followed her. 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t eat. It was probably very delicious,” Jisung mumbled apologetically. Jeongin’s mother turned to him and touched Jisung’s back. Just like Minho had done minutes ago.

“Don’t worry! There will be plenty of food left, you can eat it tomorrow morning.”

The room she had let him to was empty, only blankets and pillows were stocked up against the walls. She took two blankets and a pillow and prepared it for him, so Jisung could lay down. Jisung thanked her and waited for her to leave before he took off his pants and socks. Then he crawled under one of the blankets, completely, and waited for the storm inside his head to calm down. 

\--

Jisung woke up first the next morning. The others were thrown all over the floor, while Minho was lying right next to him with their blankets overlapping. Carefully Jisung got up and walked over to the window. He stood on the free space between Felix’ and Changbin’s ‘beds’. 

His mind was a bit clearer now, the overwhelming feeling of fear wasn’t clinging on to his lungs anymore. Finally, he could look at the farm like the others had probably done. It was very pretty, kind of idyllic. Jisung understood why everyone had looked so happy and excited at their arrival. The sight was truly something you get excited for. It felt like they got ripped out of Seoul’s hectic city life and arrived in this almost-heaven. It was so green with dots of red from the apples. 

Jisung could feel how his mind eased a bit, breathing felt a bit easier than easier. Yesterday’s worries were still nagging on him but not as hardly as before. Just as carefully as before, Jisung returned to his pile of blankets and lied down on his back. The sheets were still warm. Jisung sighed satisfied and turned on his side, facing Minho.

Two brown eyes were looking back at him. Jisung barely could held back a yelp.

“Jesus fucking Christ! Was that necessary?” Jisung whisper-shouted at his now quietly giggling boyfriend. 

“Yes,” Minho whispered back with a grin. “Are you feeling better now?”

“A bit.”

Jisung felt how fingers wrapped around his hand. Naturally Jisung spread his own fingers and allowed his and Minho’s finger to interlace underneath the blanket. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Later... when we’re alone,” Jisung answered softly and Minho then just nodded understanding. He proceeded to look at Jisung with loving eyes and made Jisung’s heart swell. Jisung raised his free hand, he just wanted to touch Minho’s cheek. It hovered just inches above Minho’s still puffy face, when they could hear the shuffling of bed sheets on the other side of the room. Quickly Jisung took his hand back.

\--

The sunhat out of hay on his head was a bit itchy when Jisung walked over to the apple field. The rubber boots on his feet were a bit too big but Jisung didn’t mind it that much. Jisung huffed a bit, it was a bit too hot for his liking. Wearing shorts didn’t make the heat much more bearable because his sweaty knees kept brushing each other and the skin there slowly became sore. 

This morning Jisung was able to put food into his mouth and swallow it. It had barely tasted like anything which was only for him the case. Still, Jisung knew that it was good that he had eaten and drunk because otherwise it could end badly for him on the field in the burning heat. And it made Jeongin’s mom happy, so that was a plus as well.

Changbin and Chan were carrying giant buckets for the apples later. Jeongin’s father had told them how to pick the apples without damaging them. The key was to roll the apple upwards off the branch and give a little twist. 

“Don’t pull straight away from the tree,” Jisung repeated Mr. Yang’s warning from earlier quietly while he looked for a tree he wanted to start off. The trees were quite tall which allowed them to look down at Jisung.

Jisung felt small.  
Too small for the amount of thoughts he was having. 

It was better than yesterday but still. Jisung just wished he could swallow a happy pill that would make his mind turn off. Just a small break.

Jisung found a nice tree. He didn’t know why exactly he chose this particular one but his feet stopped walking and he began picking apples. They were mostly red. Some had yellow spots but the red was always more prominent. 

Felix joined him without saying a word. His small hands were reaching for the fruit. Jisung felt bad. He had been avoiding Felix the past days, just like everyone else. He knew he owed Felix an explanation. Felix had been always there for him, together with Minho and Chan. And still he didn’t know about his relationship with Minho or his outing or even the fact that Jisung was gay. 

The apple he had just picked fell rather roughly into the bucket. Jeongin’s father would have scolded him for that. Jisung turned to Felix. “I’m sorry.”

Felix’ freckles were more prominent than weeks before. “What for?”

His best friend was seemingly confused. 

“For not telling you everything. I know you don’t like it when someone has secrets,” Jisung replied. He kept his tone rather low because the others were still around them. All of them had decided to help out on the field. “Haven’t... Haven’t you noticed that I was keeping something from you?”

“I have but I assumed it must be something you can’t tell someone just like that,” Felix answered and picked an apple while he was talking, calmly. “For example, I wouldn’t be mad if you didn’t tell me that you killed someone.”

A smile slipped onto Jisung’s face. “Oh, I would tell you if I killed someone. Because then you would be my accomplice and we would end up in jail together.”

Felix rolled his eyes at him. “How sweet of you.” 

“But you really aren’t mad at me?” Jisung carefully asked. 

Felix shook his head. “Not really. Maybe I was the last time when you didn’t tell me that you were studying music and not medicine. It was kinda hard for me to understand why you would lie about something like that but later on I understood that we grew up under different circumstances and I was just lucky that my parents are so understanding. I just wished your parents were a bit more like mine. It must suck to keep secrets all the time.”

“But last time I eventually told you all about my secret. And now I keep it to myself. Doesn’t bother you that?” Nervously Jisung chewed on the inside of his cheek. Felix’s opinion mattered a lot to him. He cared a lot about Felix after all.

“I can’t say that it doesn’t bother me at all. But last time your secret wasn’t even something really big, at least to me. So, this time it must be something really severe if you keep quiet about it for so long.” 

“It... it is big.” Jisung sighed. “But I will tell you when I’m sure you won’t despise for it.”

Felix’ eyes widened and he immediately dropped the apple he was holding to grab Jisung’s shoulders instead. “I could never hate you, Jisung.”

There was doubt clinging onto Jisung’s chest. “I’m not- god, I don’t know. It’s something...” Jisung struggled to talk without actually revealing anything.

“As long as you aren’t a cannibal or something, I would understand,” Felix said and rubbed circles into Jisung’s skin. 

“Okay,” Jisung just replied and tried to sound believable because he didn’t know if Felix _really_ would like him no matter what.

“Boys, stop dropping apples and keep working!” Jeongin’s father suddenly stood behind them. His wife joined him and shushed him away. She was holding an apple and cut off two slices.

“Here, you two. I can’t believe my Jeonginnie has so cute friends!” She gushed and handed them the slices. Jisung took the slice into his mouth and Mrs. Yang squealed and pinched his cheek. 

“Auntie, can I get a slice as well?” Minho joined them as well and showed his most charming smile. 

“Of course!” She gave him one as well. “Boys from Seoul are on a different level for sure.”

“Mom, please stop!” Jeongin whined in the back while Jisung, Felix and Minho couldn’t hold back their laughter. If Mrs. Yang only knew that most of them aren’t even from Seoul.

When Jeongin’s mother walked over to Seungmin, Minho grabbed Jisung’s wrist gently and pulled him to the different direction, away from the farm and to the hill next to the field. “I borrow Jisungie from you for a moment, okay?” Minho had asked Felix and all Felix did was snicker.

They went uphill and the trees were becoming smaller. Wind was brushing through their hair. It felt pleasant since it was warm. The grass was brushing the naked skin of their legs since they were wearing shorts. On the highest point Minho fell down on his butt and lied down on his back. Jisung did the same and took in the same sight Minho was having right now.  
There were no clouds above them. Only blue. 

Minho turned around to look at Jisung. “So?”

“So what?”

“Are you gonna tell me why you have been upset the past days?”

“Oh.” Jisung went quiet and suddenly the blue of the sky wasn’t as comforting as before. 

Minho didn’t push him, he just lied next to him and was as quiet. 

“I came out to my mom.” 

Minho wasn’t able to cover up on how unexpected this was to him. “Really? After you saw how I got treated for my coming out?” 

Jisung groaned loudly into his hands. “Yes. I don’t know what I was thinking. And it keeps haunting me.”

“How did your mother react?” Minho then asked, a bit more calmly.

“She... didn’t really react. She just said that she has to think about it.”

“Isn’t that a good sign? I mean, at least she didn’t say that she hates you or somethin’,” Minho then added. Jisung knew that he was trying to cheer him up but it didn’t help much. Why weren’t there clouds in the sky? How could the sky be so blue in a situation like this?

“ _I don’t know_ ,” Jisung whined. “I just want it finally to be over. Can’t she just call me and tell me what she’s thinking? I don’t care if she hates me or not.”

As soon as Jisung said it, he tasted the mistake on his tongue. Minho was painfully quiet after that. Jisung rolled on his side to look at Minho who wasn’t even returning his look. 

“I didn’t mean-“

“It’s fine,” Minho cut him off. “I just wish I could care as little as you do.”

“No, I’m really sorry for saying that.” Jisung reached out with his hand and finally touched Minho’s cheek like he had wanted to in the morning. Minho didn’t lean into the touch like he usually would do but at least he didn’t slap his hand away.

Instead Minho sighed deeply and closed his eyes. 

Jisung drew a small heart on Minho’s cheek which made his boyfriend smile a little bit. “Do you think the others can see us?” Minho softly asked and opened his eyes.

“Nah.” In the distance the others were just tiny dots. Which is why Jisung sat up a little bit and pecked Minho’s lips. “I missed kissing you.”

Minho snorted. “Don’t be overdramatic. The last time we kissed isn’t even 24 hours ago.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” Minho reassured him. “We kissed in the bathroom right before we drove here.” 

“Aah... right.” Jisung stayed in his position, slightly hovering above Minho with his body resting on his elbow. “How is the practice for the dance competition going?”

“Good, actually. I really like my choreo.”

“And why can’t I see it then? I want to stare at my hot boyfriend while he dances like a god.”

“Because it is a surprise and no compliments will change that,” Minho replied and got up. He wiped away some dirt of his shorts. “I think we should go back.”

“Minho! Don’t be a meanie and tell me,” Jisung pouted but got up anyways. 

Minho just laughed but it didn’t last long. Out of nowhere he tripped and was gone. 

Jisung almost tripped as well, so fast he rushed forward to look where Minho was. He could see how his boyfriend was rolling down the hill. 

“Minho!” Panicked Jisung screamed and ran downhills where Minho was lying now. He wasn’t unconscious, luckily. Instead he was groaning really loudly and holding onto his ankle. _Oh no._

“Minho, are you okay?” 

“I don’t think so,” Minho said through his teeth. It must be very painful and Jisung was so scared that it was something serious, that his heart beating reached his ear. The dance competition was so soon, Minho couldn’t get hurt.

“Can-Can you get up?” 

Minho shook his head. His eyes were so shiny because of the tears in them.

“Let me help you.” Carefully Jisung put his hands under Minho’s armpits and helped him getting up. Minho was seemingly struggling. Once he was standing, he put his arm around Jisung’s shoulder. He couldn’t even step on the foot he had just hurt. 

“I wish I hadn’t noodle arms, otherwise I would’ve carried you,” Jisung commented while they made their first steps together. Minho only whined quietly. They would take forever if they walked like this, so Jisung got another idea. 

He started screaming.  
A few minutes later Chan was carrying Minho on his back, walking to the house.

\--

Thirty minutes later and Minho and Jisung were laying in the sleeping room, Minho on his blankets and Jisung right next to him on his own, watching his boyfriend. The others were back outside. Jisung had decided to stay with Minho who had now a package of frozen peas on his swollen ankle. 

“Let’s just hope it’s not broken,” Jeongin’s father had said before he had urged the others to go back outside, so Minho could relax a bit. 

Minho wouldn’t stop chewing on his lower lip, constantly worried about the state of his ankle. Jisung was just as conflicted. He knew how important the competition was to Minho. Also, it could affect his studies. He was a dance major after all. 

Jisung scooted closer to Minho to distract him a bit. He was lying on the left side of Minho while it was his right foot that was hurt. Teasingly Jisung slung his left leg around Minho left leg after he had turned on his side, facing Minho.

“Have I ever told you that I got a wet dream after you touched my knee?” 

Minho wasn’t staring at the ceiling anymore and _finally_ returned Jisung’s look. There was amusement written all over Minho’s face. “Oh, really?”

“Yes. And your thighs really turn me on.” 

There was a flicker in Minho’s eyes. He must have realized what Jisung was doing but he didn’t seem to mind it. “You can touch them, if you want.”

Shyly Jisung put his hand on Minho’s naked thigh and squeezed the flesh. His skin was warm and he could feel the muscles. It made Jisung feel strange things. They never did something like that before. It was always only kissing and making out. Jisung had suspected that Minho was holding back because he knew that Jisung had no experience. But lately Jisung was growing more and more curious. They never had had the chance to try things out because there was always someone in the house. 

Right now seemed like a good time to take one tiny step further. Jisung moved his hand a bit more up while he kept his eyes on Minho’s face. Minho raised one eyebrow at him, questioning, but he didn’t ask him to stop. 

“Aren’t you scared that the others will come?” Minho then asked but not really concerned. It was more in a teasing tone. 

Jisung’s fingers were so close to the fabric of Minho’s underwear when Minho had voiced his question. His breath hitched for a second before he got up and quickly locked the door. Then he returned to his previous position, with his leg slung around Minho’s leg, before he kissed Minho. It was a rather innocent kiss compared to the not-so-innocent emotions he was feeling right now. 

Minho grinned into the kiss and grabbed Jisung’s waist while he let his tongue wander between Jisung’s lips. His lips tasted slightly like blood and Jisung could feel the cut on his lower lip which was caused by his worried lip-chewing. Testing Jisung licked said cut and it made Minho breathe in harshly. 

They kept kissing and without them realizing they began grinding on each other. Jisung only noticed how hot he was getting. He separated their lips to pepper kisses on his neck. Minho hummed happily while he brushed through Jisung’s hair. While Jisung was working on Minho’s neck, Minho’s wandered lower and were on Jisung’s hips when he pressed them down, closer to his groin. 

Jisung gasped and leaned back, looking at Minho with big eyes. He knew what they were doing but still. It kinda made Jisung get shy. His cheeks were getting red, before he pecked Minho. Jisung wanted more friction, so he began moving his hips more than he had done subconsciously before. 

Blissfully Minho leaned his head back and closed his eyes. 

“You really like dry-humping, huh?” Jisung talked before thinking. 

Immediately Minho griped Jisung’s hips harder and stopped Jisung from moving. “What did you just say?”

“Nothing.”

“No. Repeat what you just said.” There was a strange glisten in Minho’s eyes. 

Jisung laughed nervously. “I... I just said that you really must like dry-humping.”

“And what makes you think that?” 

“Oh... just- maybeiaccidentallywatchedyouoncewhenyouweredryhumpingyourpillow?” Jisung mumbled embarrassedly, his cheeks burning.

Minho sat up, so Jisung was half sitting on his lap. “Did you watch me humping my pillow? You pervert!”

“I’m-I’m not! It was an accident!” Jisung yelped and tried to get off Minho but the latter kept him there.

“That’s why you kept looking so weirdly at my pillow!” Minho figured out and laughed loudly. Then he leaned closer and brushed Jisung’s cheek with his nose. “Did you enjoy watching me?”

“Oh, shut up,” Jisung squeezed his eyes shut. 

“You did enjoy-“ Minho continued to tease him but Jisung cut him off with his lips. A giggle bubbled out of Minho’s chest and seconds later Jisung couldn’t hold back anymore, so their kiss couldn’t be a kiss anymore. They were just chuckling against each other’s lips. 

Jisung leaned back and looked at Minho for a second, before he asked something. “Can I try something out?” 

“Sure.” 

Clumsily Jisung climbed off Minho’s lap. Even though he felt a bit awkward, he was still comfortable enough to try out the thing he had always wanted to do with Minho. He positioned himself between Minho’s legs. He took of the bag of frozen peas which wasn’t cold anymore. Minho’s ankle was still swollen. With extra care, Jisung put Minho’s injured leg on his shoulder before he moved a bit closer to Minho’s crotch with his face. 

“Jisung, are you sure-“ Minho began surprised but Jisung just murmured a soft “Relax”. 

He pulled down the rubber band of Minho’s shorts and the sight of dark hair appear made Jisung pause timidly. This was really happening. He saw the tent in Minho’s shorts and finally, he freed Minho’s member. Jisung had never seen one so closely. He had barely seen another dick beside his own. Every time he and his other classmates would get changed and take showers after sports, Jisung hadn’t even dared to look in their direction when his classmates were naked because he was scared that it would give his secret away. 

So, seeing Minho so closely felt weird. He could feel the warmth coming from him and the scent was also something Jisung had never smelled before. Jisung leaned in even closer and stroked it before he touched him with his lips. 

Jisung didn’t know what to do but he tried his best and Minho seemed to enjoy it, according to the small moans and whimpers that were leaving his pretty lips. Every little sound encouraged Jisung more and more and he got a bit braver. He wanted to make Minho feel good, no, more than just good. Minho deserved more than that. 

The skin of Minho’s thigh on his shoulder was getting sweaty and Jisung’s jaw hurt a bit but he kept going until Minho’s hands were back in his hair and his hips thrusted into Jisung’s mouth. Jisung continued until Minho was warning him that he was going to come. It didn’t stop Jisung. 

Only when Minho released himself inside Jisung and it was more than Jisung had expected, Jisung had to back off because he felt like choking. Loudly Jisung began coughing, trying to breathe. Minho clapped on his back which didn’t help that much but Jisung appreciated the effort.

As soon as Jisung calmed down, Minho grabbed the water bottle next to him and gave it to his boyfriend. Just like Jisung’s cheeks, were Minho’s flushed in a deep red. 

“Imagine I would’ve actually choked and died because of your fucking dick,” was the first thing Jisung managed to say, when he could breathe again.

“’Han Jisung, 19. Died in 1995 because he choked on his boyfriend’s cum’,” Minho added and pointed out the imaginary headline in the air. 

“Iconic,” Jisung commented and lied down on his blankets. Then he remembered Minho’s injury. “Should I get another package of frozen... something?”

“Let me get you off first,” Minho said and already got up on his knees. 

“My dick can wait. Your ankle is more important.”

“But I want to. And I don’t think your dick can wait,” Minho stated and pressed his pointing finger against the bulge inside Jisung’s short. Heat shot through Jisung’s lower abdomen, making Jisung moan loudly. 

Jisung knew that it was no use to argue with Minho, so he just pulled his underwear down. It’s weird how he isn’t ashamed to be naked in front of Minho. For the first time, Jisung was fully comfortable around someone. He trusted Minho with all his heart. He wasn’t afraid to be himself around his boyfriend.

\--

Jisung was still thinking about Minho’s lips wrapped around him, even hours later when he was with the others outside, eating and stargazing. Minho was now sleeping in their room and Jisung was glad he was because like that he hadn’t the chance to worry about his ankle. The swelling has gone down a bit but Minho had said that it still hurt. 

The others were chatting happily but all Jisung could do was thinking about Minho. He had worked so hard for the dance competition and now one mistake could destroy the hard work of weeks. Jisung couldn’t imagine how bad Minho was actually feeling. Even though he seemed a bit more relaxed earlier, Jisung knew that Minho must’ve felt bitter on the inside. 

\--

Minho had his arm wrapped around Jisung’s waist while Jisung himself was helping him walk inside the boarding house. Jeongin’s parents had thanked them for their visit and help and had given them dozens of apples. Woojin and Hyunjin had decided to stay for dinner, so all nine of them went inside to eat together. Chan had offered to help Minho again but Jisung had said that he’ll manage alone. 

They walked slowly but stably. Nothing had changed between Minho and Jisung even though they had made one step further in their relationship and Jisung was glad. Minho didn’t treat him differently, had asked this morning how Jisung was feeling even though he was the one hurt. 

They were the last one to enter the house. Jisung helped Minho take off his shoes, then took off his own. Together they walked to the living room where Chan’s mother greeted them. Jisung was about to guide Minho to the kitchen, when Mrs. Bang stopped him.

“Jisung, sweetie? Your mom called literally minutes ago.”

Jisung’s heart dropped. “W-What did she say?”

“She only said that you should call back. She wants to talk to you personally.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowsie, i haven't written smut in ages and it wasn't even as detailed as I usually do. i wanted to keep it rather vague  
> anyways, thank you for reading and see you, hopefully, in two weeks! <3
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	18. answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello,  
> so, first of all: i hope everyone is safe. we will get through this together.  
> secondly, i want to apologize for being so insensitive and not putting a trigger warning for the nsfw-ish scene of the last chapter right from the beginning. i really hope no one got triggered by that scene and if someone did, i am sincerely sorry. i have never intended this to happen and i will do everything to prevent doing that same mistake again in the future.  
> thirdly, sorry for the wait. i didn't felt like writing the past weeks.
> 
> and now, all "bad" things aside, I hope you enjoy the chapter~  
> (also BIG thank you for all the amazing feedback for the last chapter, i will reply as soon as possible <3)
> 
> tw: jisung shows symptoms for an anxiety disorder

_“Jisung, sweetie? Your mom called literally minutes ago.”_

_Jisung’s heart dropped. “W-What did she say?”_

_“She only said that you should call back. She wants to talk to you personally.”_

Minho’s grip around his waist tightened. Jisung’s whole body tensed up out of fear. The anxiety crawled back up his throat, making breathing hard. Just seconds ago, it had been Jisung who supported Minho to be able to stand and walk but now it was like their roles had switched and it was Minho who was preventing Jisung from falling.

“O-Okay, I’ll call her back,” Jisung managed to say and tried to smile because he could already see the frown forming on Mrs. Bang’s forehead.

“Great! And now come eat. You must be hungry.” Then she turned to Minho. “And I’ll have a look at your ankle after dinner.”

Minho nodded and was ready to walk to the kitchen but Jisung was glued to the spot he was standing on. His legs didn’t dare to move. The familiar feeling of his lungs getting squeezed was back and the thought of food made Jisung feel like throwing up. 

“I’m gonna call my mom first and then eat as well, okay?” Jisung told Chan’s mother and his voice was dangerously thin. It was now obvious how unwell Jisung was feeling and Minho being pressed against his side, his warmth, didn’t help. 

Mrs. Bang said that she didn’t mind and returned to the kitchen while Minho stuck to his side. “Do you want me to stay with you while you talk to your mom?”

“No, it’s fine. You should go eat and rest,” Jisung replied and tried to lift up the ends of his lips. It was not fine and Jisung wanted Minho to stay but what would the others think? They would probably find it suspicious if Minho stayed with Jisung just for a phone call with his mom. Jisung had the urge to chew on the inside of his cheek but Minho would probably notice, so he let it be. 

“Don’t be silly,” Minho chuckled but Jisung still saw the worry flicker in his eyes. “I can rest enough after the phone call. Also, it’s just a phone call and not a marathon.”

“It’s really fine. Just go, it won’t take long.” Everything inside Jisung screamed against it. He really needed Minho’s support right now. But instead of reaching out, Jisung helped Minho to the kitchen, smiling and smiling and continuedly forcing that stretch on his lips until he was sitting on the couch in the living room, alone, with the chatter of the others audible in the background. The sounds slowly became like buzzing of bees. 

“It will be fine,” Jisung tried to convince himself but his insides kept turning. He dialed his families phone number. He was wondering if his sister would pick up one day but of course, his mother’s voice was on the other end of the line.

“Jisung? Is that you?”

“Yes,” Jisung quietly said and began to dig his toes uncomfortably into the carpet. 

“You already arrived? How was the trip?” She was avoiding the actual issue. 

“Yeah, we arrived a few minutes ago. It was nice but Minho... my- my friend, hurt his ankle and he has an upcoming dance competition.”

“Oh no, I hope he will be fine.” She sounded insincere. His mother made a small pause, before he continued to talk. “Jisung... about the thing you told me...”

Jisung’s heart was beating so fast. “Yes?”

“Let’s talk about it in person.” 

“That’s a good idea,” Jisung muttered, the tone of his mother’s voice made him feel uneasy. He couldn’t imagine what expression she was wearing right now but it was certainly not a positive one. “Do you want me to come home or-“

“No, I’ll come to Seoul. We can go to that one restaurant we celebrated your father’s birthdays at last year,” she cut him off. 

The end of their conversation was a big blur, Jisung only remembered how they had agreed on meeting on Tuesday, in two days. Jisung got up, went to the kitchen, quickly told them that he wasn’t hungry anymore even though his stomach had been grumbling the whole car ride, and stormed upstairs. He lied down on his bed, on his blanket and just stared at the ceiling. 

Now he really wished that Minho was here to hold his hand. But after the others had finished dinner, Felix was the first one to arrive in their room, so Jisung couldn’t really tell Minho anything when the latter entered their room as well. He just said a quiet “Later.” to Minho and turned to his side, so his boyfriend couldn’t see the tears glistening in his eyes.

\--

The next day, after class, Jisung just walked out of the building when he saw Jeno and Jaemin, just a few meters standing away from him. But they weren’t alone. 

“Hey, Jisung!” Felix waved at him with both his arms, smiling widely. 

Jisung came closer to them, greeted first Felix, then his other two friends. 

Surprised Felix looked between Jisung, Jeno and Jaemin.“Oh, you know each other?” 

“I’m surprised _you_ know each other,” Jisung said back and made hand motions between them. 

“And I’m surprised that-“ Jaemin began exaggeratedly but Jeno hit his upper arm to make him stop. 

Jisung had to laugh at that a little bit which was the first time after yesterday’s phone call. The past hours he had just been feeling down with a nervous tingle in his chest and everything had just continued like normally it would but without Jisung noticing because his head was full of clouds of his worries. 

“But no, really. How do you know each other?” Felix asked curiously. “I know Jaemin because I’m helping him study English.”

“Uhm... well.” Jisung didn’t know what to say. “It’s a long story?”

A few minutes later they were sitting at a fast food restaurant that sells burgers and Jisung was very intrigued by that concept because he had never eaten burgers before, but Felix urged him to tell the _long story_. Jeno had suggested to order their food, so Jisung and Felix had a chance to talk. And Jaemin just wanted take part in that conversation.

“So.” Jisung laughed nervously. “It all began at that one club.”

“You make it sound so dramatic,” Jaemin commented and Felix shushed him quiet, then turned back to Jisung to ask him which club he was referring to.

“You know, that one where you and Changbin had that big fight?”

Felix smile faltered a bit and he nodded.

“Yeah, surprise: You weren’t the only ones that had an argument.” Jisung sighed. The memory pained him. “So, Minho and I were outside that club when an old friend of mine approached me and began calling me... homophobic slurs because he thought Minho and I were dating. That friend wasn’t alone, he was with his friends and turns out, Jeno and Jaemin were one of them.”

“You are friends with that asshole?” Felix gaped at Jaemin with a look full of betrayal, while Jisung couldn’t believe that Felix hadn’t said anything to the fact Minhyung had called him particularly homophobic slurs. 

“We _were_ friends with him. Past tense,” Jaemin corrected and Felix let exhaled in relief.

“Right. Then, a few months ago, Jeno met me in the library and decided to apologize on my old friend’s behalf and then Jaemin joined him and decided for all of us, without asking, that we are friends now,” Jisung finished explaining and intentionally left out the part where he had asked them for advice regarding the Minho-situation. Jaemin noticed it but didn’t say anything. 

“You can only get Jeno and Jaemin together, never only one of them,” Felix stated and grinned. 

“I mean, would you let someone like Jeno go, once he agrees to be in a relationship with you? I think the fuck not,” Jaemin asked rhetorically. Shocked Jisung stared at his new friend, then at Felix whose expression hadn’t even changed the slightest bit. 

Felix caught his reaction and smiled at him fondly. “I know they are dating.”

“Oh,” Jisung blinked in confusion. “And you don’t have a problem with it?”

In response Felix shook his head and it felt like he could finally breathe again. The worry about his mother was gone, for this moment at least, and was replaced by a tremendous amount of joy. Felix didn’t think that homosexuality was weird or not normal, he didn’t have a problem with it. Jisung couldn’t believe that it was true, that he could tell his best friend about his relationship with Minho.

Jisung beamed at him and then asked coyly: “And would you have a problem with me dating Minho?”

“No,” Felix immediately answered but then he fully realized the content of the question. “Wait, you and Minho are dating?”

Happily Jisung nodded, his cheeks slightly pink. 

“Oh my god, congrats!” Felix laughed and he seemed so genuine that it made Jisung’s heart melt. It was weird that he didn’t question it so much. “But wait, that explains actually a lot.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice when you snuck out of our room at night? For hours? Also, the way you and Minho act around each other was a bit... suspicious.”

“Suspicious? Do you think the others suspect something as well?”

“Nah,” Felix replied and waved it off. “I don’t think they would ever consider that you two are dating. Even I didn’t. I just thought... I don’t know. But your secret is safe with me.”

Jisung thanked him and Jaemin cooed at them. “Your friendship is so cute.”

“What did I miss?” Jeno came back with their food and sat down next to Jaemin. 

“Too much,” Jaemin said back and took one of the burgers. 

Jisung took one as well and unfolded the paper around it to take a big bite. He made a happy sound, not only because of the taste of the food. His heart felt finally a little bit more at ease. Just an hour ago he couldn’t stop thinking about how he will probably get rejected for being himself, tomorrow, by his own mother. He constantly thought about how him being open to others would just close more doors than actually open them. Him being honest would just get him more hurt.  
But now, knowing that Felix accepted him for who he is gave him hope. Maybe his mom would be as understanding? Maybe he had just misinterpreted their whole phone call yesterday?

“Okay but now that Felix knows that Minho and I are a thing, I can tell the rest of the story how we first met,” Jisung began talking again after he had almost finished his whole burger. “So, before Jaemin had decided for all of us that we are friends, I had asked him and Jeno for advice regarding my feelings for Minho. They both remembered Minho well and I had thought it was because Minho had punched my old fried in the face after insulting us, but they remembered him as the hot guy with _the thighs_.”

Felix began laughing while Jeno hid his face in his hands out of disbelief from his own actions. Jaemin on the other hand, defended them: “Hey, how could you ever forget thighs like his?”

“He literally punched your old friend in the face and all you can remember are his thighs?” Felix commented and Jaemin just shrugged his shoulders. 

\--

Nervously Jisung was waiting inside the restaurant for his mother to arrive. He still thought about Felix’ comforting words. On their way home Felix had asked him if his relationship to Minho was the secret Jisung had been keeping from him, on which Jisung had nodded to. After that Felix hadn’t asked many questions, they had just walked home and talked about Jaemin and Jeno. At home Jisung had had finally the chance and energy to tell Minho that he would meet his mother on Tuesday and Minho had held him close and whispered sweet and comforting words into his hair. He had asked Jisung if he should come with him to his meet Jisung’s mom but Jisung had told him to stay at home and rest. 

Now Jisung was sitting alone in the restaurant at an empty table and strangers sitting around him. He tried to calm himself down, breathe in through the nose, breathe out through the mouth. He shouldn’t feel so nervous about this. He really shouldn’t. Jisung had people that truly supported him and yet, he was scared to get rejected by his own mother. His mother that had already made him feel trapped for 18 years of his life because he had never been allowed to be himself. 

“Jisung?” The voice of his mother cut through the other conversations inside the restaurant. Jisung immediately got up and got hugged by his mother as a greeting. The last time she had hugged him, it was longer and tighter. 

She sat down, on the other side of the table. Jisung remembered how Jeno and Jaemin had been sitting in front of him and Felix next to him yesterday and how much comfort it had given him. He was nervous to meet his mother’s eyes. They ordered food and ate in silence. At first. 

“How university is going?” 

Jisung almost choked on the piece of chicken he had just inside his mouth. He almost forgot that his sexuality wasn’t the only thing he had kept a secret from his family. “Good. The new semester had started a few weeks ago, so it’s not so stressful, yet.”

His mother hummed. She put the last bit of rice in her mouth, chewed, swallowed and put her chopsticks aside. “Okay, we have to talk about the thing.”

Jisung stopped forcing himself to eat anymore and out the chopsticks aside. “Mom, I-“

“No, let me talk first. Jisung, I’m sorry you had to carry around this secret around. I wish I had done a better job in raising you. I don’t hate you for who you are. I could never hate you, you are my son after all. But I... I can’t accept it.” She sighed distressed. “If you are happy with who you are right now, then I’m happy too. But I can’t- I can’t let you come home anymore. What will our relatives and neighbors think of us? I’m not abandoning you, I’m just gonna distant myself from you for our own good. Don’t worry, I will continue to pay your tuition even though you are not studying that what we wanted you to.”

“You... You knew I’m not studying medicine?” Jisung stammered, unable to process the words his mother had just said to him. There was just the sound of his blood rushing through his ears. 

“I found the acceptance letter of the university inside your room at home. You forgot to take it with you.”

Jisung formed an “o” with his mouth and only warm air left his mouth, he was unable to speak anymore. 

Mrs. Han put some money next to her plate, got up, brushed out the wrinkles of her skirt with her hands and picked up her bag. She looked a last time at Jisung before she said “Goodbye” and left. 

The chair on the other side was empty again and Jisung couldn’t believe what had just happened. 

\--

“It’s over.” Was the first thing when Jisung opened the door to Minho’s room after he had rushed home. Minho sleepily blinked at him, before he fully opened his eyes.

“What do you mean?”

Jisung came closer and lied down next to Minho after the latter had made some space for him. “It’s over. My mom let me go. She abandoned me.”

“She what?” Minho now fully rolled on his side. “She _abandoned_ you?”

“Yes. I mean, no. She said she doesn’t abandon me but she wants to distant herself from me. I- I don’t even know what to feel right now.”

Carefully Minho scooted closer and pulled him into a hug. “You don’t have to know how to feel about it now. You still must be shocked.”

Jisung wrapped his arms as well around Minho and nuzzled his neck. “I just- I don’t know-“

“We don’t have to talk about it right now,” Minho gently whispered and stroked his hair. “We can talk about it when you’re ready and actually want to talk about it.” 

Minho’s touched were so light and he felt so warm, it lulled Jisung into falling asleep. 

\--

The following two weeks they were trying to return to their normal life.  
Minho visited a doctor that told him he should rest at least one more week and that his injury wasn’t anything severe. “He said that I could possibly dance again after that week,” Minho told Jisung and Chan on their car ride home. Minho rested for ten more days before he barricaded himself inside the dance studio to practice for the dance competition. Jisung rarely saw him. He wasn’t allowed to watch Minho practice because the end result was supposed to be a surprise.  
Jisung was trying to focus on his study. He spent some time thinking about the conversation with his mother but he mostly tried to process his emotions through writing lyrics and music. It helped a lot. He also talked a lot to Felix and Chan and slowly but surely Jisung managed to sort his thoughts and emotions. Jisung wasn’t mad at Minho for spending so much time in the studio. He knew how much dancing meant to Minho, just as much music meant to Jisung. Sometimes Jisung wrote little letters that he left on Minho’s bed, where he told him that he shouldn’t overwork himself. And sometimes Minho wrote him back and left the letter on Jisung’s bed. It was adorable or so Felix at least said. Jisung found that little gesture endearing as well. Just like writing lyrics and talking to his friends, it helped a lot with coping his feelings.

\--

Jisung waited together with Felix, Jeongin, Seungmin, Changbin and Woojin in front of the swim hall for the practice to end. As soon as Chan and Hyunjin were done with swimming, they would go together to the hall where the dance competition would happen. Minho was already there, warming up. 

“Do you think Minho will win?” Jeongin asked and wiggled with his legs while he was sitting on the bench he was sharing with Seungmin and Felix. Woojin was throwing a baseball into the air and caught it with his hand, then he threw it to Changbin who caught it as well and so they continued to play. Meanwhile Jisung leaned against the tree that was next to the bench.

“Of course! Minho is the best dancer I know,” Changbin replied as soon as he threw the ball back to Woojin. 

“We don’t know how good the others are, though. I mean they must be pretty good if they come this far,” Woojin said and threw the ball back with so much force that Changbin hissed at the pain.

“Why did I agree on playing with a baseball player?” Changbin muttered to himself but still, threw the ball back.

“But Minho will be one of the top three for sure,” Jisung threw in his opinion. “He’s extraordinarily good.”

“Can we really decide if he is going to win? Isn’t our opinion too biased?” Seungmin questioned and looked through the lens of his camera, before he changed a few settings.

“Okay, a totally un-biased opinion: Minho is a really good dancer,” Felix said nevertheless. “Changbin, throw the ball to me!”

“Are you sure you can handle that?” Changbin asked teasingly on which Woojin told him to shut up and do what Felix asked him to. Felix caught the ball with ease and passed it on to Woojin.

Jisung, once again, decided to add something. “I talked to one of Minho’s dancer-friends and she told me as well that Minho has a big chance to win. Oh, and she is also competing today, so her opinion is a professional one.”

“Shouldn’t we get Minho flowers then?” Felix asked. 

“That’s a good idea but let’s ask Chan first,” Woojin said and was about to catch the ball but Felix accidentally threw it too far away, so the ball met the ground and rolled away.

“What do you want to ask me?” Right on time, Chan and Hyunjin came out of the building and Chan was quick enough to stop the ball with his foot. He kicked the ball back to Woojin who picked it up.

“Do you think we should buy Minho flowers?” Felix repeated his question and Hyunjin answered on Chan’s behalf.

“Oh, that’s so nice. I think he will like it, even though he will act like he doesn’t.”

“That’s right. And even if he doesn’t get to the top three, flowers would be a nice way to congratulate for his hard work,” Chan added and started walking. “Let’s go or we’ll be late.”

With a bouquet of purple flowers in his hands, Jisung nervously squirmed around on his seat in the audience. The flowers had an unnoticeable smell, it was barely there but still lovely. Minho would hopefully like them. Some dancer had already performed. Sooyoung had been one of them and Jisung was still in awe how good she was. Not all were solo dancers like her or Minho but there also had been groups of dancers and Jisung particularly liked the dance group “Itzy”. All of them were tough competition for Minho but Jisung still had faith that Minho could win. 

Minho would stand on the stage in front of them just in a matter of seconds. Jisung was so nervous as if he was the one who would dance there. 

Then he stepped on the stage and looked already mesmerizing. Minho didn’t have to do much to catch Jisung’s attention fully. He was wearing a white, loose dress shirt and wide black pants. He looked through the audience and Jisung waved at him. Their eyes met and Minho smiled widely at him. Minho’s eyes then looked at the floor, he prepared himself mentally and the lights got slightly dimmed. A full white circle only shined on Minho. He was the center of attention, of everyone’s attention.

Then the music started playing, softly, hesitatingly. 

_at first we were nothing  
you called me boring_

Minho began moving, smoothly, and Jisung stopped breathing. Is that...?

_our first talks were cursed  
made me feel the worst_

Jisung couldn’t believe his ears but he was hearing right. It was his song, his confession, his words, his voice, his feelings for Minho. Minho was dancing to _his_ song. It made Jisung tear up. Minho danced so beautifully to his words. It fit so perfectly, like a glove. As if the song was meant to performed to by Minho and Minho only. 

The tears made Jisung’s vision blurry so he quickly wiped his tears away so he could take in every bit of Minho’s performance. Minho’s dance was flawless, as if it wasn’t being performed by a human. A human that had an ankle injury just a week ago. Jisung couldn’t believe that Minho had chosen his song. So, this had been the reason why Jisung couldn’t watch him practice. 

This was Minho’s answer. Jisung thought of the little letters he had put on Minho’s bed and Minho had always given him answers, always little “don’t worry”s. But this wasn’t the answer to any of the letters. This was the answer to Jisung’s confession. This was _Minho’s_ confession. Of course, he had returned Jisung’s feelings, had said that he feels the same way. But just like Jisung can express his feelings the best through music and lyrics, Minho expressed them through dancing. And Jisung understood everything Minho was telling him right now. 

The dance lasted forever for Jisung, it never ended, but when it actually did, it felt like it barely lasted a second. Jisung sat there in awe, his heart was beating so hardly, his cheeks were flushed and his chest was filled with love. 

Jisung rushed through the crowd, through all the people to get to Minho who was now talking to people Jisung didn’t know, that congratulated him for winning first place. His friends were following Jisung, they were running as well but maybe not as quickly as Jisung was. 

As soon as Jisung was close enough to Minho, he jumped into his arms and pulled him in a bone-crashing hug. Minho held him as close. It was only the two of them right now and their mutual feelings. Jisung was so close to Minho, he could feel his heart beating just as rapidly as his own. 

Eventually, Jisung let off Minho and gave him the bouquet. “For you.”

“From us!” Hyunjin screamed who had just arrived with the others behind Jisung. The other guys began screaming, congratulating Minho and they all started jumping out of joy. 

\--

After they had calmed down, Chan announced that they would go eat pizza to celebrate Minho’s win. It was already dark outside, when they returned home after their celebration. Jisung and Minho stayed a bit behind and decided to go to the playground that was near their boarding house. They sat down on the swings and looked at the sky.

“Did you like it?” Minho asked shyly and avoided Jisung’s eyes when his boyfriend looked at him.

“Yes, I loved it,” Jisung replied fondly. “It was a shock to hear my own voice at first. But you did so well, it was perfect.”

Minho chuckled and smiled to himself. “And how are you doing right now? We barely talked the past week.”

“I’m doing good. I know how I feel about my mother’s rejection now.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I... don’t hate my mom,” Jisung said after thinking for a bit, trying to find the right words. “I can understand why she reacted that way, so I can’t hate her. Does it still hurt? Yes. But somehow my heart feels at ease. I’m... free. I don’t have to live up to her expectations anymore.”

Minho moved with his swing to Jisung and stroked Jisung’s back. “That’s nice to hear.”

“But there’s a thing I still wonder about,” Jisung mumbled in an overly serious tone before he broke out in a grin. “Why do we always have serious talks at night?”

Minho giggled. “Because then nobody can listen to us since everyone is asleep. Except the stars.”

“And Chan. He never sleeps,” Jisung deadpanned.

“You ruined the mood,” Minho groaned but he didn’t seem all too upset about it. “And you’re right. I’m worried he might be a vampire.”

Laughing softly they looked back at their only listeners.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you soon <3
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	19. storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello,  
> there is not much to say. i hope everyone is fine.
> 
> have fun reading~

The next day already began with a weird feeling creeping inside Jisung. He couldn’t really tell what it exactly was but he knew that it wasn’t something good. Jisung tried to shake the feeling off as soon as he swung his legs out of his bed. Felix was awake as well, rubbing his eyes. His hair was standing up unlike Felix’ body. 

“I don’t wanna get up,” Felix grumbled as if Jisung’s look had told him to do so. 

Jisung giggled. “You wanna get your ass whooped by Chan’s dad?”

“Nah,” Felix replied but remained on his bed. Jisung on the other hand, walked over to his closet and took out a clean shirt and put on some pants. He threw his sleeping shirt on his bed. The feeling inside him was still so prominent that it made him glance at the mirror, looking for any sign on his chest that would explain it. Quickly Jisung put on the shirt after the mirror had shown him nothing unusual.

\--

Jisung had no classes today, so he spent most of his morning in the living room, doing absolutely nothing than being sprawled out on the couch together with Chan, Jeongin and Mrs. Bang while the tv was on. They were talking about Minho’s dance competition and Chan’s mom kept underlying how much she regretted that she hadn’t been able to join them. 

“I wish I had been there,” Chan’s mother sighed for the nth time. “Then I could brag about how talented my kids are the next time the other ladies from our neighborhood invite me for tea.”

“Mom!” Chan laughed at his mother’s comment, while Jeongin snickered.

“But, auntie, you can do that _without_ actually seeing Minho’s performance. Also, he’s not the only talented one!”

“You’re right, Jeonginnie,” Mrs. Bang said and patted Jeongin’s head. “You’re all very talented and very handsome. I wonder why you all are still single... But you have to promise to invite me to all your weddings!”

Chan threw Jisung a knowing glance and it made Jisung’s ears turn red. 

“Jisung, why are your ears red?” Jeongin asked in an innocent tone but Jisung heard his teasing right away. This little brat-

“Are you hiding something from me?” Mrs. Bang gasped. “Are you dating someone? What’s her name? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Nervously Jisung laughed and immediately denied it. “No, No. I’m not dating a girl right now. And if I did, I would of course tell you right away!”

Jeongin was about to say something again but the ringing of the phone saved Jisung. Thank god. Jisung almost jumped on the phone and picked it up before any more questions could make him any more uncomfortable. “Hello?”

“Yes, hello. My name is Lee Woomin,” the man on the other end introduced himself. “Can I speak to Han Jisung?”

“On the phone,” Jisung replied in a slight sing-songing tone. Despite his rather playful reply, he was confused about the fact that a stranger was asking for him.

“Ah, yes. That’s good. Let me introduce myself properly. I’m a producer that works for J.Y. Park,” Lee Woomin added to his introduction and it was hard for Jisung to prevent his jaw from dropping. The man on the phone was a producer and worked for _the_ J.Y. Park? Why the hell would he want to talk to Jisung? “Yesterday I was at the dance competition in Itaewon because a guy told me to go there, so I could watch a certain performance.”

Was he talking about Minho’s performance? But who told him to go watch it? And why would he tell Jisung about it?

“And the guy told me that he danced to a song you have written. You must be quite confused but I’m calling you because I want to buy the song from you. It’s really good. So good, that I would like to work in the future with you because you have potential.”

Jisung, who had been standing the whole, had to sit down because of that information. Minho had told a producer to come watch his performance because of his song? “W-What?” He stammered.

The man laughed quietly. “I know it’s a lot to take in. Look, I want to buy the song from you. I know it can make it into the chart but if you would try to sell it under your name alone, it wouldn’t come far. Since my name is quite known in the industry it could get the recognition it actually deserves. Don’t worry, people will still know the song is written and sung by you. And if it goes well, I can imagine to work in the future with you because you are really talented, kid.”

Jisung clung onto the phone, speechless. “C-Can I-“ Jisung cleared his throat. “Can I please think about it first and call you then back?”

“Of course, don’t worry,” Lee Woomin said back and he sounded so nice, it made Jisung calm down a little bit. “I’ll wait for your reply.”

Jisung thanked him and hung up after wishing him a goodbye.

“Who was that?” Jeongin asked.

“I-“ Jisung began but didn’t know how to explain it without giving away that Minho had danced to _his_ song.

\--

Jisung was fidgeting around in Minho’s room, waiting for his boyfriend to come home. He somehow had managed to give Jeongin and Mrs. Bang an answer without actually giving one, and escaped from them. They hadn’t suspect much and told him later that they were leaving the house, Jeongin had to go a lecture and then meet up with friends and Chan’s mother went to meet the neighborhood ladies she had mentioned earlier. 

How could Minho not tell him something like that? Jisung’s heart was racing, he was so excited, he could not stand still. Out of nowhere, he climbed on Minho’s bed and began jumping on it to let out all the energy that had built up the past forty minutes. The bed made squeaky sounds and it encouraged Jisung to jump harder because the sounds distracted him from thinking, besides the silly jumping. 

Did he want to sell his song? Jisung wasn’t sure but he didn’t want to think about it before he talked to Minho. He would be here soon. 

Fifteen minutes later Jisung was lying on Minho’s bed, sweaty and tired from the jumping. He was panting while he stared at the door. Any minute-

“Jisungie?” _Finally._ In anticipation Jisung opened his arms and waited for Minho to come closer.

“You know that no one is home, right?” Minho asked with a cheeky glint in his eye before he leaned down and gave, instead of a hug, a kiss. He licked over his licks and made a surprised sound.

“Why are you sweaty?” 

“I was jumping on your bed,” Jisung replied and waited for Minho to sit down before he slung his arms around Minho’s waist, pressing his cheek against his back.

“Did you want to try out how much this bed can handle?” Minho asked teasingly and turned around to grin at Jisung. 

Jisung clumsily kicked Minho’s thigh and grumbled “pervert” against his back. For a moment he just held onto Minho and listened to his breathing. It was calming him down. 

“How was practice?” 

“Nice,” Minho said and Jisung could hear how he smiled. “All the other dancer there surprised me with a cake.”

“That’s really sweet of them.”

“Yeah.” Minho took in the silence for another moment before he asked: “Do you have something to say? You’re acting... differently.”

“Am I?” Jisung asked genuinely surprised. “Was me jumping on your bed really that weird?”

Minho laughed. “No, it’s just... I can just feel it.”

Quietly Jisung hummed against Minho’s back. “I actually received a call earlier.”

“Was it from your mom?” Minho was seemingly worried. “Or your sister?”

“No but I wish my sister calls me some day,” Jisung mumbled before he sat up properly and crawled next to Minho to look at him properly. “It was Lee Woomin.”

“Oh.” A big smile broke out on Minho’s face, his cheeks became all round and rosy and his eyes turned into crescents. “He really called?”

“He did.” Seeing Minho so happy made Jisung smile as well. “He said that he liked my song and that he... he wants to buy it and if it goes well, he wants to work with me in the future.”

“Jisung, that’s amazing!” Minho exclaimed and pulled Jisung in a bone-crashing hug. He pecked his cheek so loudly, it made Jisung giggle. “I’m so proud of you.”

Still hugging Minho, Jisung then confessed quietly: “But I haven’t agreed to his offer yet.”

Minho leaned back. “What? But why?”

A bit ashamed Jisung looked down. “I don’t know. I mean, it’s an incredible offer but... you know. Selling my song feels like as if I’m selling a part of myself. Especially because it’s my song for you.”

“I get where your concern is coming from but think about it: You want to be a producer in the future, right? You will present songs of yours to the public all the time. Isn’t that somewhat the same?”

“It is but at the same time, it isn’t.” Jisung sighed. “I just feels so attached to this song because it’s about you and how I feel about you. It’s basically my _heart_ and I feel weird about selling my heart.”

Minho looked at him, thinking. “I understand.” Gently he stroked Jisung’s head. “So, you more likely tend to refuse his offer?”

Jisung shook his head and took Minho’s wrist, to place his palm on Jisung’s cheek. “I’m not. Because, even if I feel unsure about selling, I still see this as a great opportunity. I mean, I’m still a student but I get the chance to work together with a famous producer.”

“ _And_ the world will get to hear and see how talented you are, don’t forget that,” Minho said and now caressed Jisung’s cheek. “And even if you decide to not work with Lee Woomin, you will have plenty other opportunities in the future and that’s for sure. When already someone like Lee Woomin wants you, all the other producers out there will want to work with you as well! They will fight for you, that’s for sure!”

Jisung got shy at the compliment and leaned into Minho’s touch. “Thank you. And thank you for inviting Lee Woomin at all. It means a lot to me. I can’t even imagine how you managed to invite him.”

“Oh, I have my ways,” Minho smiled. “But no need to thank me, I did what I had to do. You deserve the world and much more than that.”

“That’s cheesy,” Jisung commented to overplay his face heating up. He heard how sincere Minho was. God, he didn’t deserve him. Minho was so good to him. 

“I know but it’s true,” Minho replied. “It’s because I love you.”

Jisung’s breath hitched. The three magical words. Minho had just said them. To Jisung. For the first time. First Jisung’s heart stopped for one second, just to start beating so fast the next second Jisung could feel it in his throat. 

No one had said them to him before. Maybe his mother had said it to him before but it had always been half-hearted. Not genuine. Jisung had always tried to meet his mother’s expectations, so his mother would truly love him one day and he could return her love. But it never happened and the positive feelings for his mother had been slowly suffocated by the pressure his mother had constantly giving him. 

So, naturally Jisung had yearned for those three words. Just like for his first kiss, Jisung had always fantasized about how it would be like to hear those words. He had wondered who would love him so much that they would say the words and mean them. And Jisung knew that Minho truly meant them. It surprised him a bit that Minho was the first to say them, though. Jisung had always thought that he would be the one to do the first steps. He confessed to Minho first and that two times. One time through his song and then at the bus stop after Minho had misunderstood the whole thing. It was Jisung who had approached Minho and haddn’t let him go. 

But now it was Minho who said it for the first time and Jisung just felt overwhelmed from all the affection he was feeling for Minho, filling up his chest. 

“I love you, too,” Jisung said back and slung his arms around Minho to hug him tightly. “I love you so much.”

“Why are you crying?” Minho asked when they put a small distance between their bodies.

Jisung sniffled and wiped the few tears away. “I’m just happy.” 

“You’re such a crybaby,” Minho commented but he said it fondly. “It’s cute.”

“You’re strangely nice today,” Jisung shot back and poked Minho’s upper arm with his pointing finger. 

“I’m just happy,” Minho repeated Jisung’s words. “I have everything I ever wanted.”

“Everything?” Jisung asked surprised. 

“Sure, I have more I want to achieve, but right now I have everything I ever wanted. I’ve proven people my dance ability and I have the sweetest, most caring and wonderful boyfriend on the whole fucking world. How can I not be this happy when I’m so lucky?” 

“It’s interesting to see how sweet you can be,” Jisung said and climbed on Minho’s lap. 

“I don’t know what you’re implying. I’m _always_ sweet,” Minho snickered and let his hand wander over Jisung’s back.

“Yeah and you’re absolutely never a tease,” Jisung added and laughed softly. 

“Never,” Minho said, as he let his hand slide under Jisung’s shirt. Jisung let the tips of their noses meet. It was a subtle and a rather adorable touch compared to Minho’s hands massaging Jisung’s back under his shirt.

“I think, if I find an answer to the offer of Lee Woomin, everything will be perfect,” Jisung whispered and kissed Minho softly. 

_Everything will be perfect._  
That wasn’t exactly the truth, Jisung knew that, but for the moment it felt like that. 

Minho returned the kiss and held him closely. The kiss was sweet despite Minho’s hands touching him so eagerly. His hands woke a hot feeling inside Jisung and the kiss slowly turned into something like the silence before a storm. 

And a storm occurred but not the one Jisung had anticipated. 

They were still kissing, when a sound came from the door. It was barely audible but it still made Minho open his eyes and when he opened them, his whole body froze. Jisung noticed it immediately, it was as if the air got cold. So, he also turned around and that's when he realized what the strange feeling this morning had meant. It had been his guts telling him that something bad would happen. 

Hyunjin was standing next to the door, looking at them utterly shocked.  
And he wasn't the only one that was shocked. Just like his heart, Jisung dropped to the floor, off of Minho's lap.

"It's not- It's not what-", Jisung stammered, trying to get up. Minho also got up and tried to make a move towards Hyunjin but the latter made a step backwards.

"'It's not what it looks like?' Oh, sure", Hyunjin said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"But, what are you doing here?" Minho asked while Jisung was just standing there. His knees felt like jelly. No, this couldn't be happening. This wasn't really happening right now. Just a few seconds ago everything was fine and now the whole world had turned upside down.

"My class ended earlier and I wanted to come over, like I do all the time?" Hyunjin replied and he sounded so angry.

"Hyunjin, we can explain-" Jisung tried to begin and his voice was giving in. 

"Explain what? That you two are something and didn't tell us?" Hyunjin said with a betrayed look on his face. "How do you expect me to react?"

"I don't know but- but we never intended this to happen," Minho replied and once again, tried to come towards Hyunjin but the other didn't let that happen.

"You mean you two didn't intended to feel for each other? I'm sure, you never intended in doing that."

"Hyunjin, please let us explain," Jisung tried and stayed where he was. He didn't want to lose his friend.

Hyunjin stayed quiet for the first time and Jisung took it as a sign of permission to talk. As if Hyunjin had said _I’ll listen_.

"Okay, so," Jisung began and let out a shaky breath. "I know you are probably disgusted-"

"No, what the fuck. Sorry to interrupt but I'm not disgusted, what the hell, Jisung," Hyunjin once again fell into Jisung's word but this time it wasn't frustrating. It was rather confusing.

"What?"

"You two being a thing isn't my issue here. Sure, I don't really know how to feel about it because it's... unexpected. But the reason I'm upset is that you didn't tell us!" Hyunjin explained and rubbed his temples.

"Oh." Jisung didn't see that coming. All the time he had been thinking that the others would never accept his and Minho's relationship and now Hyunjin was telling him this. 

"And I kinda understand why you didn't tell us but- but I thought we were friends. I thought you know that we would never judge you," Hyunjin continued to talk. 

That's when Minho spoke up again. "I don't think you fully understand why we didn't tell you. You don't understand how hard it was and still is for us. All the time we have to worry about getting caught because... because you never gave us the feeling that you would accept us. The way you always talk about gay people was never positive. I know, that you never said horrible homophobic words but the things you said in the past were still hurtful and quite homophobic. You said that it was weird."

"But we only said that because we aren't used to something like that!" Hyunjin tried to explain but Minho scoffed at that.

"That’s not an excuse. ‘Weird' is not a positive way to describe something you're not used to, do you get that?" 

Hyunjin just sighed deeply at that. He rubbed his face. "I try to understand but you also have to understand that I'm hurt that you didn't tell us."

"Did you even listen? I just told you that we didn't feel secure enough around you to tell you!" Minho said back with clenched teeth and his eyes were already shiny. It hurt Jisung so much to see him like that.

"I'm sorry we made you feel that way but still-", Hyunjin began but Jisung cut him off because this was getting out of control. Maybe this time running away from a problem was a bad thing. This time it was really to prevent something bad from happening. 

"I think we should talk another time about it." Jisung walked over to Minho to grab his hand and calm him down. Minho was shaking. 

Hyunjin opened his mouth and then closed it again when he laid his eyes on their hands and then Minho's face. He was about to go away when Jisung stopped him.

"Please don't tell them."

Hyunjin looked at Jisung for a moment, didn't say anything and walked away. 

Jisung grasped for air and his chest felt so tight and he was trying to breathe but it was so hard, Jisung felt like dying for one second.

But then he heard Minho hiccupping and all his attention was back on him. Immediately Jisung pulled Minho into his arms, trying to calm him down. For Minho this must be much more terrifying than for Jisung. Minho got beaten up after he had shown who he truly was. 

And while Jisung was caressing Minho's back, he thought about how he should've listened to the weird feeling in the morning and been more careful. Maybe then everything had been still close to perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm- before i run for my life, can you believe that only 3 chapters are left until this journey is over? it feels surreal.
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	20. family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello~  
> not much to say, just thank you for being here. 
> 
> have fun reading <3

The last time Jisung had been this nervous was when he had confessed to Minho through his song. But that time the nervousness had had a tint of excitement because it had allowed the possible beginning of a relationship. Now, this nervousness was nerve-wrecking. It made Jisung feel sick in the stomach.

They were eating dinner, everyone was at the table, even Hyunjin who had stayed for it. Hyunjin’s looks were burning into Jisung’s skin. Jisung tried to act normal, tried to eat the stew whose steam was caressing his cheek. It made him feel more than just uncomfortable. What if Hyunjin tells them about Jisung and Minho? Every time Hyunjin opened his mouth, Jisung’s heartbeat quickened, just to calm down again after Hyunjin took just another bite.

Minho, who was seated next to him, was suffering just as much as Jisung was right now. He may was looking calmer than Jisung to the others but Jisung knew him well enough to know that Minho was really close to a breakdown. He was good at hiding his feelings but Jisung saw his left hand clenching his thigh while he was slurping the stew off of his spoon with an almost bored look on his face. His left leg was constantly twitching out of nervousness. 

Jisung really wanted to hold Minho’s hand right now.

How they both survived the dinner, was unclear to Jisung. It seemed like a miracle. Jisung saw how Minho was struggling to go upstairs, his legs were all wobbly. When they were upstairs, Jisung brushed Minho’s hand briefly and after Minho glanced at him, Jisung showed him with his eyes to come to his and Felix’ room. Minho nodded slightly and proceeded to walk towards his own room. 

He would come later to Jisung’s room.

And Jisung hadn’t to wait for too long. As soon as the sky was painted in black and the house had quietened down, there was a quiet knock on their door. Confused Felix looked at Jisung who rushed to the door and opened it. Minho quickly went inside and fell on Jisung’s bed.

“Are we having a sleepover?” Felix asked in an amused tone but as soon as he saw Minho’s expression, Felix’ smile fell. “What’s going on?”

Jisung sat down on the edge of his bed to explain the whole situation to Felix. His roommate didn’t say anything the whole time, he just listened and kept sending worried looks, switching from Minho to Jisung. Throughout the talking Minho rolled himself inside the blanket and when Jisung finished, all from Minho to see were strands of his hair peeking through the blanket. 

Felix on the other hand sighed deeply, understanding how conflicted the both of them must feel. “And what do you want to do now?”

“I don’t know,” Jisung truthfully answered and stared at his hands. “I’m so scared that Hyunjin tells someone. What if Chan’s parents find out? Mr. Bang will definitely throw us out of the house if he finds out.”

“He totally would...” Felix muttered but then scratched the back of his head thoughtfully. “But I don’t think that Hyunjin will tell anyone. He is not a bad person.”

Jisung opened his mouth to say something but then realized that Felix was probably right. Hyunjin wasn’t a bad person. But was he good enough to not tell their hostparents about it? Hyunjin didn’t live here, so if it would really bother that Jisung and Minho are gay, then it wouldn’t matter anyone because it didn’t affect him. So, it would be unlikely that he tells Chan’s parents.  
But is he good enough to not tell their friends? If any of them is bothered by it, then they definitely would tell Mr. and Mrs. Bang, right? Or not? 

Jisung groaned and put his face in his hands. “I really don’t know what to do.”

“If you’re really scared of Hyunjin telling, why don’t you tell yourself?” Felix suggested which resulted in Minho coming out of his hiding place.

“Isn’t that contradictory?” 

“It kinda is, yes, but don’t you want to be in control if the information gets spilled? If you tell the others about your relationship, then it could possibly get better received by them than if Hyunjin tells it through his viewpoint.”

“You’re right but I don’t know if we’ll be able to tell them. It’s so hard to come out,” Jisung said and gently stroked Minho’s head. “Especially when you’ve had bad experience with it.”

“I can imagine... but maybe ask advice from someone else as well,” Felix suggested. “Chan, maybe? Or Jeno and Jaemin?”

“Chan must be already tired from us constantly asking for advice,” Jisung muttered and scoffed quietly. He felt a little bad for Chan because all their worries were also resting on his shoulders.

“Don’t say that!” Felix immediately sat up straighter. “Chan cares a lot about us and he doesn’t mind helping us. You know how caring he is and he always tells us to come to him if we have any problems.” 

Jisung didn’t respond to that because he knew that Felix was right. Instead he decided to avoid the problem for the moment. “I think we should continue thinking about a solution tomorrow, not now. I’m still shaken up and way too anxious to think about it any further. A bit sleep would be good.”

“Right,” Felix said and smiled reassuring, then looked at Minho. “Do you wanna stay the night?”

“I want to but I’m too scared that someone might walks in again,” Minho mumbled tiredly. 

“Yeah, it sucks that there are no locks in the doors. I wonder why,” Jisung said and stared at the door, particularly at the hole where the lock used to be.

It was quiet for a moment before Minho spoke up. “It’s my fault.”

“What?” 

“It’s my fault that Mr. Bang let the locks get removed,” Minho repeated after he had crawled a bit more out of the blanket, so his shoulders were now free and Minho was half-sitting.

“But why?” Felix asked confused and concerned at the same time. 

“The same reason why Chan cares so much about being honest to each other,” Minho scoffed quietly and a small, bitter smile was hanging onto his lips while he looked down at the blanket, not knowing how to begin. But Jisung and Felix didn’t rush him, they just looked expectantly at him.

“So... you know that I live the longest here together with Chan and his parents, right?” Minho began and waited for the other two to nod, before he continued. “Felix, you don’t know that but... I got bullied for being gay and changed schools for that. At my new school I met Chan again. We used to be childhood friends before he moved to Australia and lived there for a few years. Everything was going well the whole time and we were about to graduate when my parents found out about my sexuality and... they didn’t take it well. They threw me out of the house and there I was, with no home. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell Chan about it because he didn’t know that I’m gay... yet. After spending the night sleeping on a bench in the park, I knew that I couldn’t continue like that, so I told Chan that I had nowhere to sleep because my parents had kicked me out. Chan didn’t ask me why and let me stay at his parents’ house. His parents didn’t ask me as well and let me live with them, as if I was their son.” Minho chuckled quietly.

“What... Chan didn’t ask you why? He sure was different back then,” Felix said astonished.

“He was,” Minho assured. “After we graduated, Chan’s parents finally wanted to make their dream of a boarding house in Seoul come true and I came with them. But even before we moved to Seoul, I noticed how I was catching feelings for Chan.” Groaning Minho stopped. “God, I have never told this before, except Chan.”

“You had a crush on Chan?” Jisung asked teasingly and poked Minho. “I mean, I can understand why but still.”

“Shut up,” Minho grumbled with red cheeks and then proceeded to talk. “So, this was clearly a problem. With each week passing I felt more and more like exploding because Chan kept being so nice and it was confusing me so much. You know Chan and his stupid good nature. This tension kept building up until that one day. We were in Chan’s room, talking and suddenly, out of nowhere, I misinterpreted the whole situation. I thought Chan was leaning closer, so I did what I had dreamed of the past weeks: I kissed him. Of course, this was not what Chan had thought of, so he was quite shocked and backed off. And I got so scared because of the past things that had happened to me, that I ran upstairs and locked myself in the room. Chan followed me and kept trying to open the door, so I panicked and maybe I jumped out of the window to run away.”

“You did what?” Jisung and Felix screamed in union, unable to believe what Minho had just said to them.

“I jumped out of the window and... broke my leg, of course,” Minho explained and sighed. “Chan later told me that he wasn’t mad or disgusted or anything. He just hoped that we would be more honest to each other and don’t have any secrets between us.”

“Oh, that’s why Chan cares so much about the ‘no lying’-rule,” Felix concluded.

“Yup, my fault. And like I said, they removed all the locks, so I would never do stupid shit like this ever again, or any of you would try something like that,” Minho finished and then laughed quietly because of how stupid it sounded to him. Then he crawled out of the blanket and got up. His shoulders were slumped. “I should go now.” 

Minho was already at the door when Jisung jumped off the bed and held onto Minho’s sleeve. “Don’t beat yourself up so much.” He pulled Minho into a hug, turned them around, so he would lean against the door in case someone comes inside. 

“Jisung’s right, it’s not that bad,” Felix added and tried to cheer Minho up.

“No, it _is_ bad. If I didn’t do that stupid shit and try to jump out of the window, the locks would still be there and then Hyunjin wouldn’t have walked into us,” Minho mumbled bitterly into Jisung’s shoulder. 

Jisung gently stroked the back of Minho’s head. “But maybe it was meant to happen. Maybe this is finally the chance for both of us to open up and be ourselves around our friends. Don’t worry, I’ll talk to Hyunjin about it tomorrow. We will find a solution together, okay? We will go through this together.”

Minho leaned back to look at Jisung and he was smiling so beautifully even though his lip was trembling. “I just don’t want to lose another family,” he whispered with glassy eyes.

“You won’t,” Jisung assured him. “Everything will be fine.” 

He pecked Minho lips sweetly and stroked his cheek once again. “Good night.”

“Good night,” Minho said back. 

“Good night!” Felix whisper-shouted from his bed and Jisung broke out in laughter because he had completely forgotten that Felix was still there. Embarrassed Minho waved at Felix and gave Jisung a small smile one last time before he left the room.

Once the door was closed, Felix shot Jisung a big grin. With red cheeks Jisung returned to his bed and tried to hide himself under his blanket just like Minho had done a few minutes ago.

“Damn, I have never seen Minho like that,” Felix commented and giggled. “But you’re two are really cute together. And I’m sure you will figure it all out.”

“Thank you,” Jisung managed to say back, before he got ready to go to sleep.

\--

The next day Jisung woke up early to pay Hyunjin a visit, just like he had promised Minho. Felix was still asleep, just like Minho, who he had decided to check on before he would go. His boyfriend was sleeping peacefully and it made Jisung sigh in relief. Hopefully he is able to catch some hours of sleep before Jisung returns from Hyunjin. 

Jisung walked downstairs and went to the kitchen to eat a quick breakfast. He knew that Hyunjin had to get up early today, so Jisung hoped he could catch him before he goes to practice. Chan was probably still asleep as well, which meant that Jisung had some time left. Mrs. Bang greeted him and was quite surprised because when was Jisung ever this early up? Right, never. Jisung told her that he had something to do which is why he was up so early and even though Mrs. Bang couldn’t hide the curious look on her face, she didn’t say anything and made a quick meal for Jisung instead.

The meal had been a bit bigger than Jisung had intended to but he didn’t mind it all too much, even though his stomach felt quite full while he was making his way to Hyunjin. He still remembered where his friend lived after they had picked him up for the Christmas party last December. 

When Jisung was standing in front of the door to Hyunjin’s apartment, he hesitated. He hadn’t exactly planned what to say to Hyunjin, which was making the whole situation look like a stupid idea. But Jisung, and Minho too, had to act quickly before the anxiety could eat them fully up. 

Jisung knocked at the door and kept putting his weight from one foot to another, while he was waiting for Hyunjin. It didn’t take too long until the door got opened and a confused Hyunjin was looking at him.

“Jisung?” 

“Sorry, that I came without telling you first,” Jisung told him and scratched nervously his neck. Just yesterday Hyunjin had looked at him like he had never before and now it seemed like nothing had happened. There was just this nervousness prickling on Jisung’s skin that was hinting that something had actually had happened between them, that Hyunjin had found out something he wasn’t supposed to.

“No, it’s fine. I was getting ready to go to swim practice,” Hyunjin waved it off. “Come inside, I have some time left. You probably want to talk about yesterday, right?”

Jisung hummed and came inside. Curiously he looked a bit around inside Hyunjin’s apartment since it was his first time being here, before he sat down on the couch Hyunjin had led him to. Hyunjin sat down next to him and grabbed the mug that was standing on the table in front of them. 

“Before you start talking: I want to apologize that I have made you feel uncomfortable, both of you,” Hyunjin began and looked down on his hands, as if he was ashamed of his actions.

“Thank you for apologizing. Not only you made us feel uncomfortable yesterday but also in the past with homophobic remarks. The other guys did as well, which is why we never told you about being gay or that we’re in a relationship. I want to say sorry as well that we didn’t trust you enough to let you know about us but you have to understand that we didn’t feel safe enough to tell you,” Jisung explained and he was really glad that Hyunjin was listening the whole time without interrupting. 

“God, I feel awful for making you apology for something like that. I shouldn’t have said the things yesterday. Of course, I’m still a bit hurt that you didn’t tell us but now I understand why you didn’t, and again, I want to apologize for that. Calling gays ‘weird’ is not good and doing that because ‘we’re not used to it’ is not an excuse for that.” Jisung visibly relaxed after Hyunjin finished talking. Ending the conversation yesterday had been a good idea. They had had enough time to process the whole situation and calm down. 

“Thank you for realizing that,” Jisung smiled and rubbed his face. “And thank you for not telling the others. Especially Minho had it hard in the past because of his sexual orientation.”

“God, that’s awful. I can’t understand how violent people can get, just because they can’t understand that love doesn’t have to be necessarily between only a man and a woman,” Hyunjin said and hearing that made Jisung suddenly tear up. He pulled Hyunjin into a hug because he couldn’t believe that Hyunjin was actually thinking this way. Maybe there was really hope that they could come out to their friends?

Hyunjin returned the hug and continued to talk. “Realizing that, that love can be between two men or even two women was something that only came to me last night, if I have to be honest. I have never been against it, I swear, it was just something that I would’ve never expected to see in my life because the whole society never talks about it, as if it doesn’t exist. Seeing you and Minho yesterday was so unexpected, so I didn’t even know how to react. I talked before thinking and I apologize for that.”

Jisung chuckled, his heart now at ease because he was finally knowing that he was safe, here with Hyunjin. “Now stop apologizing. It’s time to move on and this is also another reason why I came here. We talked with Felix about it, about whether we should come out to the other guys and not. Felix advised us to ask Chan or two friends who are also dating each other, but I think that the best person to ask is you.”

“Chan and Felix know it as well?” Hyunjin asked surprised and leaned back. 

“Yes, but only because Chan already knew that Minho is gay and Felix is friends with the two guys dating each other,” Jisung explained and luckily Hyunjin didn’t seem upset. 

“So, what do you advise us to do?”

\--

On the next day, late in the evening, all of them were gathered in the living room. Changbin, Jeongin, Seungmin and Woojin were squished together on the couch while Chan, Felix and Hyunjin were sitting on the floor, looking up to Minho and Jisung who were standing, right in front of them. The three of them had a comforting smile on their lips, as if they were telling them that everything was going to be fine. Nervousness was buzzing through Jisung’s body but he wasn’t scared. Talking to Hyunjin had been so helpful. Hearing Hyunjin’s honest opinion showed Jisung that he could tell the others, just like Hyunjin had advised him to. 

_“They will understand. Maybe they will be hurt and confused at first like I was, but they will understand. Trust me.”_

After talking to Hyunjin, Jisung had told Minho about his advice and the latter had just looked so tired. He wasn’t against the idea of telling the others, he just wanted everything to be over. Jisung had reassured him that he wouldn’t lose another family. _“I promise.”_

This morning they had told Felix and Chan about it and even though their two friends had had some uncertainty flickering in their eyes, they had promised to stand by Minho and Jisung’s side if their friends don’t react well to their coming out. 

“Why are we here?” Jeongin asked and looked at them with his head slightly tilted to the side. 

“We have something to tell you,” Jisung announced and he heard how Minho exhaled shakily. Worried Jisung looked at Minho but his boyfriend slightly shaking his head and gave him a small smile to tell him that he was alright. 

Expectantly their four friends that were still in the unknown, were looking at them. 

On the right sight of the couch was Woojin. Jisung still remembers how he had met him for the first time. Since he didn’t live here with them, he had only gotten to know him the next day when Woojin had visited them. He had watched a drama with the others and Jisung had only heard scary things of him before but Woojin had reminded him of a gentle bear instead. And Woojin was definitely gentle. He always listening when Jisung had to tell him something and ask him for advice. Woojin was the one of the first people that knew that Jisung wasn’t actually studying Medicine. Despite knowing that Jisung had been lying the whole time, he hadn’t been mad at him. Instead, he had been so understanding. Jisung felt safe around Woojin, as if he was the older brother Jisung never had.

When Woojin was like an older brother to him, Jeongin who was sitting next to Woojin, was like his younger brother. Always bright and cheerful. Being around Jeongin made Jisung smile, even when he was sad. Jeongin just had this positive view of life which overshadowed any sadness. He could be a brat sometimes but that made him feel like a younger brother to Jisung even more. Because Jeongin was always so optimistic, it had hurt Jisung even more when Jeongin had told him that he wasn’t happy with studying Educational Science. Jisung wanted to protect Jeongin at all costs. 

Someone he didn’t want to protect all the time and even wanted to fight sometimes was Changbin who was next to Jeongin. Changbin was loud and a lot to handle from time to time. At the time Changbin and Felix had had their big fight, Jisung had been so ready to fight Changbin. Changbin had hurt Felix so badly, Jisung had seen how awful Felix had felt every night and he had been so angry at Changbin until Jisung had understood that Changbin was just human after all. Humans make mistakes sometimes. But this is not the only thing that Jisung had learned from Changbin. He loved spending time on the attic with him and Chan. Changbin was such a talented musician who had taught Jisung so much during the times they had been making music together. Changbin was like a brother who could be annoying sometimes but Jisung could learn a lot from.

On the left side of the couch, next to Changbin was Seungmin. He was like the perfect son every parent dreamed of. Polite, well-behaved and a smart cookie - that’s at least how he appears to be when you don’t really know him. Jisung knew that Seungmin was beside all these qualities actually a goofball with a sharp tongue. Seungmin knew that he was smart and wasn’t afraid to correct others. But he wasn’t only like that, he was actually very soft. He loved watching dramas and never missed a single episode. His passion for photography was adorable, every time they would go somewhere Seungmin would bring his camera with him. He captured their happiest moments so well. Seungmin was hard-working and Jisung admired him for that. Seungmin was the brother Jisung looked up to in secret because he was too embarrassed to admit it. 

Hyunjin, who was on the floor and smiling encouragingly at him, was someone Jisung cared a lot about as well. Maybe their beginning had been rough - and the middle part as well - but since yesterday Jisung knew that Hyunjin is a valuable friend he could count on. Never he would’ve thought that Hyunjin would mean so much to him one day. He and Woojin were the only ones of their friendgroup that didn’t live here. Woojin had been always there for Jisung, unlike Hyunjin which is why Jisung hadn’t felt as close to him as he was to the others. But their conversation had proved that Hyunjin was as important to Jisung as the others, no matter if he lived in the boarding house or not. In the end, Hyunjin cared about him as much as the others did.

And then there were Chan and Felix. The two people Jisung relies the most on, besides Minho. They had been there for him since the beginning. Felix has been the first one that had greeted Jisung on his arrival at the boarding house. Not only they shared a room, the two of them had shared many nights together comforting each other. Felis didn't have to do much to cheer Jisung up, sometimes his freckles were enough to make Jisung smile. Felix was always there for Jisung, just like Chan. Jisung can’t even describe how thankful he was for Chan. He had always an open ear for Jisung, always cared for the well-being of his friends which made him forget his own well-being sometimes. Jisung couldn't put in words how much these two people mean to him.  
Just like everyone else sitting in front of Jisung, Chan and Felix were like brothers to Jisung.

This was his family sitting here right in front of Jisung in the living room. The couch standing there with the carpet, coffee table and cable phone had become such a special place for Jisung. This was the place he had gotten to know everyone who was sitting here, and Minho who was still standing next to him, for the first time. There were so many moments this place had given him as much comfort as discomfort. So often this place had been where the homophobic remarks had been voiced. But more dramas had been watched here, more midnight snacks had been eaten here, more secret glances had been shared here. Here, at the evening when there had been no electricity, Jisung had doubted if he was really seeing Minho just as a friend. The cable phone that was just two feet away from him, was the one Jisung had used to confess to Minho but also the same phone that had heard Jisung’s coming out to his mother. So many days had Jisung spent sprawled out on the floor, staring at the patterns of the carpet while he tried to figure out his thoughts. So many memories had left a mark here in the living room, no matter if visible or not visible, Jisung carried every single on inside his heart. And now another major thing is about to happen here.

This was his family at his special place. Family sometimes fight but at the end of the day, they still were a family and cared dearly about each other. 

Jisung took Minho’s hand, breathed deeply in and out, and finally spoke. 

“Minho and I are dating.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only two chapters left, can you believe it? actually, a chapter and an epilogue.  
> all i can say for the next chapter is that we'll get a change of view :>
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


	21. sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello,  
> wow. can you believe that we are so close to the end? this is the last chapter before the epilogue.  
> i almost cried when i finished writing the last sentence, huhu.  
> thank you for all the comments & kudos <3  
> the epilogue will be posted the day after tomorrow, so tuesday !!
> 
> have fun reading~

The sky had been awfully blue.  
Minho still remembered that bright shade of blue that had been stretched over his head after he had jumped out of the window from the second floor, trying to escape Chan, and landed in the garden. There he had been laying with a broken leg, staring at the sky that was a blue, others would describe as perfect. But to Minho it was making him feel discomfort. Not the broken leg had been making him feel miserable, it had been the stupid blue of the sky. The physical pain had been so immense that it was numbing, just like the fact that Minho had once again read the signs not correctly. 

So, Minho had been laying there, regretting every decision he had made in his whole life while the sky was swallowing him. He had never understood how people call a clear, blue sky wonderful. How could it be any kind of beautiful to people when there was nothing but a single color above their heads? Clouds were making a sky beautiful, with clouds there was movement and the promise of something that was about to come. But with a sky like this, that had been accompanying Minho in that one moment, it felt like the world was standing still and not in a good way. 

The same sky had been there with Minho when his first love had broken him. After he and his friends had beaten up Minho in front of the empty school, Minho had felt the exact same. Nothing but numbing pain. There were no tears, only this feeling and the stupid blue above him. It had felt like he had been staring into nothing, absolutely nothing. 

He hadn’t been able to get up, neither in front of the school, nor the boarding house. He had just waited for the world to end. Both times Minho had felt like he had lost any trust or hope that had ever been in his heart. Both times Minho had promised himself to never trust anyone ever again, so he would never feel this pain again. 

Chan had brought him a glint of hope into Minho’s life after his first love but just the look Chan had given him after the kiss, had been enough to demolish that bit of hope. The look hadn’t been of disgust but clearly of rejection. Minho never, never had wanted to see a look like this or feel this pain ever again. And how could he accomplish that? With never falling in love ever again, or that’s at least what Minho had thought on that sunny afternoon with his broken leg, lying in a garden.

The first time Jisung walked into Minho's life it wasn't actually Jisung who had walked but Minho. In addition, the latter had barely given him any attention. Minho hadn't even been there at the boarding house on Jisung's first day, but he still remembers how worried Chan and the others had been because Jisung had been late. Minho hadn't cared that much of the arrival of a new guy. He rather had wanted to spend his time usefully, so he had left to go to the dance studio. 

And when Minho and Jisung had been in the same room for the first time, Minho had just walked past Jisung who had been sitting on the couch with the others. Minho wasn’t even sure if he had spared him a single look.  
But how could've Minho known back then that the new guy would be the first person he could finally trust fully? The person that would make him feel like at home, safe and truly loved like he had always desired to.

When Minho had had a proper look at Jisung's face, it wasn't love at first sight. Minho had maybe thought that Jisung was cute with his round cheeks and curious look in the eyes but love hadn’t been definitely the emotion he had felt when he had looked at Jisung’s face at breakfast. He had looked so... innocent, as if he had never faced any difficulties before in his life. Minho had envied him back then a little bit but now he knew that Jisung had gone through hard times as well. 

Minho didn't know his first words to Jisung but he remembered how he had asked Jisung what he was studying and how he had commented "how boring" once Jisung told him that he was studying Medicine -- which turned out to be a lie. Not only the thing Jisung said was a lie but Minho's rude comment too. He hadn't found it boring, in fact, it had been the opposite. He had been very impressed. Jisung had must been a very intelligent and hardworking person to study Medicine. But Minho had thought, asking Jisung that one question was already showing him too much interest, that an honest answer would give Jisung the impression that Minho was curious of him. Which he wasn't -- or at least that's what Minho had thought back then. 

But with every day passing, Jisung had begun to show more and more of his personality and Minho had caught himself slowly falling for him, even though he tried to suffocate those feelings with every fiber of his body. But he hadn't been able to fight the need to look at Jisung a little longer, to spend more time with him. At first the feelings had made him so goddamn angry because he hadn't been able to understand, how he could be so weak and fall for someone again, so he projected his anger onto Jisung. And Jisung had begun disliking him too, which Minho had seen as a way to prevent falling for him even more. 

But the opposite happened. Even though Jisung had obviously disliked him, he had been still respectful towards Minho, had understood when Minho had showed his fear for balloons. He even had helped Minho to hide Doongie, just in exchange for heating up soup, and while Minho had been stirring inside the pot with soup, he had kept wondering why Jisung had to be so nice.

The first moment it had really hit him was when they had been washing their blankets and Jisung hadn't cleaned his feet which resulted in Minho tickling him as punishment. Just like he had confessed to Jisung, this very moment had been when Minho had noticed how adorable Jisung actually was. But there was more to that. Jisung was so bright, his smile had been so wide and careless and the tears inside his eyes had been shining and Minho just felt warmth spreading through his whole body. That's when Minho realized that Jisung was the sun. He was the sun to Minho. 

Back then Minho hadn't fully understood where the thought had come from but now, he knew why.

Jisung was the sun. Minho needed him. He needed his warmth and brightness to make the night disappear. But Jisung didn't have to be solely the sun on a summer day, he could also be the sun in the winter, fall or spring, spending just enough light to live, but also be accompanied by clouds at the same time, to make the awful blue disappear out of Minho’s life. Because Jisung was not only happy and bubbly. He was so much more than that.

With the newly gained knowledge, Minho had become scared of burning himself. He still kept his distance but his body had been constantly gravitating towards Jisung's warmth.

The first time it happened was inside the tent they had shared in the garden, when they all had decided to camp in front of the boarding house.

_The first thing Minho noticed wasn’t the chirping of the birds. It wasn't that one missing sock on his right foot or the awful feeling of not having his teeth washed inside his mouth. Instead, he felt a heartbeat under his ear. It wasn't quickened but steady and somewhat calming._

_Minho had still his eyes closed while he tried to adjust his position, when he finally realized the situation he was in. He was resting his head and hand on someone's chest. But who...? Minho's eyes shot open because it was Jisung who he shared the tent with. And of course, it was Jisung's face he was looking at once he had opened his eyes._

_Just a few hours ago, when they all had been gathered around the camp fire, Minho had clearly stated that he hated skinship. And now she was embracing Jisung_ and he liked it. _Fuck._

 _Minho squeezed his eyes shut. No, this couldn't be happening. He couldn't let people come closer to him. They weren't supposed to surpass the many walls Minho had built around himself, not even a single one. But right now, Jisung had already passed one wall without actually doing anything._

Then they had been getting closer and closer and closer over time. Jisung would tear down more and more walls without Minho actually noticing it, but one wall, the last one, had been resistant, unable to break down. The wall was painted in that awful blue. 

Minho had let Jisung come closer but still left a distance between them, unable to trust him completely. He hadn't let himself lose control like that. He had promised to himself he would never do that again. There was no way, he would survive another heartbreak. He had been so, so tired of his trust and emotions getting misused. The scars had been and still were just too deep. Over and over again, Minho had told himself to keep that distance.

Until that one evening at the dance studio, when Jisung's confession had been waiting on his voice mail. 

_Time had slowed down. All that mattered was Jisung, his left hand on his shoulder and his right hand holding the one of Minho. They were slowly swinging to the music and Minho barely remembered the last time he had felt such at ease. His whole body was filled with comfort and warmth and not a single drop of worry._

_For the first time it felt like Minho's feeling weren't unrequited, without a single doubt. The way Jisung was smiling and looking at him, Minho's heart was melting. He didn't know how much longer he could take. No one has ever looked at him like that. No one has made him laugh like Jisung did. No one has treated him like Jisung before._

_Minho had grabbed Jisung’s chin gently, too caught in the act and without realizing, Minho was leaning closer and Jisung, too? Was he seeing that correctly? Jisung was really coming closer? Was he really about to kiss Jisung?_

_Apparently, he wasn't._

_Sooyoung interrupted them, said something but Minho didn't hear. All he could see was the uncomfortable look on Jisung's face._ Uncomfortable. _Then Jisung said something, something about a message on his voice mail and how Minho should listen to it before he goes to the bus station where Jisung would wait for him, and left._

_But Minho felt like he had bees buzzing inside his ears. No, Jisung didn't want to kiss him. Why would he run away after they almost kissed? Why would he leave? Why did he look so fucking uncomfortable? Minho grasped for air, his breath was shaky. Everything was about to repeat itself. Minho was so stupid. So, so, so fucking stupid. Did he never learn from his mistakes?_

_Don't cry. Don't cry. Please stop crying._

Minho had forgotten about the message on the voice mail in that moment. He had stayed at the dance studio, sitting on the floor, trying to calm down because the memories had been rolling over him. His first love had also looked uncomfortable after Minho had confessed. Chan hadn't reacted well, in Minho's eyes, in that very moment, as well. And now Jisung. 

Only on the next day Minho had listened to Jisung's confession but it felt like he had cotton inside his head, unable to comprehend what Jisung had been singing in his sweet voice. All Minho could think of how stupid he was. Too caught up in his misery, Minho had felt like the song was a mockery, a cruel joke. Just like his first love had said to him that he returned his feelings.

But Jisung had kept his promise, he had waited for Minho at the bus station and Minho's heart has almost burst out of his chest, once he had seen him sitting there while the rain was pouring. Then, the wall had been still standing but creaks had been showing up on it. Minho had never cried like that in front of someone, had never shown himself so vulnerable, and even though he had still been pushing Jisung away, he still had told him exactly what he had been thinking and feeling. 

And then Jisung had told him about his feelings, confessed a second time, and that he had been honest the whole time. _Jisung loved him._ Minho had never had someone returning his feelings and it had made him wanting to cry even more.  
The bus ride home had been just... _perfect_. The feeling of Jisung's cold fingers holding onto Minho’s own, and the soft music Jisung and he had been sharing were a sweet memory Minho still clung onto. 

Kissing Jisung in the rain while pressing his body against his own had felt like an out of body experience and it sometimes still did. It just felt too good to kiss Jisung to be actually real. There had been no fireworks or butterflies in their kiss in the rain involved. Instead, it had felt overwhelmingly comforting. Finally, _finally_ , Minho had found his special someone and he actually liked him back. He finally felt complete -- he had found the last missing piece. 

With the rain, the last wall around Minho had been washed away. Never had Minho trusted someone like Jisung before. Minho felt like he knew Jisung through and through, his boyfriend was always there for him. But not only Jisung was helping him. Minho didn't want to see him suffer, either. He wanted his sun to shine forever. There were sunny days with Jisung but also cloudy ones. But they had went through so much together, nothing could separate them anymore. Minho knew every side of Jisung, he had kissed him, tasted him, and sometimes it scared Minho how much he loved Jisung.

But Minho wasn’t scared of burning himself anymore. He trusted Jisung and that's why he was standing next to him, in the living room with all their friends gathered.  
The nervousness made Minho feel like throwing up. He was so close to the awful blue again, he could almost feel the numbness building up inside him. The anxiety made Minho unable to concentrate, all he could hear were his own worries spinning inside his head. He didn't know what was happening but then Jisung took his hand and Minho felt a bit more at ease. If they were going to go down and lose all their friends, Jisung would still be at his side. 

"Minho and I are dating." 

It was silent for one second. That second felt like hours. It made Minho hold his breath. He thought he would collapse any moment. Please, could this finally be over?

Then Jeongin got up, made Minho panic for a moment, but then he saw the worried look on his face. "Mr. and Mrs. Bang can't find out!"

Not only Minho seemed to be surprised. Jisung made a confused sound. "W-What?" This was not the reaction they had anticipated, at all. Minho hadn’t been able to sleep last night. Instead he had been imagining what reaction they could get for their coming out and mostly they had been bad, bad on a catastrophe level. Not a single positive outcome had popped up inside his head.

"Jeongin's right. If they find it out, they are going to throw you out," Seungmin added and looked thoughtfully at Jisung and Minho. What was happening? Where were the bad words? _Where was the awful blue?_ Minho couldn't comprehend what was actually happening right now. 

"Don't worry, we won't tell them," Woojin reassured them and gave his usual gentle smile. 

"What?" Minho repeated and his voice almost betrayed him. "Why are you reacting... like that?"

"What do you mean?" Changbin asked concerned and Minho thought for a split of a second that they all were faking, that this was a joke, again. 

"We thought- we thought you would react worse because you have said not very nice things about homosexuals before," Jisung answered for him and began massaging the back of Minho's hand with his thumb. 

"Oh- we have?" Changbin mumbled confused. "Sorry, if we hurt you. We probably said those things because it's weird to us?"

Minho's heart sunk. No, not Changbin, too. Please don't let him think the same way. Changbin was one of his closest friends here, since he had been the second one who had moved to the boarding house after the Bang family and Minho. But then Changbin corrected himself: "No, weird is not the right word. I guess, we are not used to it, that's why we said what we said. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we first have to get used to the fact that you two are dating because it's very... unexpected? But also, you are our friends, our family, and we will stand by your side, no matter what."

Minho gasped softly, his eyes filling with tears. "Thank you," he said with choked up voice and began rubbing his eyes before tears could escape them. 

Jisung cooed quietly and pulled Minho into a hug. "It's over. It's finally over," he whispered into his ear, Minho could hear him smile, before he turned back to the others. Jisung was so strong, Minho was so happy to have him.

"Thank you so much. You can't believe how hard it was for us the whole time. We didn't like lying to you but we didn't know what else to do."

"We are going to protect you, don't worry," Chan said and got up from his place on the floor. "And now: group hug!" 

"Wait, I don't like this idea-" Minho began to protest but there were already eight pairs of arms slung around his upper body, squeezing him violently.

"Shut up, Minho," Woojin chuckled. "We know you love this."

"I don't-"

"Shhh."

\--

One week later and it felt like nothing had changed. Everyone treated Minho and Jisung the same way they had before and it made Minho unbelievably relieved. No one had told their hostparents about them, and he and Jisung could finally be a little bit more themselves. They still kept a bit of a physical distance between them because they saw how the others were still not completely used to it. 

So, Jisung had a _wonderful_ idea on how to change it.

"Do you really think it is a good idea?" Minho asked concerned while they were walking through the streets. It had already been dark when they had begun to walk to the bar they were headed to.

"Yes, stop worrying. When they get more in contact with it, they will eventually get used to it," Jisung assured him and put his hand on the middle of Minho's back. 

"'More in contact'? You don't plan on guys hitting on them, right?"

"No!" Jisung almost shrieked. "No, that would definitely scare them off even more. I just want them to see that gay people are not much different than they are."

Minho hummed. "But are you okay with it? What if the guy who tried to kiss you last time is also there?" 

"But Minho, you are there to protect me," Jisung smiled at him softly. "And you literally work at that bar. You can just kick his stupid ass out of the bar."

“I’m still mad at how I haven’t done that earlier,” Minho grumbled.

"Can we please go a bit faster? Changbin won't shut up about how excited he is," Seungmin suddenly spoke up behind them while Changbin kept bouncing around. Not only Changbin seemed excited. All of them had shown curiosity when Jisung had proposed the idea to them yesterday. No one seemed against it, they all wanted to understand them better. No one had acted differently, they even had had shown off their outfits, like they always did before they went to a club.

Jisung leaned over to Minho to whisper: "Stop worrying, that’s the job of my anxious ass."  
Then he began walking faster but in an exaggerated way after he stuck out his tongue to Seungmin. Minho laughed quietly to himself before he copied Jisung. 

// 

Jisung walked over to Minho who was sitting at the bar, talking to Chan, Changbin and the bartender. He finally had relaxed. His shoulders weren't tense anymore and he was finally laughing freely again. But not only Minho seemed to be having a good time. All his friends were chatting, drinking and getting to know new people. Felix had even said that they should come more often here. Jisung couldn't be happier. 

Not to surprise his boyfriend too much, Jisung softly touched his shoulder. "Can I have the dance?"

Minho turned around and then giggled. "Oh, my prince has finally arrived." He then took his hand, after he excused himself. Jisung led him to the dance floor, he remembered how the stranger had touched him but the memory was easily overshadowed by Minho's beaming smile. 

Jisung put his left hand on Minho's shoulder and rose their connected hands but Minho just looked confused to him. "Really? You wanna dance waltz to _this_ music?" 

Okay, maybe Minho had a point. The music that was playing right now was the complete opposite of calm. It was loud and noisy and it reminded Jisung of his first time in a club, except the fact that the dance floor here was not as packed. 

"Yes, I wanna dance the waltz to show off my dance skills and my hot boyfriend," Jisung replied cheekily. "Now, come on."

Minho rolled his eyes but he still smiled when he put his hand on Jisung's hip. It felt a bit weird, dancing so slowly to such fast music but Jisung liked it. It felt like Minho and he were in their own world. 

Jisung was about to put his head on Minho's shoulder when Hyunjin screamed over the music. "Boo, you're so boring!" 

Hyunjin was dancing together with Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin right next to them, jumping around like idiots. Jisung was definitely having a déjà vu.

"You're just jealous of our dancing skills," Minho shot back and grinned. 

Hyunjin was about to reply when Jisung suddenly stepped on Minho's foot and ruined the whole moment. Minho groaned while the others were just laughing at them. 

"You're just boring," Seungmin repeated and Jisung just pouted at that. 

Felix leaned then over to Jisung's ear. "Don't listen to them. You're cute." He winked at Jisung and continued to dance. 

Jisung couldn't stop laughing. He slung his arms around Minho's waist and pressed his face against Minho's neck. "I'm so happy."

Minho pressed his cheek against Jisung's hair. Jisung didn't have to see it to know that Minho was smiling as well. "Me too." 

They kept swinging softly like that while the floor was vibrating underneath them and their friends kept being loud. Just like bus ride home after Jisung’s confession, the weekend at the farm of Jeongin’s parents, the first time they had said “I love you.”, it wasn’t perfect but very close to it. 

Jisung looked up to Minho, looked at his _stupid, perfect_ nose and remembered his first impression of Minho, handsome but cold. Minho must’ve noticed him because he returned his look and smiled warmly at Jisung. 

Who would’ve thought that the both of them would end up together here in a gay bar, holding onto each other, with their friends who felt like family, around them? Jisung pulled Minho down into a kiss and maybe this was the closest he had ever been to perfection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this was so fun, now i'm sad.  
> don't forget, the epilogue comes the day after tomorrow, so see you soon for the last chapter of "waiting for rain." <3


	22. epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello,  
> wow. i'm literally on the verge of crying. this fanfic means so much to me.  
> i want to thank everyone who kept up with this fic for so long, left kudos and comments. but also thank you to everyone who starts reading this after today's update. Thank you so so much for all the advice and sweet words you have left under every chapter, it made me feel so loved. i went through a lot while i was writing this story, so this fanfic has definitely a special place in my heart, not only because it is the first chaptered fanfic i have ever finished.  
> i can't thank you enough, seriously. 
> 
> about my future projects: the next fanfic won't be about skz b u t i have already planned a longer minsung fic for the future, so maybe we'll meet then again? :> atm i'm writing a minsung AU on twitter, so if you're interested in that, have a look hehe
> 
> and now, have fun reading~

_5 years later_

"Guys, it's time for breakfast!" Jisung screamed through the whole house which earned him a chuckle from Minho who was currently in the kitchen, plating all the food. Doongie was waiting at his feet, hoping she would get a bit to eat. Impatiently she meowed at Minho.

"Stop, you have to wait after the breakfast, too. It wouldn't be fair compared to your sisters," Minho explained to her, as if she would understand him. Right on cue, two more cats walked into the kitchen and meowed just as loudly. He turned to Jisung: "I think, you called the wrong people for breakfast." 

Jisung rolled his eyes. "Since when are cats people?"

Minho just gave him an offended look instead of an answer. He then turned around to look at the clock. "Have we also been so late for breakfast, when we were still living at Chan's house?"

"You definitely were," Jisung replied and grinned. He then began to scream through the whole house again. "Are you all deaf? It's time for breakfast."

"I thought, you always hated the rule of us eating breakfast together at Chan's?"

"I did before I realized how good it is to build up a solid relationship between the housemates! And I wanted us to have at least one breakfast together, since all the rooms are finally taken," Jisung replied and to his surprise, the kitchen got slowly filled up with people and just five minutes later, every chair at the table was taken. 

Happily Jisung smiled at each person, while he stood at the end of the table, together with Minho. "Hello, everyone. Welcome to our first breakfast together! We want to give you all the chance to get to know each other a little better. Even though we all come from different places and have different stories to tell, we all have one thing in common. We all have faced discrimination before. No one deserves that. We want you to have a safe environment, where you can be who you truly are and don’t have to pretend. And now I stop talking, so _you_ can start talking. " 

Clicking from the cutlery could be heard and Jisung gave Minho a soft smile before he also sat down. _They really made it._

The past 5 years hadn't been quite a journey to Jisung and Minho. After they had come out to their friends, Jisung had called the producer the next day to accept his offer. _"I thought you would never call back,"_ Lee Woomin had chuckled and then proceeded to tell Jisung how happy he had been that he wanted to work together. 

After a month of recording and slight changes of the song, Jisung's confession had gotten published. It hadn't been a huge success but sometimes the song had played in the radio and every time Jisung had heard it, his face had burned in a bright shade of red. Some money had been made out of the release, not a lot but still enough to make Jisung feel like his works were worthy. 

He then continued with his studies at the university for two years and then graduated. Lee Woomin had been waiting for him, his idea of them working together had been still present. Jisung had told him that he wanted to finish his degree first before he could agree on working with him. So, right after he had graduated, Jisung had gotten a job at JYP Entertainment which had been newly founded at that time. Lee Woomin had recommended Jisung and he must've been quite convincing to get him a job at a top entertainment like that. Jisung was extremely lucky to have the opportunity to work there and even get promoted as a producer just after a year. 

After that he had been able to pursue his dream _and_ make a good living out of it. Jisung had been saving a lot money because Minho and he had a vision. They had wanted to start a boarding house but a special one. They wanted it to be for people of the LGBT-community only, who were struggling to find somewhere to live. Their dream was it to give those people a home, a place where they could feel safe, just like their friends had given to Jisung and Minho.

But it had been definitely harder than they could've ever imagined.  
After they both had graduated, they had to move out of the boarding house, since it was meant to be giving a cheap living option to students, and Jisung fully understood that. All their friends had moved somewhere else in Seoul, even Chan had moved out of his parents’ house. Together with Minho (and Doongie), Jisung had looked for an apartment and it had been so draining. So many landlords had looked strangely at them, two guys that planned on living together, and denied their requests on renting the apartment.  
But luckily one day, a kind woman had given them the opurtunity to live in the apartment she was renting out. 

It was wonderful to live with Minho alone, because they had had no reason to pretend anymore. But experiencing on first-hand how hard it is for queer people to find a living together, the idea of their boarding house had begun to bloom. They had started to save as much money as possible. It had been just at the beginning of Jisung’s work career at JYP, so the money they had was little. Minho had been giving dance lessons at his regular dance studio, until one day someone had offered him a big gig.

_Doongie was sprawled out on Jisung's lap while Soonie and Dori, the two stray cats Minho had brought home two weeks ago, were playfully fighting on the floor. Jisung had just sighed deeply once Minho had shown up with the two cats in his arms but he had been literally glowing, his eyes glistening out of joy, while he had been showing the cats to Jisung, so the latter just hadn’t been able to tell him to bring them back outside. And if he had to be honest, the cats were quite adorable._

_"Jisung, I have news!" Minho exclaimed once he came home. He looked like he came back home running, since he was panting._

_"Hello to you too," Jisung chuckled and scratched Doongie behind the ear. Maybe she was his favorite child out of the three but Soonie and Dori didn't have to know that. "What are the news?"_

_"I just got offered to become the background dancer of Sechs Kies!" Minho rushed over to Jisung to grab his shoulder and shake him. He was laughing out of happiness while he did so._

_Jisung screamed and began laughing as well. "What? Are you being serious? That's insane! Oh my god, my boyfriend is going to be the dancer of Sechs Kies!" Saying that felt totally surreal to Jisung and Minho also didn't seem to believe it completely._

_Minho fell into Jisung's arm, scaring Doongie away. Jisung grabbed his face and began placing kisses all over Minho's face. They giggled for a while and once they quietened down, Minho's face turned serious. He chewed on his lip as if he was worried about something, before he spoke up._

_"And there is something else. If I accept the offer, I have to go on tour with them for six months."_

_Jisung understood why he had turned serious so quickly. His smile also fell off of his lips. He was still holding Minho's face but then he realized how discouraging his reaction must be to Minho._

_"Hey, you have to accept the offer. We will make it through it, okay? Don't worry. We will be fine," Jisung said and caressed Minho's face. Even just saying it, pained Jisung in the heart. God, he will miss him so badly._

_Minjo nodded with a sad smile. He then put his head against Jisung's shoulder and didn't say anything for a while._

Just like Jisung had told him to, Minho had accepted the offer. How could he not? It was such a great opportunity to him. After two months of training with Sechs Kies, Minho had gone on tour with them. He and Jisung had talked almost every day on the phone, and sometimes Jisung would have such a heavy heart after their daily conversations that it was hard to fall asleep at night. But Doongie, Soonie and Dori had been always there to cheer him up and talking to his friends had helped as well.  
Jisung had kept telling himself that he and Minho had gone through so much already, they would survive this. Maybe Jisung had cried after some of their conversations on the phone but he still had had faith in his words. They were strong.

Once Minho had come back, he had brought so much experience with him. He had saved most of the money he had gained through the tour and suddenly his dance lessons had become much more popular. Everyone had wanted to be taught by the guy who danced for Sechs Kies. He often got questions about the boygroup by fangirls that would come to his lessons but Minho didn’t mind it, as long as he was getting money out of it. In the end, he still was able to get money through his passion. 

Over two years they had been working hard, teaching and producing and saving up money. Slowly but surely Jisung's songs became hits that were climbing up the charts, which brought him even more money out of it.

The day they knew they had enough money to start a boarding house was still vivid in Jisung's mind. It had felt completely surreal, knowing they had this huge amount of money and were so close to their dream.  
Yet, again. It had been tremendously hard to find a house, even harder than when they had looked for an apartment. First, many houses that were the right size had been way out of their budget, or it had been the other way around. Second, just like when they had looked for an apartment, many people had greeted them with suspicion, unwilling to sell them their houses. 

_Jisung lied with his head on Minho's chest, sighing heavily. They had spent the whole day looking at houses and talking to the owners but all of them had denied their request. It was so frustrating, it slowly tore Jisung apart. Minho played with Jisung's hair, deep in thoughts._

_"Maybe it isn't destined for us to fulfill our dream," Jisung quietly said, tired from having his hopes so high up._

_Minho's hand stopped moving. "Don't say that."_

_Jisung sat up to look at Minho. "But no one wants to start the boarding house. We keep hitting against brick walls. It's impossible!"_

_"It's not impossible." Minho took his hands. "We will run those brick walls over, no matter what."_

As if Minho had predicted the future, just a week later they found it. The perfect house. And no brick walls. The man had been to them very openly and friendly. Jisung had almost cried out of happiness once they had signed the paper and were given the keys. 

Then the preparations had begun, all their friends had helped them, together they managed to get furniture for free or quite cheap from relatives and friends of friends.  
Finding future renter had been a bit tricky since they wanted them to feel safe and if everyone knew that only people of the LGBT community lived there, it would be the opposite of safe. 

So, Minho had used his connections to the gay bar he had worked at. He had given all the regulars there the address to the house and told them to give it to people they knew that had nowhere to live. 

It took a few days until the first people came by and introduced themselves, hoping to get accepted into the boarding house. Over the past weeks more and more people came and yesterday the last bed in the house had been finally taken. 

And now they were here, all together sitting at the table in their new home. Jisung's heart softened at the view of this group of individuals trying to talk to each other. It remembered him of his beginning at the boarding house of Chan's parents. 

\--

Jisung was helping Minho cleaning up the table when the door bell rung. 

"Go get it, I'll finish it by myself," Minho said to him and Jisung was about to complain because Minho had already prepared the breakfast all by himself, but his boyfriend just shushed him quiet and abandoned him out of the kitchen. 

Quickly Jisung walked to the door to open it and when he did, he could not believe who was standing in front of him. 

"Eunjung? What are you doing here?"

His _sister_ was standing in front of him and instead of an answer she fell into his arms and hugged him tightly. "I missed you so much, Jisungie."

"I missed you, too." Softly Jisung patted her back, not able to understand what was happening. He hasn't seen his sister for the past six years and now she was at his new home, coming out of nowhere, unannounced. 

They hugged for a while before Jisung invited her inside, to the living room. Eunjung looked around for a while before she sat down on the couch. She smiled widely at him and patted on the cushion next to her. Jisung took the seat and finally said the question out loud that had been twirling around inside his head since he had opened the front door. 

"Why? And how?" 

Eunjung laughed and lightly punched him in the arm. "Did you forget how to speak in the last six years?"

Jisung rolled his eyes and rephrased his question more directly. "Why are you here? And how did you find me?"

"I'm here to visit you. I called your old boarding house to find out your new address and the son of the hosters helped me out."

"But why now?" Jisung asked confused.

"Because I missed you. And... I don't live with our parents anymore," Eunjung answered, still smiling but Jisung noticed the slight flicker in her eyes. 

"Did... did mom tell you?" Jisung asked, not clearly saying what he was referring to but he knew that Eunjung would understand, if she had found out about him being gay.

"She didn't. I figured it out myself, I guess. You know, I always suspected that you weren't straight. Then mom visited you in 1995 and after that she stopped talking about you. I tried to ask her what was going on but she would avoid to tell me the truth. I also asked her when I could visit you but she kept telling me that I wasn't allowed to," Eunjung explained and sighed lightly.

"You- you suspected it?" 

"Oh, Jisung. Do you think I wouldn't notice how you would steal my magazines about boygroups? You even had the nerve to take my favorite one with you when you moved out, you ass." With that she punched him again in the arm, this time a bit harder. But his sister wasn't mad at him for doing that because she chuckled afterwards. "But it had always been just suspicion. Just after mom stopped talking about you, I kind of put one and one together." 

"Oh," Jisung was a bit taken aback by how easily she was talking about the situation. "And you don't have a problem with it...?"

"No, of course not! You're still my brother after all," she answered with such an honesty, it almost hurt. Her answer was so simple but to Jisung it meant a lot. He took his sister into another hug. Eunjung gladly accepted it and returned the hug.

"By the way, the idea of this house is a lovely idea," Eunjung added once they separated again. 

"Thank you," Jisung smiled. Then he remembered something. "How did you take the disbandment of ‘Seo Taiji and Boys’?"

Eunjung dramatically inhaled, put a hand on her chest and said in a low tone "We don't talk about it."

"We don't talk about what?" Minho decided to join them in the living room, looking curiously at Eunjung. "Who is that?"

"I'm Eunjung, Jisung's most favorite sister," Eunjung cheekily replied. "And who are you?" 

"I'm Minho, Jisung's super hot boyfriend," Minho said back and grinned while Jisung choked on his own spit and his sister began laughing loudly. 

"I like him," Eunjung commented. 

"You will like him more, once he tells you who he already worked with," Jisung said and he could already predict how his sister would start screaming once she finds out that Minho had danced for some of the most famous boygroups of South Korea. 

\--

"Your sister is really nice but you didn't tell me that she would visit us today," Minho said while he and Jisung were laying outside in the hammock in their garden. The sun was setting and painted the sky into a deep orange that melted into a violet. Minho and Jisung were lying side by side and Minho's head was resting on Jisung’s upper arm. The cats were laying in the grass, trying to grasp the last bits of sunlight. In the background you could hear how the others were watching loudly a drama in the living room. Jisung thought to himself how their story was just at the beginning. Maybe the living room in their boarding house would become a special place to them, too?

"She didn't tell me either. I haven't heard from her the past six years," Jisung replied and slung his other arm around Minho's waist. 

"Still nice that she paid you a visit. And it's great how she supports you. This is how family is supposed to be."

"It is but some people don't understand that. But you know, family is not always who raised you and you grew up with. Family is who supports you no matter what because they truly care about each other," Jisung spoke quietly and fondly caressed Minho's skin through the fabric of his shirt. 

"I'm glad I found my family in you and the other guys," Minho mumbled happily against Jisung's neck. 

"Me too," Jisung replied and pressed a kiss on Minho's nose tip. 

Minho giggled and then fake pouted while he looked at Jisung. "That's not how you kiss properly." 

"Oh, you want me to kiss you properly?" Jisung said back and after Minho nodded, he gave him a chaste kiss on the lips.

Satisfied Minho put his head back on Jisung's arm and like that they stayed for a little longer, enjoying each other’s presence. 

Jisung had been only 18 when he moved to Seoul alone, with two secrets in his backpack. He hadn't planned on revealing his secrets, nor falling in love with a guy who had used to dislike him for seemingly no reason. But things rarely turn out the way you planned them to, and it doesn't have to be necessarily a bad thing. For Jisung it had been the best thing that could've ever happen to him. Jisung had gone through so much, had learned so much but not only good things. It hadn’t been always easy but in the end everything had been worth it. Jisung had found friends who felt like family, people who he could fully trust. But not only that -- Jisung had found Minho, the love of his life, the person that completed him and felt like coming home. Safe and secure. He could lie like this with Minho in his arms forever.

_Someone once said that love is distributed like rain on the earth. Some get too much of it, some too little._

But to Jisung this wasn’t the reality anymore because now he was finally getting the perfect amount of rain in his life and he couldn't be happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, have a lovely day and i hope you will get the perfect amount of rain in your life too.
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/no_tzomi?s=09)


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